Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 329 More on Rejection Character: I am my own rejection

If I accept and allow myself to react to what another does or says, and take this personally I become a rush of a fear of rejection, of loss, but what is it that I am going to lose? Yes, if I were in a situation where I lived in an impoverished area and there was not enough food, all i would be able to think about is getting food, and I would probably not have the education, even, to realize that - should I live in certain areas of the world, areas of abundant resource in contradiction to the support systems available on earth - to see that what was right under my feet had be assigned with a piece of paper ownership to some distant entity hidden within a corporate name laundering the value of the resource under my feet through dirty practices where the labor in extracting that resource was made to pay for all aspects of acquiring that resource, while the value generated from that resource came out clean and beneficial for a few on another continent where there existed no starvation. But, I live where the resource has been laundered, and there is no starvation because of lack of something to put in my stomach, even though what is here that has been laundered in another way, has very little substance of physical support, like I am a bee on a lower level within a hive, and am only allowed what maintains a “lesser” physical state, which can be counteracted where I live, if one takes the time to investigate what is eaten. Even here, the amount of pollution in the world reaches into all of us. So, what we have created, accepted and allowed is here and has come back to us, the consequence of our human actions are here.
So how do I allow myself to be bullied, how do I allow myself to fear the energetic reactions of men, how do I allow this is touch me, because becoming affected by the emotions and thoughts and words that created, allowed this state on earth, actions that disregard practices that are not supportive of earth, how have I allowed them to affect me, where I get caught up in the storm of this disregard, this that does not allow/work with the expression of what is here as the physical, within and as how it functions within the form of itself in common sense, why is what is here ignored and not allowed to be what it is, how it is, why is it not worked with?
How can humans allow a system of usury, when it has been said that this will not work? When it is known that usury leads to enslavement? How is it that we have allowed chemicals to determine our health, to be touted as what heals, when right in front of us, there has not been healing? Why are we accepting what is unacceptable? The excuses have no validity, they are not facing here, an excuse if simply saying, I don’t want to look here. The problem with this is that this means that one is being a “ non-looking” and as such takes everyone else along. it is abusive because it effects everyone here, the plants the animals, the soils, everything.
So, when I become a fear in facing a non-looking state of being, I am in effect allowing myself to be bullied by a “non-looking” and if I accept and allow this, I perpetuate this. Such behaviors cannot be allowed.
I mean how can a president decide to pass practices that are being questioned all over the world with studies that reveal the detriment of such practices: here the rush to pass and allow such practices is a realization that such practices do not work, because the passing into allowance of such practices at a time when there is evidence that such practices are questionable reveals that this is known. It is like, hurry up and pass this or we are going to lose this, and then make a bunch of commercials and articles presenting goodness, hurry up and resonate goodness to block the reality that is gaining ground.
And then this same president takes away support for the elderly at a time when prices are rising. This is an act in direct contradiction to supporting life, and it exists on a world of abundant resource, thus it has no basis in reality. The President of the United States has no awareness of reality, he guides by ideologies, by ideas only. And this was clear with the initial presentation of hope without full disclosure.
I had this experience in my twenties where I saw a floating head in a room, a very angry expression in the face of this head. One of the things that “hit me” in the moment, was an absolute certainty that his “head” could not touch me unless I accepted and allowed this. Thus, I had no fear of this “thing” and looked at it head on - so to speak, even wanting to talk with this, which I did not do, which perhaps I should have done, but should have could have, would have is pointless at this moment, it is in the past. THis morning I thought , how could I have had a sense that this thing could not touch me unless I allowed it, and within this to not be affected with fear in the face of this, and here i am having a problem within someone in a group I am in, becoming all emotional and egotistical, thinking I am being abused - which maybe I am- but reacting to this within protection and defense and wanting to bully, to become angry, is simply more of the same and is not what steadily directs into a solution that resolves the friction and conflict, and the spiteful actions causing discord? I am becoming the same anger, the same frustration.
If I allowed this while I was performing or playing the violin, i would learn this this way, and then I would probably lose it during performance, or as I was playing I would see a subtle thing suddenly that i had not noticed, because i had not been looking while I practiced the piece. At such moments , I become regret because I has missed an opportunity to experience a subtle expression within a piece, and the moment was gone. I have had this happen, and sometimes just let it go, because in suddenly seeing such a thing, it was also a gift, it was to have had the opportunity to have seen it in totality.
