Day 618 Self Pity is Self Righteousness

Self pity is self righteousness.

At time I go into self-pity, which is really a form of self righteousness, because after I have believed something as been done to me, or something has not moved in he way I expect. I move into self pity, which is making what I believe to be a right, which is self righteousness. Simple.

It is to justify and make myself feel better. What it is not, is assessing a situation and looking at what is practical in this reality.

For example, we learn through practice and exposure, within this we build understanding that then allows us to become more self responsible in the practice of living, especially the ability to consider all things to ensure that no harm is done. This is right in front of us.

This involves no self pity what-so-ever. A cup is a cup.

When I allow myself to become righteous with self pity, I am adding value judgements, and justifying these judgements with what is blame and spite, which is projecting fault onto past actions because what I wanted was not immediately accepted. Also, to realize that if so many are moving as value judgements, which our present profit based system is the systemic manifestation of as what I as a human have allowed and is causing this, then reacting to a world of men hued with judgeMENt in self interest, as self pity within myself, is just more of the same.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into self pity.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self pity is self righteousness.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that self righteousness is self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in the order of respecting life, it is to take that which is good and does no harm, as this is the behavior of being equal and one to and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing some idea about myself, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is myself in stagnation and not being fluid as in being equal and one with and as life here, which is this physical world in expression as the formation of life here, a form that is interconnected, circulating and giving as the very building blocks of and as it exist in abundance here, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to move into protection and self defense, as in constricting in and around my shoulder blades to fear standing equal and one with and as life here, within and as a belief that really has no substance, as it exists as energy as belief,  instead of remaining here, in the practice of assessing the actual real physical world here, to become the practice of the expression of life as myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take value judgement personally.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to personally make value judgements in justification of a belief that I am right and what does not accept me as what I believe as being wrong.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I become the very measure of my belief, which means that I become the measure of my exposure, which means that I can learn, which means that if what I learn as what I accept to believe does not consider all things and take that which is good and does no harm in thought word and deed, then my limitations are the consequence of my beliefs that i have accepted and allowed, an act of self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within the practice of living here, it is to speak up in common sense, to stand in common sense, as I can learn, as I can investigate all things and take that which is good and does no harm, as this allows a constancy the is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, and here, to remain within the script of this as how we accept and allowed what we become as what we accept, and to stand as solution in and as aligning with what is best for all, realizing how this process functions here.

When and as  I find myself moving into self pity which is righteousness, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand that there is nothing to protect and instead to stand as what I am as life as a physical being,  understanding that I become the measure of my exposure and what I accept and allowed as value judgement or as reactions to value judgements, that cannot define me unless I accept and allow them and to with every breath, cross reference how we learn and what we accept and what is the solution within and as what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself becoming an emotion of self pity, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I see, realize and understand through assessing what I have allowed as the measure of myself within as belief, and I cross reference my self interest within the real practice of living on a physical planet here, to realize in thought word and deed that which takes that which is best and does no harm here, to realize equality and oneness with and as life here, to build a world that step by step realizes the practical application of respect for the physical as this is life, and to do only that which does no harm, here.

Day 448 Self Corrective Statements for Indolence

When and as I find myself within a thought that I am not understood, I stop and I breath, and I realize where I did not direct myself and instead allowed myself to become uncertain - in separation as uncertainty - and/or exist as a belief that I somehow missed something and thus “ did something wrong” as a consequence of an earlier thought and/or  thought that what I was/am doing is impossible, and/or labeled the other as limited/ignorant/stupid all such inner actions a separation away from the moment within and as such a road to self righteousness, justification, into characters of projection and self abdication of life, and as such all that I can do is forgive my separation and realize that I can only be a solution within and as being directive within the principle of what is best for all, this which is directive and humble, and which is going to take some practice, as the venues of a polarity system have been my accepted and allowed con-dition.

