Reading the patterns within me with hindsight Day 778

I remember patterns being recognized in my life, in terms of my behavior, over time, like a current moving through me.

One was that every month, the day or so before my period, I would lose my temper, and react to the slightest of movements in my world,  with a tempest of anger. I started to recognize this in my thirties. Once this happened, I could refine the movement of the pattern, meaning I slowly became more adept at recognizing it. I did get to the point where as it came up, I would stop it before it expressed itself in a harmful way, meaning before the tirade was leased onto someone in my world. This took time. Had I recognized such things earlier, they probably could have been addressed, and investigations into other areas where I was being the same, would have been more readily recognized. Interesting choice of words, ‘ readily’ as this means reading the patterns of my own expressions as how I move in this world, this physical world.

Another pattern is when I became sick. Meaning, it would most likely start with congested sinus and move down into my throat and into my chest, as though it had a sequence within how it moved through my body. I started to recognize this pattern too. I knew, roughly how long something would last, as I started to realize the ‘ stages’ of being of key, as being sick, in my body. 

This beings me to a realization I have had in walking the writing out of patterns of my own behavior, via the dialogues - the dia/god logues , or sequences, or patterns, of thought, as the constructs of belief, as words and pictures moving through my imagination. My imagination showing me the storied information, I composed within myself, to define myself, as direct myself, within and as me, as myself believing that I am separate from what is all around me, as the physical world, as including all that is here, as me. In walking the patterns of my story, or persona, as imaginations projected, I found a past movement that realized that same as that of which I speak. Meaning, I realized at some point in my childhood, that what I did, as how I behaved, could leave a residual ‘ resonance’ that followed me, that stayed with me, that ‘ staid’ me.  In one of the memories I brought up in writing myself out, I ran outside to sit under a tree, being aware that something was ‘ following me’ that was of ‘ shadow’ and that had a presence. I sat there under the tree, and was in frustration, and/or fear, and/or self realization, that I had created a residual imprint of my past actions/choices/movements.  AND, that this that I had been, had to MOVE THROUGH ME. Meaning, what i had chosen would move through my body. I understood in this moment, for a moment, that the information that I had stood as, as expressed, was going to move through my body. it is like a precursor, that I buried, of what would later become that reaction that was a pattern that was my own distemper within the cycle of my monthly periods. 

In process at the moment, patterns remain, some named, and yet residual, and though recognized to greater extent, as I begin to realize, as write out my patterns, some of these patterns I allow to determine what state of being I am accepting. Though smaller, and though more recognized, never less intense, yet more able to be defined with increasing clarity, just as I did with the pattern of behavior around having my period. Within this, just as memories of the past come forward, memories come forward where I realize that I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING! This means, as the very nature of myself, that the capacity to understand the forms of things and how they express and move, is right there, as me, which means that anyone can do this. 

When I want to resist, moving through this, as recognizing this, I am that which does not want to realize this, I am being that which hides the recognition of this, I am that which denies that nature than can realize the patterns as SEE FORM AND FUNCTION AND MOVEMENT AND EXPRESSION.  I am that self, within this, as my capacity, that is the stuff of and as the sensibility of myself as life, as the infamous “ eye of the needle.” That is a really cool realization. That is what and who we are, in our capacity. Everyone has this, and is this. No matter how deep or huge the wall of separation, as beliefs, ideas, opinions, in a false morality construct that ignores who and what we are as physical expressions of life, as what life would be. 

We all learn the same way, we place our presence into forms, as our bodies when we learned to walk and to talk and we sense that expression in all its dimensions, unless we construct a resonant set of value judgements, as a shield of separation from who and what we really are as life. This ‘ set of values, that I accept as embrace, is a false construct that is a math and that has no real longevity, and that ‘ moves through me’ is not myself in synch with being present and equal to the math of existence which is physical. I am not moving in synch with life. I have banked in on a false morality. And I/we know it. There is no excuse for my acceptance and allowance of and as this. None. Even within my memory, I could see that I understood that this was unacceptable. That presence as life, is in all of us, or we would not exist. 

