Monday, November 25, 2013

Day 471 A knot in my chest. Not being directive, here.

I have had a knot in my chest, and I have been trying to find a way to work through this. I find I am trying to see how to move myself here without reacting, and I reacted to a couple of things recently in terms of dealing with people. I responded to their minds, instead of directing in simplicity, looking at form and function of the physical world, and how the limitation of the minds causes all manner of emotional storms.
One time I had someone show me how to play something on the violin. And she said, to move with the thing being played gently, at ease, meaning without force. Since that day, I know better to practice in a rushing manner, or with a vision of gain, and instead to move gently, even playing this way, and then adding percussive elements - for example - once the form is understood/felt/integrated. One can learn things much faster this way, it takes a kind of focus that is agreeing to what is being learned without reaction.
It is very gentle - so to speak.
So, I took this and I looked at how I reacted to others. I had given myself a direction with this other person, to lessen their reactions that were creating a lack of self responsibility. When I suddenly, un-expectenutly encountered them, they reacted and I reacted to their reaction, taking it as an affront to myself, which was myself lost in ego, determining myself according to some self possessed entity as idea.
This allowing of myself as an idea so vaporous, and without any movement of self forgiveness.
Not to say what I had decided to say would not have brought the same reaction, but within myself it was a simple directive, one that I used when I was overwhelmed as a single mom.
I was busy in schools, both teaching and going to school, and taking care of my children. I had organized my time; I did not do my school work until 10 at night, and then I allotted two hours to this, every night, which worked out fine because I knew there would be little to no interruption,and I could get a lot done in allotting focus without the possibility of interruption. I also found that I did not get my garbage to the dump. So, one day I drove to the dump and noted the time it took. So, whenever I felt overwhelmed I would tell myself that it took so many minutes to get this done. This lessened the HUGE effort I had turned getting my garbage to the dump, as idea, into. I remember I had to do a lot of this kind of thing at that time in my life, and perhaps this is why I ended up being a destonian because in the process I realized how often I made an emotional mountain out of a molehill task.
This morning I realized this, as I buried myself in an emotional storm, to simply look here and realize how physical reality works, and that I complicate physical reality with the mind.
Realizing this, the knot in my chest moved some, lessened it grip, so to speak, with this very gentle forgiving movement, so tiny. Which begs the question within this process, do I expect huge sudden change, or is the act of being self forgiving  a slight movement that is powerful because it is the simple act of being forgiving with self?
Even here, I notice that righteousness coming up, like a sudden “ problem solved’ scenario and a sense of hopelessness. like this is too small to make a difference. Ironic, in the end it is being forgiving, here, each of us, that will build a heaven on earth. I mean being this simple movement - as I understand it on a very small scale as what it took as a tiny movement to lesson a tension, a pressure, a tiny knot in my chest, is what as a collective  - a cool elective - can stand as where each part would become as brilliant as the whole such would create, so much so that the aggrandizement of self in a bubble based on limited values cannot even begin to compete.

Desteni I Process Lite Free

What are your emotions and feelings doing to YOU!

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