LOOKING here; at self hate Day 772

Looking here continued.

If I look at being ephemeral, where the ephemeral is something intangible, as yet inchoate, yet the stirrings of something, like a world on a world, like a musical stream, a musing that blindly moves in ignorance of what is real and what is here, missing the real expression all around us as the physical, would it be hard to admit to the division, and the real understanding of having done so, allowed such? 

 Can that shadow that is intangible, yet tangible, be that hard to correct? Would the resonance of such, appear to be something difficult to handle.? Within this, in time and space, it is interesting how the very words I use are all from the previous day coming from interactions, and how the words I speak influence the next day, because the words I have used seem to come up suddenly. 

Yesterday, I was driving home with my son, having picked him up from school. In the car he suddenly said that a person he knew was a toxic onion. lol, I was surprised that he recognized a pattern and called it out. he has been waiting on tables part time and interacted with a lot of people, and we have talked a lot about behavior, thus it is not as surprising as I might like to think. 

He also talked about an interesting model within learning. He had read something that described how we learn in our present environment. Imagine understanding something being a circle, when something is completed, or a goal in development has been reached- as another way to say it.  With the onset of building an understanding, one begins with  a simple scaffold in relation to becoming aware of what that circle is as a complete state of understanding. One begins, as enters into awareness of towards being aware of the total circle, via seeing first, as being with, a degree of awareness that is on the level of that simple triangle. Then that turns into a square, then a pentagon shape, then a hexagon shape and so on. Until one becomes a shape with many lines filling in the circle to the extent the space in the circle is filled. The point when one’s scaffold of understanding appears to completely fill in the circle, there comes a moment that is like a jump , where one is equal to the circle. This jump is a movement into grace. 

I see this, within looking at anger. I asked my son if he understood that anger is always self hate. Without hesitation, he said yes. lol, that was cool. 

What does an ephemeral world, a shadow world and reaching what is a metaphor for closing a circle - having a point of expansion that is a leap into grace, - AND anger being self hate,  have to do with one another? 

Anger being self hate,  ultimately ( and realize that there are no problems, there are only solutions, meaning a mis-take can ONLY BE CORRECTED INTO UNDERSTANDING )  means one is resisting LOOKING HERE, one is resisting one’s own capacity to find solutions, which must include this practical and physical reality. Anger exists when value judgements about something  are made larger than reality, which is a separation from reality, and thus lacking a state of grace, of which the very behaviors of anger are a marker of and as as an indicator of a loss of grace! 

One must simply LOOK at the ephemeral values as what one is lost in as one’s inner musings and deconstruct them, to refocus on the practical and physical living reality. 

Within myself I realize, having participated in the intangible, allowing and accepting it to be larger than life - running from it, hiding from it - that having to turn and face my biggest fear, which is really a fear of having accepted and allowed the same within myself, is so embedded, and yet, dare I say here, that it is possible to reach a state of grace within and as this.  Interesting how this brings a sense of shame and joy at the same time. Yet this is that point of leaping into grace, which no one can do for me but myself. 

If I reflect on the present system, I can see where it is a form, just as within myself, where a denial, a resistance of accepting ‘ grace’ is the thing most avoided, most resisted, and of such a busy work to retain doing everything possible to NOT LOOK HERE. 

Yet, there is no other place to go to. It is as simple as that. 

 The math of polarities as the game of good and bad value judgements, is such an illusion, it is quite astounding. And yet, from some small experiences, it is what every single one of us really want. One cannot see it if one is seeing ONLY a limited scaffold that is the focus of self, in separation from seeing the circle. The circle being the real, living and practical world around us.

Teaching children to ‘ fill in the circle’ in a box in their heads, is a backwards construct.  Using chemicals to balance out  dis-ease in the body, is completely backwards.  Having systems where some supposed authority, as authors of how things work, learned in a box, in a backwards way, is backwards - especially with bureaucracies of same construction as human beings who have moved contrary to life, is also backwards. It is all the opposite of life, using limitation to  resist reality.  The game and math of resistance to self as life, as living in a bubble as a head trip, of good and bad, right and wrong, blame and spite, resistance and rejection, is up. We live in a physical creation of form and function, where harm towards something is visible, and not what we would want for ourselves. Therefor , in any shape or form, it is unacceptable to harm. 

If I really understand that anger is always self hate, can I go out into the world and no matter what, act with grace towards all things, as being a voice as a starting point to say out loud, no matter what, that anger is always self hate? Will this stop a person moving into a track of and as an ephemeral  existence, visible and composed of polarities, as movements within a bubble as a built self interest, as a created self of and as energy that is division from what is eternal? This division of self, composed  of blame and spite  building  projection and conjure ( con- jure = with judgement )  that is the opposite of life as real self creation?  I suppose that the marker of this  state of grace would be to remain in gentleness, in a steady grounded focus with humility,  both reciprocating , as taking back to self, the math of separation AND remaining grounded here. After all, what are words for but to communicate what is here. 

Moving against a tide of separation, means being the same as what caused the separation, which means relating things with persistence in accord with reality.  The same as separation is built. Self dis-- covery is a process,  it i re-versing one’s self.  One must realize one’s verse and then realize the scaffold of one’s separation, to uncover what was always there; the circle. lol what a head trip! 

LOOKING at anger Day 771

LOOKING at anger.

Fear can be so blinding. one cannot see the forest through the trees. As one is so focused on the lack, as the fear, which is a loss of presence and what is natural as common sense. 

Fear is not being in solution. It is being in projection.

