What is the truth? What is truth? Day 766

The process of what one does and moves as and focuses on is the process of self forgiveness. It means to realize how we move within ourselves and what effects that movement of the part as the person and what forms that person, does in this physical reality. As all parts effect the whole. The sum of the parts composes the whole. One must consider the whole and the effects one has on the whole when making a choice.

if our children are placed in a box for 13 years, on average and are told to memorize a story, is there any real practice on the whole? No, there is  a practice on a story told by observers about something, which can never be the real thing and becomes a picture about something because that is, no matter how close, never the real thing.  It is a design that is not working and because of the simplicity of the creation of practicing a non- real relationship with the whole that one is a naturally a part of, a separation from reality is the outcome. We see this in the growing ill-ness or dis-ease through the label we lend to the problem as cognitive disorders and processing disorders. Thus we have the capacity to see, we see the default and yet are so self involved from the same background, that we have no real spatial ability to see the movement of all the parts and what our effects as the choices we make, create. 

Inherent in the accepted design of our schools is the inherent separation from reality in the adults. I saw a video yesterday where a child was talking to cat, and what heard the child saying is something like, we are looking here, seeing here, we are not looking at the pictures. In walking time lines of and as how I created my own separation from reality, a memory comes up that astounds me, it was so buried and yet a part of that memory remains with me, even though I could not remember the exact memory. I was in a moment as a child, where i had realized that I had created something that was with me, that would have to process through me. I was upset about it and did not want to move through it. A pattern that has remained with me. That one thought of not wanting this to happen again, in a way developed an avoidance of interacting in ways that created the same scenario. It is a root movement into indignation, as indignation is not wanting to dig into something. Being in such a state is a constant protection, which becomes a distraction, or a lack of focus on this reality, causing a separation as so much of what is here is missed. The consequences of such a separation can only grow insecurity as so much of what is real is missed. It is a math, it is visible.

We see this on the world stage, where there is so much conflict between nations and between many factions, even down to the municipal level. We have a war for resources to reform them in the guise of good and yet the earth has become so polluted that cancer in the last decade kills more children than what was the previous number one killer of children which was by accident. In the law of compounding effects, all those supposed ‘ no significant differences’ as the choices made to practice, have accumulated and are now effecting the most innocent, destroying their life before it is even begun. 

We are using resources to form some idea about how life should be instead of realizing how life is. What did we expect when we followed stories instead of practical reality as the physical? Did it start with forcing agricultural practices that did not move in tandem with the physical? Is the whole permaculture movement about moving back to working with nature instead of forcing her into some monopolistic model, which is telling of the problem in the first place? Is monoculture the model of efficiency that we have been told, as storied information accepted and allowed to be sold to is that it is? 

If our public schools by design are a narrowing of focus into a limited narrative, then what is religion overall but a distraction of a story of information separate from the physical and practical reality. When a nation believes that some god said a land was their people’s land even thought the obvious is right in front of those people that they are all the same, they eat and defecate just like all the animals, why do we not see the delusion if information before reality?  We believe the story of information told to us, as we become the program of the information told to us, as story that is a distraction from reality, that we have made the story larger than life, even to the detriment of our children, those that have no story within them and when the resonance of the past as what was generated and accepted and allowed before them, comes up, do they understand how to recognize it, and does it too compound causing cancer coming from that past as mis-information that is a story line separate from this practical and physical reality? It is a much better and more sound explanation that any of the corpus of information sold via stories told in a box away from practical reality. 

All the conflict on this earth is the battle for the mind via mis-information, via false stories that ignore the practical and physical reality that is the means of life, that is life information. And it is right here in front of us. 

What is a truth? Try holding your breath, and see what happens. Thus the physical reality, the one thing we are allowing ourselves to be distracted from, is what is real. We are all the same. 

Confusion and fear is not enough information Day 765

I sense a weight in my cheat, that slowing becomes more and more defined as what builds and creates this presence within and as me.

The best approach at the moment, and also to solution is to acknowledge this and to stand in the practical as what lends effective movement within and as me. It is, as the best means at the moment, self focused on a lack, as that lack being something impossible to change, and yet, to stand as the change is the means towards the end of this presence as information within and as who and what I am, here.

