Day 593 Understanding the space and time of practical existence, communicating here. Self Forgiveness

Understanding the space and time of practical existence, communicating here.

Back to the basics of self forgiveness in every moment I speak. I find that I can communicate more readily with others, even within evaluating limitations and speaking up, but still I can move into reactions of fear, where I fear being cut off, or not allowed to follow through, and I begin to rush and become impatient. But this is also an idea, myself having thoughts about how something should be. In this I lose a sense of the rhythm of what is presented, like I am within a video game where I have to walk past the swinging ax. But then I have created this idea, judging limitation as something that is a danger, when it is not, it is only I that accept and allow this to be so.

But the “ ax” so to speak, as the limitation is the words used, the structure of labels that have personified histories of mis-takes of reality, each hiding actions known to have born no practical measure of physical living, as so much of the detail of the practical is lost in a moment of rushing and not bouncing back quickly enough, grounding oneself back here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to rush, and as such to not listen and to miss aligning mis-takes back into practical application that can withstand the test of time and ground oneself here, equal and one to the physical, as the physical is what is real, is the gift of life, is the expression of life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  react to limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing an accepting myself to limit myself, in a desire to be right.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to lose myself in entertainment, as a game of association, mis-taking practical reality in an effort to build a valid argument as my end game, instead of remaining here, standing equal and one in thought word and deed with practical reality as the physical, the way and the means of my existence here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to slow down, to breath, to ground myself here, and to realize the words presented, are the signature of limitation, the labels of knowledge and information without practical reference in form and design, in structure and regard for the actual physical world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as an idea, and to take this idea and compare within associating myself to the idea, without seeing realizing and understanding that an idea is just this an idea, not necessarily a bad or a good, but an abstraction, and to take an  idea as a value and relate it to, compose it with and into the space and time of  practical reality to realize an application that is best for all.

When and as I find myself rushing I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand here, grounding myself here, equal and one to practical existence.

When and as I find myself rushing into self righteousness I stop and I breath and I slow myself down.

When and as I find myself  rushing I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I ground myself here, equal and one to the measure of practical reality, realizing that the physical is here, in practice all around me, 

When and as I find myself rushing, I stop and I breath, and realize what I have allowed myself to be as idea, as an expectation, and I stop, I slow down, I come back down to earth, to the practical measure of space and time, and I realize limitations as what I have accepted and allowed, and I no longer allow myself to take things personally meaning as resisting that which does not express what  I have allowed to define me in a game of survival, a mental act of comparing my beliefs, ideas and opinions as how I have accepted and allowed limited designs as self definitions to be what governs me here, and I stand in the moment equal to breath and I align myself here in tandem with the way and the means of myself as an expression of life as the physical and I assess through evaluation and examination of the whole and the parts to critique what is presented and brought forward as idea, as value, and I bring this back into physical creation to stand as what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself becoming inferior to here, to the moment in which I am standing in the physical as this is the way and the means of life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize where I am accepting and allowing a self government of limitation, and I take that limitation and I ground myself here, in practical physical reality, and I assess through bringing all parts here, as I stand in space and time as the physical and I govern myself within and as this, respecting life, as life is the physical and the means of my existence as the physical is the creation of life, and I align myself here in thought word and deed, considering and respecting all as equal and one to me.

When and as I find myself reacting, as tensing up I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down to stand in the space of here as creation, where there is eternal room to stop and change what I have allowed to define me as  limited values only, based on a past of not having stood equal and one in common sense of the physical and what is best for all as the physical, and the cultural traditions based on past practical applications that came to define and ignored practical existence in leu of these traditions over the expedition of men discovering efficiency, this tradition before practical action inferior to innovation and reformation in ways the expand creation and giving men the space and time to become the voice of life, equal and one to creation, where all parts become their full potential as an expression of life, this which needs no hierarchical social engineering, instead access to interaction with practical reality and the physical means to support the physical body, to allow each the development and awareness to take that which is good and does no harm, as this is the way and the means to become equal and one to life and stand in consideration of the value being the self as the expression of life as physical beingness, here.

When and as I find myself separating myself from here, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the beliefs, opinions and ideas of what gives me value as a self definition that I have allowed and believed in only,  to survive in  a system of inequality - the external consequence of what each part has accepted and allowed,within , and I assess what I have allowed in looking at the thoughts that are the composition of my accepted belief system, an abstract as mind as my personification, and I realize this does not define me, and I change, I ground myself here, and see the weight of my accepted abdication of life manifest as energy, my resistance and as such means of rejection of the whole and the parts,  where I then choose to become a  movement of respect for the means of life as the physical, as I realize the practice that what I believe  cannot define me unless I accepted and allow it, and that I can change, I can reform myself as inform myself equal and one through considering all things and taking that which is good and does no harm, in practical application through looking here at physical existence. 

Day 592 Real Cyber Attacks are the Presentational Use of False Dilemmas

I realized in the years that I practiced an instrument that any and all emotional values I allowed during my focus within the act of practicing remained. I had to be clear, I had to have a focus that was what I would call total.

We as physical instruments are exactly the same, how we are within remains with us and must be cleared or it becomes a distraction from being present.

I also realize that as a child, being with parents that did not realize this and how emotional feeling bodies as polarized ideas about something, creating false dilemmas taking one quality or value about something and suggesting that one was good and another was bad, created a lag in perception because a threat of an either or scenario was created in separation from practical, physical reality. So, this judgement, because this is what this in essence is, remains as a self definition and it is like a cloudy focus that then is laid upon reality, causing a disconnect, which causes mis-steps, which causes an inequality to reality. 

Then one’s actions in reality lack clear direction and one ends up not seeing the height of that step up to that door, for example. One has become a bubble of separation, and that bubble is composed of energy, a lesser substance, that is yet heavier than the substance of the life around us.

