Day 82 Being annoyed at my son for smoking pot mother character

Day 82 Being annoyed at my son for smoking pot mother character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to have an inner tantrum  where the voice in my head is criticizing my son for smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be annoyed with my son for  spending time and money on smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to turn this into this emotion of being generally annoyed at my son because he for smoking pot.

I forgive myself for then, seeing everything he does as being annoying.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to slowly build this big energetic presence of annoyance towards my son which will end up in a big “blow out.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all I can do is continue to reveal the effects of pot and slowly get this into his “head” that smoking pot is not in any way solving that which is causing him to want to escape from the world into a zombie state of inaction, and that the solution is to face what he considers a “problem” in and as himself, become responsible and direct himself.

Within myself, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel as though I am failure because I have not managed to stop my son from smoking pot, as pot is ubiquitous within my society, to the point where mothers and fathers I know smoke pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have felt like a prude because I do not smoke pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that my son is now 19 years old, and must  begin to realize his own actions as “his” actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to worry about what will become of my son if he keeps smoking pot.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what I can do, is speak up, and model the walking of myself into and as oneness in equality with what is real, the physical, where he will either take the words I speak, like a seed planted to be used, or he will choose to take the road of consequence, regardless, he will eventually realize himself as life, the play-out is in his hands.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be reactive about my son’s pot smoking, taking this personally as though I am not clear enough, or aggressive enough, when I have tried many tactics, and that perhaps the cumulation of all of this will eventually have an effect, as we are organic robots, and what is placed within us is what we become, unless we stand and become our own directive principle of oneness in equality, which is myself directing myself in and as life, and not as the values so obviously presented and limited within out society through media and family, values of more than and less than, where the color of someone’s skin determines their value, when they are obviously one and the same, especially in a world where it is known that education determines a person’s ability to be successful in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be embarrassed that my son is smoking pot, and to claim I do not know where this comes from, as I never enjoyed pot and thus was never inclined to us this, yet in high school it was everywhere, and at the time, I tried to hide the fact that I did not enjoy pot, as it made me unable to socialize because all I wanted to do was stare at the stars, or at a crumb on the sidewalk where the after experience of any kind of revelation remained unknown and I had no idea what was going on socially  , so smoking pot made me unable to participate socially, which is actually what is happening with my son as he is avoiding facing himself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to spend time wondering why I did not end up smoking pot, and why my son is smoking pot.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be annoyed that my son, who has had an education and done well on tests, has had so much education and opportunity, and yet he is smoking pot and - yes- masterbating, which is actually considered the norm these days, thus all I can do is speak up, again and again, and use how children are programmed, through speaking directives that he will either chose to realize or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that there are times when he has come to me to complain and I just look at him, and he suddenly realizes that he is being an emotion and feeling of infinite design.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to pull back in silence , when he becomes short tempered and exhibits anger, which I must learn to face without emotional reactions of frustration in and as myself, as all there is is the principle of oneness in equality, as he is me and I am him.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to breath, and see the reactions of anger and rejection, as storms in teacups, as tantrums, where blame and spite will not resolve the separations into and as singular beingness as emotion and feelings based on fear and uncertainty, as my son has admitted that he is very afraid of this world, which is, being common sense because this world is a world of inequality, where life is not the value considered, as what is the actions of men is that of survival, as money determines who lives and who dies, and is used by the few to grab all resources for their own self interested benefit, as they as my son -who is a product of this abusive system- are one and the same, lost in a mind of separation into parts having become walking picture screens of memories, following values as emotions and feelings and thoughts that are inconsiderate of their own oneness and equality in and as life, as what is here, as what is constant and the source of what is is that they are in fact, that which has been used to create an alternate reality in and as mind as this was believed to be an existence of more than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, that worry, annoyance and frustration with my son is not the solution, and that perhaps he is simply showing me my own resistances as what I am accepting and allowing.

I commit myself to no longer seeing resistance as a mountain to walk over.

I commit myself to not allowing and accepting myself to make a mountain out of a tantrum, and to breath and to, within breath, see the problem as simple, and to take responsibility and direct myself within this as the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to letting go of tantrums and to realize that if I allow my emotions and feelings to become big, I am actually making a mountain out of something small.