I cannot focus on the ‘ what if’s” or the ‘ worst case scenario, AND realize solutions as the fear an enlarge a possible outcome, especially if I am holding onto a fear of punishment from making a mistake.  If I focus on an idea that I am not enough, based on the shame of having accepted a fear of a loss, having also rushed to experience something based on an idea,  that is not of an awareness and cross reference of who and what I am, here, in this form, as this physical life,  I become angry at myself for my absence of presence in who and what I really am. My anger is always self hate, as finding solutions means looking here, and looking here is of and as a silence as I become like water and simply understand something, which has no resistance and no rejection and is reading what is here, this a process that starts from a point of nothingness, as all attention is on listening to what simply is. 

My dis-ease can only be a consequence of a lack of presence, that is an involvement in a focus on sorting something out and hiding that sorting of something out, based on a moment of comparison done in competition in an idea of a more. I say idea, because I am the same building blocks of creation as what is here, as the physical, that is all around me and me. 

Thus, anger is not enough of being in FORM of who and what I am, in respect, of here.  Look around, HERE IS PHYSICAL. 

It is time to become a tree of life, one that is capable of bearing fruit of sustainability. It is time to step out of a singular toxic onion of layers of value judgements composing a projected personality that has no real grounding in life because those layers create a head trip instead of a life trip. . Life is physical, it is right here. 

What is LOOKING ; continued Day 770

What is LOOKING continued.

Lately, I so notice when I have missed what is right in front of me. An example is having used a kitchen device. This device has a tool that comes with it, to process the food more effectively. The other day, while using this device, I stood there at the counter, looking for this apparatus, and could not see it. When I was done, I found it, it was right next to me. I can’t even remember if this was in plain sight all the time, of partially hidden under the machine itself.

I just stood here, looking at where I had been that I did not see this that was right in front of me.

I also notice that after the fact, as in not in the moment I am in ‘ action,’ with hindsight I realize patterns around me. I do not see them in the moment they move, in that moment they are actualized. Somehow, my processing of here, is not being lived in the moment. I remain in a non-looking at what is right here, right in front of me. What can be me as not looking, or only looking as recognizing patterns with hindsight, is myself being, as accepting a morality that is not being present and processing form and movement and expression as what is actual mourned me, here, in this reality. I am so used to, as habituated with not looking. I am showing myself what I have allowed. 

I am mis-using my presence. What I have created myself as, as the things on which I focus, as values, are not in consideration of this living reality, this that is the means of me being here. This that is what and who I am in totality. I am exiting within a limited paradigm. Para-di-gm. I exist as a para - something projected from myself before reality,  of division - as value judgements of good and bad , g- generating, m- me. I am the creator of myself. What have I do I generate and create as the very presence of and as me? It is, not here ness, because I am missing what is in plain sight. 

What I am looking at here, is why I realize patterns with hindsight and not in the moment? That I am able to realize patterns, means that I realize them. This begs the question, and I know I am repeating here, as to why I do not stand in recognizing the patterns in the moment? Obviously, if i can realize patterns within musical notes, to the degree that I balance myself out in an instance, I can do this within value judgements as ideas, beliefs and opinions, wants, desires and needs , in a moment too! After all, this is all values, and a note is a value, it is a thing, with shape and color as the nature of its expression. 

It is because is my value system is limited, as a narrow framework, or a limited scaffold, or a paranormal construct, as a memory resonance within me, and I ONLY see that, I cannot be in the presence of all things, here. I am in separation. I mean, come-on, at this point in this existence, we know to wrote out our emotions, and we know we hold memories that are polarized as value judgements. We can no longer hide behind this, or allow this that we know, to be made larger than life. Nor can I. 

Even in health practices, we understand that stress is detrimental to the body. Stress is a mis-processing of reality. It is reality out of whack, it is a ‘ head trip” as such.  A head trip is a paranormal event.  To exist as a head-trip, means to manipulate words,  and pictures. I say pictures, because a picture is used to trigger ideas, beliefs and opinions, superimposed on that picture, as what is a parable, and what is analogies? They are constructs of values placed into symbols, as a thing in picture, or an object, and as such the recognition that we are walking in a bubble of a morality that is not being present in reality. How does one think onion layers work? How does one think a loss of spatial skill happens? LOOK, it is right here, in the math, right in front of us! Right in front of ME, because I am the same, because I drank the cool-aid. I became what i hated, because I was that child, before it was imposed with the math/limited-dogma of a relying/religion of some afterlife adult authoring who and what I am so I would not be self responsible because I feared being this, in relation to what is a resonant construct of separation from reality, which is physical. 

I cannot fear remaining stable and steady and grounded in the physical, feet on the ground, realizing and bringing back into focus on reality, as this HUGE valley of smoke and mirrors, as value judgements, as manipulation of sound, as pictures and words, airy fairy and all around me. I am, essentially, in a head-trip when I cannot, in real time, see what is in plain sight, and read the patterns of my own self created separation. I mis-used my own capacity as life. The only way out, is to face the storm, and take back what would bring joy, as what is natural as me, as myself as life, which means focusing and being present HERE. 