What I am going to look at today, is how much this weight is a habit of a con-fusion of fear, as not being able to process the spin of value judgements of good and bad, that is myself in a shadow world lost to what is real, as the practical. I cannot respect myself if I allow this, this con-fusion of value judgements protecting an idea of who I am in some belief that I must have a limited set of values to define me. This a consequence of a belief that I am not enough, as perhaps starting as comparison without investigation, without regard for simply being and living as who and what I am, which has great potential to understand life, and experience the many qualities that compose life. This life is physical and all around me as me. 

I must realize that this existence is in a state of lack, which is a state of diminishment, and that what is best is not being lived, or being lived by small degree, as that same life within and as me, that motivates correction is also wanting of correction to experience life. It is balancing out, standing as being here, and realizing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed means standing up as what respects this world and how a mind consciousness of limited information is the separation from being present in this reality. 

Always in the words are the means and the correction as we tell ourselves as our projections what and who we are standing as. This is always visible in plain sight.

What I am here being and living, is standing as seeing, realizing and understanding acceptances and allowances and the means of seeing this lack and who and what I am, as life, here, which is physical.

Thus, this weight on my chest is the habit of and as the confusion of and as focusing only on a lack creating polarities of good and bad, and the way forward is to acknowledge it and change the focus of myself onto simply being here. This means standing as what is best for all, which is what is best for self. 

I notice, if I slow down and LOOK at what information flows as me, as energy, as a quick movement - in a way- as a storyline, a lot of the imaginations are of doom and gloom, worst case scenarios, fear of punishment and mistake. It is like having a haunting shadow around me as me. This is what accumulates around the top of my chest. I have to catch it, or ‘ read it’ and process it. This means taking it apart and correcting the focus of and as this onto the practical real living actions in tune with this reality, because this is what I am, and this is myself respecting all things. 

Since we are exposed to, so much media and story telling from books ONLY ( written information is not a bad) and our parents and others around us, are of the same, do we really learn to respect the natural world around and do we have examples around us who are able to do this? Perhaps animals can, more than any human. 

If one is reading a text, with information as pictures, as stories, and cannot remember what one has just read, or what someone has just said, and you can’t remember how you made the switch how are you going to read the things that distracted you from remaining present, taking in information with ease? And, do you think you are going to be able to change this in a moment when this was built over time, just like a frog placed in cold water, that when heated over time, say 50 years, or even seven, that when the water finally kills the frog - and the frog not even realizing it is being cooked to death- the people in that environment just stand there, because they believe that hot water to be NORMAL because it is all they have ever known, these people are going to be able to SEE what killed the frog? And, could someone who has continued time and time again to say the water is heating up and will kill the frog, for which all the oblivious people will say, “ conspirator!!!” , lol.  Can something like this not be realized but by deconstructing it, which means increasing one’s processing speeds because this was done through dumbing one down into a slow measure that has no sustainability and rushes like an energetic electrical burn through the body, using the flesh to project the belief that is the mis-information separate from reality? 

Birthing one’s self into real life means standing up again and again until one becomes aware of self and this world, this physical world. This means re-cognizing one’s self to reality. This means stepping out of the bubble of mis-information ( mind con-sciousness) that is a distraction through limited info, causing cognitive dissonance that is really a stagnation. 

It is like, or is, one must stand within one’s self and blow up what is zipped filed, or compressed within one’s self, as what has accumulated into a layered onion, and forgive the value judgement that is fear, and walk the correction, which is a practical application that is a state of being focused here on the physical, in reality. The elite of this world have simply used this that is accepted by the collective, to build a structure that allows them control, which is what a state of separation is constantly trying to be and do. They use our abdication of common sense of reality to do this, thus we cannot blame them. Yet we can change from separation into equality and oneness, with reality. 

What I notice about myself, in relation to this, is that the pressure in my chest, which at this point feels like a film over my chest, on the top of my chest, is a form of anger, which is fear. I notice the habit of becoming angry, in my case it comes out in a verbal form.  This is a form of disempowerment, of my own creation. I look only at the punishment of myself, as suppression, as not being present in reality, doing the real math of common sense as me, in expression. 

When I focus, and ‘ do the math’ or ‘ look at the numbers’ as the measure of what I am allowing myself to be, in relation to the principle of what is best for all as what is the best for me, is that my lower back moves with more ease. Mankind is unhappy when unfocused and happy when they are focused and present in the practical. 