I commit myself to using breath, to bring myself back to myself as life, and to slow down until I can realize what the emotion, feeling and thought, as a character, based on a belief of more than and or potential loss of this supposed more than, as a memory/experience based on my past as what I have been taught to survive within a system that does not support life, and I realize this separation into and as energy and I stop and I direct myself within what is best for all.

I commit myself to stepping out of myself as the mother character of worrying about the future of her son.

I realize that being worry about the future of my son, as his mother, is non-directive within the principle of what is best for all, and that my son will face difficulties as the present system on earth does not support life, but uses what is here to support a system of inequality, a system of survival, where nothing is truly allowed to be developed and all the resource of this earth is to serve the self interest of a few, where the few with the control are also not developing themselves as life, as they spend all their time pulling the levers behind the curtain of separation between the haves and the have nots.

I commit myself to realizing that how this system currently exists will only cause emotions of frustration if I accept and allow this, as what is here is a system that must be walked through and cleaned up to support all life, where this begins with myself becoming myself as life, in and as the directive principle of oneness in equality, where all that is here is realized to be one and equal to myself, where  all emotional separation- as this is what emotion is - can be directed “back” to itself as life and not become a consequence as the illusion existing as a separation from life as an energetic smoke screen of emotions and feelings that are cultivated by a profit based system of greed to maintain ignorance of self as life from being here, all of which has been created by each and every one of us, and accepted and allowed by each and every one of us.

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Self Awareness Steps for the Elite

Consciousness- Children: Birth and Abuse

Artwork by Andrew Gable

Day 81 Fear of Attack

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create a hollywood movie in and as my mind about everything in and as my life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that all the movies as stories in and as my mind are a coloratura of a belief, opinion and idea of more than, in separation from what is actually physically here, where these embellishments are made real, and the actual physical world is ignored, where the actual physical has more embellishments and coloratura than any mind imagery could possibly “en-vision” in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created mind movies and stories to support myself here, as I was afraid of here and within this actually became a “raid” of here, as taking from that which was forgiving, as what I am, and using this to hide in a separate reality, as a separation, from directing myself in and as, one and equal to, what was here as myself, this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that many of the movies in and as my mind where/are of hope, where I sought a dream of success and accolade by and with my imaginary audience, following the dictates of a world that glorified in bright lights fame and FORTUNE, meaning the accumulation of money to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see that in maintaining this alternate reality, mind movies as what motivated myself to move here within this physical reality, I denied myself myself as life and thus denied myself one on one interaction with all of myself as all that is here, as all that is here is an expression of life, one and equal to me, and thus different parts of myself as varied and more fluid than any alternate reality limited and stagnant mind imagery.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to exist as my mind, I abdicated myself as life to singular two dimensional energetic dream land imagery and thus began chasing an idol and left all the joy of myself as life, depressed and suppressed, confined and sequestered into and as a tiny coffin as a box of shadows, composed of emotions and feelings and thoughts, a web of strings woven with worry beads of memories, from which I pulled experiences from my past to direct my future, all the while ignoring what was actually here in and as this physical world of which I am one and equal to here as this is myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the self forgiveness, writing, and corrective application process, as the DIP course offered by desteni is to clean up this alternate reality, to bring myself as life back to what is real, this physical world, to stop the mind imagery from taking the life in and as me, where I end up committing suicide as this is what all dis-ease - as dis-ease is separation from life- in fact actually is.

i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that in being a desire I am in ignorance of this physical world, as no real “god” would deny life, and thus is life here, all that is needed is here, it is only an idea that I desire, where this very idea as desire is used within this accepted and allowed profit based system to create and build an army of followers for the few who have developed characters that allow them to take all that is here for their mind alternate reality existence manifestation, and everything else that is here is made to serve the alternate reality movies and stories of the few, where this is not even this “elite”  ( those whose energetic lights have full feeding resource for their “lights” - lol)  groups real self expression as life, themselves not existing in and as the full capacity of themselves as life in and as the real joy of life as life is oneness in equality, as this is what will bring heaven on earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand  that denying the physical world is the ultimate racism, where the human knows that racism is a survival-defense mechanism on a grand scale, where one color is pitted against another, this being used and enflamed to allow a few alternate reality movies and stories to sit in luxury and watch their dream performances in physical comfort, while they are slowly diminishing to come to the same point of death as the mind alternate reality when the physical can no longer support the alternate mind reality movie.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within myself, allowing and accepting myself to feel sad about this is myself as belief in and as sadness, and not myself being here, one and equal to what I am, the physical, in absolute equality and oneness, where the strings of separation, as the strings of accumulation , where I have depressed myself into and as emotion, thoughts and feelings that are separate from what is actually here, as this physical world is the real instrument of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that this is too hard to decompose, these collected experiences in and as emotions and feelings collected into an album in and as a collection of characters developing a personality with which I project what it is that I am onto this world in order to survive within a system of inequality demanding subservience to limited ideas, belief, and opinion to allow a few a fully air conditioned, plush movie theater to view their movies composed of their past, where sex is needed and turned into an expression of release of built up energy and no longer the self here, expressing self as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my emotions, thoughts and feelings are my collection of beads I spin in and as my mind, my religion bracelet,  bought and utilized to keep me within a limited system to profit/survival, in separation of myself as life, as myself as the physical, as how I have allowed my physical self to direct myself as life here, where the outcome is dis-ease resplendent as what is presently existing on this earth, an existence of myself in separation from myself as life, as breath, as being one and equal as this physical world.