This can only really happen with being forgiving of self, to be present here. Steady, constant, directed, accepting and listening to what is here, without hope for gain or fear of loss. Humans cannot be here if there is fear, is there is worry about food, if there is worry about shelter, which is a crime as there is enough. An example of this stares us right in the face, where the countries of incredible natural resource, are somehow the poorest. As I have said in other posts there is enough space on this earth for humans and animals, and we know how to build up soils and build structures that last, and we know what is needed, that the huge mansions with innumerable rooms cannot be lived in by a person, more than likely there are only a few rooms used, the rest is just a show, such space for a few is unnecessary, it is based on an idea that has no basis in physical reality. It is like building a huge instrument that does not fit the scale of the form of men, such things become useless, wasteful and unplayable. Some of the instruments built by men are useful, but many are a waste, and the waste is polluting the expression of life on this earth.
Why are we building things that are based on ideas that are so out of proportion of common sense of this actual physical world?
Why am I allowing myself to be out of proportion of what is physically real here, in and as how here works in common sense? Why am I allowing myself to take something personal, am I allowing myself to fear losing something that is out of proportion within myself as an idea i am holding onto that lacks perspective of how here functions, to the point where I exist within a warped reality? What this means is to walk in common sense of what is a solution, practically, to bring the reward of being able to “play”, having the human scale size instrument to “play” to be and exist as the gift of life.
In the end the person with the huge house and the person with no house have no instrument to play/express themselves as life, the extremes are in lack, one blinded by ideological-lack-of-reality common sense, and one without the sustenance means to use common sense. And those in the middle, we internet users, exist within limited means to the point where we do not really learn to read, we do not really learn to understand mathematically what is going on, we do not learn how to play a musical instrument, we do not learn to be able to direct ourselves within the simplest of tasks such as hammering a nail into a board. The middle is in petrification of being here, of standing up and realizing what is real as this actual physical world and the systemic structures that are not taking care of this earth, that are now directed by representatives that are directed by a monetary profit system that by its very nature is in direct opposition to what is best for all. Usury is a systemic form that is in direct opposition to what is a practice of what is best for all, To have such a form, a systemic action, and then to give others the ability to represent the voice of many will lead to the representatives choosing in their own self interest before what is best for all, what is good will be placed second to their own profit. Thus such a system cannot work, will not work, and must stop.
I have been taught to defend and protect within a bubble, I have not been taught to look to the whole. This I will have to do myself, as naturally, within such a system of profit such would not be in the interests of the law makers and representatives benefitting from this chance to direct within what gives them more, before what is best for all. And the structures they allow are not instruments that support life.
Thus my behaviors, what I allow must be brought back to self, and held steady within absolutely directing within and as what is best for all, as there is no gain until this earth is realized for the form that it is, and this understood and supported, because if we cannot learn to play this earth, then how can we be allowed to be given our own instruments to play? We have not mastered what is given as a gift to understand life here.
My inner ideologies are a warped reality, they are ideas made huge in separation from what is realistic and supportive here, as this gift of life here. They are myself spread out into pieces lacking peace with here. The only thing is to align the very substance of myself within and as what is best for all, to realize that the only thing that can be lost is not accepting the subtlety of what is here in common sense of how here works as what is here, as the physical and what is best for all within this, is what allows oneself to be.

Within this there would would be no need for a separate peace as in a separate heaven, a separate place where peace would be found, as this “state of being” would be here, everywhere, not needing to be there, not needing to be something sought, not needing to exist away from here, not needing to become a idea of something separate, dreamed about- taking attention from here- because here would be heaven on earth, equal and one, and this is what is best for all. In all common sense.
Thus it is to bring myself here, and direct this desire for gain to protect a fear of loss, and to realize that rejections that are reactive and thus not directive within common sense self forgiveness within and as what is best for all are based on a separation from what is real, which is the physical world here this which is self as life, as a forgiving natural expression of self as life, seen at moments within our children, that which we bully into generational cultivated behaviors for survival in a bubble, without consideration of how the present system is one of inequality, unsupportive, habituated, where the only choice is to stop and breath , and slow down and look and realize that the value is life.

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