As a child, was my common sense, a natural sense, not substantiated? Was it that because of the accumulation of separation and consequential energy personifications recited as the words only, that which was a value that supported a framework that was another layer of consequence because of that initial separation of value judgment no longer regarding the practical physical manifestation of life? Am I the product of the “ sins of the fathers” genetically and in accepting and allowing a dampening of an innate common sense because that common sense was not given opportunity to substantiate qualities for what they were without an added value of being made less through simple ignorance?
Would such end up as an idea that one was not good enough, when that “ good enough” was built of lack of substantiation only, which has nothing to do with “ good enough”?
And thus a false dilemma has been accepted and allowed. The problem is that  this emotional state creates a lag in acting responsibly to reality. It ends up being carried with one, and every time one “ plays” as self as life as an instrument of life, that “ film” remains as idea. Then, this projection, just like a TV, sources the very substance of the physical, and ends up diminishing the physical until one dies. It is a death of slow fading, and not a birth, a b-earthing of oneself equal and one to creation. It is not one sounding life, it is one sounding - so to speak- energy. It is why one’s legs become heavy, it is why one’s back becomes inflexible. These are all indications of the degree to which one has accepted emotional/feeling lags, as I call them in this moment, that are built of  calling one value a good and another a bad and comparing the two to suggest a “ what if” or “ supposed threat” , because in practical reality a cup is a cup and it exists here.

The physical world, and the qualities of this, as the words humans use to communicate , is the perfect check list to order ourselves here, practically, to earth ourselves as life.

I watched a speech by Obama on a major news channel yesterday. It was about a “ cyber attack” and whether people should go to the movies. I thought, how does going to the movies have anything to do with a cyber attack? Why are these two things impulsed in one moment? One is getting in a car and driving to a theater and the other is being online. This demands some real “ stretch of the imagination.”  What is the agenda here, on this that had no section I could readily see to make any kind of comment - another red flag in our modern age of communication? Within this scenario, this in itself is a one way fits all movement, take in the false dilemma and shut up. I thought we had bully laws in place. Or is this the law of the debtors on the ground, the law of the liability carriers as the collective that just take it all without question which means we cannot blame anyone but ourselves? 

So, now one can drive to the theater, with a threat of cyber attack as one drives, distracting oneself from answering that child’s question about why there is a dog out in the cold looking awfully skinny, to which an answer is provided that dismisses why that dog is there instead of investigating and substantiating to the child what the child senses is a reality that has some discrepancies that make no sense. And that child becomes less than that moment of common sense wanting license. And that common sense is what will lead to the full potential of that child if it is allowed substantiation. This is the real dilemma, do we choose to give that life as that child their full potential, or do we continue to allow a media that uses false dilemmas to distract our equality to a common sense of reality?

Can we not see how the valley of good and evil is all in our heads and the means now used by media via false dilemmas,  is what we are allowing within and has accumulated into a system that overall destroys the full potential of our children as a natural common sense is denied through ignorance, of which each of us was at one time? Is it not time to change our system to one that allows each the time and space to ensure that that potential as life in our children reaches its full capacity as this is what we would want for ourselves?

We must begin to realize the tactics of good and bad judgements and take the parts and align them into practical reality, to remove the emotional lags, and walk steadily back into our common sense. We can no longer be confused by the warping of reality, strings of gloom and doom,  fear tactics distorting reality. And we must realize that we have allowed a system that uses this, and that has a financial structure that leads our boys into combat, discarding them when no longer needed. But, we allowed ourselves to get caught in the dream of becoming something, as being a man, or woman, through armed force, a force that has no real alignment to our innate common sense, and a force that creates a arm of destruction towards others and eventually with self. This is not what we want for our children or ourselves, thus it is time to stop, to stand, and as all arms as life as our human physical bodies, must stand as one, to build a system that is equal to life, which is to give what one needs to live a life of dignity. In practice, in policy, this is a Living Income Guarantee.  Become responsible as life, substantiate yourself as life, arm yourself with the principle of what is best for all, because this is what is best for self. 

Day 591 The veil is thin. The practice of value touting vs. practical application.

I had a conversation with some people and reacted when they continued to tout their point of view. I went into a reaction as a non-reaction within just realizing they were being egotistical. They were presenting one dimension that was not necessarily wrong, but really very limited because it had a goal without investigating causes. The suggestions presented were more of the same we have been doing that really have not lead to a change. 
I find it overwhelming to point things out at times, and I get caught up in this only, and end up limiting myself. I can become what is said, stand with it, and realize that more than that action must be looked at. Thus, I can agree to what is said, and look at solutions that also move into prevention.
As humans we have managed to no longer be able to handle too many dimensions of something. We tend to limit our own conceptual ability in favor of an emotional high, like getting excited about something, patting each other on the back, spending an inordinate amount of time on such actions. But this is the problem, we are inordinate in our actions, because we spend so much time touting values instead of actually living. Like we are walking theories, walking text books, walking ideologies and meanwhile the world is burning down around us. Our soils are depleted, our trees no longer have any real density, and our children have attention span issues. I mean this is what ADHD really is, an attention span issue, to which the response is “ but he is so smart.” See what I mean about value touting? We wallow in the ideas, because being responsible and really addressing the problem seems too difficult.

So, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Did the value touting cause the inability to be responsible? I mean if you are busy getting excited about an idea, then actually being responsible and doing what needs to be done, what needs to be done is not getting done is it? And, as we are creatures of habit, as what we habituate as how we spend our time here as mind, which we do through repetition, what  do we become? When we learn we repeat until something is learned, embedded within us so that we can expand in our awareness and not use all our attention focusing on what we newly discovered and integrated. If we make ideas, as mental constructs only, what we practice without application, then we become walking theories without any physical practice. And then, physical practice becomes some novel idea.

And then we have an education system that teaches ideas without application. So how do we really know after we have learned a text if it is real or not? We don’t, we cannot until we have applied it ourselves. And then, if our wages, our incomes that allow us to survive, are dependent on what we learned from a book ONLY, and we have to have an outcome in accord of the theory, do we look realistically or do we instead work to make the theory fit?

If we have a whole bureaucracy following such an order, then we end up with little successes, and then we breed and accept that only a few will make it. And we begin to create a society were we accept lack, moving the blame onto the individual, without looking at our actions of a starting point of no real practical experience. No wonder it is easier to take one perspective and make this something to praise, because it is easier to hide in value judgements than admit to our own rejection of realizing our theories are just this, theories. Ones that we accepted without question.