Within this, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that any desire of gain is myself in separation, as in wanting more, I am not one and equal to what is actually here as what is here is life, as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that all jealousy, spite, blame is myself defending my own separations, defending my own imaginary world, my own stories, my own movies.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize I am a character of fearing attack.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am constantly being attacked.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have movies in and as my mind of the potential of attack by a race, by another cultural ideology, by what my neighbor believes to be what is more than, by what my family believes to be more than, by what men believe to be more than.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that within this I am defending what I believe, remaining stagnant within an idea and not looking at what is actually physically here and directing myself within common sense that we are all same, and thus what is best for all is the only choice, as this sameness of life, where the values - as belief , opinion and idea, are - are simply this, a different color, no single one greater than the other.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I am only being attacked if I allow myself to be, as this is myself defending instead of being one and equal to the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for me, is best for all, as I am one and equal as life, to all, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that a survival/profit based system, grabs all resource for the gain of the few, thus within this system on this world, takes all support and defense away from many, leaving them to suffer in a world where there is plenty, as enough to support the life that is here exists.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that 52% of the American GDP is used on defense instead of as support for life, which is leading to a dis-eased existence for what is on this planet, and thus, I as myself, with the resources being pulled towards defense for the few to profit, am as an American becoming economically depressed - which is what war and defense is really about which many soldiers are now standing up and saying is unacceptable and where many soldiers cannot participate within as most soldiers on the battle front are unable to shoot directly at their supposed opponents and thus what the system does is create an indirect video game out of war by creating drones where men sit in a box on a distant continent and shoot at civilians that are basically in the way of the resource, and then these same men playing essentially what appears to be a video game, go home to their children as though their children are greater than other children, when these same men do not even understand where they come from and leave this understanding up to some imaginary god they have never seen.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the same system that builds the guns within this world, which must be the top 1% of this world that owns all resources, and thus know full well where they want their guns sent, as war is about resource acquisition despite life,  needs the support of men, and as men, it is up to us to stand and realize conflict and war are not life, so easily seen and understood in the fact that most men in war are unable to shoot directly at their supposed opponent as they realize that all that is here is life, and it is only greed that is the creation of defense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that I have been programmed by a system of greed, creating an illusion of lack.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding my own defenses based on beliefs , opinions and ideas, where what I believe I can lose is the illusion.

I commit myself to remaining in and as breath, and as I walk my day, to step out of the character of believing myself to be attacked, and to practice addressing the belief in attack by others, to practice speaking within and as breath in common sense of what is best for all, visible in myself and/or the other relaxing within themselves almost like a sense of relief to no longer have to support what is known as a temper tantrum of gain in separation of what is real.

I commit myself to breathing with every step here, to self realize oneness in equality with and as this physical world.

I commit myself recognizing my own line of defense characters and stepping out in union with breath to no longer participate in protecting a personality, as a persona is a projected and accepted movie of self in separation from life.

Heaven's Journey to Life

Creation's Journey to Life

Earth's Journey to Life

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite

Day 80 My legs and “hurt.”

My life has been filled with sudden change and there is a point where this happened the first time. I was a small child. I had to be between 4 and 5 years old. 