When I first taught in a school, I remember working with this one student and moving to have her realize a form, as what I was required to impart to her, as a form of information.  I explained it, formed that form with words, one on one, with her. I remember looking at here and thinking, “ it is like she cannot take it in, or it is like she has no response- ability. Visible, she was looking right at me, and visibly she was wide-eyed and silent.  For a moment, I was there in the space looking at what was, within realizing my expectations were not what was actually happening. The movement in this child, was so slow, as for her to take in what i was saying, and to make a connection with her own experience, as her own beliefs as that same shadow world was there, caused what  have come to realize is called an interference theory.  Meaning, that her processing was very very slow. She was actually processing, which means she was ‘ learning’ yet it was at the speed of her own point of development, one that was slowed down by that which I experienced as the information that I allowed myself to be, as I ran to sit outside, next to a tree, realizing that I am created a shadow of information, that I was going to have to process because  I allowed it, and that I understood to not be in synch with that towards which I ran, as that physical tree. I was not generating in synch with life, and as an adult I was with a child, who was the same.  What is interesting here, is that parents cannot expect the schools to sort this out, as the parents are the one’s creating this, accepting this.  And, it is not the responsibility of the schools to do such, as they are, as they are in their current form, that same thing, as form perpetuating the separation.  

I find myself, once again, and yet of a different ‘ math’, ‘ composition,’  the sides of my mouth sinking down, as though I expect resistance to what I am attempting to explain. I realize that sometimes I say what needs to be said, yet I have an expectation that is not in accord with the separation, as I am not realizing the extent of the separation, as I could see and realize with this student, and with which I became overwhelmed, as there were too many layers of an emotional onion that was a wall that divided from being what was more effective, as I call it in the moment, becoming a real tree of understanding as the ability to reciprocate reality, as this living breathing, life in expression, physical reality. 

I believe I have to pay homage to the resonant separation, yet this in itself as a belief, is a distraction. All there is is to call this out by name, and it is a form, though seemingly invisible, it is here, right in front of me as the behaviors of the separation.  The power in calling things out by name, frames them into the physical living reality, which is a process of making them small and bringing forward the life that is here that is all around us. It is the process of bring life here, and managing a inflamed value system small, as down sizing a projection, or moving in a valley of smoke and mirrors, realizing the entities of separation are there, and yet do not define reality, and they only have the power we give to them, and that this reality is always right here, visible, breathing , moving, singing life. 

It is like experiences we have in watching sporting events. We realize a team is moving as a pattern, as the information practiced and hence programmed into them as a form of information.  The opposing team is getting the better of the patterned as informed team.  The informed team ( and I am using names to separate the too- because both are patterned) cannot get outside of its pattern. The viewer becomes more anymore agitated, as it recognizes that the ‘ patterned team ‘ is not seeing itself and moving into a new form, or mode.  Sometimes, a team will change up its pattern. They will change up the math of themselves and move forward in outwitting the opposing team. These moments we find exciting. Yet, this overall experience reveals ourselves to ourselves.   And, even allowing this entertainment, is revelatory of how much we live vicariously through others because we fear facing this same thing within ourselves. It is visible, in every move we make.  Thus, for parents, because we are so able to read the space of here, and we mirror that space of here, as our parents, any processing dis-orders in the child are YOU.  And yes, I see it in my own children. No reactions, as the same as I was being once a month , just before my period, are going to be what is the necessary change, to become like that sport team that manages to sense its own patterns, as reading the movements of the teams, the players, the space and design of the field as a platform, and collectively changing the very form of what is being the information driving the movements. Paying someone to help the child realize that, in a system that is a structure as a consequence of not being self responsible, is very very very expensive. Not realizing this, wanting it to go away, is also very very very expensive. Ignorance is not bliss. Hope without action is meaningless.  Faith without command is pointless. Respect for all things lends the grace of effective expression, like a mastery of a skill set.  Wanting it to magically happen is illusion, where the magic is always in the doing. And yet, this overall is very self empowering! 

One must rebuild. It means deconstruction and reconstruction. It means recognizing one’s accepted and allowed limited value system, as false morality. That one we protect, manifest as reacting to what one believes is a threat to one’s self definition, as my reactions are a protection of my false construct, towards which I imagine all manner of doom and gloom scenarios, in fear of being discovered for being less than who I really am. My reactions are the flight and fight mode, a form of resistance to myself, and as such self hate is one gets out of one's projection and makes the choice to stand here, in this living reality, that is physical. I react to threats of my limited value system as being a threat of death, so deep is my own accepted and allowed de-ception of reality. 

I am here. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understood my own deception against myself as life.