One of the ways of separation, is to take a tiny good, which is a good, and to make that huge, and create an endless discussion around it. It is like being in a church and singing praises again and again and again, and then thinking one is good for doing so. Quite astounding. This is a from of avoidance, or ignorance, within hiding behind a busy work of value judgement. The mis-take of self being equal to life is done with limitation, which means not acknowledging all things, and instead taking one small value, turning it into an idol and standing within that at the expense of the world during down around one. This is what is meant by doing nothing as being as evil as participating in the thing itself. There is no difference between the two, because they are both a lack of acknowledgement of practical reality, as the physical in expression in form and function!  It is said , that to tell someone a lie, which is playing the game of separation which has a color of limitation and ignorance, does not really make a person angry. Why, because it is like an army of defense, supporting it state of limitation. It is like, we are both lying, and we accept that. Yet, when one points this out, the one playing the game, must answer to an acceptance of lack, that is not being self responsible as life, which can generate reactions in support of that lack, and demand for change. This will make a construct of limitation react. Thus a real truth ( remember no dogma is going to support you if you cannot breathe) in relation to not being in consideration of all things, will cause the lie to react. That reaction will bring forth defense of that lie, in a kind of scream. Why? Because the scream is what the lie has been existing as, because it takes an intense effort to be that. And since we know it is all memories of value judgements, and this is a math happening real fast as the individual movements that generate this, because we accumulate what we accept to define us, this all plays out real fast, with the parts no longer specifically recognized, that we cannot slow down, we have to scream what we have allowed, to actually see it. And it is in plain sight. And it can no longer be allowed, because it is not equal to all life, of which the physical is the means of and as. The body, the physical allows and is breath, not that limited morality. No way out. 

I remember being a mother of young children. I remember my children sometimes suddenly, after a pause, turning from other adults. Then, they would, with careful movement, acclimate to some adults and interact with them.  I notice this in my nephew as well. When I have not seen him for a while, he will stare at me, with a subtle down turn around the mouth, and a turning away from me, to then slowly interact with me. he is simply reading me, as my children read other adults and sometimes reacted by turning away, as a ‘ not wanting to look’ scenario.  I realize, that within and as my own construct of not looking, as playing the limited morality game instead of remaining present in that which allows me to exist as breathe here, that i am being the same as what my children turned from. They had simply acclimated to me, in survival. 

Children will participate in a reality that has adults in bubbles of separation, as where else to they have to go? They will build, practice and interact, even within limitations around them. The desire to practice language, in this one case, is so strong, as building within that, that the child will repeat, again and again and again, what is being said and what is being pointed out, in real time, just being and moving around in the physical reality of one’s environment. lol, I was singing a song in relation to toy buses, a simple song, about the wheels of the bus going round and round, and the child laughed and screamed AGAIN! This happened so many times I can’t remember how many time I sang this, but it was a joy to see the child taking it in and beginning to mimic it. Somehow the awe of wheels going round and round, and perhaps the words being a means of describing that amazing physical thing, is all good! Perhaps, in relation to this, my body generating and being in a form, was also a part of the joy. This joy a joy of being physical, nice and simple and great fun in being in expression, as cool and breathing. Better than any picture show in the mind, emitting from the flesh, as a resonant memory. Can’t wait to see what happens when we try and sew heads onto new bodies. A thought we already tried the Frankenstein scenario and found out that it did not work! I mean, there are findings oaths world, where evidently, the whole nuclear experiment has been done, in a time before out time, as the signature of this is left on the physical.  We are, because of our accepted and allowed separations running on treadmills of limitations as value judgements spending out lives in head trips. Meanwhile, the earth shrinks, just as we shrink into a dried up white and grey prune like thing with no spatial presence left. We drank the kool-aid.

We don't have to drink the cool-aid, we can, come back down to earth, and face the smoke and mirrors of energy - as what a limited value system can only exist as because it has no sustainability, because it is not equal to life.  We can place our presence in out bodies, as respect of what is real, and ground ourselves here, equal and one to life, which is physical. I can step over the line of my own accepted and allowed participation of and as limited scaffolds of information that must be composed of good and bad, right and wrong, forcing a limited value forward, making it HUGE, and myself calling this out, in self discovering ways and means, to remember myself as who and what I am as life here, realizing breath is greater and more real than any idea resonantly projecting as my own self creation, in front of me, and instead ground myself here. 

Why do we not ask ourselves why the PHYSICAL thing we become within us, is the MOST EXPENSIVE thing to build? And that this inner creation, is the MOST IMPORTANT ‘ thing’ in our lives?  Educating that, forming that costs more in this world than our homes, or our cars, or our ‘ THINGS’ we accumulate believing these ‘THINGS” to hold a value, when the greatest VALUE is the ‘ THING’ we become within and as the creation of who and what we are here. Ask yourself? 

And why, if the child the POOREST thing in the world?  Why is that which is not yet built which costs the MOST to build, is in the most VULNERABLE state? 

How is it, that I can’t see what is in PLAIN SIGHT? 

Ask yourself? Get mad, then change. Accept and recreate yourself as LIFE. Walk the process of change, get your word skills moving. Realize the patterns within and in one’s environment, AND on the world stage. Your are, as what you as as a physical being, the most perfect of means to do so. RESPECT the labor of those who are bringing this forward.  In this present system this means GIVING in monetary means. It need not be as much as the system costs, yet that labor must be supported, after all it is what you would have wanted for yourself.

Thank you for reading. 

Segmented practices that show us who we are. Day 769

Why do I fear LOOKING?

In performing, I have practiced being focused on myself, the movement of music around me, as parts and the overall whole. This is what looking is, and when accepting of what is, one sees the greater structure, and can retain more presence , even within mix-ups manifest as quicker re-call, of momentary absence of presence, or within facing a new form; sudden and moving into clarity as one both ‘ sight -reads’ the form as the notes ahead of time, and places it in the context of the form, as the notes being generated. 

In relation to the destini I Process, I have been practicing looking at my own layered emotional ‘ firewall’ that I have allowed to define me, and which has slowed down the processing speed of reality as myself here. Meaning being effective here, problem solving as a movement of self correction to and towards this living reality, and not ONLY as the bubble of layered emotional stories within and as me. This onion of emotional values accumulated over time, slowing down a natural ability to process information , this living reality information, where real skill lends real practical movement, and develops real focus, to the extent one preforms in real time, in this space, here. 