What I remember is walking towards my father, who was talking with my younger sister. We were outside on this patio. Next to my father and sister was a tricycle. I walked up and suddenly I was pushed or I feel, but i remember being pushed, hard, back. My father was irritated that he was disturbed. I fell onto the tricycle. On my right toe is a big moon that looks like the tip of the front fender of a tricycle. It cut into my toe. I stormed off in humiliation, in anger, in righteousness going to seek my mother. I can’t remember finding my mother.

I was hurt.

This feeling of hurt, I have carried with me all my life. As though I expect a sudden change and hurt from what is here in life. A sudden change will always come, relationships never remain, the change comes. I wait for it. Relationships are never constant. Thus romance is somehow a scam, I am always apprehensive.

Yes, I was going to my father for attention, to show him something.

My father was moving his attentions onto my sister, that which had been allowed to me was switching to another, and I had no idea how the mind really worked. I was a child.

After this, I don’t think I was ever close to my father again, I did not trust him, the change was too extreme. All through my childhood if I had to sit next to him the friction was extreme. I could not stand being next to him, That pretty much sums it up. I always had to know where he was in the house. It was like he was the demon, as though I was living with a father that at any moment would come and pour his terror all over me.

Later in my early teens, he wanted me to perform for his “crowd” and I refused. I would not be there to make him look good, I was not there to adorn him. Besides it was never good enough and the judgements would come. It was like walking into a trap of criticism.

It was like I had two characters within. One was afraid of not being good enough and the other was angry, an anger of rage. I did not understand this anger of rage.

Interesting, here a memory of a tree in the yard comes up. I was running and suddenly I stopped in front of this birch tree. I just have an image of staring at this tree, like everything stopped and it was just the tree and I. I have this with trees all my life, just stopping and looking at a tree. There is silence in stopping and looking at a tree. 

What is a tree. I tree does not move, it stays in one place, and yet a tree does move, on the inside a tree is flowing, moving with what is here, flowing. Even in the way trees each have a signature, a “twist” within the way they “grow up/reach up” which can be seen in the way the bark appears to flow in different rhythms within a spiral movement.

Interesting this juxtaposition of sudden change and the stability yet movement of a tree, here as what i am in this moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as expecting sudden change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a negative  value in and as a polarity around an event/ movement of sudden change.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have walked much of my life expecting sudden change.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I lived in fear of the irrational emotional storm of my father appearing at any moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have lived my life expecting sudden change accompanied with hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  expect hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take the actions of men as hurt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that “hurt” is my own expectations, wants needs and desires not accepting and allowing what is here as life, where I am existing as the mind within idea, want and need, character expectation that is separate from what is actually physically here as this earth.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my own emotion as “hurt” is my self, as in my and self, in separation of myself as life, equal and one to what is physically here as this is life, where the supposed “hurt” is the expectation  of experience as the focus of myself and thus, the separation of myself from here, where I am not seeing, realizing and understanding this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that a sudden change can really exist within this physical world, in that what remains is life, and thus no change, as hurt, can really exist, what “hurt” is perceived is of the mind in judgement based on energetic values separate from the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that through all the perceived “hurts”  life remains here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have walked my life as the character of expecting hurt, where I enter relationships that end in sudden change, which is what I am experiencing in the “now” of myself in and as “hurt” within my human physical body legs.

I forgive myself for  allowing and accepting myself to take this personally and turn this into some scream of self pity in separation of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that my perception in and as “hurt” is taking what is the action as idea, belief, opinion, desire, want and need, thought, emotion and feelings, all as energetic projections, what I have existed and walked as, the separation of myself from into and as an experience - as a storm in a teacup tantrum- what I have allowed myself to walk as, that is myself separate from here, not seeing, realizing and understanding the existence of separation from this physical world as the mind consciousness system of an alternate reality imposed on what is real, this physical world, the stepping away from myself as a tree of life as what is constant and flowing with and as life.

I commit myself to realizing when and as I become this self pity feeling of hurt as the character of myself as what I have accepted and allowed in judgement instead of, like a tree, flowing with what is here as life, using my common sense to see, realize and understand the separations of myself into and as a tantrum of belief, opinion and idea based on values of right and wrong, that which i allow to become fixed instead of realizing life here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that “hurt” exists within separation from what is physically here, where in some parts of this world, what is physically here to sustain life is taken from what is physically here, and used to support only a few, who exist in an energetic fear of loss should they lose their singular ideas of what they are.