When and as I find myself going into a movement of projection I see realize and understand that I am rejecting myself as life, pushing away a “ bad” and justifying within a good as myself  believing the fault is not mine, here I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that I am equal to all life, and as this the choice is solution as what is best for all.

When and as I find myself hesitating to direct myself within my environment, I stop and I breath, and I take an evaluation within what I am able to order within where I am, and I do not allow myself to obsess over where I am, and I stop and I breath, and I - take the time to walk every day- and I  realize the steps I am able to complete within the framework of a day and not expect more than this, and I do not allow myself to wonder into and as my mind pondering why certain expectations have not been met as this is not myself being directive but allowing myself to separate into self pity, and character escapades in and as justification, self righteousness, inferiority, projection all of which are not directive here within and as the principle of what is best for all.

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Day 178 rejection through having judged

Day 178
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all judgements are an act of protection and defense, all thought are a delineation of myself from taking a physical action that is in communion with and as life here in and as breath.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to perpetuate the act of myself as a child, being in comfort of attention and energetic excitement as a feel good high, where the loss of this created a fear become anger as reaction, the sequence of which was in and as itself an act of separation from here, a development of myself from here, where I then began the behavior of survival, mimicking the influences as the same behaviors as all that was accepted and allowed within the social structures of the human, as the world within which I was born and bore as a self definition in separation from myself as life, where life was the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the thought that my parents needed pity and/or thought less of me, not seeing realizing and understanding their ownaddictions to finding solace in all that was known to them as the seeking of a feel good within and as themselves, an existence within a bubble of self interested realignment to a state of bliss as innocence, where this expression as life was not given development within expression in and as this physical world and instead developed into a inner feeling of bliss that required constant validation as it was not constant, as this was not an inner action of unity with all life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind reflects the ideas,beliefs, and opinions of loss and thus is the sign of separation, yet the human has made the sign of separation what is real, not seeing realizing and understanding the true nature of what the mind is in fact.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the only choice is to face this separation as the signifier of what is feared being lost as the illusion, and thus the means of placing self into and as life, here - as though what is the divider is the guide, as the thing separating shows what it is as its nature, and thus reveals what it is, as actions cannot be hidden because they are an act and have a consequence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take my thoughts and use them to beat others into submission to and towards my own thoughts as the signifiers of my separation, in an attempt to make my separation valid and real, not seeing realizing and understanding that in one way this is making my fear more important and valid than another’s fear, because my hurt and injustice was greater than another’s, when this is the nature of injustice made huge not realizing it is “in just” not understanding what is the reality of this actual physical world and self as life within and as this, and all that is here is to support those who managed to control and build the biggest pyramid of separation from themselves as life as this is the system accepted and allowed that must stop and realign to and towards what is best for all through actual research of this physical world absent a system of profit that is structured to allow a few to horde what is given freely by this earth as this earth is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that interaction with the mind as justifier and screamer of my hurt is greater than your hurt, is one long crying whine/whincing/ manipulating of self physically, and is the very act of separation from being one and equal to what is here, to actually learn and become an expression in and as life, that which is really sought by all that are here, as this physical world, yet the separation is what is believed to be real. WTF
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not stop, within and as breath, to see, realize and understand the mechanics of the mind, through listening and reading what desteni presents as how the mind functions, where self forgiveness, corrective application and writing are the tools to see what has been accepted as a quantum mind to stop the separation from actual physical common sense of this physical world into and as existing within a separate inner reality within a belief that thoughts are real and have value, and the state of this world reveals that thoughts have no value other than indicating how delusional and separate from reality man has become, and how this separation serves self interest, where a few have managed to collect more than in their own self interest as they are separate from life where the only choice is to realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in growing up what was often said between my father and I was that having another pour their emotions and feelings out was crude, as this was an act of self interest and a manipulation, where I learned to “push back” on this instead of looking at the separation that it was admitted that this was, as it is a device of manipulation as seen in the documentaries Psywar/ a Century of Self/ The Trap which reveal how this is used, how the fanning of emotions into and as desires as beliefs of what is needed to make self more than and satisfied is in the self interest of consumerism and has no directive to and towards an awareness of how this physical world actually functions to become one and equal with and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the anger towards this as a judgement is myself in fear of facing how emotions and feelings are a separation from life, of facing my own accepted and allowed emotions and feelings as accumulated thoughts as desires wants and needs that have no actual direction within and as becoming one and equal to and as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize, in practice, with and as every breath, self forgiveness and corrective application as the tools of support to bring myself here to become one and equal to what is actually here and face whatever emotion, thought and feelings within and/or without to stand within the directive principle of what is best for all, where through breath and common sense this is not difficult as this is equality and oneness with and as life, and therefor, what is best for all and what is best for self, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the emotions and feelings cannot touch me unless I accept and allow them to as they are energy, unable to sustain themselves without constant validation and voice and thus have no constancy within and as common sense.
Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have back chat in and as my mind, in indignation, as “ Don’t pour your emotions all over me” or “How dare you waste my time with your self pity” and / or “Get the fuck away from me” or “ How dare you ask me in your insipid voice to tell me that I am hurting your feelings - this just makes me want to gag and roll my eyes” as such back chats are in many ways myself just wanting my own emotions and feelings to be center stage.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to regret ever having existed as such a personification of my own self interests in abdication of myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this character of indignation categorized my emotions and feelings as having more value than another’s emotions and feelings, and yet there was a grain of truth within and as this, that emotions and feelings are a separation from what is here- the voice of the mind in separation from life here and the voice of self interest.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this I accept and allow my own emotion/reaction of guilt when having emotions and feelings that are one and the same as what I denigrate in others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see how this can create a character of self righteousness and superiority, actually separating myself from what is here, as this is not an act of equal consideration and self direction, and self honesty into and as what is best for all, as the separation into more than, covered with cultural more-alls is a separation from consideration that all ( as one as equal) is the real “more” in and as realizing that the value is life, here.

