Friday, December 5, 2014

Day 588 Who I am within the Systemic Culture of Women Day 3

Day 3

My assessment of emotional bondings between people/woman may , at times, be correct, but the reaction I have towards it is not a solution. I end up just moving into a silent morality based on my own past of having done the same and not wanting to admit to it and to instead become brutally self honest and calling a cup a cup. My projections are my imaginations, which is built of my past actions. I mean I am projecting using my own experience, thus judging my own past behaviors where I did the same. I used emotional ties to survive. Which means I used emotional bonds to escape a fear as an idea only that in reality was a split from common sense of which the physical is the ground of and as.  This probably started as a child, where I had not yet developed the words to express myself.
Emotional ties that do not move into a solution, are not real bonds, they are too volatile and really have no strength.  Because emotions are so volatile and fickle, imagine a child having to learn to face them? Many adults cannot deal with such volatility and fickleness! As a child, I would probably agree to emotions, because it would be better to agree and wait for the storm to burn out than to attempt to answer. I have become the adult that lead to my own behavior. I can blame no one else and the only  choice is to self realize, and for each to do the same, because this behavior is what is the limitation and has no real justification, even if it is not directly my individual “ fault” as some may believe. 
On another front. what I must realize and watch for, to self correct with every breath is the  problem that  what I have accepted and allowed has become a layered construct of such self interest without common sense as an automated habit, that if not addressed creates a behavior of limitation, and since this is an insecure movement, it remains until one learns to walk in practical common sense of what is real, as the physical world as this is where we all live, I mean this is what is here as what we see, without which we are not here! Why engross capacity within such limitation as mind ignoring natter?
Imagine facing me, as I am within a storm of emotion, where I am so busy projecting values about what another is doing without investigation that I see nothing else?  As parents and adults, within emotional reactions, that we believe to be so real, as I have done, would it not be hard for a child to speak up past such projections that are really acts of spite and blame in a paranoid fear of loss that in the end has no real standing in the actual living experience on a physical world? No, they don’t. 
Imagine leaving work after a very stressful day. Imagine having gotten a phone call at work where something happened to one of your children, or a good friend and you become very upset. As you walk to your car, in your state of all manner of projections, such as imagining the worse case scenario, and a whole slew of back chat going on in your mind about the problems at work that had made the day so difficult. Are the thoughts about who did or did not do this or that, and/or how could this or that person have said this or that?  So, all of this mental distraction of judgement based on a fear of losing some  idea of how self is defined, as the voices of spite spin around in your mind, that the presence of self is absent, so one is absent from presence as being a physical expression of life, from common sense of one’s surroundings, and as such drops the car keys in the snow, or does not sense how windy it really is and loses a bunch of papers from work as the wind’s acknowledgement is blocked through an absence of sensing physical reality as one is busy in the mind only. So, not only are the keys dropped, but the papers fly off into the distance. This all causes more problems, because one is so lost in fantasy as the mind, that a common sense of reality is lacking and mishaps occur as one does not use physical sensibilities to gage reality as the mind seems more real. In other words, a lack of physical presence causes more problems, and problems cannot be solved when the movement is into judgements, into spite and blame based on judgements. overall, nothing is grounded. In reality, solutions can only be carried out here, with the physical. 
In judging two or more in an intimate conversation, this drama is in my mind, having no basis in practical reality. It is myself comparing values as ideas about who and what I am, with worst case scenario outcomes should the ideas I have about myself be lost, all of this happening without any respect for life, for the physical. It is an emotional storm in a bubble and that is all. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are within their own self interest conspiring against me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are conspiring against the ideas I have about myself as an accepted and allowed self induced construct of belief as mind made larger than life, and as such disrespectful of physical reality, that which is the means of myself as life here, and for this I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not respect what is obviously right here in front of me, as the physical, as this is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the emotions of another, to believe that there is no recourse for the emotions of another, or a group.
I forgive myself for not having listened and realized such  as a separate entity of belief,  to the voices in and as a construct as my mind, a resonant construct built of values of what would make me more than another, or of values that would lead to myself being a success as idea only without practical consideration of what it means to get things done in this physical practical reality, causing myself to reject as an appearance and  personification as idea that which I believed would not build a personification of acceptance to survive, a game in a bubble of self interest and occupation as energy as emotion and compounded emotion as a separate creation within built of values known as feeling energy, a false positive that I believe is directive of myself as life, all of which is really my own conspiracy in separation from practical physical reality, thus I project what I believe as mind, a limitation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how acknowledging emotions as a way to build relationships to survive is so consuming, and becomes such a habit that what is right in front of me as practical reality is ignored causing all manner of consequence as emotions are unstable as energy lacking a stability that is sound and as such gentle, directive and sustainable, as having the presence of mind equal to the physical - to all life, that all life is considered and respected which would lead to what can withstand the test of time, and occupy all the senses to the point where a life would be lived to the fullest.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand as an energetic storm within and as my mind of conspiracy instead of accepting myself as life, being practical here, equal and one in respect of creation, which is physical.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept the gift of life which is to have a presence of mind equal to the physical, in all common sense.
I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I am what I judge, as I am within and as being reactive towards others, a reaction within myself, based on limited belief, opinion and idea,  a conspiracy of my own volition, as mind, having not considered the physical the pii cycle, the circle of life, the sound of life,  as the physical here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move as the circle of life as what stains and supports that which is the means of expression as life, as the physical, which is a practical living.
When and as I sense a film, so to speak, of gloom and doom, an idea of loss as a weighted substance - so to speak, coming down from my head across my physical body, a sinking down sensation, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize within taking the time to assess my self constructed and allowed habituated thoughts built of ideas, limited and made huge and as such a heavy weight that takes time to enlighten with practicality, and as such, I stop, I breath, I slow way down, and forgive the thoughts of unworthiness, of fear of loss, of loss of hope for an ideological gain,  of a belief in an end game based on lack of depth perception, as a mutation of myself as a personification only, and I stop and ground myself here, into practical physical reality, accepting the gift of life, and I take the time to self correct, paying attention to my voice, until I am stable here, until I have investigated practical reality within and as moving emotional separation into what gives self direction in ways that does no harm as this is accepting the self, empowering the self as life, here.
When and as I believe that responsibility is difficult I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down as reality as the physical is a common sense structure as the means of creation, visible, understandable, practical.
When and as I find being responsible as a physical being is difficult, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am here, an adult,  a living being, who can evaluate, examine, practical physical reality as this is the means of life, this physical reality is life in creation, as what a real parent would give as the gift of life, directly here, right in front of me, where heaven and earth were one and equal in all practical common sense.
When and as I find emotions accumulating in my solar plexus manifest as a building pressure, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand this sole/soul construct as a separate yet self accepted and ideologically driven entity in separation from practical reality, as my disrespect of life as the physical, and as such, my own rejection and thus state of lack of responsibility for life, as the physical, as my self separating from being practical here.
When and as I find myself reacting to emotions, either responding as emotion in fear of loss and abdication of self  responsibility, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand what is a practical movement/directive that can withstand the test of time as what supports self empowerment as a common sense of what it means to be practical here.

When and as I allow an inferiority of belief that i am potentially being eliminated, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize the limited values of such a belief construct are built of my past, as a child, and not what I am here, as I can ground myself here in physical reality and become self directive in self honesty, within and as practical application within what is best for all, as what sustains, as what withstands the test of time.

No comments:

Post a Comment