Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Day 587 Who am I within the systemic culture of women Day 2 Self Forgiveness and Practical Application

My reactions to women commiserating cont. Day 2
Going down that road of commiserating, leads to more problems than it is worth, or so I believe.  Situations such as this are fickle and can change in a heartbeat. I believe that such creates a burden where one should be there when that which one has built an emotional understanding with wants answer to it’s cause, no matter the time of day, or no matter what one is doing. The demands  of support to sustain are as intense as the changeability is fickle when the emotional bond becomes a hinderance.  Thus, I reject what I believe will enable my own survival, creating unnecessary conflict in my behaviors  within myself in the form of mental back chat, weighing options and trying to find variables that lead to the least amount of consequence. So busy with this inner value system, that I ignore practical reality, and acts of investigation that seek evaluation and  examination in practical terms, realizing that emotional and feeling bodies are a fear of loss and the justifications to counter a fear of loss of a self defined value in self interest without considering the value being life as physical beingness. Hence, emotional feeling values in self interest are not sustainable and volatile. Thus, I become the belief that to keep the enemy near is better than not knowing what is going on socially. The conflict within me is to run, because this consumes, and, at the same time, to remain, to guard against the fickle nature of self definition in self interest as energy. In all, this is why the physical is the gift of life, because it is creation in form, and it is this that is real and constant because what works is what causes no harm, which is what respects the gift of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a value system of self interest as energy in and as my mind consciousness system, my program of survival in separation from practical physical reality.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become occupied with a loss of self definition without investigation within and as the physical, to evaluate and examine what would bring ease within and as realizing that the value is life, as the physical, to see, realize and understand  what causes no harm, and what is practical in support of all life, as the solution.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that “ I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from the physical into and as an idea that I must stay to survive, as in catering to emotional values of another, and that I may lose something if I walk away and do not accept emotional values.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a persona of survival, in and as allowing emotional feelings values without investigation into what is practical as what is best for all, an actual consideration and respect for the physical world, which is to realize all life as being the value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotional values are a threat to my existence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional values, and react to counter them in self interest.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  emotional values that I resist and  at the same time move towards in protection and self defense are of idea, and opinion, and belief, composed of a polarity as idea of “ if I am not looking like this, or giving of sympathy only as this, or acknowledging an emotion as something real to consider and pity only, then I am not a part of the game and as such will be eliminated”, when this overall, is stagnant because it considers only my personal gain and does not take the space and time in relation to actual physical existence to move into what expands one/myself out of the limited belief, where I can, actually, without fear, become equal to the limited belief and assess the parameters of idea and the fear of loss as idea only, and practically walk what would enable a sense of ease, the practical steps necessary to see solutions that give a sense of expression and self direction which is to focus on the physical as being life and here, to accept and view the mind for what it is, as being a matrix made larger than life that is a  disconnect from practical reality, here, and as such can realize itself as life through self forgiveness, writing out a constructed belief system and move into self correction as to focus here, on practical reality here.
When and as I find myself believing that I  am damned if I don’t and damned if I do” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize that the “ what if’s” as thoughts within and as me, of judgement in fear of loss as idea,  and projections of spite and blame and a general overall sense lacking ease, and as such a physical sense of conflict and friction, where I become unstable and exist as a movement of instability like a subtle sense of “ vibration” within and as me as my physical body, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess practically what is here, and to realize here that I have over time allowed the conflict to seem so real, that the change appears as an illusion, when it can be taken in sequence of beliefs of what is more and what is less, a spin in comparison,  an overall act of separation and storminess in a bubble and here I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, and I realize that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow and that the polarities of good and bad, can be walked into a practical application of what is best for all, as the physical world, within what does not harm.  
When and as I find a sense of anxiety rising up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I apply a practical application, the way and the means to align myself to and as within respect of life, to actualize self direction in self empowering ways , that are often simple, and able to be done, here, that give space and time for the emotion to open up and move in self directive ways, which for many may seem as a “ novel” experience as the self movement as mind has become a habit, which means an automated movement, but as such was constructed, and can be realized and brought back to earth and changed within looking here, at practical reality and respecting life,  realizing that we are all the same, and that the physical is the gift of life, as this is creation.

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