Saturday, May 2, 2015

Day 623 Oblivion: the sense of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed experience.

Oblivion: The state of being disregarded or forgotten. Feeling overwhelmed.

I am the measure of what I accept and allow. The memory of me, as the measure of me, determines the movement of me here. If I have a voice in my mind, as a measure, as an entity, as a thing, though of imagination, of a fluid, rushing heard-only-by-me within sound, it cannot possibly be what is real here. It is ‘real’ to me, and me only, it is a constructed perception of this reality because it comes from my perception of this world I live within, this world I am now a adult human being within. I am a man, and this is the hue within and as me as my experiences accumulated. I mean, what does the adage mean ‘ the sins of the fathers”? I think of sine and tangent and cosine, from my days in geometry.  Something about angle relationships. And ‘sinus’ meaning curve, and in Arabaic meaning ‘ pocket size’ . Somehow all word play describing the curve of memory, something that can fit into a pocket, somehow characteristics of what memory is. One must remove any value to memory, and see it for what it is without adding a value to it. It will remain, will not go away.  Listen to the voices in your head when you feel fearful, they curve you away from being practical, they distract, take attention, and they fit into the pocket that is you as a living physical form here on this earth. They are a measure of reality, a relationship made from an experience, done with ordering a set of values, not necessarily a bad thing overall. It is the limitation of values without considering the value being life here, as being physical. One thing about the mind, and about our system, is that we are impulsed to believe in being perfect immediately, a by product of instant gratification in a consumerist society. And, an indicator of our own lost sense of space and time in consideration as equal practice with being physical beings here.  And yet, what we long for is connection with others, just as children long to participate in a classroom.  
Ever stood on the sides and become inwardly agitated while listening to a conversation in the center of the group on which side you stand? Can you sort out what it is you are reacting to in detail, or does the agitation take over, and a sense of frustration and then a voice of criticism composed of terms, as words, as ideas, pointing out what is right and what is wrong and then moving into creating/voicing a story about the individual speaking, or the others in the ‘ inner’ part oft the group? Is this process of delineation ( which is what is it is) creating borders to  order in self interest as belief, or is this cross referenced with this reality, to sort and create into a collective understanding that unites and gives productive sustainable direction and order?  This is the measure of self, as idea, belief and opinion. It seems too real, and it is . Yet, it is a measure of understanding, based on judgement, composed of values of good and bad about the things around one, and this becomes a relationship as belief, that then becomes the experience of oneself, and if repeated, because we learn through spaced repetition, this becomes the signature of oneself, and the voice of oneself, and then if this does not direct with clarity, it causes problems because this signature lacks consideration of all things, and thus mis-takes, as things not considered, accumulate and one becomes locked in a valley, of shadows of good and evil, of right and wrong, and the clouds accumulate as this inner measure, until the ground, as the valley is no longer visible. It is like, we become the smoke in this metaphorical valley, and we dissipate because we become what we think about, what we form ourselves as, or allow ourselves to be formed as, because we can blame no one, as we are capable of reforming ourselves  with that same substance that forms the separation. This is the gift of life. The media cannot form the storm of you, unless you accept and allow it. It is by consent that we accept the story as the measure of what is happening in this world presented by our media. Without investigating reality in detail, we cannot blame another for ourselves, as a movement, accepting what is presented.

This reminds me of someone I knew growing up. They worked with all different races of people. They enjoyed working with them, and nurtured them within the building of awareness within a specific field. So, on the ground, they cared and directed within their understanding. Yet, when talking generally about things, as the socio-economic scenarios that were dictated via media with all manner of justifications and reasons, with all kinds of limited relationships made, they objectively looked at the same races they intimately directed in every day life and therefor understood the capacity of the person, yet viewed the same collective of people as being lacking in ability as a whole. The contradiction made no sense, because non the  ground, their token exposure to various races, was of a completely different experience. The relationships lived on the ground, in the every day, told a different story than the relationships made as groups on the media. And no attention to the details of the system was conveyed that would cause a man to become limited in their development , or frustrated with living. A man must have the basics to live, and the opportunity to build awareness as in being exposed to all measure of reality to become a capable person. This is understood, thus lack cannot be what defines a person and then punished for being that lack because this is not addressing the absence of what is needed to redirect the awareness of that in lack to no longer missing what is needed to be self directive in ways experienced in our immediate communities when we interact with that same race that happens to be in a situation where there is opportunity for development!