It is like, being practical is becoming analytical. Which is to say, “ you are asking me to let go of my theoretical self, which means I have to look here, in common sense, and then I might lose my job.” And meanwhile, the soils decay, and the rivers are no longer clear. This does not sound like big brother watching over us, it sounds like each of us are the cause, and stories about “ big brother” are the fantasy to justify the abdication of responsibility.  And now, stories of a “ big brother” are being taken off the shelf, because we don’t even want to know a suggestive idea about an idea! Ideas about ideas are just too much depth perception for me and /or “ I am not an intellectual” which ironically, is an idea about an idea. lol
 And then, and I am on a roll here, we dream about being sensual. We are obsessed with sex and that ideological cloak about sex known as romance!  And, then, naturally the sexual promise remains unfulfilled and we become Don Quixote thinking it was the object outside of us and not ourselves. But if we cannot be practical here and perceive the depths of physical reality, then how are we going to enjoy our physical bodies in acts of intimacy? We simply cannot because we have never been consistently responsible!

Learning to become aware of something takes focus on that object, unconditionally, meaning without judgement, to accept it, see it, work with it, look at all perspectives and take actions that consider all aspects of physical reality. Ideas are just this, an aspect of something, because language as the humans use it, is linear, so it takes practice and time to incorporate understanding. And this happens a lot faster when it is done directly with the physical world, until enough understanding is reached to begin to build abstractions. And then, even here, every abstraction must always be cross referenced before application. it does not matter what one’s job is, because life is first. Without life, which the physical is, we do not exist. I mean that life is right here in front of us, as us, is really a brilliant design because it is allowing us to see the way and the means of life. It cannot get any better than that. The rest is the smoke and mirrors.

So, how do we ground ourselves here in the physical and begin to realize it as life? We change the system of hierarchy, we remove the flow of what allows access to what we need to live, as money, into a pyramid scheme and we move it, as in give it, to all. Given the digitization of money, this would not be too hard to do. Probably could be done in a few months if we set our minds to it. And then the behaviors of survival and greed would begin to abate and we can all begin to ask ourselves what we have been doing, and why had we not thought of this before, this that was right in front of us!

When we begin to look at the physical world in practical ways, it is surprising how much conceptual ability we have, and how satisfying the use of that ability is in terms of fulfilling our desire for sensuality. But then again, it has always been said that the veil is thin.

Day 590 Who I am within the culture of woman. Day 5 Self forgiveness and Self Correction.

Day 5 Who I am within the culture of women.

I have been so busy reacting as being in expression of judgement as imagining that I am not being substantiated- all of which is based on self defining labels, that I have distracted myself from my own common sense. I even fear the reactions of self defining values being rendered meaningless, and placed into perspective in practical reality because an allowance over time of such emotional states to define  can become volatile and reactive as my automated defined self becomes stagnant where change becomes an illusion of loss when called out.  There is a part of me, a voice in my head that says, “ why the fuck do I have to do this” and “ why do I have to take the time to set this BS straight”  And “ get a grip and grow up, stop distracting others into your pity patter,” “ Look, no one is really trying to hurt anyone, it is all a big mis-understanding” and “ How dare you bring that BS here!” This is the voice as the back chat of protection and self defense of an ego construct, a self built value system that is a separation from being equal and one to practical reality here, where flow happens, which is where creation happens.  Do I continue to exist as a value judgement or do I become what i am, a creator?

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that my inner world is of idea, belief and opinion, and not equal and one in consideration of practical life, here, which is life in expression, and as that point of expression, as a form, change happens here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to act in self interest in wanting to define myself in a bubble in separation from reality, from life, thus I am that which I accepted and allowed a separation from being equal and one to creation, which is manifested as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow resistances as ideas, and beliefs and opinions, in and as my mind, as an entity of stagnation as imagination, fantasies, projectiles of protection and self defense as idea and behaviors of suppression to maintain my own fantasy/imagination all done in self interest/self inner-rest  where anything that threatens my own idea about myself I react to as I fear change, as I fear that which would equalize myself to and as life as ironically that which I seek, that equal respect of all life being where I live the full potential of myself as life, as this is self honesty where I allow myself to move and flow with what is real, as the physical realizing that the physical world is an expression of me and of all life, as each is me in another life expression here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what another thinks of me, which is an act of comparison from a starting point of a self interest as self definition cannot define me, unless I accept and allow it as idea, belief and opinion, as life is an expression of which must by nature sound what is best for all to withstand the test of time and have the stability to sustain itself into eternity, which means change, into and as, what is best for all here, which is the joy and the fun of it all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that when and as I have back chat, as voices in and as my mind of “ Why do I have to put up with the emotion”, or “ Why do I have to put up with this BS” or “ get a grip” or “Who does she think she is” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring this back to myself, as this is a red flag of belief as self definition which is a movement, a limited expression accepted and allowed as me that is in conflict and friction with practical reality, and that even if I have noted a limitation without, it is to move into solution in realizing nothing defines me unless I allow it, and to take the belief, insight and to assess the form and align this into what would allow awareness into that which gives expression that considers all life, that brings focus, that is self honest and as such is a solution of self honesty, self responsibility which is stable and sustainable, and can withstand the test of time.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become reaction only, as emotion, and desire for a feeling of gain, a feeling of value as an idea only.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not listen to myself to see, realize and understand the very sound of my voice, as myself when in more stable and giving situations can speak in a consistent tone that needs no force.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how physically I close myself up, pull myself in, suppress myself, as I believe what another thinks defines me, and/or my own beliefs that I have allowed to define me, may be lost and as such I would cease to exist, or so I believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I as life am common sense.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to become equal and one, as expression of life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I fear, as in physically form myself  inferior to life as conceptually allowing one aspect to be more than another, I tense/close/constrict/pull inward/invert which is like compress within and “ burn” in a righteous protective manner, creating an energetic storm, as an emotion, that believes itself righteous, right, as I focus on an idea, belief and opinion only, and as such separate from life expression, from being a reciprocal action of giving as I would want to receive in thought word and deed , my accepted limited expression of energy as an idea, as a judgement,that shuts/rejects myself  as life, as this self honesty where I am a being in expression of common sense of all as me, of life in expression around me as the physical.

When and as I find myself reacting within and as me, becoming inferior to what is here as life in expression, be it energy as belief, opinion and/or idea, as a value used to define, a limitation that is not necessarily a good or a bad, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand the information presented and I assess, through evaluation, examination of the parts presented and I move as the moment here, realizing that life is of a sound expression, and that this is the practical application of common sense, realizing that the value is being here, in focus as respecting life as the value, and I apply the principle as this, within and as what is best for all, taking in life formation practically to practice that which does no harm and takes that which is good.