Within this I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become, and allow a behavior of rejection through having judged an emotion and feelings instead of realizing the separation and directing this separation back into and as self as life, as all as one as equal, here,
Within this, I commit myself to directing all emotions and feelings in compassion and humility to and towards what is practically best for all, to see, realize and understand that indignation is not a solution but a rejection of self honesty to and towards life, here.
I commit myself to breathing, to realizing that I have the tools, provided and shared by desteni to realign myself within the principle of “giving as one would like to receive” to no longer allow a character of rejection in and as indignation and righteousness.

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Day 87 War King/Working/We R King

I  was reading today and I had a reaction to the word working. Much like a romantic relationship, my working relationship, as in my character, or my cast of characters, I become nasty. I attack and threaten, and blame and spite and judge and fear, and retaliate. I have schadenfreude, I  seek justice, I reminisce over believed injustices. I am a hissing, spiting, blaming, snaky snake. You name it, it goes through my mind. I become the king of war, I am a war king in and as my mind. The face I present is of congeniality, of kindness, of  wanting to be good, and wanting my good noticed. But in fact, in and as my mind I believe myself to be at war. I want to survive, and I fear not surviving, I fear being considered less than, I fear saying one word that will create loss of face, loss of position, loss of status, loss of respect. I am in constant battle, strategizing for the security of my position on the front.

It is a cry of righteousness.

