Day 44 A change of plans.
Someone I expected to work with has pulled back. All manner of thoughts came up; blame, spite, anger, justification. None of them held any solution. Just don’t go there. Pointless.
If I go into these thoughts, they spin around, going nowhere, and if I try to be specific, there are none, no specificity.
Ask a person to be specific and most will become irritated. Finally, someone is willing to listen, just requests some specific clarification, and voila, some vaporous abstraction is assumed as the end game. Have a look, it is not. Here, imagine a person being righteous about their undefined answer. It starts to be hilarious and tragic at the same time.
This is what I thought about what was going through my own mind today. There were no answers there.
This is when it “hit me,” where do I go? How do I start? Well, placing my self in the shoes of the one speaking, and using the principle of what is best for all. To do this I require patience and practice. This mirage of the mind, as blame, spite, justification, defense, must stop, as this is the mire that is the age of mankind as mind, an age of mire, where I am the burden of my accepted and allowed me as ire age/ego.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become overwhelmed with the idea of turning from the mind and finding solutions that are not the singularities of the mind, as the mind is a device of memory, as fear of loss, as though a memory is actually a flotation device to separate my self from my self as life, where my fear becomes my love, one and the same, as this memory/image/idea/belief/judgement/defense is stagnant, unmoving and to exist as mind, must be supported by myself, created by myself, accepted and allowed by my self. Within this, it is obvious that this image, as thought is separation from what is actually here, this physical world
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that what exists as my mind is my own ire.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize the letters of this word “ire.”
I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see ire, as sound, as, I re ( eye are) meaning that irritation is the eye, as the mind consciousness system in a state of separation of self from here.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to get extremely tired while writing this.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have felt, as reaction, that I did not know where to go without all my believed irritations as mind.
I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that my irritations as mind are my separations, where I objectify as label as I believe this to be separate from me, not of me, where in fact this is of me, as the same substance as me, as the very fabric of what is here as me, where being objective is as looking at this fabric of what I am, one and equal to what is here, and within this to be compassionate as the directive of what is best for all, without judgement, to turn the object into the subject of my self, one and equal as a movement towards what is best for all, where I slow way down in and as breath and say no to stagnant label, blame, justification, defense, self pity, feeling of loss, feeling of hope, feeling of hopelessness, desire for gain, want of praise, where I remain steady in breath, creating a constant of self as life, moving with and as the directive of what is best for all, as it is the being of this movement that is constant, where the slow steady walk of being what is best for all as life, as constant within and as breath remains, as there is nothing else but this, where everything appears to slow way way way down, like the grinding of the wheels of a machine appearing to move very very very slowly, where this is me, as me, one with me, not made separate from me, as what I have accepted and allowed, to not fear this, to turn within this and begin to attempt to find, to speak, to reverse/stop/recognize my own accepted and allowed behaviors, not punishing my self for my own accepted and allowed debauchery of the mind as this is the realm of non-seeing, of separation, where the shame of this has no purpose but to lead into further debauchery, where all that is, is to take self, as directive, from the point where all that is is one and equal to my self here, as the very substance of life, and to move within this as all as one as equal as the directive principle of what is best for all, here, as all that is is here, as all that can be dealt with is what is here in this moment, where breath is the stability to allow insight, as where I am, into the movement of self as the machine of debauchery that is the mind/behavior of man within a system that allows and accepts the hiding of the debauchery of the mind behind money, to avoid seeing and realizing and facing what self has accepted and allowed in being a belief in singularity, as being separate, as self made object having lost the subject of life.
I commit my self to remaining here, in and as breath, to stop when the irritations and imaginations as mind form an idea, to breath, to remain constant in and as breath, to not react but from the principle of what is best for all, as this is the only way to begin to transform this world for the children to come, as there is nothing else, as allowing the mind is like being intoxicated and thus spinning around in a state of vertigo where relationships are needed as a mechanism of steading the self here, where what steadies is the breath and the directive as what is best for all as the principle of oneness in equality, as blame and label, as object maker, have no movement, have no breath, where non-breath brings no life, and within this the ensuing gloom and doom leads to behaviors of frustration and the prisoner seeks to climb out of its own created grave.
I commit my self to breath, as breath is the salvation from the mind, breath being one with this physical world, being one with what is a god that supports and directs and allows life, this physical world.
I commit my self to remain here within and as breath, to begin to “turn” the movement of my self as the machine i have accepted and allowed as mind, to stop the grinding of its wheels so that I may return from my own accepted and allowed separation into and as mind, and become one and equal to the breath that is that which sustains my self here, as this is life, and places me here in this moment.
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