Just as I have practiced a focus in reality, as the music generated in a group and by myself, i can do the same here, as this living reality. When what I am doing is not effective,  resistances happen, of which I must practice what I am LOOKING at, that is causing me to not READ, or process my state of being, the state of being of those around me that are the same as this, and the practical living reality, AND, the existential system forms accepted and allowed that are on this earth today as a consequence of not understanding how we are absorbent machines and very functional machines. Remember, our thoughts become our actions become our habits, determine the COURSE of our lives, and by extensions, as a collective, the COURSE of this reality.

Naturally, it is important that we realize that we are all the same. It is only belief, opinion and idea in a bubble in our heads, resonant around us that separates us from realizing what is in plain sight. This is why the DOGMA of religion and politics is an illusion, manifest as creating a society communicated via our present media, of storms of value judgements, spinning in a very narrow focus, that distracts us from, for example getting aid to countries experiencing drought- of which we obviously are very capable of doing because the natural resources grabbed behind this curtain, are constantly moving. This does not stop- or your cell phone would not always be so readily available. How can we not see the contrast of the two when they are so IN OUR FACE, if we slow down, step out of our emotional firewalls and LOOK HERE.

Do we not wonder why so many of our children in our high schools are labeled as having “ SLOW PROCESSING’ speeds? Our projections of storied mis-information, is right there, around us, resonant, sucking the life from us. Various practices, in our society today, though segmented, acknowledge this.  Yet we are, in some ways not bringing them together, because we, as being in a bubble, are not seeing the parts and the whole, as what we are telling ourselves!

For example, there are apps that suggest writing out our emotions. There is a practice I have encountered where children are pulling up memories, to resolve ( micro) traumas. This is a reflection of and as ourselves telling ourselves that we are being emotional firewalls of and as memories that must be cleared in order to improve our processing speeds! These memories are emotional and they are slowing down a natural ability to process information effectively. 

We also understand, as all the research in reading makes this very clear, the more effective use of and as how we SOUND ourselves, as our words, as those small parts that compose our expression that is never the real practical living thing, and only ever like a reciprocal reflection of something to share perspective to then UNDERSTAND as check before taking action - that process of always respecting the practical as the living reality around us. 

This medium, of sound as words, as expression in a verbal form, can also be HUGELY manipulated. lol, this can be said, in a moment, when someone speaks, to begin talking out loud, about how much words can be manipulated and used to distract from reality.  Here , I am thinking about how chemical drugs are given new names, based on adding a ‘ foot’ as another chemical, that segments when placed in the body, so that the chemical drug is actually, in practice the same as an earlier drug that has lost its patent, and no longer can generate huge profits. This new drug can have a new name, be marketed and sold at a much higher price (  insurance rates?) when it is the same drug! This is all done with subtle manipulations of the physical, and with words;  words painted in windows, formed into something that does not fully disclose what it really is within what it actually does. I mean, how corrupt is that? And who is responsible to investigate and understand this?  We are, each of us. It is something that can be understood, yet if one is busy managing a layered onion of limited information as value judgements which is polarization into good and bad, becoming resistance to reality, how can one slow down and hear the orchestra of movement around us? Emotional firewalls take a lot of time management! And, I will not go into what the ignorance of taking these drugs does to the environment, and how that seemingly no significant difference, accumulated over time - just as the emotional memory resonantly accumulates over time, -causes the very distraction that does not LOOK at what our small actions become and effect the living environment around us. Nor will I go into what this does to those that come after us, as the children and the growing numbers of them that do not even have a chance at life because of what has accumulated in the environment affecting their growth- also sold by what we call teachers in schools!

We have to LOOK at the very fabric of what we are doing, what we are being, within and as ourselves, and begin to recognize this within ourselves, to then be able to recognize this around us, to then self correct the very focus of who and what we are into realizing the real means of what is the real capacity of what we are in total, as working parts moving in tandem together, to create a world that is expansive and effective and actually moving as life, which is a movement of steady sustained productive expression and creation, it is a structuring as a skill set that fashions sustainable ‘ trees’ of expression.  The power is in the numbers. Individual, unique and present as the effective skill sets that can only be realized within respecting all things around us and as us HERE, in this physical reality- that one thing that is what our attention is taken away from; within agriculture practices made ritual into tradition, defining us, yet separating us from this reality - as all those resources as what is real and what is ironically owned by a few,  into religion and politics that is the voice of justification for what is a separation from what is the MOST real, which is the physical.  

Some call this getting out of one’s head ‘ trip.” Because it is a HUGE head trip.  In reality,  we are on a PHYSICAL TRIP.  Just ask yourself why the physical is what is owned by the few, and how religion is meant to make believe there is a better life somewhere else. And, religion is a make believe, because no one has actually seen it, and come back from it. Look at when one believes  a lost one is ‘ around one”? That is memory. There is not “ one around “ one, it is a vessel, as a layered onion of value judgements. Have to also ask yourself, why in America, there is a lesson in high school from the Shakespeare play ‘ Hamlet” that subtly is an idea of and as “ shoot the messenger”? lol, we are psychologically in-FORMED to believe the messenger is shot. Don't call things out by name, you may be shot. This is a manipulation of WORDS, of SOUND.  We have become instruments emitting emotional fire storms. Does this not describe the valley of good and evil? Yes, just as a cup is a cup, this is what we are allowing and accepting, that emotional firewall is the valley of right and wrong, more than and less than, good and bad. The composition of which are those emotional reactions, that can be realized as comparison, imagination, blame, spite.  They are all fear. 