I commit myself to no longer allowing and accepting myself to blame and spite myself through believing I have been hurt, not seeing, realizing and understanding that “hurt” is my self not looking at what is real, this physical world, which means that all “hurt” is self imposed in ignorance, as the physical is what is constant and unconditionally giving.

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The Soul of Money

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite

Heaven's Journey to Life

The Secret History of the Universe  Preview

Day 79 Secondary image nation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the trap of the mind, functioning in self interest as what i have been taught to build and create in separation from considering all that is of this physical world as I am not taught to consider this physical world but only to create and image what feeds a system of profit, where the elements developed are not more than or less than , only becoming more than and less than in not considering that this physical world is what is real and therefor must be realized and considered one and equal to me as it is what is real, thus what is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to be taken care of, where being myself as life, one and equal, is the taking care of myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that failure is following the secondary  image nation in and as the mind, as the physical world is rendered secondary to imagery, that which is real is neglected and that which is a smoke screen of imagery is followed as what is real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that what is real is the “sound” of substance and not the imagery of the mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I have failed, when the support of life needs many people to stand and support that which is given freely, which is this physical world, here to allow life to express itself unconditionally, yet the conditions of imagination have limited and stagnated the physical into beliefs and opinions and ideas, divided into parts as culture, religion, class, nationality, regionality, race, and how much money one has to survive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that at some point I said “ fuck it” and chose, in self interest the scenario that would allow me to survive in relative comfort.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the being of myself as life, as my own common sense of myself as life, and thus the life that is all that is here in and as this physical world, given unconditionally,  upsets the imagery of the mind, as the imagination of one dimension, and thus when meeting the substance of life, evaporates and this image not wanting to die - as it has been made huge and is all that is believed to be real- causes a sensation of falling to death, where if I were to allow myself to fall, I might just find out that this falling is an illusion and what will remain is myself, here, in a physical world of what is real what is the substance that is what the physical exists and consists as, which is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear letting go of my image nation that is my ego, the egonomic system of which is an accepted and allowed collective of image nation walking and only seeing humans, is destroying this physical world as what is accepted and allowed as walking zombies of separation from what is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  not realize that I must walk myself into and as this physical world and out of the image nation of the mind, to birth myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that there are no answers in the mind but how i have separated myself from life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I have the physical here to practically bring myself back to myself as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that that which I desire and dream of - as my mind imagery based on the culture in which I live - is myself hiding from myself as life where the only solution is to allow myself to walk the birth of myself as myself directing myself here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand  that the image I dream of supports a character of stagnant and limited expression as the image is singular in realization, seen in and as this being an image and not this actual physical world, where the dreams are of care for myself, and there can be no care for myself until all life on this planet is cared for, as there is no stability until all life is cared for on this planet, thus any movement that is not organizing this world to support all life is myself acting in self interest, cluttered with images and ideas that deter myself from moving as myself as life, and thus whatever deters this, is not real, as what is real is this physical world, where “character creators” has the ability to create and are not being the creators as what is best for all, which is a crime and murderous of life; there is no way out of this except to stop and to do all that is necessary to organize this world, with all the means that are here and available, to create a heaven on earth; heaven on earth being the care for this physical world as the physical is life as what we are, one and equal.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that any constriction within and as my human physical body is the suppression of myself as life, where the suppressions I allow can accumulate and create tumors within and as my human physical body as cancer (sells pHARMacy making profits for the few) is my self not allowing and accepting the cells of my human physical body to express themselves as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from myself into and as an energetic based image nation of a cast of characters as adornment to compete in a world I do not understand  and to abdicate myself responsibility and trust as life, as sound as oneness and equality to that which is real, this physical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in breath I can begin to realize when I am allowing and accepting myself as energy, my own self created consuming existential allowance.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that my desires are my means and ways of what i believe will allow myself to not face what i have accepted and allowed , and where I have given up  in being myself as life, one an equal to this physical world, that which is forgiving of life, as the physical world is what is real is what is life.

I commit myself to realizing the temple/church I have built in and as images , in and as my mind, that create a sanctuary of self interested survival and escape from the abuse I know is existing on this earth, where i have, created my own murals of pictures all over the walls in and as the image nation of my mind, cast of characters that have become my idol, to deconstruct this temple of hiding so that I may stand in the sunlight of this actual physical world and not hide in the shadows of the wall of my mind.