Today, in relation to the present system, someone said to me, “ But that is how nations build their wealth’ This is true, yet if that wealth moves into  supporting conflict for supposed gain, driven by self interest, as a dogma of ideas, and, instead does not flow the means of what  lends stability and growth on every level, a real wealth is not being considered, and only a very limited thing as an idea that is in itself a state of separation from a common sense of the real machine as the physical. 

My physical body reveals what I am doing. If there is pressure on my chest, I am moving into fear and anger over solutions within the principle of what is best for all.  Fear is a practice of protection, which means comparison, which means judgement instead of applied practical discernment. 

Correcting cognitive dissonance A battle for the mind Day 764

The degree to which we resist to what is here, is equal to the degree in which we cling to storied information as idea, belief and opinion over practical reality.

What is practical reality but what gets things done, and mirrored in actions that work with form and function in ways that do no harm. Such means having a presence that is a focus on this reality, a physical one.

The sound that we make as the words we use, what we emit from our bodies as the instrument of the sound, either reflects presence and awareness, or the storied information of our desires wants and needs, meaning how much of this reality we ignore in the interests of what we believe will allow us to survive. Yet, we use this reality to survive, we cannot exist without it. To consider only our immediate survival without ensuring our actions care for ourselves, which is all things, is a punishment of the self. When we label an action and configure it with value judgements, to paint/sound a limited story we actually stagnate our presence into being separate, thereby making the picture of our belief larger than life and as such out of synch with this living reality.  Thus the busy-ness of chaos is done with limitation. It is a non-sustaining sound. With each spoken word that is not in consideration of all things, we diminish who and what we really are. In this all death of non-awareness is a form of suicide of the self. It is basically a math.

Not standing up to limited story, that is only a value made huge in self interest, as bringing forward a value as a quality as the nature of something is not necessarily a bad, as this is the self moving in a focus of what is here, to realize form and function, movement and expression of the physical reality.  Using label coupled with threat of being labeled as less, is a false morality.  The quality of separation is as the description suggests, it takes one’s focus away from the practical actions that respect who and what we are a physical states of being, as being would be. 

Inherent in my desire to be intellectual, manifest as wanting to collect information and knowledge is a truth as an understanding of realizing something must be known, understood, realized. REAL eyes. 

Placing myself into a consciousness of fixed knowledge and information, causes a separation from real focus on this practical living reality that is and must be physical, or formed, or manifest, or realized.

I think of all the karate movies, or stories about people who have mastered something, like having lessons with a master. They have no patience for excuse. They stand. I remember going to lessons and having a teacher simply say to me , ‘ Stop being weird.” One must get beyond the morality of being ‘ nice.’ It is really an illusion, it is to speak up about this reality in a steadfast way, even when emotional reactions scream their false reality.  People are ignorant but they are not stupid. Creating a mind consciousness of a conscious, sub conscious and unconscious mind and going to public school to practice for six hours a day being in the conscious mind only, is by design, accepted and allowed by the collective, the means of controlling information, and the movement into a suppression of one’s real capacity. After all, what is the main complaint about public schools that has been consistent since their onset? The loss of critical and creative thinking skill. Or the loss of presence in practical reality.  What do I hear from many employers? That this generation has little if no, practical skill.  That is being weird, because reality is right here in plain sight. 

If I were to say something like that, as has been said to me in lessons, and I started to cry, there should really be no sympathy beyond a certain point, because this is allowing the means of one’s loss of presence, as the only choice is to lend what brings one back to what is natural, as being present in this reality. the insights of being practical, removes the desire to cry, as a passive means of defense of one’s already accepted and allowed state of separation into a limited story of information that is in itself a self interest of idea, belief and opinion personified and made larger than reality. This is really what a master who accepts nothing other than what is presence in application is doing. They are accepting nothing other than real focus and presence in reality. Holding that is the only way to be. 

This is why depression is always a state of self interest, a state of not taking responsibility, a state of being dishonest. This is a state of not respecting life.  If this scares me, then I am in fear, and I am not present in this reality. 

Every word we speak reveals the degree to which we are being responsible as life, because we are only speaking what it is that is the focus of who and what we are, here. 

Why do I write these things out again and again and again? it is the work of, the play of, the process of and as re-scripting myself into realizing the patterns within, of self interest, of fear, and re-scripting myself equal and one to the real common sense of and as all of me, as who and what I am as a living being on a physical planet that is creation in expression, here. 