 When we as a fabric create apps to write emotional states out, and practices to pull up memories,  we are revealing to ourselves what we have allowed ourselves to be, and what we allow ourselves to focus upon - all composed of WORDS.  HAHA ,too late, the cat is out of the bag! Shooting away the messenger is not going to change this. Like a master of martial arts, real compassion is to not accept what does not focus self into being a master of self, to structure self, as become effective skill sets, that lend effective interaction with PRACTICAL physical reality as the CREATION OF SELF AS LIFE, here. 

This begins with careful and effective restructuring of the notes, as the words, as the sounds generated by the self, that build the habit fabric of self that inform one’s actions in a real and physical world that is in plain sight, right here. After all, without the trees, without breath we do not exist - no religion and/or no dogma supersedes this.  The nature of effective parenting, would place the means in PLAIN SIGHT to lend self autonomy as who and what one is.  We are physical. The physical is LIFE. 

A natural ability to be PRESENT Day 768

I have moments from the past where I looked at something and had a noses that something was out of whack. It usually was a focus where I could not explain why I thought something was out of whack, or, as another way to say this is, ‘ not in synch.”

This is something I think is innate to all of us, as what we are. This is something that each one of us can realize. If anything we get caught up in the details of expressing ourselves as we cannot line up the words that paint the picture of the math that we see, or sense, being not in synch, somehow, in the world around us. 

I can think of numerous instances in my life where this has happened. And I can compare this to performing to realize, as I had over the years, of what was happening that was the cause of both being able to sense something being out of synch and an ability to not quite be able to call out by name the math, the movement, the sense of the whole not being in balance. It is all around us, and we are the perfect mechanisms to understand this. We have all sensed this at some point in our lives. It has to be because of what we are, as forms, in totality. The statement that the veil is thin, is around and has been around for a reason, because it is a description of what is happening. It sticks , it holds, it cannot be denied.

I remember an instance where I really looked at my nephew, who is autistic.  I mean, I stood there and really LOOKED. Meaning, I sensed him, in calm, just stood there and sensed him. Instead of being in fear of his erratic and unconventional movements, in relation to comparison ONLY, based on comparison within standard expectations, I LOOKED at him. I was not in a state of resistance, I just LOOKED. What came to me was a sense that he was completely out of synch within himself.  It appeared that all the anxieties I knew from my family where swirling around ‘ in there’ and that this being was simply not able to synchronize with presence, his body and presence in a stable way, in a focus without an interference causing a huge effort to get himself to focus here. 

Having such a ‘ thought’ about this, and this was before desteni , is overall telling. Why do I not trust such a thing? And why can I not see my own details that yet lack details? And why not stand up and say this! Why not trust myself enough to speak up as this? In all common sense we are physical BIO- LOGICal forms, and within my sense of a LACK of an ability to FOCUS as what I see, I am basically telling myself, revealing to myself, what is actually happening to the being in space and time. How is it that what is so obvious is ignored? I mean, if I can sense water getting hot to make tea, for example, or if I can sense a change in barometric pressure, or if I can feel the bite of a tick, why the fuck can I not sense the movement and flow and focus of another human being? Of course I can, as the very nature of what and who I am as the same physical information as this world around me. The only thing that would stop this, is information counter to this, said again ad again and again, that I would begin to FOLLOW that would be counter to what the FUCK I AM! What do we think the whole “ Plato’s wall” and  the Machiavellian construct of voicing blame and spite as dis- SENT as information is and does? The math of separation is VISIBLE and all around us!  In so many ways, it is actually not a rocket science, or, one could say we are the most perfect of mechanisms to sense the science of the physical around us. And why? Because we are of the same stuff! 

An act of seeing ONLY the lack, and not also realizing the means of change out of that lack, in tandem with the behavior of calling out that lack ONLY, is a distraction of looking at the self - that self that has an innate ability to realize when something in this physical realm is out of synch, is out of harmony, is out of real presence, as out of FOCUS HERE.  To ignore, or reject, or not use this sensibility as who and what we are, and to ONLY point out that lack - is that same sensibility being used, which means a sensibility exists! It is an admission of what we are, it is only that it is being MISS-used. 

If one focuses ONLY on a resonant belief that was accepted and recited or used again and again, and FOLLOWED as that resonant belief within,  which is a practice of and as following something instead of using an innate sense, which is a rejection of the self as life - life being a natural sensibility - then one becomes out of synch with this reality. This is something that no one can blame on any one or thing around them. And it can only be self corrected. This is a resonant entity, it is a MINED CON-SCIENCE. One has become and practices a consciousness of separation.  The subconscious being the foundation of the parents being the same, and the unconscious this of the overall system, all accumulations as ideas, beliefs and opinions, composed in separation as a focus on LIMITED information accepted and allowed. This is, in other words, not a rocket science. The degree to which one cannot realize this, is the degree of one’s separation. It is visible in how much one projects the limited storied information onto objects around one, instead of standing within what is natural and innate, which is the ability to sense the whole and the parts, that ‘ nagging ‘ sense that something is out of whack, that each and every one of us has as who and what we really are. 