When and as I find myself becoming confused, anxious, tired, resistant, I see realize and understand that I am here, and that I am responsible for what I allow within and as myself, and as such, I slow myself down and I breath, and I forgive my separation from life, and I stand here, practicing realizing who and what I am as life here, to move equal and one with and as the physical that is me, here. 

Working with my own emotional firewalls Day 753

I had an interaction with a family member where I noticed that I rushed in something I said. If I look, I realize an pattern that I have lived come forward. It is a color of rushing, and of trying to get on top of something said, to both push it away and fix it. What also happened is that what was being explained by my family member, the overall story did not come out in one moment, it came out in a series of moments. This is noted because in hearing the whole situation, the movements being described became more clear. I realized that in the environment where things separate from this story, were being done, so the interaction moved from one focus to another, as the sort was told during the completion of other tasks. 

One of the states of belief I move into, is to rush, like to talk in such a way to fix a problem as though I know, before I hear the whole story. Like there is a sense that i am supposed to fix something. If I do not I am not a good person. I am inadequate. Within this I can see where this idea can become a distraction, and I miss elements of things only to be embarrassed later that I did not slow down and listen to the whole story of information that is describing itself to itself, because this is what we do in so many ways, to substantiate a person who is basically resolving something. Here, I want to say, it is almost as though humans do resolve their issues themselves, walk through them, what is needed more often than not, is listening, being patient. After all, one of the ways we have become a consciousness of separation is because we did not take the time to look, to slow down, to self realize, to walk our past actions, to deconstruct and reconstruct to realize how we are caught in a situation that is out of synch with an easy flow and understanding that is non-disruptive of what is more natural as a state of being present. 

In realizing the patterns of separation, in the game of blame and spite, projections of values onto others for a perceived fault, which is a perceived imbalance, there are sequences, of reactions and actions, patterns, and these can be realized and within such, one can become more patient, and listen, even within myself, and play with seeing the forms. Somehow, I rush within this, and it leaves a sense of unfinished business, where I then blame myself, become ashamed, want to go back and fix something, go into self pity, a sense of impossibility, when right there, was a flow of description that could see itself and resolve an issue. In a way, one only need retell the story, and lend a mirror image of actions that pull the whole together to allow a reciprocity for the teller to see more the parts and the whole, to have insight into what they are revealing to themselves, because in a way, we all know what we are doing. 

In a way, the solution is to bring forward the pattern for self recognition, that pattern given, through listening, and to use the imagination to show the form, to lend self discovery. This is being agreeable, and working through a mis-understanding, to allow insight with self as another as I would want this for myself. And, to be consistent with this process, to become more agile in recognizing it. After all, I am here, so why the rush? Becoming a rush to define, creates an information bias, or a focal distraction, as ideas, beliefs and opinions. It is lacking  a faith in the command of who and what i am as a human being, that can take in, or listen, to hear the whole form, to recognize patterns and align them with presence. Here presence means not being reactive, not wanting a gain, or, wanting what one would want for one’s self. BY this I mean, an understanding that in meeting with another with insight , one has a steady groundedness in understanding that can stand in time, and be more compassionate without coloring compassion as a value judgement as a gain. After all, humans are less anxious and more productive when they are focused.

On a greater scale, the time to listen to others, is so missing from our society. This is apparent in the form of our schools, that are more listening only to one person, as are the platforms of the media. We rarely have the time to get what we see, to reflect on what we are seeing in the very form of our busy lives. And yet, we are taught to listen, but not reflect on what we listen to.  We do not look at what we have taken in, and relate it to the practical that is so missing in our lives. And, ironically, what our younger people are losing the capacity to do as they become adults. I mean, I have read complaints that younger generations have no interpersonal and practical skills. How can they if they spend their childhood years only watching and listening, and without follow through into application? In some ways, as a society, how can we blame them when the adults have allowed a system that does not lend the time to listen, to be patient, to resolve, to place what is being heard, and as such, formed, into practical applications in this living reality? 