When and as I find myself reacting to a value, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess within me, my own accepted and allowed habit of self definition before life, to see where I am seeking profit in self interest as a self definition visible as a reaction of taking things personally, an overall separation from common sense, and I bring myself here, ground myself in the practical here, realizing nothing can be lost and all can be gained in realizing/accepting all life  as me, which means becoming practical, practicing equal consideration of physical reality as being life, living life being the value.

When and as I feel a pressure building up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath, and I see what thoughts as belief, opinions and ideas, as my past of exposure to culture and experience within limited ideas that had no real self substantiation as life,  built of opinions and beliefs that I accepted and allowed to define me, manifest as the voices in and as my mind consciousness system construct, as energy as what is good and what is bad, as what I resist that is persisting as beliefs circulating and accumulating within and as me, falling into my solar plexus, and I stop, and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I look at the human code as the words and values attached to the words, as generational value systems in separation and limitation of life information as reality here, and I asses and deconstruct through self forgiveness, and reconstruct within the principle of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself reacting and moving into justification and protection and self defense, I stop and I breath, and I realize what would give solution through investigation of here practically, as in looking at the detail of here, within taking that which is good and does no harm, and within this realizing that nothing can define me unless I accept and allow it, and to realize in practice that to become a belief that I am unworthy in any measure is a disrespect of life as what I am, and I stabilize myself here until I am grounded, here.

When and as I find myself believing myself inferior and/or self aggrandizing as imagination into a belief as being superior, I stop and I breath, and I look at my thoughts as my back chat in and as my mind, to self correct through self forgiveness into what is best for all, as what is a practical application of myself here as a physical being in a physical reality, to see the practical steps necessary to direct myself here.

When and as I practice being practical here, in consideration of life being the  value, I slow down, I breath, I sense the thoughts within and as me, I sense the posture of my human physical body, the instrument of my self expression as life, here, to realize where I am not equal and one to life here, as an actualized movement of equality and oneness to and as life here as the physical, to see where I am not of sound mind, meaning to realize where I am not moving with ease, with flow, with forgiveness here, as the words I speak and the tone with which I speak, and the assessment of the physical world around me in respect of life, as this is the way and the means to equalizing myself to the physical as an instrument of life, which is accepting the gift of life here, to become equal in creation with life as the physical.

Day 589 Who am I within the culture of women. Day 4 Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

This is a point of projecting value judgements onto situations and the objects outside of me as those involved in the situations that are actually normal interactions I must walk logistically in space and time. All of this is a form of protection and self defense based on a self definition used to survive instead of being grounded in  practical reality. I allow myself to become a measure of my own judgement, a burden I carry, a burden I created, a burden I allowed, one that is stagnant because it does not look at cause and effect,  consequential outflows practically. Thus, it is time for me  to remove my own reaction to this and stand within what, in comparison, would be a brutal self honesty. Problems, as conflicts and friction, are resistances to a movement that is self being responsive in consideration of being a physical expression as what I am in reality here. I am becoming a very limited perspectives that is by its limitation a split from remaining in common sense of reality. This entails, practically being what removes emotional defining values, and places oneself , feet on the ground, here in physical reality because this is where we actualize ourselves, this is where we eat, and we breath, and we live and see our children become physical adults. 

Because humans have accepted and allowed an inner measure to become one of value judgements instead of accepting physical formation as what life would be, which is an aid to see our creation, our state of beingness, we have created a gap from reality, one that consumes creation as it does not consider the means of what builds a form that allows the very platform of life. We need the physical to see what manifests and to understand what works and what does not. When we ignore the physical, and ignore what is an inconvenience, because we base what is real on idea without cross reference and practical application of an idea, we destroy what has the ability to sustain and as such withstand the test of time. The only way to create a stable existence is for each to become self responsible, to become responsible to the physical, to respect it, to always consider it with every move we make. And the irony is that focusing here, on what is real, is how to live the fulfillment of life, it is what would bring joy, it is actual living, meaning it is to act as life in answer to the form of what and who we are in reality, here. There is no other choice, and it is the voice of what is best for all. It is the most beautiful choice - so to speak. It is what we all long for the most. Self forgiveness, and writing and practical application is the way to remove the complicated, and to become life. It is the way to clean up the storm of separation spiraling out of control within. It has always been here right in front of us, we need only accept it and accept the gift of life, the joy of life, which is to accept the physical as the foundational manifestation of life. And to realize that men have imposed so many value judgements on the physical that over time it has influenced reality and is destroying it, as inequality to life, is separation from life, and cannot sustain life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a character of self interest, not allowing myself as life to express myself, to be responsible for and as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project value judgements onto others without taking the time and space, as using myself as life, as the gift of life, to investigate and consider all things, which is to respect the physical, which is to focus here, practically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have no responsibility as life, as I have accepted and allowed myself as value judgements to exist within a bubble of my own imagination to be more than another, to be more than what is here as the way and the means of life, which is the physical, in substance, where I allowed my own self inner rests of spite and blame, justification without practical application to determine what and who I am, and thereby separating myself from life, and as such from solution , from allowing the fulfillment of life as what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project values of good and bad, right and wrong onto others, as this has no practical application into solution, into understanding of what is here practically as the physical, and resolving uncertainty and insecurity as fear of loss, into what is directive as what is self honest in aligning myself here, with the physical and investigating what does no harm, as this is what sustains and respects the physical world here, and is what leads to understanding.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have thoughts that someone is doing something to me, and to realize that nothing defines me but what I accept and allow, and even if a definition as a criticism comes, to understand that this is evaluation and examination, and could be me in a moment, but does not remain as such as I as life can change in taking responsibility for who and what I am and walking the practical application into self awareness, as in becoming aware of the physical, with every breath, considering here as me, as what is here is me in another life form, thus to do what I would want for myself as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something is being done to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am inferior to here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am superior to what is here, even if I happen to have walked into some understanding of some aspects of the physical that others may not have, as the only choice as life, is to give to another as what one would want for themselves, as this is a movement of respect for and as life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the harm value judgements do to my human physical body, as I constrict and hide, within, as I allow an inferiority to life, as value judgements to spin within and as me, separating myself from creation, from being equal and one as movement of creating, which is to accept life as the physical and assess, as to investigate and consider all things to ensure that awareness in practical common sense actions are what is lived, thereby giving the gift of self discovery and as such the development of self responsibility, which each must take for themselves, which is to simply accept self as life, as the value being life, here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that becoming responsible is impossible, realizing that I have accepted and allowed, over time, myself to blame and spite, to fear and recoil, to move as  value judgements and as such stopping this and changing the directive of myself, using breath, and self forgiveness, will take some time, to turn the tide of my imagination and to within this, stop and look at what I have accepted and allowed, to then acknowledge this and reconstruct with directives that are what is best for all, to become an act that considers all life as the physical as practical actions that slow down and consider equality and oneness with and as the physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I as life, am the substance that can consider form and function here, and as such sense what is here, and see directly, taking time to investigate and cross reference, to also realize that nothing will be lost and everything gained, in considering the physical within and as the principle of what is best for all here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to pity myself for what I have accepted and allowed as this has no real practical application into solution as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to hide in shame, as this has no practical application within standing and living equal and one to and as life here, which is to realize and respect what does no harm, as that which takes that which is good, and supports life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my own common sense, as the expression of life, as me, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotional feeling bodies built of past experiences to define me here.

