Working with my own emotional firewalls Day 753

I had an interaction with a family member where I noticed that I rushed in something I said. If I look, I realize an pattern that I have lived come forward. It is a color of rushing, and of trying to get on top of something said, to both push it away and fix it. What also happened is that what was being explained by my family member, the overall story did not come out in one moment, it came out in a series of moments. This is noted because in hearing the whole situation, the movements being described became more clear. I realized that in the environment where things separate from this story, were being done, so the interaction moved from one focus to another, as the sort was told during the completion of other tasks. 

One of the states of belief I move into, is to rush, like to talk in such a way to fix a problem as though I know, before I hear the whole story. Like there is a sense that i am supposed to fix something. If I do not I am not a good person. I am inadequate. Within this I can see where this idea can become a distraction, and I miss elements of things only to be embarrassed later that I did not slow down and listen to the whole story of information that is describing itself to itself, because this is what we do in so many ways, to substantiate a person who is basically resolving something. Here, I want to say, it is almost as though humans do resolve their issues themselves, walk through them, what is needed more often than not, is listening, being patient. After all, one of the ways we have become a consciousness of separation is because we did not take the time to look, to slow down, to self realize, to walk our past actions, to deconstruct and reconstruct to realize how we are caught in a situation that is out of synch with an easy flow and understanding that is non-disruptive of what is more natural as a state of being present. 

In realizing the patterns of separation, in the game of blame and spite, projections of values onto others for a perceived fault, which is a perceived imbalance, there are sequences, of reactions and actions, patterns, and these can be realized and within such, one can become more patient, and listen, even within myself, and play with seeing the forms. Somehow, I rush within this, and it leaves a sense of unfinished business, where I then blame myself, become ashamed, want to go back and fix something, go into self pity, a sense of impossibility, when right there, was a flow of description that could see itself and resolve an issue. In a way, one only need retell the story, and lend a mirror image of actions that pull the whole together to allow a reciprocity for the teller to see more the parts and the whole, to have insight into what they are revealing to themselves, because in a way, we all know what we are doing. 

In a way, the solution is to bring forward the pattern for self recognition, that pattern given, through listening, and to use the imagination to show the form, to lend self discovery. This is being agreeable, and working through a mis-understanding, to allow insight with self as another as I would want this for myself. And, to be consistent with this process, to become more agile in recognizing it. After all, I am here, so why the rush? Becoming a rush to define, creates an information bias, or a focal distraction, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. It is lacking  a faith in the command of who and what i am as a human being, that can take in, or listen, to hear the whole form, to recognize patterns and align them with presence. Here presence means not being reactive, not wanting a gain, or, wanting what one would want for one’s self. BY this I mean, an understanding that in meeting with another with insight , one has a steady groundedness in understanding that can stand in time, and be more compassionate without coloring compassion as a value judgement as a gain. After all, humans are less anxious and more productive when they are focused.

On a greater scale, the time to listen to others, is so missing from our society. This is apparent in the form of our schools, that are more listening only to one person, as are the platforms of the media. We rarely have the time to get what we see, to reflect on what we are seeing in the very form of our busy lives. And yet, we are taught to listen, but not reflect on what we listen to.  We do not look at what we have taken in, and relate it to the practical that is so missing in our lives. And, ironically, what our younger people are losing the capacity to do as they become adults. I mean, I have read complaints that younger generations have no interpersonal and practical skills. How can they if they spend their childhood years only watching and listening, and without follow through into application? In some ways, as a society, how can we blame them when the adults have allowed a system that does not lend the time to listen, to be patient, to resolve, to place what is being heard, and as such, formed, into practical applications in this living reality? 

And, within this, punishment of this, is not correction. Thus, punishment is pointless, it is only more blame and spite. it is only more of the problem. It is like the dis-ease has to become so big, to much an ‘ elephant in the room’ before we acknowledge this. It is like the chemical fixes as drugs placed in the market, that have not had careful studies done, and that start having side effects that grow and grow, are buried, are denied until they can no longer be denied, and the drug is taken off the market. These actions of not taking real care, of not really listening to what we are doing, are not of benefit for us. How many times are we going to allow this before we realize there is only one choice? That choice is to slow down and listen, to realize the form, see and check the consequences, make sure there is no harm, and then move into action. Such care, real care, real consideration would lead to greater presence and more faith in who and what we are as mankind.  Otherwise, we all become personalities living in juggling the lack, and wonder why we did not really live our lives when we reach the end. This is why, there is not other choice, but the choice to do no harm, to take that which is good, as that which brings clarity of practical purpose, and to realize the patterns within of separation and the focus of and as what grounds us here, to be present in this life, in the art of real  living. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the valley of value judgements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and hear the whole story, to allow that story to come forward, in all it details, which means in this present existence, of busyness that sometimes the whole story takes time to unfold.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some form of competition, and that I must prove something about who and what I am, when I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I speak, before I speak, especially after having walked so many patterns that I can ask myself if I have enough information, and even to ask more questions to bring what is informing and occupying another, and myself to get into all the corners of the story, to check and make sure a clear understanding is formed, to them begin to deconstruct and reconstruct into what lends presence , as greater presence brings greater insight, to the extent the gift given which is natural and who and what we are as humans,  is aligning into clarity, into practical actions that can move with no uncertainty, and a real groundedness that brings ease.