If one does a discipline, such as performing with an instrument, in a group, it begins, over time, to become obvious when one is not in synch with the group and begs the question as to what is causing this out-of-synchness. The only thing that can block this, is within the self. One must ask the question as to what is blocking the focus ? One must listen to the body to realize what it is that is blocking the focus. What I noticed was that a part of me was focusing on, my children, when they were  younger- for example. I had to learn to let one thing go, in the space for the moment that I was in, and focus on where I was. A consequence of this, after I had realized this, was that then chancing from the one to the other, was in itself challenging. This revealed to me that I was sluggish within myself, but in common sense I should be able to do this, as this was actually being mature ( as the terms I used and learned within this discipline).  This, overall, is being a master of self, and creating a self. Yet, overall, this begged another question as to why any resistance to something was not realized for what it was, and why our system did not take this into consideration and even used this for gain, through forcing beliefs, and dis-allowing this to live in synch with this reality and how this all works! How many times has one realized that past actions were not what was best, and has shame for such actions, not wanting to go back and correct them? How many times have we wallowed in such, defining ourselves as such, using this very limited piece of a movement, to define ourselves to make ourselves ‘ better’ within a bubble of realization, instead of moving beyond this into realizing the moving parts within the whole, in relation to all of this? It is an indication of having lost a focus on the whole, which means one has an embedded resonance that has become larger than reality, that is what is distracting the self from being who and what we are by capacity, into sensing mis-takes of and as our state of being, in relation to an innate ability to SENSE, to be in COMMON SENSE of the overall movement and expression of this LIVING REALITY around us that is the same as us. This reality, as the physical is a beautiful design. We are the means to understand and create.  We need only recognize the resonant ghost of mis-information through limited story accepted and allowed as reality, yet not ourselves standing within ourselves as who and what we really are. And, in a sense, all of our actions are us wanting to ultimately be in synch with this reality, because it is who and what we really are as this is the means of us being in living expression. 

Just look at all the dogmas of self definition, based on environment and culture, the dogmas of religion and politics, ask yourself if these things lend life expression. Hold your breath, focus on those values and see if they can ultimately sustain you, or if what sustains you is BREATHING.  This means that the PHYSICAL trees are necessary, or supersede any inner BELIEF system. Thus, what is ultimately real? 

An interesting thing happened those years I was performing with small groups. As I started to sort this out within myself, to realize what I was doing within myself, I had people come up to me and say to me that I had a lot of PRESENCE on stage.  I looked at this, with surprise and self interest, as I did that of which I speak, and did not relate this to what I was sorting out and realizing within myself. Yet, as I become more a master of myself, within my self, in relation to what I was doing, that focus improved and people noticed it. 

What also happened, is nasty comments also came to me. It appeared as an  out-of-context statement. I would react, yet also, had experienced a sense of myself knowing when I was in synch and present, meaning I knew when I was in focus, what I had not rehearsed enough etc. to know that no one could really know what I was being but myself. This was enough to begin to know the difference between supportive criticism and just simple nasty criticism. 

Supportive criticism opens doors, as though it defines what one already senses, and is very clear- meaning one sees it immediately and is thankful. Nasty criticism usually makes no sense, and confuses. And yet, I know very good players who have a hard time between the two, which is an indication of not being in synch in itself- but that is within the individual. 

If I can sense this, and this is something that is known, it means that that same sense in the self, is alive and present. The ability to sense the different colors of this, overall substantiates what is innate within all of us, as who and what we are, as living beings that are physical, and can sense the most subtle of things, down to seeing, realizing and understanding when we face an autistic person, that what is happening with that person, is a serious state of being out of synch with reality, with this physical reality. 

This means that it is probably a cause of a number of things, that we have allowed pollutants in our environment from NOT LOOKING, and we have allowed a resonance of NOT LOOKING, that is causing what we are to be out of synch. We are therefor creating physical discord with reality within and as what we are placing as a math of separation, as a measure of separation as what we hold within us, that is of limited information, to inform the physical. It is , if we LOOK , as what is natural to what and who we are,  the cause of so much out-of-synchness in our world today. We are moving against life. Yet we are, as the very nature of ourselves and the physical, as what is natural, the ability to move in synch with creation, as the physical reality that is life that is all around us. 

On the world stage, it appears to me, that the bully of the media and certain institutions we have collectively allowed and as men, because the power is in the numbers, as men composing the system - it appears to me, that just as a nasty person realizing in contrast to a noticeable presence, attack and try and force a limitation to hide a reality. This behavior in itself screaming a separation from self, not wanting anyone to see that that self has rejected itself as life, and moving to attack anything that exposes its separation, and/or in many ways, a crying out of separation, as the practice of separation is all that is known, and all the expression of the entity knows how to be. So is it with some of our present systems, such as the CDC and the whole vaccine scenario. it is like it is screaming its demise, trying to hold onto something that is being exposed, and instead of LOOKING, does everything in its capacity to continue a false narrative. Thus, the movement of lack, in the overall system, behaves the same as what I experienced in my life in relation to movements and expressions around me. Thus, it is  a pattern, recognizable, and of a measure, or math in this reality, visible and understandable within its accepted and allowed state of being. We individuals are no different. Such patterns can only exist within small measure, as a separation is a loss of presence, and only able to hold a chaos of no real self directive capacity- which is visible in its lack. If we take the time to look, can we not see the actions of institutions being that scared accusatory voice that uses hyperbole as limited value judgements that have no real clear description and directive practical measurable steps that open awareness, that point out where one is, with clarity and then give a measure that appears to voice just what one was seeing but was only on the cusp of calling out by name with clarity in the moment and therefor incredibly thankful of the clarity that defines effective practice that is a joy in and as self discovery into real self creation? The difference between the two is HUGE, and visible, if one takes the time to really LOOK.  This ability is the capacity of who and what each and everyone of us is as life. It is time that we create ourselves as life, which means to stand in the image and likeness of this practical and physical and visible reality. We all have moments where we realize this. We need only LOOK here. Breathe. 

The ungroundedness of self interest Day 767

Two days ago I had an interaction with a man. I had been waiting to use an ATM. He was the next in line. For some reason, I assumed he was with the person in the ATM. Perhaps because he was standing somewhat at a distance from the AT> The person in the ATM came out, and I moved to enter. He called out to me and I stopped. I immediately apologized and said I assumed he was with the woman. I was calm.