When and as I find myself projecting value judgements I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I stand here, in this moment, to ground myself here, to bring value judgements back to self, and to forgive, and to move into respect as consideration of all things, as I am the perfect machine as life to be and do such.

When and as I find myself , within this process of realizing myself as mind as having accepted and allowed a separation from equal consideration of physical existence, I stop and I breath, and I forgive such projections, imagination, fantasies, inner realities, and I slow way down, and cross reference, which is to cross examine with and as the physical in common sense as this is me, and I evaluate, and consider form and function, not only based on knowledge and information only, as what has been taught and I relate how knowledge and information actually practically directs here, to see, realize and understand what makes no sense, as what is not being considered as nothing can be left behind, as nothing can be allowed to become an externality, as nothing can be allowed to be eliminated through a mathematical manipulation of numbers through the use of a mean.

When and as I find myself facing a false dilemma, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, to see, realize and understand where I am not equal and one in practical consideration of reality, which is a process of closing the gap of separation from myself as life into and as actions that cause no harm, taking that which is good, here.

When and as I find myself believing something to be impossible as in taking too much time, having too many steps, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am competing with a focus on an idea that is not myself here walking in practical common sense of physical reality.

When and as I find myself fearing that something can be lost, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I realize that nothing can be lost, unless I accept and allow this as mind, as idea, as belief, as opinion, as I am here, able to see directly as practical reality, as the structure of how actions can support life.

When and as I find myself facing friction and conflict as the bully of fear of loss, as the voice of blame and spite, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I here the imaginations, the projections , the fantasies as the words used to describe such and the lack of words as what is not considered, and I take the parts of and as this, and I realize the form with empathy, and that this cannot define me unless I accept and allow it, which I can realize within and as me as a movement of taking such personally as an accepted and habituated reaction and I stop, I slow way down, I breath, until I am stable, as I do not allow bullets of value judgements in protection and self defense as my awareness, and I stop, I accept myself as life, as being responsible, as coming back to myself, grounding myself here, and cross referencing reality, the physical, to investigate through assessing the practical which means to examine the details, and evaluate possible actions and the play-outs of movement through looking at what is here in detail, which is an act of sharing here, to build understanding and to give self discovery as what I would want for myself, as this is the process of becoming equal and one as living the principle of what is best for all in thought word and deed.

Day 588 Who I am within the Systemic Culture of Women Day 3

Day 3

My assessment of emotional bondings between people/woman may , at times, be correct, but the reaction I have towards it is not a solution. I end up just moving into a silent morality based on my own past of having done the same and not wanting to admit to it and to instead become brutally self honest and calling a cup a cup. My projections are my imaginations, which is built of my past actions. I mean I am projecting using my own experience, thus judging my own past behaviors where I did the same. I used emotional ties to survive. Which means I used emotional bonds to escape a fear as an idea only that in reality was a split from common sense of which the physical is the ground of and as.  This probably started as a child, where I had not yet developed the words to express myself.

Emotional ties that do not move into a solution, are not real bonds, they are too volatile and really have no strength.  Because emotions are so volatile and fickle, imagine a child having to learn to face them? Many adults cannot deal with such volatility and fickleness! As a child, I would probably agree to emotions, because it would be better to agree and wait for the storm to burn out than to attempt to answer. I have become the adult that lead to my own behavior. I can blame no one else and the only  choice is to self realize, and for each to do the same, because this behavior is what is the limitation and has no real justification, even if it is not directly my individual “ fault” as some may believe. 

On another front. what I must realize and watch for, to self correct with every breath is the  problem that  what I have accepted and allowed has become a layered construct of such self interest without common sense as an automated habit, that if not addressed creates a behavior of limitation, and since this is an insecure movement, it remains until one learns to walk in practical common sense of what is real, as the physical world as this is where we all live, I mean this is what is here as what we see, without which we are not here! Why engross capacity within such limitation as mind ignoring natter?

Imagine facing me, as I am within a storm of emotion, where I am so busy projecting values about what another is doing without investigation that I see nothing else?  As parents and adults, within emotional reactions, that we believe to be so real, as I have done, would it not be hard for a child to speak up past such projections that are really acts of spite and blame in a paranoid fear of loss that in the end has no real standing in the actual living experience on a physical world? No, they don’t. 

Imagine leaving work after a very stressful day. Imagine having gotten a phone call at work where something happened to one of your children, or a good friend and you become very upset. As you walk to your car, in your state of all manner of projections, such as imagining the worse case scenario, and a whole slew of back chat going on in your mind about the problems at work that had made the day so difficult. Are the thoughts about who did or did not do this or that, and/or how could this or that person have said this or that?  So, all of this mental distraction of judgement based on a fear of losing some  idea of how self is defined, as the voices of spite spin around in your mind, that the presence of self is absent, so one is absent from presence as being a physical expression of life, from common sense of one’s surroundings, and as such drops the car keys in the snow, or does not sense how windy it really is and loses a bunch of papers from work as the wind’s acknowledgement is blocked through an absence of sensing physical reality as one is busy in the mind only. So, not only are the keys dropped, but the papers fly off into the distance. This all causes more problems, because one is so lost in fantasy as the mind, that a common sense of reality is lacking and mishaps occur as one does not use physical sensibilities to gage reality as the mind seems more real. In other words, a lack of physical presence causes more problems, and problems cannot be solved when the movement is into judgements, into spite and blame based on judgements. overall, nothing is grounded. In reality, solutions can only be carried out here, with the physical. 