The resonant seed of time lines of and as myself Day 763

In my thirties I realized within the discipline of playing the violin that there were interferences within my ability to focus that were getting in the way. I did not realize the depth of this, yet I did realize that being focused was the way forward at the time. 

In some unconscious way, when I found destini I joined, lent my full name, and did not turn back. For me, because of this experience,  and experiences with the white light, there was nothing else, it all made sense. 

In walking a time line of the events I allowed, as the actions as responses I lived,  I opened up a memory of myself running outside , as a child, to a tree. I go and I sit next to the tree, and I am in an emotional chaos. Why? Because I knew that I had created something that was still with me,  had created, through my actions, a presence that hovered behind me as me. I knew, as that, probably somewhere between 6 and 7 that I had created what I was running from, that was with me. It took a few time-lines to uncover this.  It has to be before the second grade, because the tree I ran to was in the place I lived before second grade. My family moved from one state to another between 1st grade and second grade. 

This memory in tandem with my experience in my thirties of realizing I had an interference of emotional memories in regards to focusing on playing, for me, make it clear that the spells we create with our words, outlining our behaviors, becoming our personalities, are of our own creation, through acceptance and allowance.  

I am also someone who has gotten good grades in school. I remember studying things and at first, with something new, it was really slow. Yet as I read, and focused on the material, it began to build within me enough that I could talk about it. I always knew when I understood the material because I felt secure in talking about it, even when it was not the whole story, as I was taking something in, in  a bubble, and regurgitating it. It had no practical relationship to reality.  It is like sitting in a room, creating shadows and then talking about the shadows, even if the information composing the shadow, has some validity.  

What is interesting, is this is all  a math. Meaning, for example, when my children were in school, I would say to them that they should do well, in all subjects in grade school, because it was all a different language.  My one son studied art in college. Yet, when he was in grade school, I would not let him become the ‘ artist’ type that only did well in art. He was required to at least grasp the basics of other subjects. Hence, even in practical terms,  I was aware that subjects were all a different language.  It is understood that when one learns one language, it is easier to learn another.  

Within this, I want to look at another aspect of all of this that i allowed to once again happen , the other night.  Background first; When I had gone back to school, there was a professor who would tap their foot at they interacted with me. I could barely hear what they were saying, at first, because all I could do was hear that tapping foot under the table. I had to pull myself together and attend to their words. Yet, that tapping foot remains as a memory, coming forward, all loud within me! lol

Two nights ago, I was talking with this woman, who had this same kind of ‘ tick’ about her. I was allowing this to upset me, and bother, me. What I did was begin to use facts. I just started listing them.  I could say, in using facts, I was protecting myself from the self accepted bother of hearing her ‘ ticks.’ Physical ticks are like static to me on the television, like when an image comes in and out.  I was really keeping myself study and stable with information. Meanwhile, in the background I was watching her ticks. lol

Physically, her body would twitch. She was trying to control this. She kept asking me questions.

What is interesting here, is that she was doing the same thing I was doing. She was using question as looking at the subject as the words as the shield to ground herself from her own resonant seed of information. I mean it is not all bad, as we do tend to realize on some levels what is going on, and attempt to organize our ordinariness accepted and allowed. 

The moment i caught myself doing this, I stopped. I summed up with words what I wanted to say, to round out and stopped. Talking in protection and defense, creating a shield against something, is allowing that thing to be huge, it ends up going nowhere.  The conversation moved towards allowing this woman to talk about herself. 

I also had interactions with a aging family member this past week. Conversations steer towards politics etc. I notice that different colors , as I call it, come forward in relation to statements made about things happening in the world, and the rest of my family. Instead of reacting, I have slowed down and brought details forward, without a gain in sight. It is more that the change cannot be expected in one moment, it is more a building of looking at all the details. lol, I would call it bringing more presence into the whole through greater detail of the parts. I have noticed, especially within my family, that over the years, some of the things i have said, about health etc. have become the vernacular in my family. For example, in my thirties I would talk about how people are shaking, vibrating, and I was laughed at, jokes about it were made etc. There either day, this very same term was used about someone my family member and myself used. 

Overall, the tensions within me, within how this all works, are of my own creation. In time, over time, the patterns of what we are allowing are visible around me, and the means are known. 