And, within this, punishment of this, is not correction. Thus, punishment is pointless, it is only more blame and spite. it is only more of the problem. It is like the dis-ease has to become so big, to much an ‘ elephant in the room’ before we acknowledge this. It is like the chemical fixes as drugs placed in the market, that have not had careful studies done, and that start having side effects that grow and grow, are buried, are denied until they can no longer be denied, and the drug is taken off the market. These actions of not taking real care, of not really listening to what we are doing, are not of benefit for us. How many times are we going to allow this before we realize there is only one choice? That choice is to slow down and listen, to realize the form, see and check the consequences, make sure there is no harm, and then move into action. Such care, real care, real consideration would lead to greater presence and more faith in who and what we are as mankind.  Otherwise, we all become personalities living in juggling the lack, and wonder why we did not really live our lives when we reach the end. This is why, there is not other choice, but the choice to do no harm, to take that which is good, as that which brings clarity of practical purpose, and to realize the patterns within of separation and the focus of and as what grounds us here, to be present in this life, in the art of real  living. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the valley of value judgements.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down and hear the whole story, to allow that story to come forward, in all it details, which means in this present existence, of busyness that sometimes the whole story takes time to unfold.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some form of competition, and that I must prove something about who and what I am, when I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want a quick fix, not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I speak, before I speak, especially after having walked so many patterns that I can ask myself if I have enough information, and even to ask more questions to bring what is informing and occupying another, and myself to get into all the corners of the story, to check and make sure a clear understanding is formed, to them begin to deconstruct and reconstruct into what lends presence , as greater presence brings greater insight, to the extent the gift given which is natural and who and what we are as humans,  is aligning into clarity, into practical actions that can move with no uncertainty, and a real groundedness that brings ease.

I forgive myself for, as  a reaction to my own default, for allowing and accepting myself to move into self pity, self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to then move into a belief that things are impossible, when I am here wit what is constant as the presence of life. of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not slow down, and to realize in every breath in every moment that I as who and what i am as life, can slow down, listen, be patient. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to focus on a belief that I am not enough, and that remembering being grounded here, is impossible, when I am possible as who and what I am in form and function as a living being, as a man, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into resistance, I stop, I breath, I slow down, and I see realize and understand resistance as a red flag, to realize whereIi am rushing, disrespecting who and what I am as life, as self blame, blame, comparison/competition,  self pity/ disempowerment,  giving up, self hate, and I stop, I breath, I ground myself here, to live the practice of presence and patience, to stand as what is real, as the practice of being present in who and what I am, to live the realization that there are no problems only solutions, and that who and what I am, is more natural.

When and as I find myself moving into a sense that things are impossible, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, and I become agile in living insight, leading to living solutions with consistency, to stand in living the joy of understanding and being in and with and as the presence of who and what I am, which is life, here.

When and as I find myself believing that something is impossible, I stop, I breath, I listen, I hear, I stand with presence in consideration of all things, breathing through anxiety, to hear what is in synch with life, as this physical world that is me, and that is all around me here.  

Time frames of the mind Day 705

As we become what we practice, because we place our presence, our ability to sense a frame, a measure of time, a distance, a movement to do something, or order something, to sense its order.  Within this we essentially all learn the same way. 

We forget that our habits can become titles such as ‘ I am a visual learner’ which is secondary, and reveals more what movements and means and habits we have created, in a frame of time, as a structure that we then define ourselves as. We believe that the frame existed as what we define ourselves as, when that frame came after. Even though some of it was impulsed and passed down resonantly, in DNA, that seed of information. Or, because we in a sense, absorb so well, we absorb the measure, the morality of our parents. This is why religion is in the format that it is. It is structure, one must just question the structure, which is done through words and parables, or metaphors, the more one knows and can speak, on a soap box/podium/stage the more ‘ wise’ one appears. Key word: appears- in that bubble- away from the practical.

 The generations before us realized this, yet placed it in a metaphysical environment, as religion, within such statements as ‘ the sins of the fathers last for seven generations’  This is a truth that is right in front of us, yet it is connected to a threat of not getting into heaven- another televised vision, that matrix of energy that once the plug is pulled cannot withstand the test of longevity and was really the manifestation of our collective dissonance from real living, which is what bringing heaven to earth was all about. All practical. No Mumbo Jumbo! the real cells of life, are the physical things all around us. Science discovers this more and more every day. 

I make such statements again and again, because it is the means to the end. It is a mirage of separation, what we carry around in our heads, it is what was not grounded in practical reality, it is a within that is not equal to a without, it is why the child becomes all the faults of the parent. 

And so, the time frame of separation continues. This leads to a structural violence, prevalent in that life on the other side of the world whose time frame we ignore , or dare not to fathom, because it means we must realize how entrenched we are in our own individual time frames. It shows how much we fear being self honest. And yet, we see it, unless we are so far gone that we choose a very narrow existence, away from anything that counters our own time frames.