In judging two or more in an intimate conversation, this drama is in my mind, having no basis in practical reality. It is myself comparing values as ideas about who and what I am, with worst case scenario outcomes should the ideas I have about myself be lost, all of this happening without any respect for life, for the physical. It is an emotional storm in a bubble and that is all. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are within their own self interest conspiring against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that others are conspiring against the ideas I have about myself as an accepted and allowed self induced construct of belief as mind made larger than life, and as such disrespectful of physical reality, that which is the means of myself as life here, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not respect what is obviously right here in front of me, as the physical, as this is life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the emotions of another, to believe that there is no recourse for the emotions of another, or a group.

I forgive myself for not having listened and realized such  as a separate entity of belief,  to the voices in and as a construct as my mind, a resonant construct built of values of what would make me more than another, or of values that would lead to myself being a success as idea only without practical consideration of what it means to get things done in this physical practical reality, causing myself to reject as an appearance and  personification as idea that which I believed would not build a personification of acceptance to survive, a game in a bubble of self interest and occupation as energy as emotion and compounded emotion as a separate creation within built of values known as feeling energy, a false positive that I believe is directive of myself as life, all of which is really my own conspiracy in separation from practical physical reality, thus I project what I believe as mind, a limitation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how acknowledging emotions as a way to build relationships to survive is so consuming, and becomes such a habit that what is right in front of me as practical reality is ignored causing all manner of consequence as emotions are unstable as energy lacking a stability that is sound and as such gentle, directive and sustainable, as having the presence of mind equal to the physical - to all life, that all life is considered and respected which would lead to what can withstand the test of time, and occupy all the senses to the point where a life would be lived to the fullest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to stand as an energetic storm within and as my mind of conspiracy instead of accepting myself as life, being practical here, equal and one in respect of creation, which is physical.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to accept the gift of life which is to have a presence of mind equal to the physical, in all common sense.

I forgive myself for not seeing realizing and understanding that I am what I judge, as I am within and as being reactive towards others, a reaction within myself, based on limited belief, opinion and idea,  a conspiracy of my own volition, as mind, having not considered the physical the pii cycle, the circle of life, the sound of life,  as the physical here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to move as the circle of life as what stains and supports that which is the means of expression as life, as the physical, which is a practical living.

When and as I sense a film, so to speak, of gloom and doom, an idea of loss as a weighted substance - so to speak, coming down from my head across my physical body, a sinking down sensation, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize within taking the time to assess my self constructed and allowed habituated thoughts built of ideas, limited and made huge and as such a heavy weight that takes time to enlighten with practicality, and as such, I stop, I breath, I slow way down, and forgive the thoughts of unworthiness, of fear of loss, of loss of hope for an ideological gain,  of a belief in an end game based on lack of depth perception, as a mutation of myself as a personification only, and I stop and ground myself here, into practical physical reality, accepting the gift of life, and I take the time to self correct, paying attention to my voice, until I am stable here, until I have investigated practical reality within and as moving emotional separation into what gives self direction in ways that does no harm as this is accepting the self, empowering the self as life, here.

When and as I believe that responsibility is difficult I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down as reality as the physical is a common sense structure as the means of creation, visible, understandable, practical.

When and as I find being responsible as a physical being is difficult, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I realize that I am here, an adult,  a living being, who can evaluate, examine, practical physical reality as this is the means of life, this physical reality is life in creation, as what a real parent would give as the gift of life, directly here, right in front of me, where heaven and earth were one and equal in all practical common sense.

When and as I find emotions accumulating in my solar plexus manifest as a building pressure, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand this sole/soul construct as a separate yet self accepted and ideologically driven entity in separation from practical reality, as my disrespect of life as the physical, and as such, my own rejection and thus state of lack of responsibility for life, as the physical, as my self separating from being practical here.

When and as I find myself reacting to emotions, either responding as emotion in fear of loss and abdication of self  responsibility, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down, and I see, realize and understand what is a practical movement/directive that can withstand the test of time as what supports self empowerment as a common sense of what it means to be practical here.

When and as I allow an inferiority of belief that i am potentially being eliminated, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize the limited values of such a belief construct are built of my past, as a child, and not what I am here, as I can ground myself here in physical reality and become self directive in self honesty, within and as practical application within what is best for all, as what sustains, as what withstands the test of time.

Day 587 Who am I within the systemic culture of women Day 2 Self Forgiveness and Practical Application

My reactions to women commiserating cont. Day 2

Going down that road of commiserating, leads to more problems than it is worth, or so I believe.  Situations such as this are fickle and can change in a heartbeat. I believe that such creates a burden where one should be there when that which one has built an emotional understanding with wants answer to it’s cause, no matter the time of day, or no matter what one is doing. The demands  of support to sustain are as intense as the changeability is fickle when the emotional bond becomes a hinderance.  Thus, I reject what I believe will enable my own survival, creating unnecessary conflict in my behaviors  within myself in the form of mental back chat, weighing options and trying to find variables that lead to the least amount of consequence. So busy with this inner value system, that I ignore practical reality, and acts of investigation that seek evaluation and  examination in practical terms, realizing that emotional and feeling bodies are a fear of loss and the justifications to counter a fear of loss of a self defined value in self interest without considering the value being life as physical beingness. Hence, emotional feeling values in self interest are not sustainable and volatile. Thus, I become the belief that to keep the enemy near is better than not knowing what is going on socially. The conflict within me is to run, because this consumes, and, at the same time, to remain, to guard against the fickle nature of self definition in self interest as energy. In all, this is why the physical is the gift of life, because it is creation in form, and it is this that is real and constant because what works is what causes no harm, which is what respects the gift of creation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to a value system of self interest as energy in and as my mind consciousness system, my program of survival in separation from practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become occupied with a loss of self definition without investigation within and as the physical, to evaluate and examine what would bring ease within and as realizing that the value is life, as the physical, to see, realize and understand  what causes no harm, and what is practical in support of all life, as the solution.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a belief that “ I am damned if I do, and damned if I don’t”