I was talking with someone about sales. And they responded to me emotionally, as though I did not understand. I just stopped and listened. Even within my fear of being judged as incapable, I decided to listen, even through their emotions. Perhaps they had a point. At this moment, I realized that even their emotion within their explanation did not matter, and neither did mine. What mattered was listening. Just let it all go and listen. Somehow the battle did not matter, it was the soil under my feet, that which was real, and the storm of emotion trampling the ground did not need stimulus.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that my approach to working is similar, if not the same, in and as mind, as my self within a relationship with another person.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I can get so lost in judging and blaming and spiting, in and as the desire to survive that I can no longer see the forest through the trees.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be the character at war with this world, where I allow myself to spite and to blame, to justify and to want justice, to denigrate and call names, to not listen as I desire to press my perspective/point of view.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my righteousness is myself in battle, where I am angry, frustrated and trying to counteract a fear of potential loss, or my position of a desire for gain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  be a character of combat, a soldier fighting for my life within a system of inequality, where if I do not maintain my position, right here where I am, I might lose what I have gained, and thus I perceive myself  as stable because I am here and in one piece.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that  what I fear is the loss of myself, and that if I lose my job, I will not survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine ill will towards another, as to realize that most of the time, I am not spiting another, and it is only when I feel stressed and uncertain that I become this way.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when working I fear I will make a mistake and end up losing my position, thus any emotion as a belief in a threat is an attack on where I am positioned and within this I am not looking here in common sense, but am lost in a mountain of fear, where there is only breath to walk me through so that I may continue to see the forest through the trees.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my fear of attack is not different than that of the attacker, as they are me and I am them, as we are all war kings within a system of inequality, that is the present profit based system on this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I fear being hurt, that I fear that what I believe myself to be, as what I am will be rejected and thus will i hurt, as though myself not being accepted will become meaningless, just as if I were to lose a leg, or an arm, or my breast, or my nose, when all the while, it is the war within survival, a game of elimination, as the illumination of myself as ego and not myself as life here, the very substance that is what it is that I am, unable to be as ideas, and beliefs of what it is that I am, as an idea as what will enable me to survive within a system of profit is all that will be lost, where were I to just stop and listen, I would see realize and understand that it is this system of profit that has built my self into and as a SURE MAN tank competing and fighting, shooting blame and spite in order to survive within a system of inequality where only one can be king on the hill of a pyramid based system, a hierarchy, imposed on soil that gives unconditionally,  where in fact a war king can be the nature under the pyramid as what earth is as WE R KING as life when we , as all of earth is supported and cared for unconditionally as all as one as equal, where this war king is working for the death of itself as life as what it is is not worth living as the action of war is in separation from life here and the hurt is the longing for self as life to be and become self as life, one and equal where we r king as we are life, as all a one as equal.

I commit myself to stopping this war king in and as my mind, and to stand in and as breath, one and equal to breath, until my fear of loss is able to be faced and forgiven, and myself able to see, realize and understand that in a profit based system, keeping the majority in fear is a tactic of control, as a profit based system is a war, creating a survival  based system as our present existence.

I commit myself to no longer allowing this character wanting to survive, where my own survival is tantamount.

I commit myself to realizing that my spite, blame and justification of myself  is myself within a fear of loss.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use my common sense, to realize that the present war king environment does not support the collective existence of earth, where we R King, as united within the principle of oneness in equality, we, as collectively are the king when we realize our equality with all life.

I commit myself to realizing that all thoughts, emotions and feelings are the illness of myself as the separation of myself into and as a war king  in separation from the unconditional image and likeness of oneness and equality as what is real as earth where in oneness and equality as the principle of what is best for all, as in loving my neighbor as myself  is what rains on earth is a life where we - as all that is here- R king as the core-of-us as life, here.

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Day 44 A change of plans.

Day 44 A change of plans.

Someone I expected to work with has pulled back. All manner of thoughts came up; blame, spite, anger, justification. None of them held any solution. Just don’t go there. Pointless.

If I go into these thoughts, they spin around, going nowhere, and if I try to be specific, there are none, no specificity.

Ask a person to be specific and most will become irritated. Finally, someone is willing to listen, just requests some specific clarification, and voila, some vaporous abstraction is assumed as the end game. Have a look, it is not. Here, imagine a person being righteous about their undefined answer. It starts to be hilarious and tragic at the same time.

This is what I thought about what was going through my own mind today. There were no answers there.