These time frames become reels of information, that bind us away from real living and real transformation. We become heavy with the rage of our own time frames, losing all spatial sense of reality, this physical existence. It begins with a tiny movement, that presence making a choice of using visuals, or kinesthetic learning, or what ever label one chooses. These are really justifications for not changing, and the screaming of limitation, to not become responsible.

The scream of limitation can manifest as voices running in the head, eating off the flesh.  If one’s back tempo of chat/ of voices/ of what one hides, are of comparison, one is jealous and competitive, comparing the smallest of things ( again revealing capacity of absorbing and understanding so much detail and measure- only misplaced with charged value judgements) within a relationship of survival and a feel good within an idea, or belief, that one is better. Sometimes it goes the other way, and one makes the judgement that one is less, hopeless, worthless. The measure, the song, the voice, that state is there, in the words, on one’s conception. It all becomes visible, as one speaks on parables/metaphors/value judgements silent or voiced, it is projected within or without, and it stems from the sea of potential within, as that starting point of creation, that begins with a movement. A very cool gift, it all depends on what one does with this, what one accepts and allows. The choices we make can do no harm, and can throw no one under the bus. 

Then, if one’s job/livelihood/MO is dependent on the limited structure of such belief, making a change is a threat to one’s existence, even at the expense of suppressing the real potential of another person within, especially a child. For this there is no greater crime, it is worse than anything any person in history has done, and it perpetuates the burden of seeded/noted information that is not what is best for those generations to come. All because I, or one, as the self, is not willing to stand up and speak of what is right here in front of us. We have become what we do, watch movies and entertainment running on reels - time frames of limited perspective. We are allowing this within. The moment one realizes that one has not heard what another person has said, is the moment one can live the extent of this of which I speak. I have to forgive myself all the time and ask another to please repeat what they have said. And, each of us are going to have to do this a lot, because this has been going on for a very very very long time. 

I can ask myself if i remember what I did yesterday. I can ask myself why I did not hear what another person said in a moment. I can ask myself why I cannot remember so many details about another life, a life I had with children in another country. I can ask myself why I have no sense of why when I wake a walk around the same island, that though I notice the plants are different every year, I cannot say why they are different, i have never used that great absorbent ability to sense why there are constant changes in the environment in which I live. It is because my presence is not here, it is up in a metaphysical construct, or lol, I wrote contract, of time frames, a morality, That I accepted and allowed, starting as a child, in a world that was of a society of men, in separation from creation. Walking back is a bitch, yet to hold the value of life within and as me, to become equal and one with and as it, is to live creation, to connect with the plants and the animals, first I must understand my own separation and the characteristics of that separation, and words and the processing and holding of numbers and words can help me to sort myself out, this and forgiving the time frames of limited values I have defined myself within and as. 

Also, the greater understanding I have of the money system, the greater understanding I have of the control mechanisms existent as the system on earth, I say ON EARTH because it is a construct that is not aligned with creation. It through control builds the survival game that is a busyness in a narrow focus. It is the outward manifestation of what each has accepted and allowed.  It uses the natural law in its own interest, the acceptance of a few determining what we thing, what we eat, and how we manage our health. None of it is working, thus it is time to become equal and one to the framework of the physical world, as it is life manifest, it is the real symbol. It is a living symbol.

When we can begin to hear the grass grow, then can we begin to work together and build heaven on earth. We have to get ourselves back to the real potential of who and what we are.  It is time to stand and accept only what does no harm, accept only what respects this earth, accept only that which is of no lie, meaning leaves no burden of justification, because it gives as we would receive, that which empowers each to see directly here. This means to process the information of life, which is physical. What we resist persists, what we ignore becomes an elephant in the room.  What we deny comes back to haunt us, and builds fire walls that consume our attention to such an extent, we leave this earth barely being able to walk because we have lost all spatial sense of what is real, the physical world. 

Day 580 Repetitive Play, the Opportunity to Collect Data.

I have had a new person in my life for a few weeks. What I find so cool, is how much I am able to not take things personally, which I attribute to the Desteni I  Process. Within this process I begin to see how my mind works, how thoughts work and how the accumulation of thoughts can become emotions and feelings, the emotions being the fear, the doom and gloom as an idea of what may happen in the future based on a past where I had an idea about what I was based on mis-takes that were myself lacking an understanding of moving myself in practical ways. Then, the feelings that were justifications for the emotional reactions that were, again, the accumulation of fearful actions, where fear was allowing false evidence appearing to be real, which I allowed to define me.