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from here, from the physical into and as an idea that I must stay to survive, as in catering to emotional values of another, and that I may lose something if I walk away and do not accept emotional values.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a persona of survival, in and as allowing emotional feelings values without investigation into what is practical as what is best for all, an actual consideration and respect for the physical world, which is to realize all life as being the value.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotional values are a threat to my existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear emotional values, and react to counter them in self interest.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that  emotional values that I resist and  at the same time move towards in protection and self defense are of idea, and opinion, and belief, composed of a polarity as idea of “ if I am not looking like this, or giving of sympathy only as this, or acknowledging an emotion as something real to consider and pity only, then I am not a part of the game and as such will be eliminated”, when this overall, is stagnant because it considers only my personal gain and does not take the space and time in relation to actual physical existence to move into what expands one/myself out of the limited belief, where I can, actually, without fear, become equal to the limited belief and assess the parameters of idea and the fear of loss as idea only, and practically walk what would enable a sense of ease, the practical steps necessary to see solutions that give a sense of expression and self direction which is to focus on the physical as being life and here, to accept and view the mind for what it is, as being a matrix made larger than life that is a  disconnect from practical reality, here, and as such can realize itself as life through self forgiveness, writing out a constructed belief system and move into self correction as to focus here, on practical reality here.

When and as I find myself believing that I  am damned if I don’t and damned if I do” I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I realize that the “ what if’s” as thoughts within and as me, of judgement in fear of loss as idea,  and projections of spite and blame and a general overall sense lacking ease, and as such a physical sense of conflict and friction, where I become unstable and exist as a movement of instability like a subtle sense of “ vibration” within and as me as my physical body, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I assess practically what is here, and to realize here that I have over time allowed the conflict to seem so real, that the change appears as an illusion, when it can be taken in sequence of beliefs of what is more and what is less, a spin in comparison,  an overall act of separation and storminess in a bubble and here I stop, I breath, I slow myself way down, and I realize that nothing can define me but what I accept and allow and that the polarities of good and bad, can be walked into a practical application of what is best for all, as the physical world, within what does not harm.  

When and as I find a sense of anxiety rising up in my solar plexus, I stop and I breath and I apply a practical application, the way and the means to align myself to and as within respect of life, to actualize self direction in self empowering ways , that are often simple, and able to be done, here, that give space and time for the emotion to open up and move in self directive ways, which for many may seem as a “ novel” experience as the self movement as mind has become a habit, which means an automated movement, but as such was constructed, and can be realized and brought back to earth and changed within looking here, at practical reality and respecting life,  realizing that we are all the same, and that the physical is the gift of life, as this is creation.

Day 586 Who am I within the systemic culture of women? Self Forgiveness and Practical Application. Day 1

I have a morality point where I get pissed off when others are commiserating, especially amongst women. I see such as a social expectation where woman gather around and support emotional states, building ties as each carry the needs of the others, or that the connection is something special. I, at the same time, believe that I am not allowed to do this, AND realize to some extent that I do not want to be this, to do this, because it then means that I owe something to someone, or that I am bound emotionally. I allow the perceived bonding as having more value than, say, the issue at hand. I fear that to not continue such “ bondings”  will cause an  abrupt change in support or connection and will cause anger coming at me. So, I avoid getting involved in such things. And then, I fear not having the social connections. Naturally, this causes within me, friction and chaos. the “ if I don’t do this I will lose out with this, and if I do this, I will lose out on that” A real “ damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ polarity, or some might say “ catch twenty two” a  self interest spinning around in my mind.  Allowing such is a separation from practical reality.

I am the same that I complain of, the same that aggravates me. I am thinking only of my own self worth and value based of social structural values being the means of survival before physical reality. This is causing the instability, because it is really only ideas in my mind as self value as idea only. I am not considering the fact that I am a physical beingness on a physical world, a world in creation, a living world. So, the only choice that I have is to do what is best for all.  To actually live here. When I am with a group of woman, and there is some problematic emotional issue being supported, it is to realize that 1. the issue can be resolved. and 2. that it is the solution that is the value, one of which nothing is owed to anyone because the action taken considers the value being life as the physical, as the value is finding a solution that self empowers a person to live in ways that are giving, and as such, have no burdens  of some kind of payment, be it emotional and/or inferenced social obligation as a point on a grid of hierarchy that overall is in separation from practical physical reality. After all, the physical being of myself was here taking in the physical world, before any idea of myself culturally, in any religious terms, or use of language or tradition was impulsed as a program. Before any of these programs, I was a physical living being. This was my starting point, and this is the value. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as a limited value, without referencing the actualized manifestation of creation, as the physical, with every breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being against a group of commiserating woman.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some conspiracy going on when I see a group of woman talking, heads leaning in towards one another, which I perceive to be a secret society - so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that yes, perhaps some issue is being resolved and the person being emotional is not prepared to be open, as the idea of a loss, seems huge, when moving into solution often, is a movement where the problem is not nearly as large as one can be lead to believe, thus resolving issues can be a process where the initial action is discussed quietly until it is opened up and resolved.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to women talking quietly in a small group, based on a past of belief as having judged experiences into one size fits all, that I have accepted and allowed, of projections that there is a conspiracy against me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to  believe that the walls of the castle, of emotion are impenetrable, which is believing in conspiracy, as it is a physical and thus practical world.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, I fear losing some self defining value, which I see within a belief that I am being left out, is myself fearing a loss of standing, to survive, which is a separation from practical reality, thus I am the same as that which I project onto others, and for this I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is gain in myself existing as an idea about who and what I am, when I am here, in a physical world, where what supports the physical is known, as proper food, education, shelter and clean water, all of which takes money, as the present system, where it is not money that is “ bad” it is the acceptance and allowance that some deserve more than others, when we are all the same, and development is known, thus as physical existence as life in creation, is the real value and is lived here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that emotions and feelings define who and what I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have a responsibility to become sympathetic to the emotions and feelings of another only, and that my life will be threatened if I do not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is sympathy and then there is empathy, where the emotions of another can be understood and then moved into solution, as this is empathy, and as such, just as I have remained in emotions to define me and fought letting them go, I see , realize and understand that sometimes emotional value states are believed to be so real that the process of realizing and sizing emotional states up and aligning them to practical reality, can at times appear to be an emotional storm, as something that rises and falls, and as such, it is to not react to this process of assessment into solution, as this is the way into grounding oneself back into practical reality here, which is an act of self empowerment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how much I have existed in protection and self defense based on limited values that I have allowed to define me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I allow a belief that there is conspiracy against me, that I shut myself down, hide within myself , fearing the worst case scenario, as in being eliminated socially, a huge gloom and doom emotional storm, none of which is myself moving into solutions as I exist as a physical beingness , which is the starting point of myself here, and as such, the answers are always right here in front of me, as the value is life, here.