This is when it “hit me,” where do I go? How do I start? Well, placing my self in the shoes of the one speaking, and using the principle of what is best for all. To do this I require patience and practice. This mirage of the mind, as blame, spite, justification, defense, must stop, as this is the mire that is the age of mankind as mind, an age of mire, where I am the burden of my accepted and allowed me as ire age/ego.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become overwhelmed with the idea of turning from the mind and finding solutions that are not the singularities of the mind, as the mind is a device of memory, as fear of loss, as though a memory is actually a flotation  device to separate my self from my self as life, where my fear becomes my love, one and the same, as this memory/image/idea/belief/judgement/defense  is stagnant, unmoving and to exist as mind, must be supported by myself, created by myself, accepted and allowed by my self. Within this, it is obvious that this image, as thought is separation from what is actually here, this physical world

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that what exists as my mind is my own ire.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize the letters of this word “ire.”

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see ire, as sound, as, I re ( eye are) meaning that irritation is the eye, as the mind consciousness system in a state of separation of self from here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to get extremely tired while writing this.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  have felt, as reaction, that I did not know where to go without all my believed irritations as mind.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that my irritations as mind are my separations, where I objectify as label as I believe this to be separate from me, not of me, where in fact this is of me, as the same substance as me, as the very fabric of what is here as me, where being objective is as looking at this fabric of what I am, one and equal to what is here, and within this to be compassionate as the directive of what is best for all, without judgement, to turn the object into the subject of my self, one and equal as a movement towards what is best for all, where I slow way down in and as breath and say no to stagnant label, blame, justification, defense, self pity, feeling of loss, feeling of hope, feeling of hopelessness, desire for gain, want of praise,  where I remain steady in breath, creating a constant of self as life, moving with and as the directive of what is best for all, as it is the being of this movement that is constant, where the slow steady walk of being what is best for all as life, as constant within and as breath remains, as there is nothing else but this, where everything appears to slow way way way down, like the grinding of the wheels of a machine  appearing to move very very very slowly, where this is me, as me, one with me, not made separate from me, as what I have accepted and allowed, to not fear this, to turn within this and begin to attempt to find, to speak, to reverse/stop/recognize my own accepted and allowed behaviors, not punishing my self for my own accepted and allowed debauchery of the mind as this is the realm of non-seeing, of separation, where the shame of this has no purpose but to lead into further debauchery, where all that is, is to take self, as directive, from the point where all that is is one and equal to my self here, as the very substance of life, and to move within this as all as one as equal as the directive principle of what is best for all, here, as all that is is here, as all that can be dealt with is what is here in this moment, where breath is the stability to allow insight, as where I am, into the movement of self as the machine of debauchery that is the mind/behavior of man within a system that allows and accepts the hiding of the debauchery of the mind behind money, to avoid seeing and realizing and facing what self has accepted and allowed in being a belief in singularity, as being separate, as self made object having lost the subject of life.

I commit my self to remaining here, in and as breath, to stop when the irritations and imaginations as mind form an idea, to breath, to remain constant in and as breath, to not react but from the principle of what is best for all, as this is the only way to begin to transform this world for the children to come, as there is nothing else, as allowing the mind is like being intoxicated and thus spinning around in a state of vertigo where relationships are needed as a mechanism of steading the self here, where what steadies is the breath and the directive as what is best for all as the principle of oneness in equality, as blame and label, as object maker, have no movement, have no breath, where non-breath brings no life, and within this the ensuing gloom and doom leads to behaviors of frustration and the prisoner seeks to climb out of its own created grave.

I commit my self to breath, as breath is the salvation from the mind, breath being one with this physical world, being one with what is a god that supports and directs and allows life, this physical world.

I commit my self to remain here within and as breath, to begin to “turn” the movement of my self as the machine i have accepted and allowed as mind, to stop the grinding of its wheels so that I may return from my own accepted and allowed separation into and as mind, and become one and equal to the breath that is that which sustains my self here, as this is life, and places me here in this moment.

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