I commit myself to giving the separation of myself into and as a temple of the mind, back to the dust  from which it came, to build a fertile ground as what is real, this physical world, so that i may begin to walk one and equal to this physical world as life.

I commit myself  to speaking up about the meteoric singularities plastered all over this earth that are really cartoon characters unseeing of this physical world, where these characters are what leads to a death as life has not been lived as walking one and equal to this physical world was neglected in the choice of knowledge and information with a devil and an angel as the guide, a smoke screen of separation.

I commit myself to breath, to no longer allowing and accepting myself to be the dream of a desire, which is myself fearing myself as life. as the present system existent on earth does not allow life, but only supports an image nation of singular character development.

I commit myself to breath, to forgiving a belief in a fear of loss, and a energetic feeling of shame for what i have accepted and allowed and spent what time I have here on earth in allowing an image nation in separation from what is real.

Day 78 I am the creator of my character, thus I am a creator.

Day 78 I am the creator of my character, thus I am a creator.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that when I desire a character, as the characteristics of the perfect man, I am in effect turning that man into a character, a singularity, and thus when the totality of that man emerges the fairy tale, bolly/hollywood experience is over.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind, as consciousness, builds ideas, beliefs and opinions, in and as a character, of ,limited -separate from physical reality and existence where as myself I am allowing and accepting myself to be and become the supporter of character that is singular by design.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in wanting a character, as myself, as a friend, as a man, I am in fact supporting and accepting singular ideals and thus limiting myself and the other.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I have been trained to develop character so that other characters will expect the same responses in and as me within a relationship, and should I step out of that character, their character loses support for what has been developed to survive and feed desires, and thus, the loss of survival and desire, singular in and of itself, will no longer be supported and thus feel that death is imminent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that in wanting an ideal man, or job, I am wanting a characteristic,  that by nature is singular, just like a plastic doll, which is what many of our children model themselves after never learning to actually move themselves within the expression of life, where life is multifaceted and filled, as self, with endless expression, where in order for the person to become a singularity is indicative of the ability of the human to be an expression, and thus why do we have a system where only singular expression are more often than not, what is plastered on the faces of men?

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in becoming a character of a singular “label’ I in essence forget the totality of life within and without.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in building a character that is able to deal with what is accepted and allowed on this earth, I am building a survival defense mechanism, never stopping and questioning why such a suit must be built and to not realize that if I am capable of this than I am capable of becoming myself as life, as I am in fact a creator and thus, this survival suit I am building to survive is myself capable of building and organizing a world that is best for all, where no suit or armor need be built and instead I as a creator can be and become an expression of life, directing myself as life, instead of directing myself as a singular expression of a limited character.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to enslave another into and as a character which is what I am doing when I dream of a man with certain characteristics.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I desire a man, or a friend , or that fur coat, I am not considering the life that is the man or the friend or the fur coat and in essence turning all life into and as a singular character, to become and exhibition of character and not life, where this action indicates my ability to be a creator and thus my ability to step out of what I have built within and this world system of abuse without and create a world that is best for all, where I can realize myself as creator and build a heaven on earth.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that what I seek in character as myself is what I believe will enable myself to survive in a system of limited design that is the nature of what a system of inequality must be in order to maintain leaders and followers.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that if I cannot grasp myself beyond an idea of a singularity in and as thinking about being a character, then I have become so separated from myself as life, I have forgotten that part of myself that was the creator that built the character in and as myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had an idea of what a man should be, of what kind of man i would want, not realizing and understanding that when I do this I limit myself as life and the life of that man.

I commit myself to realizing that just as I have created a character to survive, following the image and likeness of what was taught by parents and society and the ways and means of education, myself as life was molded into a limited design which means I am a self as life able to create and thus I am able to stand and create heaven on earth.

I commit myself to realize where and what I exist as a character, where I fear losing this projection in and as what I have developed where I list my characteristics, like for example on a dating website, and see, where what I believe that I am, is myself wanting  or myself believing that if I find the perfect mate I will become more than I am, not realizing that no matter how much I live some dream, there can be no stability on this earth until everything that is here is cared for and supported, and thus, within this as long as the total life expression of this earth is not cared for there is not going to be myself as self as life as creator, that which is myself that  built my initial character used to ensure what I believe will enable myself to survive in a system of inequality.

