Friday, May 12, 2017

I become what I allow Day 757

Today I am going to look at self pity, that heavy and slow belief that one is not good enough.  It is composed of projecting an idea that one cannot do something. 

There are two points here as I see it, one is that one focuses on the lack, that something cannot be done, and another is that that focus denies one from problem solving. This means that one does not have enough information to walk what would be moving towards a goal that one has. 

Imagine if one is playing a piece of music, and does this. In this respect one simply stops playing, or gets lost if one is moving in a performance. One gets stuck. Obviously, one cannot go into self pity, because one cannot then focus on self pity and what one is doing. The self pity creates a lag that eventually catches up as it grows and takes the attention away, and then one gets lost. One is not focused on the real information.

I would want to hide this self pity. I would not want anyone to know. And, in this moment, I realize that when I expressed self pity, the outcome was usually not what removed the self pity. Looking at that self pity, and finding solution to remove it was the only way out. 

What self pity, the state of feeling sorry for one’s self, does is show us that we become what we allow. We become the math of what we allow within us. What we allow -as an idea, that is most likely one of resistance to more information - takes on a life of its own, it becomes a time-line of and as a conversation within, as a holding onto a belief. Just as a action or movement of being focused and moving in the presence of what is real and composed of as this physical world into consistent focus can build real understanding, This is understanding that is clear stable and able to be spoken about with clarity, A story line of self pity if not cleared becomes a series of movements directed by that self pity, which is a focus on a lack that perpetually seeks validation that never solves the problem and change of focus that would remove the self pity. One builds an entity in separation. One becomes an event horizon of movements in separation from being focused on reality. This leads to stagnation and behaviors of protecting that self pity, creating justifications for it. It has a sluggish processing quality to it as well.

In so many ways, this is why the physical, as the real and tangible world around us is a cool starting point, because it is what we all share that grounds us into what moves as creation, to realize what we allow within ourselves. It is to say that we need one another to have an equal starting point, which is why only allowing what does not harm is so important.

Also, what I notice, is that when one is in some emotional and feeling entity within as belief, there is this shakiness that actually does not feel like a constant, that does not feel stable. I ask myself what this is and realize that I can use this to understand what I am standing as, because what I have found is that this is a fear, it indicates where I am not at ease, where I am not being really focused on the practical to the point where I feel calm about looking at what is here and voicing my perspectives with ease, even if my insights in the moment are not what is best, I don’t worry about whether that insight is going to be accepted or not. Sometimes in such situations, I may bring an insight forward that is not ultimately accepted yet it triggers more insight leading to solutions. Also, I don’t always feel the need to input some perspective, which is okay too.  

That sense of shaking, is a cool red flag in what I am allowing within me. It is where I can slow down, realize any defense in the form of a thought of justification, or a physical resistance, and breath, check myself to see why I am not being stable, and at ease. It is where i can look to realize what i have allowed that has become a story within me, as a belief, and check what that movement is, as energy, indicating fear, indicating where I am not looking in practical presence of physical living, and remove a focus on a lack, and accept a focus on the practical reality. 

Thus, a un-quiet movement within myself, that can be sensed as a state of instability, is actually myself lacking being focused in and on reality. When I notice this, it means to slow down and look at what is practical. It means to slow down and look at what information I have allowed to define me, and to look at the means of the default overall ALSO being the means of the correction as taking the time to investigate what has caused this lack of focus and finding the means that direct this lack into greater certainty in action, and focus on that solution, Then it means to rescript that solution, to make it more real than the resonant story/voice/focus of insecurity.  I mean, this is the same action that one uses, as presence to move one’s self into greater understanding, it is how things are built. Nothing can direct one but what one accepts and allows. Thus each is responsible for what is within the self. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand any and all times I become a visibly sensorial presence of uncertainty within and as myself, that has the quality of a shaky feeling, a sense of a seemingly intangible vibration within me, and to not see, realize and understand that this is myself, as what i have accepted and allowed to define me, as a separation from being present and practical in this living reality, this physical reality, here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this is myself not being focused and present here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that within this I can recognize this, slow down, breath, call this out by name, and correct, which can be done by recognizing the name of the uncertainty causing me to shake, and finding the math, the word, the means of what focuses me here, in the practical, in the moment, of which, I have breath to allow me to remain present to see realize and understand what I am allowing within and as me, as this is understood as to how this all works, as allowing the fear to grow is the same that allows presence to remain here. 

When and as I find myself beginning to shake within and as me, I stop, I slow down and I breath, I stand firmly on the ground and focus here, not resisting what i have allowed, simply realizing it for what it is, and slowing down to be present in this reality as the physical, realizing that what I allow to exist is what I allow to build within me, that comes to define me, and to, within breath, to self correct through accepting the life that is me, one and the same, as the physical reality here. 

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