Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.
I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out. There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight” And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens. Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.
When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.
When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.
When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life, built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.
When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.
When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.
When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.