It did not matter, he then went on to tell me to go in that i was obviously in a rush, to which  responded again that I was as fault and had made an assumption, and that I had time. He then said the same thing again, that I was obviously in need, and that I should go. I did have the thought to go, while at the same time, I noticed what I have noticed before, which is a person not looking here, and instead looking at something else. He proceeded to walk away, as if in disgust.  It appeared to me to be a tiny tantrum. It is like a movement that is invisible, attempting to pull the space into something, that has nothing to do with the space, the moment, the living reality. 

What astounded me was how small it really was to go into something like this. Even though I was attempting to realize my own actions, I also in this noticed how tiny the emotional storms are. I have a sense of “ why” ?  There is no point to having these dramas. And, obviously the person wanted a situation in which to vent something.  I can have no idea what this person’s day was. It had nothing to do with me overall, and yet, it was unacceptable in another, overall. 

Lately I look at the discipline of playing an instrument and all the martial arts movies. The master has no time for emotional excuses or games because they understand that such things become a distraction, an interference, from being focused in the moment, as self, in one’s body. This is also why depression is always self interest, because what brings one into a state of ease, is being focused here, on this reality, in the practical. Given what is happening on the world stage, and the financial structure we allow through our participation, exciting polarized values about things is the means of manipulation. To make one thing appear more than another, in state of comparison, or competition, as this is what this creates, is the means of division from what is normal, which is  the practical and physical reality around us. Morals of judgement lacking practical perspective, are polarizing values, which is a separation from the practical.  How we ever allowed a banking system using interest mechanisms that flow all wealth to a government, via various round about structures, to then determine how we think, what we eat, and how we manage the consequences of not eating in ways that support our bodies, is astounding. It is a state of denial of self as life. It is living in an alternate reality, from the one that is here, and it is much much smaller, it is tiny. When that false reality of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, is made larger, by the self, in a bubble, an inflamed story of mis information and an incorrect use of the imagination, it creates a separation that is the proverbial veil that one allowed one’s self. We are all aware of this.  

In so many ways, it is time to stand up and speak about this. Sometimes in a state of learning something, one gets to the point where one must go out and stand up as this, as this propels the awareness into reality. One must stand and be the instrument performing, in real time, and not only within and behind the walls of study. What I have found is that I really face my own morality when I speak up about this in public. I am moving against a habit, in real time, and all the reactions are going to come forward, as they are the programming. yet this weeds out those who refuse to look. What happens is one begins to realize how small the storm of energy within someone is, how tiny it is,  how meaningless it is. One has to be like those martial arts masters, and stand no matter what, and not put up with excuses, and yet in a calm manner, not a suppressed manner, a present and  calm manner. Also, to realize that mistakes will be made, things will be missed, and yet this is no different than moving out of a private practice with an instrument into playing out in the world. One only learns to catch what one is doing, in real time and space. 

In one moment when this man reacted and insisted, as he turned away, I did have the thought move through me that he was busy projecting something and probably had not heard a word I said as he was busy in his own storied information. Even I moved beyond this, like saying no to the thought. This thought being small within myself. Just as I saw this movement as this that the man was being as small, so too was the same as a reaction within me towards him. What I am looking at here, is how much such states of being have the quality of a person not moving, not looking here, and ignoring the real space around them, like a glitch in space. with a tiny storm around the person. Just as the one I had around me, and just as the assumption moved me. It has a quality of not being present, and of hiding. 

I remember our dogs barking when the children went off to get on the school bus in the morning. They always started to bark, and never liked the big yellow school buses.  It always bothered me. Why were they barking so much? On some level, they could see that the children did not want to get on the bus and go to school. I realize that sending children off to be in a room every day for 13 years, to memorize information, is not what is best for them. This is how to inform them of what supports what upholds the present system that is raging wars, using the capacity of men for resource acquisition without regard for the life on this planet. We have allowed a government that is the model of what we are doing, within ourselves, and we are sending our children off for someone else to educate because we are so busy keeping the bubble of limited constructs of polarized values that consume us going that we cannot slow down and show our children this living reality.  The irony is , is that we made the choice to focus here, on this living reality, this practical and visible reality, we would find a real state of ease.  And, we mankind are so capable, we could make the change in a short period of time! 

Overall, walking mind constructs, to realize the patterns of our separation, as accumulated value judgements, from a starting point of an initial fear that compounds into a distraction that exists as a bubble around the self, is visible in its lack of presence in reality. It moves as a kind of frozen stiffness, like a glitch in presence, in being here. In children with whom I have worked, it triggers a restlessness, that can be refocused. One can realize the extent of this too, in whether or not one can hold something new within one’s self. If one cannot hold a word, for example and really define it to be clear and in tune, meaning one can use the tool as the word to bring one's presence into the greater whole as life, and as self in calm and  able to read information in a more self directive and self discovering state or manner, one is caught in a time loop, where a time loop is a body of storied and polarized information, having value judgements that separate one from what is more natural as a presence in awareness of this living reality that is this earth all around us. One could call this an emotional firewall. Even within the focus of one’s eyes is this visible. After all, what would one call a zombie or a vampire? 

I have a memory coming up of myself, standing in my parent’s kitchen. I must be in late elementary school or early middle school. In the memory, I move in a different way than I had moved before - or so I believe, or it had compounded to the extent that in this memory this movement happens to stand out more than others. I suddenly move to speak about information. It is like I can follow the patterns of the information and speak it out. It is like I move to stand in a picture, a body of ideas. It is interesting that while at the same time I sense the movement to stand in reality and speak up more openly about how this all works, that i have a memory coming forward of myself doing the same in relation to participating in communicating accepted storied constructs of information that had accumulated to the extent that I deemed it acceptable to move forward and speak it out to my parents. There is also a sense of gaining favor, or of being in synch with the measure of my parents within this.  I had stepped into being the cool aid, in a way. lol It is a memory that has the color of a first recital. There is also some sense of apprehension. And an awareness that I knew what i was doing, yet with full compliance. I was so focused on this that there was no real focus on an alternative at the time, in this memory.  Had I done this before, as in built up to this, with those times before having that moment where i remember running out to a tree to run from what I had resonantly allowed that I knew on some other level was not what was best? 