It is interesting in the media, in relation to this, especially in my Facebook feed. This week there are two posts on protests, or support gatherings. one is for the parents of autistic children to protest the Boston Herald, and another is a gathering to support Public schools.  I don’t see individual posts of groups gathering    every day, consistently. Yet these posts were on my news feed under the heading of some coalition. If I use critical literacy, and ‘ follow the money’ I wonder why these two particular posts, that appear as a grass roots group, have consistently appeared on my feed? Especially the public school support gathering in Boston. Someone has to place the posts, which means someone is paid for this, as the sites are also well put together.  lol, it is like a resonant tick in my news feed. I don’t even remember having clicked a ‘ like’ for the sudden appearance of this group. This is also a red flag, that this agency could buy the space to appear on the news feed of my FB current without my acquiescence.  I feel like neo in the Matrix!  I could be becoming a gloom and doom state of being in relation to this, yet on some levels, it is a visible occurrence and not something to react to, this tick. 

This is all more of what I learned to do in school. Taking in information, and playing with it, using it to manipulate myself, through acceptance and reaction without real grounding, without practical consideration of who and what I am, as a physical state of being. It is participating in the shadow world of knowledge and information, used to manipulate constructions that are not grounded in consideration of the reality and the practical nature of creating. What can be done, is to continue walking, continue to point out the practical, to bring forward reality, to make reality larger than the shadow world of knowledge and information lost of consideration for all things, as respect  for this living, expressing, physical reality- that one thing that is what one is distracted from, and that one thing that is owned by a few.  It is what is in plain sight, right here. 

Just as I started to see this in the discipline of self generating as playing an instrument, and just as the child of and as  me, realized I had built a shadow resonance of experience, that remained with me, even when I tried to escape and deny it, and just as I pick up, at times the ticks as the flow of presence in another, a resonance of and as ideas, beliefs and opinions,  justifying ideological wants , needs and desires, as the focus of the self as life, causing separation from reality, so must all of us see, realize and understand this.  What defines us, is who and what we are as physical life. We must ask ourselves, what it is that we allow to distract us from being practical in this reality, this consistent and living reality all around us. 

It is time to respect the physical, to live in respect of what is in plain sight, that is owned by all, as it is what enables all to exist, as shadow imposed onto the physical or as self in full focus of reality, as the gift of creation that surrounds us. It is time to get the self in focus of life, in the presence as the focus of self onto and as what and who we are as life, as the physical. 

Self forgiveness on Love Day 762

continued from the previous post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a love in a narrow focus, at the exclusion of everything else.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that making something larger than life, is myself in separation from considering all things as me, as this living reality that is physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to romanticize relationships, within and as my mind, to become a consciousness of self interest, to avoid looking here, at this practical and physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the very of making one relationship larger than life, without continued cross reference of all things as who and what I am in total, as a physical being on a physical planet is to separate myself from the form and function in practical reality, as the physical as the total of who and what I am as this physical world is the real relationship of and as creation as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the statement of and as ‘ that which I love I will lose’ meaning that which I aggrandize and allow to become a form of protection as a positive is a denial of the negative that motivates the separation into a limited relationship as the focus of and as me, within and as me, as a heaven in separation from the ground as the physical reality, the means to live and express and be equal and one with the real story, as the relationships of the physical reality, here, being and forming as moving as what is life in expression as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand in this trinity , the busy-ness of occupation into limited ideas, that interfere with being present, grounded, in respect of, all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the real story is the expression of life, that is physical, that is formed, that breathes and moves and interacts here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a thought only, and for an extended period of time, of and as ‘ there is a great beauty’ to become a singular focus of and as me, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit myself within a singular relationship as an idea about a form, as a person as my husband, as being ‘ a great beauty.’

