Holding Something Within Myself Day 705

Holding something within myself

I have been doing math equations to improve my movement within solving math equations. At first it was really slow, and then it starts to speed up. I know this can happen because it happened when I was younger. The same thing happens with any new discipline. It is known as critical mass, or momentum, or mastering something, getting comfortable with a form, and being able to manifest a blue print based on the structure within one’s self.

At times it is hard for me to make the attention shift. Yet this is a key. I ask myself why I cannot make the shift. Usually, there is something running in my mind. And, yet, the concentration on the number problem, allows me to see that this is happening because I can’t concentrate. I have had the same thing happen when I had to practice, which I did for years. Depending on how I concentrated, a piece was learned quickly or slowly. And if learned slowly, that was how the piece was played the next time I looked at it.  How we do what we do when we do it, is remembered, or imprinted, unless we begin to realize how this all works. Yet, an imperfect practice causes delays because even if I am aware of this, I still have to sort out and focus. The focus is not clear, in other words.

I find, that if I try too hard to concentrate on the numbers, it gets more difficult. If I move with more ease, it is not.  I also find that I can go backwards and forwards within the numbers being laid out, so it is not so necessary to memorize each step, it is more to move through the whole picture of the steps, and see the steps and the answer as one, and then let it go. This is the same as listening to another person.  The moment I rush in self interest, I miss some of what is being said and I cannot recall the person’s words. To note, it is interesting because a false unclear logic is redundant, meaning filled with repetition, and hence, not that hard to follow. This is because what lingered that is not clear, hangs around, just as in those times I practiced without being focused or without first grounding myself into a direct focus on what I was doing. At the moment, I have this saying, ‘ do the math’ . It is the same as when my practicing was not effective, because I was not doing the math, I was within myself polarized into a cloud, or fog of something I was thinking about that had become an entity that I had not cleared up. Every time I played the piece I practiced that I had carried a spinning issue into in the back of my mind ( or the front!) that ‘ issue’ would jump right back into my presence. It has the characteristic of busy-ness, whereas a real focus has a quality of ease.  lol. water is fluid after all. That quality of our sensibility is fluid after all.

Immediately, I have a sense that explaining this is too difficult, yet this in itself is an illusion. It really is in our face, right there, in front of us. So, how can that be difficult? And it can be transposed into many many scenarios within decoding the behaviors of this same mis-understanding in relation to behaviors. lol, yet this is being able to do the math, being able to begin to see the unresolved and its lag and effect on being able to hold a focus that has the quality of moving with greater ease and standing here physically no longer fearing to understand before taking action, and realizing that a perfect practice lends an ease of movement and the ability to expand one’s awareness, to the point where one becomes a master of one’s self. Will I get to the point where I no longer have the lingering past experiences of fear because I did not take the time to understand how this works, and had to rediscover it through the life time I have had on this earth?  The distraction, dis-traction of television , as what is aired, beginning with religion will and must become realized as a great crime against life. 

Our ability to understand and connect is so fucking great, it is astounding that we choose less than this. Being sad about not using this nature of life, which is the gift, does nothing. This is the point of self forgiveness, to let go of what was accepted as an imperfect practice and to become a master of one’s self as life. There are also tools to quantify this process of taking back self, as life.  A tool that can be the practice of living the difference between being caught in an imperfect practice and the movement of the self outside of that fog one carries around and that interrupts one’s focus towards what is real, as this creation in manifestation as the physical. Life is right here, right in front of us. 

The sad fog of the mind.  The Sequence Attention Dis-order of Fear, Obligation and Guilt. A disorder that has forgotten the real symbols are the physical information.

It is all a math and it has no mumbo jumbo.