Today I watched a talk about data collection, where it was suggested that machines will surpass humans in basic skills through data collection. Meaning a machine can collect data faster and then apply that data to, for example, win a chess game every time when playing with a human.

It was said that machines remediate many times and then are able to play the game.

It was also mentioned that our present bureaucracies have limited us, because they have become stagnant within allowing growth as the practices become entrenched, as the laws limit movement under the guise of protection.

I realize that as the system functions at present, that so many humans have little time and opportunity to remediate again and again until something is understood, as in having, for example the time to play chess enough to play well. Humans like these new computers, must also have the time to follow through mis-takes until the parts of the whole are sensed and integrated enough to enable mastery.

In our present system is there enough breathing space for people to develop themselves to the point of mastery? Do we have the opportunity to remediate until there are no longer mis-takes, and that what is before us is integrated enough that we can begin to create and transform? Have our bureaucracies become so burdensome that we are stagnant in our time and space to remediate in ways that allow us to understand that we can grow and expand in our awareness when we have the opportunity to learn?

Given all of this, what thoughts I had, that were of my experience, in a world where for some generations there has not been enough time to apply actions again and again that build understanding through making the mistakes and understanding that in learning we make mistakes as a necessary part of the process of learning. Many of my thoughts were limited because there was no understanding that learning is a process and that the mis-takes along the way do not define who I am, they simply show where I am within a process of building understanding of practical reality.

So, within spending time with another person, and in realizing that I am not defined by mis-takes, I can let them go, and simply look here, forgive the thought about a past of belief within a cycle of building understanding that had no real follow through into a real depth of understanding that I allowed to become a thought about who I am in my ability, when this was not who I was, it was where I was in a process of understanding and that this was in a world that for generations have been believing in the same self definitions based on not having had the opportunity to follow through and practice something until it was integrated and understood enough so that one could stand within this in certainty. Also, to realize within this, that it is the focus and certainty in the doing that is what is enjoyable. And this would build compassion, and empathy for others, and a desire to share because it is the realization that there are really no mis-takes, there is only practicing something until it is understood. Interacting with another person, after having walked the Desteni I Process  and coming to understand how my thoughts are a reflection of limitation and stagnation in not having allowed myself to realize that in learning and understanding here, as the practical reality, takes remediation until what is here is understood.  When there is disagreement, it simply means that there is not an equal understanding and thus, the solution is right in front of us, meaning the only way to be, is to investigate practical reality to see how it functions in common sense, as the form reveals the function so it can be understood, and that the past mis-takes - do not define or determine my personal value.

So, do we not see what our so-called computers are doing in all common sense? Do we not see that they are becoming so called “ smarter” than us as they practice and collect data, as the measure of the world around us? Do we not see what is so obvious and right in front of us?

We are believing that humans are incapable, and yet when a human has the chance and the ability to do, they expand. And, not only do they expand, they have the capacity to review the whole AND the parts and see patterns and then make choices that would not bring harm, because this is what each would chose in all practical common sense.

It is time to stand up and become the life that is here right in front of us. We need only do this, in joining together, as two or more in the name of what is best for all life, and create a system, one that is already in place structurally in many ways, and align this system to ensure that all have their basic needs met, and as such, can take the time to see the horizon as life as this planet that surrounds us and gives us the means to breath and be life, here.

We decide, lets get this done. Come back down to Earth. B-earth Yourself. Give yourself the gift of life.

Day 123 Addiction as Behavior

Our behavior can take and idea and place a belief that a certain behavior is the solution to resolve what we are feeling/behaving.

In essence this is not looking at the feeling or emotion, this is feeding the feeling or emotion, into a believed “plug” as a behavior that is how this behavior is mitigated.

This can create behavioral patterns.

Why would a pattern exist? Why have a pattern? A pattern would assume a repetition, a repetition would mean something is repeated and thus not/never resolved. 

We know our cows are dying after about 4 years in these factory farms, and we know they can live, and do live longer lives when not placed in these conditions. So, why do we allow this? why do we accept what we are allowing and accepting, as humans, being and having, when it is not what is healthy for the cow, and not healthy for us? We know that ecoli becomes abundant in cows in factory farms - unless one does not research and read and find out what is here that tells us why what is here is happening, and or take the words of another who has investments in not revealing the totality of a situation. Might have to change and that is scary for the one invested, but healthy for everyone else. The flaw of a profit based system with secondary representation. The two do not work together within a law that says a corporation must make a profit. It will lead to Peter taking from Paul, which is exactly what is happening. Africa is a good example, and John Perkins explains how this is done in one stage in his telling of himself being an economic hit man.