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that separation within and as allowing this to be a singular and limited focus of and as me, as its very existence is a scream to hide from considering all things and following a  limited and romanticized story line, as a sequence of values made larger than life, as the very self interest of and as me, as not being a bad, overall, and yet, being a focus, that within and as it, is a separation from reality, and an admission that this reality and the values of this reality as the system entertains itself with limited values to avoid realizing what is happening in the world, and within myself  a fear of standing up and realizing in thought, word and deed, that there are no problems only solutions, as this is a physical creation, which is visible and practical here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a value made larger than life to define myself as superior, based on a romanticized, or inflamed, idea.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in many ways I placed myself into an impossible situation, making one thing more special than another, hiding in a ‘ good’ that I accepted and embraced believing myself to be good, when this was hiding in a good , to avoid what I allowed to motivate this in-formation as me, that simply reflected an abdication of myself as life, into a form of self interest revealing a fear of being present and sorting out what I had to realize to then deny, which was overall, myself being inferior to myself as life, and rejecting the life that is me, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, to make larger than the practical in  physical reality, as a physical creation as life in expression, that being practical respecting the physical, realizing life, enjoying being, remaining grounded, was too much, that facing the same as what I accepted and allowed as accumulating value judgements of a narrow focus as ideas, beliefs and opinions, practicing limited values, accumulating into an emotional feeling body, chasing a limited story of information, as me, resonantly accumulating, just as a perfect practice accumulates mastery of and as a discipline, so did I accumulate and practice until it compounded into an emotional feeling body, as a storm of energy, driving me, into the form, as ideas, beliefs and opinions, creating wants, needs and desires, polarizing myself into a persona, a ‘ hard work’ I accepted and allowed into a separation, from this reality, that had to fall, as it was not grounded and stable and practical here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that in the rush of my practiced values, accumulating into emotional/feeling bodies, I built my own interference from and as the physical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i accepted and allowed the impossible as who and what i became as the accumulation of ideas, beliefs and opinions, following a romaticized novel of novel ideas, overall not a bad, yet done in separation from being in respect of and as all life as the physical, as real love is to respect all things, take that which is good as that which does no harm, and to remain in respect of the instrument of life, as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that  the thought of and as the impossible, with the counter action of and as ‘ something beautiful being extinguished” into , ‘ this not being so’ or ‘ this cannot be’ is the admission that something is out of synch, and a self interested busyness to avoid being practical, as I accepted and allowed myself to fear being responsible within and as who and what I am as a physical being-ness state of expression as would life be, here.

When and as I find myself believing it is difficult to remain grounded and practical here, I stop, I breath, I slow myself down, until I am grounded, calm, stable, at ease, present, silent, listening,  to then assess, define, and rebuild a relationship that is equal and one to who and what i am as the physical, to include and respect what is real, and all around me as life, here. 

When and as I find myself moving into confusion, as the belief that something is impossible, Is stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I am here, that the practical is all around me as me, here, as the physical, and I see realize and understand how a separation as a mind con— science system, as the science of accumulation of my actions, lead by beliefs, opinions and ideas, into wants desires and needs, if not grounded in the practical reality as the physical build a resonant story within and as me, as knowledge and information lacking real practical application, causing conflict and friction, with reality,  and are not myself in the presence of and as life, as a physical form, and as such, I can slow down and breathe, ground myself here, and take responsibility of and as who and what I am as life here, which is actually normal, simple, doable, as the magic is in the doing, with respect for all things as this actual real, tangible consistently present physical world called earth, here.

When and as I find myself moving into self pity, to build an idea of something being impossible, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I face the storm of my separation, as a consciousness moving in accumulating limited values into a story that is not the storied information of the physical in form and function, in practical application here, I stop, I assess, I investigate until I am grounded, stable, consistent, processing the practical, realizing the means of separation are the same means of building a gounded and present focus on this physical and practical reality here, as creation.

Romanticizing a relationship Day 761

It is interesting how I am drawn to look at certain things, while at the same time not seeing what is right in front of me that I am telling myself. 

What I have been focused on is processing speeds, as being able to do the math, within the patterns as words, that describe, lol de-scribe , the focus of myself.  I can’t see what is in plain sight, as I am so focused on the pictures and the story that there is not reflection within the whole, as this living reality.

I am a series of relationships, as values, that I hold, to project an idea, which is how the mind works as a web of separation from this practical and physical reality. That is just it. This point that the relationship of values, is the composition of who and what I am as a persona, just as creation is a relationship of values, and just as another as the same, is a relationship of values. Just as I have focused on the constructs of words, and just a s a soap opera is built, so is this the same in what is here, whether in division or in equality to what is real, as the physical. Therefor, I am focusing on an innate understanding of this, taking it apart, and yet not seeing the forest through the trees. On one level, what I am drawn to, is exposing what I am realizing, yet I have gotten so caught up in the idea only. This causes anxiety, as though I am juggling and the balls are getting ahead of me, because I have not remained grounded. 

