Moving from the big to the small.
A point opened up where I realize that I had judged some actions as being tedious. Looking at this in relation to what I am doing in my life, I realized that I had a belief that some of the required actions were tedious, and yet there I was talking about moving from the big to the small. Someone asked me a question, about sentences, and I realized that sentences are made up of words, thus, if I know the words, the small, I can then see the sentence.
Slowing down to realize the implication of this might cause a resistance within myself, because I have to change my belief, and move my ability to perceive. One could say, I have to refine my perception.
This is a process of slowing down, becoming smaller, moving through the layers of belief that I have accumulated; conceptions of reality, learned in a system where I became the measure of my practice, which is years of being in classroom moving as thinking only and in front of televisions telling me a story that I allowed myself to believe was the real story when it was not. It was so often a limited story, not going into the detail of the real measure of living a physical life. I accepted and believed the anecdotes of extreme cases used to justify the mean as the accepted and allowed measure of reality from the ubiquitous projection of someone else’s take on this practice of living in a physical reality. Meanwhile, reality was right there, right in front of me. I can blame no one but myself, because I accepted and allowed the measure of me to become the response of another. I followed instead of investigated, I abdicated my own common sense, I gave away ownership of myself as life, I ignored practical reality.
One thing I run to and towards is a desire for intimacy. Though this is all around me, as me, as a physical state of being. By intimacy I mean, simply being in a mode of communication that flows with ease, the practice of understanding coming before competition.
Overall, in the moment, I will watch for this sense of something being tedious, because this is my accepted and allowed belief system, as a measure that is not equal to practical living. This sense of something being tedious, is the source as my accepted inner measure that separates me from what I seek, which is intimacy in all my actions in this physical life. The way and the means of intimacy, is to breath when this sense, as the measure of my belief as energies of my accepted mind construct, of something being tedious comes up, to slow myself down, to make myself small, to humble myself, to forgive the construct, and look to the parts and the whole, to become the walk of intimacy with life, as life must be information and that information is physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a belief that something is tedious.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become overwhelmed in and as a belief that something is tedious.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I am as mind, as belief, as the measure of my accepted understanding within as knowledge and information, must be cross referenced with the practice of living a physical information as what life would be, and within this to slow down, to become small, to become humble, to sense here, to enjoy the intimacy I have the capacity to be, as this is myself as life as what I am here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to tense within and as me, as what I have practiced again and again, repeated again and again as this is how I learned and all in separation from the intimacy of the physical as what I am as the means of life in expression in information, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that the rush of belief is a desire for something based on a construct, an agenda built of ideas that mis-take the practice of living and respecting life, rejecting values, ignoring them, as I rush to an inner idol believed to be more real than what is right here in front of me as me as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become an energy composed of a belief in one value being more than another, and then becoming uncertain and defensive when my limited value does not fit into reality, or is not received as I expected.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is something more than being here, in respect of physical life, as this is life information.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that as I compose myself into a formation within and as me as a belief, focus on this belief, this idea, without cross reference to life, as the physical, I am using my imagination, to compose the presence of myself into a limited idea without consideration of the reality around me that enables my self to exist as the physical is creation information, the eye of the needle, the way and the means to becoming equal and one to creation, as the physical is life information, as this is that which can withstand the test of time, and what I accept and allow as idea, within and as me, only, is not, my personification is myself in separation, moving into ideas, separating myself from being present here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that if I move as my within construct to be more than the physical, I misuse the muse of me as life, and separate myself from life, creating an alternate reality as mind, that consumes the flesh as my walking story I project within and as me , as ego, becomes my televised edition of reality within and as me, that sucks the life out of me, until I die a death instead of transform into and with and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this composition within and as me, tenses the muscles within and as me, making myself rigid, stuck, a practice which has become the very movement within habituated like a record of behavior practiced again and again, which takes an effort to slow down, and reform, deconstruct and begin to move as something more flexible within and as change in every moment here, walking the practice of considering all things and taking that which is good.
When and as I find myself tensing up within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see , realize and understand where I am in judgment.
When and as I find myself moving into tensing up within and as me, assessing my breath, in every moment, I stop and I slow down and I breath, to ground myself into realizing that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, and that I am here, able to sense the physical world around me, to assess what I am within, and what is without, even within the limitations as resistance in another, to gage where I am in relation to another through asking questions, taking the time to equalize in understanding, here, and to move into solutions as in move into what is best for all, here.
When and as I find myself moving into a morality based on conditioning that I accepted and allowed, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, to see realize and understand respect for all things, as life as the physical, taking that which is good and does no harm.
When and as I find myself becoming tense within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, I assess what is here in measure, and move through my own accepted and allowed fear of survival into a measure that is best for all, through assessing the creation of myself within in separation from reality and what it means to be grounded here, in respect of physical reality as the means of myself as life here.