When and as I find myself reacting as in allowing projections of belief, idea and opinion to move within me, as reactions based on a past judgement, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I at the very least, suspend belief until I investigate and understand the scenario, which means asking questions to build a background, which is the way and the means to create solutions that are best for all, as in empowering within common sense of practical physical reality, here.

When and as I find myself reacting, in a belief that I am inferior to what I have allowed to seem superior, as in having some power that I cannot reach, because my starting point in reaction is already of a belief that I am being eliminated because I was not party to the conversation or activity, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I can have no judgement of what is going on because I have no knowledge of the details of the situation, thus, it is for me to slow down, and investigate to build understanding as this is moving into solutions, and taking the time to assess and apply a practical self empowering application if need be, which I cannot know unless I ask.

When and as I find myself imagining worst case scenarios, I stop and I breathe and I slow myself down, and I become practical here, within and as realizing that I am a physical manifestation of life, and as such a creator, here, thus, I can self empower through considering all life, and respect the physical.

When and as I find myself  fearing the bully of emotion, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that in my judgement without investigation, based on a past of fearing to lose as ideas of what I am, to fit into a survival system that is in separation from creation, I slow myself down, and I walk in thought, word and deed that which builds understanding of practical reality, as this is what brings myself back down to earth, and grounds myself here, into the simplicity of the principle of what is best for all, of which the physical in sound formation is, to actualize what does no harm and as such is that which is stable and fears not change, which is practically to enjoy that value being life, here.

Day 585 Believing that I Have to Say Something to Prove my Worth. Self Forgiveness

This point of believing that I have to say something.

This came up and it is in my left inner thigh above the knee.

It is like an entity that wants to jump forward, to grab attention, as in allowing myself to remain in the game. Like this is what I am supposed to do to participate in the world and make myself known, and by this I mean even on a small scale, as within a small group or talking with another person.

A memory comes up with a friend who was a pianist, who had played for more years, applied the craft for more years/hours than I had at my craft. So, when I was in her presence I felt that I had to say something. Which means I felt inferior, or was busy judging because I accepted and allowed a stance of inferiority, instead of remaining here, in practical application within common sense. It is know that it takes 10,000 hours to learn to play an instrument, thus learning, becoming aware of something as its shape and form, takes time, takes steps, building understanding, as the actual physical world would be. It is to say, we live in an actual existence, physically manifest. Thus it is to investigate all things and take that which is good, take that which makes sense, as in causing no harm.

This is always, all ways right in front of us. So, to note here, that a physical world that can build cars and transport these cars to all places on this earth, means that we can transport what is needed where it is needed, and we can get the goods and services needed to organize this earth into a functioning unit of life, as this is what it is, because it is a physical order, visible, actual, here.

It makes no sense, that in a country where there is so much land, and so much resource, human and environmental, that there are bathrooms in elementary schools where children do not have the most basic of needs, such as toilet paper. That outside on the fence surrounding the school, there is all the while a large plack, with the name of a corporation boldly advertising their logo, touting a good, but missing the most basic of needs. It is enough to wonder what is being taught in such an environment, with such a capable physical form as that of the human. There is no excuse for any of this, and it is time that it stopped.

That memory, that entity that rose up as  a past self accepted actualized belief in the form of energy with no real sustainability, rising and peaking causing an emotional storm of dis-empowerment lacking all common sense of seeing directly here, this within me as what I had accepted and allowed, an inferior stance because I had not investigated practical reality, and  instead raced to become superior within my bubble of belief in thought, word and deed. This is for me to being back down to reality, to actual physical expression of life, as this is the real life where I exist, as this is the gift to become equal and one to and as life. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become inferior to life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compensate as belief within and as my mind as a thought, as an idea that lacked investigation into practical reality, a physical reality, becoming inferior based on an idea to another, because I compared myself to a step in a process way down the line from me, and instead of looking practically at the steps needed to be walked to get to that point of development, I judged myself as inferior, and then tried to compensate to make myself appear superior, and felt that I had to speak up to become of equal measure, an act of ignoring practical reality here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to another, instead of looking at the measure of expression, meaning the steps needed to become aware of something, the practice of becoming aware of something, practically.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must always say something, to substantiate myself here, in self interest without reference to life, as what the physical is an expression and means of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to disqualify practical physical reality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to rush within myself, in thought and deed of words to create a value for myself where I project in words a more than for myself an order of comparison, which is being competitive, as a belief that I must appear to be a good as or better than another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see realize and understand that within this I am in effect creating, but this creation is of a lesser state of being, as it is an act of self interest based on an idea of more, and as such, myself inferior to practical physical life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from here, from actual living, which can only be here, within this breath here, in this moment here, as this is where the practical is walked, to build understanding and an actual practice of common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being less than another, to have allowed this to become greater than life itself, as the physical, where the gift is to walk into awareness of what it means to be physical expression of life.

When and as I find myself wanting to prove that I am not inferior to what is around me, I stop and I breathe, and I slow myself down, to see realize and understand that self awareness means to be equal in understanding to here, in an actual physical expression as what life is in reality.

When and as I find myself beginning to speak out and up from a starting point of self interest based on a value judgement done from comparison within a limited value system, as belief, I stop, I breath , I slow myself down, until I am stable within and as breath here, and I look at the actual living physical reality to see, realize and understand in thought, word and deed, what is best for all, which is to take that which is good and does no harm, as each is me, in another life, thus the only choice is the choice of what is best for all here.

When and as I find myself moving into competition, wanting to move into a more, an energetic movement within and as me, I stop and I breath, and I slow the rush to a morality of more, built of limited values as good and bad, where the bad is what does not define my accepted limited self definition and the good is what I believe creates a value as a self definition, an overall outcome of separation, limited as a narrow focus as mind in relation to actual living expression as what the physical is, here.

When and as I find myself wanting to appear, as words, to be more than that which I have made myself inferior to, I stop and I breath, and I look here at practical reality, to see, realize and understand the practical, common sense steps of what it means to investigate and practice the building of awareness to master something, to know something enough to share the information of it in such a way that each is self empowered to be and reach their full potential, which is supporting life and realizing all resources, including human, as having the value of life, here, where each part realizes the full potential of life within, creating a world that is the actual of best for all.