I realize that eventually, our awareness must become equal to the life around us as the physical. If we focused as who and what we are, as living physical beings, our focus on life, which is physical would so come to enjoy the subtle that are the forms that compose this life, that create the trees that we cannot live without. Trees that supersede any religious or political dogma. We are physical, and the physical reality is life. It is no wonder that what is real is in plain sight? 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to drink the cool aid of knowledge and information without practical application.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand within the ,gaming of storied information to participate in survival, in self interest, to gain favor within a bubble as the polarized values of and as my family, in separation from remaining as who and what I am as life, as a physical state of being, in this reality that is physical and all around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to choose a limited storied set body of information, with the rise and fall of good and bad, right and wrong, more than and less than, instead of remaining practical, equal and one with and as a common sense of who and what I am as a physical state of being, as what is here in plain sight that is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand how I participated within and as accumulating a storied body of information, to define me, to be the expression of and as me, that is knowledge and information without consideration of this practical reality as the physical, to gain favor, to survive, to such an extent that I forgot who and what I am, even having experienced the consequences of and as this, during my childhood.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to set bodies of information, as firewalls of emotion, accumulated over time, and not recognizing this as what I had done within myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to the same that i had accepted and allowed within and as me, as emotional feeling bodies composed of value judgements that separated myself from being present and equal to this reality, in all ways, standing as solution, within and as grounding presence in the practical, as this reality is must bigger and more alive, than bubbles of set bodies of polarized value judgements and the means to realize there are no problems only solutions, within and as creating what is best for all, as this is what is best for the self.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that when and as an emotional storm is around me, or a movement in this reality around me, that it does not define me, unless i allow it, and that i need not fear such or believe that such is impossible to bring into being focused here, in this practical and living physical reality.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that subtle nature of what I allowed within and as standing up to recite what I believed in the moment was how I should be to gain favor, to survive as this movement in the kitchen as a older child, was done in complete self interest, with a sense that I, as me, as seeing only my own self advancement in collecting value points, as self interest, stood up to speak, there is a quality of myself pulling myself into moving space into a picture of storied information that is not expansive, and more singular as being in a bubble, where the presence of me, forces myself into this, in a way that it seems normal, when the very movement is a focus away from being present of the  very kitchen and its components around me, which is astounding that I dd not see, realize and understand what I was accepting and allowing, and for this I forgive myself. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that within this memory, I don’t even remember the adult standing there, I was so entrenched in my own recital of accepted and allowed information, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe, in where i am at the moment, that should I not recite what is collectively believed, as knowledge and information, as a set body of information, that I will be punished, when the real punishment is the suppression of myself, in standing in awareness of this physical and practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that i need not believe that I must protect myself from emotional firewalls of value judgements, as they are really very small, and readable, in their movement of and as not being focused here, and that great patience and humbleness can be what it is that I become here, as who and what I am as life is able to remain focused here, in consideration of all things, breathing, slowing down and grounding myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is a more, as being a more than, within and as being able to stand up and recite to prove myself being worthy, which is a stating point of and as a belief that I am unworthy, and not myself being focused here, equal and one with this living reality that is physical all around me, that is me, as it is the same as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a storm in a tea cup, an emotional firewall, of and as beliefs, opinions and ideas, within believing there are more than wants needs and desires, when what and who I am is here, able to communicate and respect what is here, as the physical that is the same as me, composed of and as the same building blocks of and as reality, a life in expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must ‘ thrust’ myself forward, to gain, when I am here, physical as creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe there is a need to rush, to stand up and recite, to prove, when I am here, as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must compare myself to others, as in compete with others, when I am here.

When and as I find myself moving outside of being humble, calm, present, breathing, and remaining steady, within and as not only seeing and reacting as a mind consciousness system I have accepted and allowed I also slow down and realize what I am accepting and allowing as belief, opinion and idea, within want, need and desire, and I review to cross reference my own construct of separation and I place myself here, in focus on this living and practical reality, to sort out and follow through, to become a living practice and recitation in thought word and deed,  of realizing there are no problems and only solutions, to move out side of a narrow focus and to include all things as the practical and physical life that is around me, to forgive limitation, and expand insight of and as, to and towards this living breathing physical reality that is in plain sight.

When and as I find myself moving in fear, within and as the most subtle of movements, within and as me, I stop and I breath and I ground myself here, in focus and presence of this living physical and practical reality, to reciprocate and recite a focus on the ability that is natural to be in self awareness of the physical creation that is life, in plain sight. 

When and as I find myself moving into a narrow focus as fear, as energy, as using knowledge and information to direct me, to substantiate me, as a belief, opinion and idea, I stop, I slow down and I breath, to ground myself here, to forgive myself to the life in plain sight here, as the physical. 

When and as  speak, or stand forward to recite, or direct myself into communication I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand what I am moving as, to check the movement of myself in relation to gain, to survival,  to realize where I am in fear of and as an idea of loss, or an idea of not being substantiated, as though I am not enough, which is comparing myself to an idea of and as what I should be, which is a distraction from being present and equal to this living physical reality, as such  - slow down, to realize motivations that I allow and have allowed to direct me that are in self interest, in fear, instead of realizing the illusion is fear, which I can realize as something I am believing, as such is the illusion, and therefor, I am able as the capacity of and as me as life, to have the ability to remain stable and steady in considering all things, here that are in plain sight.