I am looking at two past events, where I was told that my words were not the right ones to use, and another event where i was told that my words were not to be listened to because I was brainwashed, which means what I was saying as words, as tactics, was disruptive.
Within this, I notice a huge self blame moving within me. And a self righteousness.
And then a memory comes up of my parents arguing. They are throwing words at one another, and then they suddenly turn to me, and I look at them and say, " you are both saying the same thing, but using different words." This was not what they wanted to hear, and thus, just went back to arguing.
So, this last time as the words of blame came towards me, I still reacted, but was able to some extent, see my reaction, and just slow down. Within this, I realize I still want to react in protection and self defense and push back in blaming the other for not understanding. I also feel inferior because perhaps it is me, I don't know how to speak, or so I believe. I take the reaction of the other as a threat. I am not immediately understood, and if we look at our present consumerist/entertainment/ all -manner-of-drugs society, we have accustomed ourselves to immediate fixes. Even our medical system is known to stop a symptom but not to address what would cure long term.
So, if I am busy being this emotionally within, how can I slow down and look at what is built as the words used, and begin to move them, into understanding? To realize tactics towards problem, solution and thus reward. I am not addressing what might or might not be an explanation that is clear, instead I am protecting myself from accusation that is in itself not slowing down and equalizing understanding. Within this, there is only here, being equal to what is that which enables existence, which is physical reality, thus solution can only be that which does no harm, that which is what is best.In this one can only communicate and reach understanding in physical practical ways, realizing that there is no magical thinking that can solve, only step by step practical movement into equal understanding of how the physical world functions and this, in ways that take that which is good and does not harm.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to blame myself., to become self blame
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear making a mistake.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I cannot be understood.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that blame is self not wanting to change, which means blame is self not wanting to accept self as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being considered less than.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a less than, there is only solution within and as what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see ,realize and understand that because of accepting and allowing blame, " less than's " have become an accepted paranormal behavior on earth, as there is only, equality and oneness to that which is the composition of life, which is the physical world, as the physical is the formation of life and as such must be respected as life, as a respect is only doing that which does no harm, and taking that which is good.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that animals do not overwhelm the earth, they work in tandem, as nature balancing themselves out in ways that maintain life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I alone cannot convince another person of life, as they must investigate what is here to see, realize and understand what is here on earth within the totality of creation, and asking one person to explain life is self wanting a quick fix, thus the solution is to walk self equal and one in understanding life in totality, as this is common sense.
When and as I find myself wanting to blame, reacting in righteousness as protection and self defense, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I see realize and understand that in one aspect, while I remained calm, I explained in more than one way, and because I am showing a process, I get all manner of reactions from ego, and then I try and explain, and the resistance comes up as the mind of limitation, of knowledge and information trying to build an understanding as mind, which is impossible, and thus it is to remain in simplicity, in what will as a singular action, bring self into equality and oneness with and as life, which means being aware of how this physical world is moving as a system in separation at present, from life, here.
When and as I find myself reacting in self blame, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I remain here, in walking myself equal and one to and with realizing a practical application of walking into equality and oneness to and as life, here.
When and as I find myself blaming myself here, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I focus on the movement as the moment in front of me, and I practice walking equal and one as what is best for all, as what supports all life as that which is good and does no harm, here.