I also realize that listening to others is very important, to see the patterns, as a math, as a series of relationships that build what I call a scream that is ultimately a longing to be whole. I remember being 12 and being obsessed with this. I wanted to understand the scream, so it is a theme I carry with me, that can also become a distraction, as it is a relationship between values that I have allowed myself to hold. I believe this is probably true of everyone, if they make the choice to look, as the means of separation from being focused and present in the practical is the same. In the stories of information as a series of relationships is both the longing for self and the sequences that separate the self from the real presence of self in awareness, as a focused respect of life, as the physical. 

To jump here, to remembering the death of my husband, I relive the sadness of this, remembering that a part of me thought that a great beauty was lost in his death. And, at the same time the impossibility of realizing why this was not lived. How could this come to  be extinguished? Since this was what I was projecting, this was really myself. What I projected outward was what I was seeing within myself. And to note, that the support of the people around me, after his death, were, to me, these words that did not describe the whole picture. I got to the point where I did not want any pity, and I dd not want to hear supportive statements of regret because they were in no way solving the problem. 

When I allow only the thoughts of and as ‘ there being a great beauty’ and ‘ it is impossible’ to realize this, to sort this out, there is also the voice within me, for as long as I can remember as ‘ NO, this cannot be so.”  My family made fun of this part of me, that person that did not have the answer yet often said in frustration, that what was accepted simply could not be so. I, after all these years on this planet, simply will not give up. 

I can focus on these inner billboard signs as idea, and use them like a life jacket, in a moment, yet the motivation of and as “ this cannot be so’ as the positive, and the negative sense as a form that this is impossible, and that a beauty has been lost as a superiority of and as a good, are forms that can take my focus, and distract me from being simple and normal and present in this reality. This is what and how a mind consciousness works. It is a math, as a sequence of forms as beliefs, opinions and ideas that can become a thing, better known as an idol, that distract from being present and in equality to life. Meaning, one is so present, one has no value judgements, one is practical and in focus on the life. One is in a relationship with all things, understanding their expression in form and function. It is really very simple. The mind exists within stories of good and bad, right and wrong, rise and fall, protagonist and antagonist, antecedent and consequence. Limited, narrowly framed, bound. Nothing to do with balance of sound in form and function. This demands seeing towards creation.  Look at ordering something, it is merely placing things into an order. 

In all, this persona of and as these things, is myself focusing on a lack, and not being here - really listening to this reality. To accept the physical as reality, this life, in expression, would mean I would have no fear of death, because in essence, being here, with this reality as life in expression would mean that there really is no death. It just means listening to here, moving with and as here, as the physical.

Mind consciousness of separation. The language of Trolls Day 760

I notice that I still react to statements in the pejorative. Meaning, when a flood of possible value statements surround me, I feel the pull into a fear in the event. Unless I begin to sort them out.

I was reading letters written against a subject when I noticed a pattern. In the sentences there were statements of fact, that usually described accurate parts of a story, that then went into value judgements, using trigger words of label. In this there was no real description of what was being placed into more pejorative statements, closing in the story towards a polarized moral judgement, and bringing forth a label that one could be placed in should they not agree. 

There is a house across the street from me that was being renovated. There were men taking off the paint on the home. I noticed them every time I walked out to my car, I could not NOT notice them as they were in my direct line of vision.

A couple of times, while I was going to my car, a car on the road stopped and the person in the car asked me why the workers were removing the paint without containing the dust. I also got a phone call about it. The next time someone spoke to me I said that it was something we ALL had to question by asking the local conservation department to look into. I said that if ONLY myself went down and asked, I would most probably not be answered with action. 

Finally, to check, I walked across the street to ask the manager that happened to be there and whom I knew to be the manager because when the renovations first stated he had come to me to tell me about what they were going to do. Thus, when I saw him I went to ask him about the paint removal. I wanted to make sure.

I asked him about the paint, and he immediately said to me; “ You have to be a good neighbor and call the owner, and yes we believe it is lead paint.’ 

I just stood there, taking in this math. I was confused, because I had to decode the suggestion that I ‘ had to be a good neighbor’ with ‘ calling the owner’ and then the noncommittal statement of and as ‘ we believe it is lead paint’ in answer to my query about whether or not they were working with lead paint. 