I commit myself to no longer seeking the “perfect” characteristics as this is myself wanting to appear “good, ‘  not stopping and asking myself why it is that I must appear to be good in the first place as this question indicates that it is known that non-goodness exists on this planet and that perhaps the real question is why there is a system that does not support life and develops characters that exhibit survival characteristics of murder and rape, and gun carrying and robbery and fractional banking and debt accumulation and economic hitmen?

I commit myself to realizing that I am a creator and that I can thus create a world that is best for all, and bring myself back to myself as life, where I need never search for more outside of myself as life will be what i am and the creation of heaven on earth will be what it is that I create.

Stand up and support an Equal Money System to be and become the creator of heaven on earth.

The Soul of Money

When Breath is not your own.

Day 77 Taking care alone, a labor of self pity

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to begin to have a thought that I am all alone when I have a project that involves labor around my home.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become a belief that I am the character of the woman alone when I have to do physical labor on my house, and within this I start to pity myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in and as a thought, that doing physical labor on my house without another person here is difficult, where I judge the practical walking through of what needs to be done as being difficult, where the task is not difficult, it is simply a series of steps that need to be organized and assembled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a care actor of self pity, my self giving a care to what is believed to be “how things should be,” instead of being here, realizing this physical world, as this is what is real and not an imposed idea of limited elements being “needed” to  get things done..

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as a care actor, giving care to,  feeling that I am alone, when I am here with this physical world, taking care of my physical existence, which needs no additional energetic emotional characters but only common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being alone and caring for my home must fit the image and likeness of the current system on earth, where I am missing all the characters considered to be the norm in relation to myself being a woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that it is this mind dictating how the character of myself here should, or should not be that is the drama in and as my mind.

I commit myself to realizing every moment I separate from here, into and as a thought based on a belief, externally dictated, internally allowed and accepted, internally believed,  evident within and as my thoughts,  that add a believed and accepted and allowed care, to what is actually physically present and here.

I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding the characters I need within myself to have an image and likeness of having more than what is actually here, not realizing that, in this drama, I am actually here and able to direct myself here as life, in oneness and equality.

I commit myself to exposing how my focus on the following of  my thoughts  is an accepted and allowed belief that I am in lack.

Emotions and Feelings

Memories

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite

Day 76 There is no good or no bad there in only common sense

Day 76 There is no good or no bad there is only common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I stop and compare myself to another person I am not existing within common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that when I am comparing one person to another I am placing value on a picture and not being here, living in common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to use understanding, as what has been allowed and accepted on this earth,  as something that cannot affect me unless I accept and allow this, and that within this, there is no time for comparison, and only time to offer that which directs without need of praise or acknowledgement.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that it is  only self that can “praise” self, as self knows when self has given unconditionally.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that when I am making comparisons, I have done this so much, as this is how I was taught to exist by family, by media, by society, that this comparing has become so habitual, I have lost all sense of being objective.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that when I take something personally I am in effect fearing being a comparison of less than not realizing that this less than and more than scenario is a belief that something has no directive capacity.

Within this, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that a profit based system would teach limited values and then lead one to believe these values were fixed in stone, something that cannot move and transpose, as if this were known and taught to children, as this should exist in ease, many of the frustrated behaviors of children and adults would no longer exist on this earth, yet just as we have fixed money into a profit based system, where no one actually really benefits, there exists only the movement of man as ensuring a fixed survival instead of a constant as self expression as life, where this freely giving earth provides and supports life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that comparison is the endless “looking for something” and thus an act of self pity in self believing self is missing something and/or could possibly lose something, when nothing can be lost as what is here can only be directed as what is best for all, thus what is here is life, enough to sustain life as it is life, so what is allowed and accepted on this earth is a directive that is not sustaining of that which is here that is even able to be directed, which makes it obvious that it is not the substance it is the directive limited and stagnating unaware of itself as life that is existing on this earth.

I commit to realizing my habit of making comparisons is an act of self pity.

I commit myself to realizing that making comparisons is stating that I must have it, and thus is myself in separation of breath and thus in union with mind in and as a belief that I am in lack.

I commit myself to realizing that the moment i compare I am abdicating myself responsibility as life.

I commit myself to pointing out that a belief in lack, as existing as comparison means that the values one is accepting are not in consideration of what cares for all life on this planet, as what cares for all life is all that one really needs, and that this is the way and the means to self discovery.

Life Review

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite. YOU!

It is only me.