It is how countries like Greece are turned into concession stands, to ensure Peter perpetually takes from Paul. Behavior, we the human have accepted and allowed.

As the debt grows so will the abuse, as we, the human will this in not realizing the placement of survival within a system of money representing resource, governed by secondary voicing and decision making within a law that a corp. must make a profit. One can only take everything, after a while, and divide it endlessly to create perpetual profit making, where the same governors can then ensure that they have a bigger piece of the pie.

If you were one of the governors in such a system, you would do the same. If one cannot beat them, then join them, to survive. Then spew a belief that the thing that supports the behavior of this that it cannot change. Placate within another learned pattern of behavior, give something when the not-haves become restless, or say you do not understand why they are bearing arms. Because they want to survive. This was said in some article, so blatantly stupid. And this was a head of a company. Incredible.

It has been going on for so long, even those who are reaping from such benefit are ignorant of their own behavioral patterns. Thus has we, along the way cultivated ignorance.

On a micro level the same thing happens. I have some myself. I tend to, when I am upset, want to run to a male. I know my father took more care of us as small children, as my mother preferred older “people,” she did not like changing the diapers etc. Supposedly, I can’t remember this, just a couple of images, but I remember the stories about this.

So, when I am upset, I tend to want the “ear” of a man. Now, this is a behavioral pattern, an addiction to a one way only behavior, what I must have when I am being within a certain emotions of feeling, or what I am accepting and allowing myself to be and have as what I am here as an expression within my environment.

I know women who will go to other women. I actually don;t generally do this, not to say I have never done this, but, here another pattern I have comes up, with women I tend to listen to them, or - on a side- compete with them. Here I am finding this list can go on and on…. Thus, I am a walking behavioral pattern. Which begs the question, when am I real? when am I actually here in practical expression with what is here and not a re-action as a pattern as a perpetual motion of sameness that is obviously something unsolved?

In school are we taught to see patterns and then understand why the pattern exists, or do we just see the pattern. I know in math, in elementary school, seeing the patterns within the numbers is not even developed. I spent some time with a class for about three weeks and had them skip count as practice every day. Then we practiced some form. At the end when we tested their improvement was 60% greater than the other classes. And I was shunned. Because, the principle had to deal with the patterns of fear as jealousy that a new teacher had achieved more than the old teachers. I had stepped outside of a pattern, my being and having was not of an accepted and believed pattern. And the people reacting could not even see their own acceptance of this pattern in their behavior. And all the principle would see was the behavior coming at her, and she did not want to make decisions and deal with it. And no one asked me what I did to do this. I was just playing with trying to add a spatial depth to what was being taught. I even went and asked a local man who was a math person with a degree from MIT if this was an effective approach and he said yes, he even said there was not enough of this being done in the schools. So, we can see how we the human, are so caught up in our behaviors, we no longer see our own patterns and even run from our patterns without looking at what we are doing. We choose to placate the behavior instead of realizing the behavior is the cause of the lack, and the solution to the “lack” is right in front of us. But that governor, wants taking from Peter to pay Paul to continue, so they have a vested interest in maintaining ignorance and thus abuse - as with the cow- and so, we the human are the cause of the flood of abuse that exists on this planet through our ignorant acceptance of behavioral patterns. Interesting that the word be-ha-vioral, like being viral, like being a virus. We are the cause of our own viruses, just as the confined cows are developing viruses and bacterias that are not resolved as they would naturally in nature, and have become so strong they end up in bean sprouts, where we the human, actually believe that the bean sprout is the cause, as we no longer have any perceptual depth. A product of not seeing consequences, not seeing that the perpetuation as a pattern of behavior.

Back to my own accepted and allowed patterns. 