I practice self forgiveness, as the means to the end of an inner understanding being unequal to understanding practical reality. As I practice this forgiving of myself, I become what I practice, and I begin to ground myself here, realizing the necessity of respecting life, as in, with every breath, living the full measure of this existence, to become and be equal and one to life, to realize the full potential of what it means to bring heaven, my little heaven in and as the measure of my acceptances and allowances within, as my accumulated experience, as what I believe that I am,  as the very measure of my understanding, to ground this, to cross reference, to realize and be thankful in all humility, everything that is here around me as this actual , real physical world as this is the very means of me being here in expression as life. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have judged this gift of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the preciousness of this gift.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to be ashamed of what I have ignored that is right in front of me, as this gift of life, to be and interact, to connect and live, to become understanding that is whole and respectful that can exist within and as the ease of what being humble is in movement here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have not seen, realized and understood, the separation from myself as life that I have accepted through fear of being self honest here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself  to define myself as limited experiences instead of using the measure of my experience to open myself to understanding what it means to live a physical manifestation of life as life would be here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand as I stood on the edge of community, that the experience of me as my memory, as the measure of my understanding,  was just this, and to have in abdication of myself as life, judged the measure presented instead of assessing this measure and cross referencing reality in respect of all life, to realize creation, as in taking that which is good and does no harm, as that which is a measure that considers all things, to direct in ways that bring solutions, as solutions are what sustains and expands existence in all parts, a collective interaction that realized in all humility that it is all parts standing as two or more in the name of life, which is the physical, that is the strength and building of heaven on earth.
When and as I find myself filled with an energetic movement of resistance, or of a tension in the back of my head, or in my chest, or a movement of pressure as contraction within and as me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, and accept the voices in and as miming, the complaint of my inequality to life, the complain of my lack of understanding, and I see realize the blame and spite I place on objects as reflections in my mind of stories, where I lame myself as life, in fear of being self honest, in fear of standing equal and one in respect of living here.
When and as I find myself becoming confusion and an agitated sense of frustration, I stop, I slow down, I allow the fury of my accepted and allowed separation into and as mind to subside, as I forgive the raging measure of limitation composed of beliefs of more than and less than, and I ground myself until I am silent, calm, humble, and I sense the measure of here, as reality, here as the physical, and I assess, I investigate until  I can direct myself in consideration of all things, realizing that this will take practice because from the get go, and from the accumulation of the sins-of-the-fathers, I must act with care and humility to begin to expand in a common sense of the physical world here.
When and as I find myself unable to be directive with clarity as with a sense of ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed an overwhelming sense of oblivion, thus, I slow way down and bring myself here, to ground myself here in the moment, and I stabilize in and with my breath, and forgive the limited measures as polarized beliefs, opinions and ideas, used to suit myself in survival in separation from accepting this physical world as life information here, and here I slow down, and use my common sense, to investigate and assess reality here, to realize in practice until this becomes a constant that can withstand the test of time, to be figuring with and as every breath here, to realize in thought word and deed equality and oneness to and as life here.
When and as I find myself lacking in humility and ease, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I investigate within and without, to ground myself into this moment here, to accept the gift of creation, as the physical, as this is the way and the means of life, and for this I am grateful, here.
When and as I find myself existing within and as a sense of oblivion,I  stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I forgive myself to the measure of my accepted and allowed experience within and I cross reference the measure of what it means to be life, as life is a physical manifestation in expression as life would, and I realize the overwhelming nature that is the forgetfulness of oblivion, and I breath, I slow down, I humble myself until my breathe is calm, and I can begin to sense the within as my accepted measure and the without as this means of my being here, the physical, and I cross reference, until I can assess what is here and what directives consider all things and take that which is good, until I am equal and one with and as self forgiveness as is the nature of me as life, into what is constant in respecting the physical within and without, to become a constant in respect as self forgiveness to reality here.

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