The way I saw it was that yes, it was lead paint, which is not allowed to be removed but with a containment process- which these workers were not doing. I saw the statement “ I need to be a good neighbor’ as being a positive inflammatory and suggestive statement because should I not call the owner, I was not being a good neighbor, and yet, I was not the one taking off lead paint without containment as an action of regard for the neighbors as myself and the environment. My morality of politeness also hindered me from speaking up. All these conflicting interferences were happening. I can see where most of the time we do not speak up because of this. I feared being considered being a neighbor who was not good. That superseded considering that the real action that was not considerate of myself, my neighbors and the animals and the plants was the removal of lead paint in an open fashion where the dust of which and the chips of which were going everywhere. Manipulation is done with such expression, as words as sound, as a math, visible in plain sight.

I got another phone call about this, and agreed to go to the conservation office. I agreed because it was decided that more than one of us would go. The office met my query with “ Why do you have to be so nosey” 

lol, At this point I was so in disbelief of this, that I no longer cared what the person in front of me thought, and simply talked about the growing rate of children dying from cancer in the area. This calmed the woman down and she agreed to take further action. It was not about reacting to her, it was about painting a picture that supported making sure what were actions in care of the environment were taken. Eventually, they were. I am not sure the builders were fined, but they did come in and vacuum the area etc. 

What also happened was the next morning, when I walked to my car, there was this very large NO TRESPASSING sign stabled to the tree facing my house.  lol

This is what a mind consciousness is and does. This is what a letter written by a troll or a shrill will do and be. There will be these statements that subtly, or not so subtly suggest a label for something should someone not follow what is going on, and at the same time admit to the action. One cannot react to these value judgements and instead, remain within the facts. 

If I focus on the threat, as the suggestion of what I may be considered as, I cannot focus on what is real, on what is practical, remain grounded and not further inflame what is being suggested as who and what I am. 

These fears of being something, as what may be suggested, are a form of interfering with being practical, and if one allows them, or follows them, or reacts to them, one becomes lost, caught in a vortex of emotional fire, as fear, that can no longer remain in practical applications. In this interaction with this neighbor, a whole strew of intimidation as suggestions of what I was being, was made larger than the reality. 

In all, I can understand why this builder did this, because he wanted to make a profit. one way of doing that is to not follow protocol and hope no one notices, and/or uses intimidation devices to inhibit anyone who happens to notice. It is a numbers game, one that works unless we no longer allow it, each one of us. I was not even upset that this builder did not get a fine, because I know he has a family, yet if the town department is not giving this fine to him, and they give it to another, in random fashion, that is not cool. For me, if that lead paint was being cleaned up, that needed to be done. Solve the problem, make it right. 

Obviously within this, some of our actions are not what is best for this world. For a change to happen, we must change what we practice, what we allow. This begins with noticing how words are used. This means noticing where we are acting in the same manner as far as using words to inflame value judgements in protection and defense of self interest before consideration of this physical reality in care and maintenance of it, in ways that allow it to flourish because we cannot exist without it. Also, within what we have allowed as what we have practiced that has accumulated to the extent that children are dying of cancer. 

When I react with, or react towards statements that suggest a label of what I am, am I in any way being practical and considerate of the world around me, as statements of bringing forward solutions that one can follow through into actions ? 

The statements made by the project manager, were so clearly visible in their form. When I slowed down and took this apart, those aspects that were suggestive of a value, had nothing to do with what practically needed to be done, nor did they define who and what I am. 

The next time one reads something one can underline all the inflaming of emotion, pejorative, words and realize what such words trigger in one’s self, to realize that that ideological value more than likely has no practical application in reality, and if anything, it only creates a state of cognitive dissonance as a method of interfering with one’s more natural common sense. 

One can recognize this when one begins to blame things around one as this is an emotional firewall in protection and defense of one’s self interest, instead of being in one’s common sense which is to consider all things, taking that which is good and does no harm as what real presence is and does. 

Our present corporation that has replaced real governance by the people uses this same formula, and even hires writers to target what brings greater clarity in practical applications. This can only work if we allow it, and it began with each of us, because we feared the death of ourselves having forgotten that we are all the same, composed of the same substance.

A mind consciousness system is the self caught in fear, in fear of loss or fear of being labeled as less than, instead of standing in common sense. Is it not time to create self as life, to be equal and one with and as this physical reality as life in expression? Respecting this reality is how we become equal and one to creation, as the physical.