I forgive myself for, as  a reaction to my own default, for allowing and accepting myself to move into self pity, self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then move into a belief that things are impossible, when I am here wit what is constant as the presence of life. of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down, and to realize in every breath in every moment that I as who and what i am as life, can slow down, listen, be patient. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on a belief that I am not enough, and that remembering being grounded here, is impossible, when I am possible as who and what I am in form and function as a living being, as a man, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop, I breath, I slow down, and I see realize and understand resistance as a red flag, to realize whereIi am rushing, disrespecting who and what I am as life, as self blame, blame, comparison/competition,  self pity/ disempowerment,  giving up, self hate, and I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, to live the practice of presence and patience, to stand as what is real, as the practice of being present in who and what I am, to live the realization that there are no problems only solutions, and that who and what I am, is more natural.

When and as I find myself moving into a sense that things are impossible, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I become agile in living insight, leading to living solutions with consistency, to stand in living the joy of understanding and being in and with and as the presence of who and what I am, which is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that something is impossible, I stop, I breath, I listen, I hear, I stand with presence in consideration of all things, breathing through anxiety, to hear what is in synch with life, as this physical world that is me, and that is all around me here.  

Day 531 I can't hear if I am not here.

I have had pain in my ears, this morning in my left ear. Just before this, I had a memory of an old “ friend” speaking with me on the phone. She had called to give me advice. I questioned her advice by asking her if she had all the information.

I woke up thinking about peer pressure. In answering to peer pressure, I can become unbalanced and ears have a lot to do with becoming unbalanced. In that moment this morning, that pressure to conform to peer pressure can cause confusion, where one is torn between giving into the dialogue of the peers and remaining in an investigation of a common sense of reality, which means to stand outside of the group and remain in the group. It is not to react in rejection but to remain stable in relation to reality, in relation to what is physically real.

It is to move beyond a need to both react to antagonism, as threats, should one not agree to the peer groups stance, and/or to not have a personal fear of not being considered nice should one not agree. And, also, to not answer to such in a way that keeps a peace in some non-commit-al way, neutralizing conflict without resolution. 

Have I accepted and allowed a protective wall of social presentation that does not disturb and yet protects? Am I powerless to act within this, or if I stand in common sense, investigating what would follow a principle of what is best for all because everything that is here is the same as me, would I remain more stable within myself, because after all, I cannot exist without the physical world, as it is how I can be here.

The physical world came before the system, so the system is a secondary system, and as such cannot be determined to be the law if it is not taking care of that which it depends on to exist.

Peer groups change, undulating around in a bubble, seeking power before practical application of what a group can achieve as humans working together. But when a group works remembering a relationship to what is equal to all, as the physical, in respect, them there need be no idea present of elimination, because respect is given to that source of expression as the physical.

We have allowed a system where we cluster into groups, and ignore the whole, and as such we end up with a system that has layers of bureaucracy that do the same, and we then, instead of asking questions as to how this happened, believe we have no power, but it is that we gave our power away in separating ourselves from common sense, within the principle of what is best for all because we have forgotten that we are physical beings, and that this is how we exist. The physical structure is needed to allow us to exist, so this is us, and to render this as something to impose ideas on, and the ideas as something more important that the physical, is what unbalances the physical world via a view point that is selective within self interest within a gain in a bubble that in itself is based on limited ideas.

If one is selective in what dimensions of reality to bring forward, to use as  justification in tandem with a self interested goal, without considering life, that physical world around oneself, then can we blame any hardship any of us have around us? No, we can’t because we have all participated in this, and even myself, especially if this is resonant within me as a memory that has accumulated as a belief of how I became unbalanced in adhering to peer pressure in protection and defense in fear of loss of myself as an idea, and/or thinking I have been hurt through lack of consideration, instead of remaining balanced in common sense here. 

In all prevention is the best cure. Meaning that remaining equal in consideration of physical reality as being what enables life, the need to “ keep the peace” would not exist because the focus would be on living for real.

So, instead of listening to what I believe I am supposed to say to “ keep the peace” it is to realize that the only way to no longer be in a state where a thought exists of “ keep the peace” and instead one lives becoming equal to life, is to realize that the physical is one and equal to us as it is the means of life, it is the same.

I was talking with this man the other night, and I noticed that he posed his questions in what I perceived as a protective way, meaning asking without revelation, to protect the problem he was dealing with. The questions began to form the problem, and then he opened up with more specifics. But I realized I still reacted to his questions, that tiny addition of seeing this as being an antagonism that was really a protective mechanism and remaining here in common sense because I can only be here.

But within this, people do desire to find solutions. Asking the questions are an indicator of this. And then at this point walking the structure of here as the physical and how it functions in simple common sense, realizing that creating an inner structure, a gps, a map, that is based on values of one thing being more than another, in a functional physical world that enables life in expression, creates an imbalance, that is a mind consciousness system that is not equal to reality. 

The imbalance is an indicator that every thought, every word, every fear was based on a belief in a loss that was a relationship to limited ideas as beliefs in a system of survival that is the manifestation of what each has accepted and allowed within that was a separation from equality and oneness with and as including/realizing, the physical is life as much as that which directs within the physical of every human, all of it is the same.