So, If I have been developed to be a certain kind of magnification I would only be able to see through a certain lens - so to speak. If I cannot see at other magnifications, I would not see what exists. Seeing patterns, realizing patterns of like this. standing back and seeing the whole is a “certain magnification.” So, if we are taught to only see certain magnifications than we will not be able to see our own patterns. But there are ways to adjust our means and ways of perception, and one is walking the desteni I process, because ‘turning that dial” of magnfication , a SET  magnification, will cause resistance, and tiredness and friction and emotional outbursts as oneself is having to change a pattern, an entrenched ( for profit) pattern. Imagine having to physically change a trench dug on this earth, it would take an effort to change this, and on the inside, as the patterns of behavior accepted and allowed by the human, within, are not different. At first glance, as we/you/I am it is very easy to think that you are not this, but take a closer look because this exists on this earth as the human, if it did not then this world would not exist as a flood of abuse because what exists would have been looked at and changed, meaning “looking and reading what is physically and actually here and what is actually happening and existing, would not be what it is. Know thyself. I suggest to walk the Desteni I Process, because seeing you own patterns yourself is not so easy, it takes the reflection of others to change that lens that has been set on one point of a dial.

So, if I run to a certain being and having to express what I am being and having as emotion and feeling, then I am within an addiction, I want the addition of a dictation to my experience here as my self, of what is not resolved, and instead of looking at the cause of the behavior, I am trying to find a platform to play out the behavior only. I am not being self responsible and realizing why this pattern is ( and even that it is) happening again and again. In fact, I will receive a badge as a label of “being” a certain character/personality, like, “ she needs a man to talk to.”

or “she likes men” or “she needs a father figure.” This is a behavioral pattern.

But what of the issue as cause with reaction of wanting a set audience?

Why do I need this? I actually do not need this, I just believe I need this.

In believing I need this I place a secondary picture on top of the issue and chase the picture as idea, belief or opinion, instead of looking at the issue, like I have been trained to be the secondary reaction instead the the primary resolution, a solution as myself, in other words. And the present system does not allow primary solution, as this would mean realizing the greed and abuse that exist are in fact unacceptable and lacking in and common sense, and that change is possible.

My own reactions as patterns of behavior are where I have not looked at my own fears, not stood up and faced what is here, what is real, where I have not been self responsible, where I am choosing ignorance and responding as what is best for all, as I would also have to face where I abdicated self responsibility as life as the nature of myself as life for self interest in fear of losing something I believed to be real, or believed defined myself here, a relationship in separation from what is best for all as relationships made in separation of what is best for all create abuse, and the abuse will not go away, and will only compound as it is irresolute of what is best for all and thus does not support life. This is a monster , and it follows us around until we take it back to self and realize our separations as abuse of life, where we as life, are what is best for all, thus there was never any need for separation, and thus there is no need for suffering, even if being told that there is a purpose to suffering as god’s will, does not give it sense, as one cannot sense if one is in dis-ease, as it takes self as life, in and as ease to be here, as this is ease.

So, my mother was here, giving all the labels as beliefs, as to what my behaviors are etc. I am following a guru, I am not longer her daughter, meaning i belong to her and i am her daughter and I need to respect this! Meanwhile she cannot explain anything about what i am doing, not one word. The secondary ideas as beliefs and opinions taught are all that I am being told. Generalizations that bear no witness to what is actually being said. How can I become angry towards words being spoken that show no witness, and are only generalization and thus patterns of belief, that are judgements that - once again- bear no witness? I can’t.

Yet, within and as me, a fear was there, not so strong. This was the mother that used a paddle on me as a child, and a fear of this paddle was ingrained and thus I accepted the patterns to survive the paddle. A fucking paddle. Which is probably how she in her turn accepted the magnification required to survive, the sins of the fathers.

Curious how intrenched our separations as behaviors are so magnified, it has to be taught, as a young child does not have then, thus the paddle. I have turned the dial, and the reaction within a belief is not as strong, yet there is more turning to do. Turning the dial will mean losing relationships of separation from what is real, life here. Thus what is lost appears as loss, but what is gained is an awareness of life. In the beginning is desteni it was said that all will be lost yet everything will be gained. The abuse that exists on this earth needs to be lost, as it is not a gain, and this is what is being said, to not realize this is criminal, as this is un-acceptable what exists.

After this outburst, I wished, desired, etc. to have a man to talk to, but I stopped myself, as this was my self wanting support within what I was accepting and allowing as my own habituated behaviors, my being and having within relationships that were in separation from what was here based on a history of separation where what was best for all, as myself as life, was not allowed to speak, and paddled into secondary relationships. But now it is time to stand up as myself as life, as what is best for all, as there is no other solution but to face my own at most fear/personality/character.

Bring yourself back to life. Lose everything to gain everything.

Desteni I Process

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