Day 55 Consumerist sex is not physical intimacy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I must be feminine to get a man. to have a man
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe the images in and as my mind that I must dress the part of the female to get a man
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow the voice in and as my mind tell me that I am supposed to have a man.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am not attractive enough for men, which is why I do not have a man, when I do not dress the part and men have told me I need to “dress the part” more than I do, when I feel fake when I do this.
I forgive myself for not having listened to myself when a question came up that I asked which was “why do I need to have a man.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sometimes go and look in magazines and at other women to measure myself next to them when I feel that I am lacking something because I do not have a man, when another part of me asks myself the question, “why do I need a man.”
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have developed a persona of bitterness about not having a man, about being bitter that men as ego, want what supports their ego and I am bitter about this when i feel that I am not seen, not having realized that the being of self as ego sees only its own desire, which is superficial, and even if having some “depth” is still ego and the nature of ego is to see only its limited idol as idea, a picture presentation of no insight and thus what is here will never match the image as idea as idol as picture in and as the representation of ego, built by accepted and allowed ideas according to culture, race, class, money, fear, envy, idea, self personification.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see how limited the mind is in fact, how it has nothing to do with common sense of this physical world, and in its very limitation in total separation from life, thus from self as life, and thus, with such a man, there can be no consideration of self as life, and so no consideration or enjoyment of myself as a woman and how my human physical body works and thus no sexual enjoyment, as the man will move as image, watching his dick move, avoiding intimacy physically, wanting the radio on, being absent after sex as the seeing of himself as what has been accepted and allowed as himself would be too overwhelming, as if to allow vulnerability would mean he was no longer a manly man, which means the man is so in his ego head, the female cannot possibly have a fulfilling sexual experience, so ego sex is meaningless and useless and not worth the effort of time as it is not real, and will show up with the appearance of herpes sores on the mouth, as herpes is an indication of mind sex.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that physical intimacy has nothing to do with any image, any idea, any combination of man, or image, of outside “thing” as being intimate with myself as being aware, one and equal to my self as my human physical body has nothing to do with the way sex is presented by the consumerist society.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and understand that when I stand and stare at a woman or a man, and “fluff” myself up like a rooster, I am in fact abusing that object I allow to create desire in and as my human self, as my thoughts are real, and to project as my mind ideas and desires for another is to abuse the life that is me, and the life I re-view through and as my mind, as I render the object less than life, and turn the physical life into a picture to titillate myself in and as the idea of my self as my mind, thus is the very existence of myself as mind/picture desire/want/and need abuse of life, and limitation of myself into obsession and possession of image, and image is separation from this physical world, as simple and as plain as that, in all common sense, thus mind is an addiction separate from this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to ask my self how this image in and as my mind is being generated, where this image in and as my mind must use something to generate its “lights,” just as a television needs something to generate images, so does my mind, and that perhaps it is my human physical body that generates this mind imagery, this separation from being directive with the ability of my human physical body to sense directly, and that this separation into mind imagery is perhaps consuming my human physical body, just as the tele consumes electricity, where my human physical body actually also has an electrical flow, and that perhaps this is how the images in and as my mind are generated, thereby sucking my human physical body dry, turning my hair white, bending my back, wrinkling my skin until I am old and immobile, all because I followed false images of one dimension in and as my mind, images collected and built by a world believing mind imagery to be real, where all I leaned was to memorize and follow the mind and not to use and be one and equal to my human physical body here, in and as breath, where it will take an effort to clean up the image shit I have collected throughout my self, and thus to clean up the very being of myself here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that if I had satisfactory sex, then I would not need to be obsessed and possessed with needing to have sex, and thus that there is so much image display pertaining to sex all over this world, the human is clearly not satisfied sexually.
I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that just as with sexual imagery and thus energy within as pictures generated to stimulate, so too am I an image maker when I worry about the future, when I fear my neighbor, when I move my self in and as beliefs and ideas about what I need be, as image to survive, as it is all based on personification and thus image, followed in and as mind, which means I am generating conscious imagery, just like a television, and if I were to look I would find these images mimic what exists as propagated by the consumerist world, a world that has no consideration for this earth, a world that stages world meetings and events in the name of problem resolution, yet the abuse of earth continues and there is another staged event, which clearly shows that the “staged” events for world peace, or environmental concerns are in fact just a drama to placate those concerned and the masses because if actual physical change occurred, then there would not be a need for another staged problem acknowledgement and resolution event, so evil is the nature of a profit based system.
I commit my self to stopping my mind of imagery through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application, to stop the television show in and as my mind.
I commit myself to realizing that the moment I find myself in a alternate reality day dream of comparison that I have become addicted to the images in and as my mind, and that chemically my body is habituated to the chemistry of my highs and lows associated with gain and loss within a profit based system that has developed a consumerist society.
I commit my self to stopping the accepted and allowed television in and as my mind, as it turns me into a machine that makes me equal and one to what is presently allowed on this earth, as the earth is being consumed without consideration for this physical world, in and as ways that sustain and use what is here in common sense of how this physical world works, within this, just as this earth is being consumed, so is my human physical body.
I commit myself to stopping the mind and bringing myself back to my human physical body, to walk in common sense with and as the physical, to direct myself one and equal to the physical, as what is best for all is best for self one and equal to the physical, and then to stand within the directive principle of what is best for all, as in giving as one would like to receive, as in loving my neighbor as myself, to begin to create a world that includes this physical earth and all that is here equal and one as life.
I commit myself to remaining vigil, in and as breath, as remaining vigilant in and as breath is, in placing myself here, holding a vigil to life as there is no other choice.
I commit myself to exposing how the consumerist hype reflects the personification of myself in and as the image and response - as back chat- as my mind that is myself in separation of life, a limited design that has not included this physical world.
I commit myself to voicing how the beliefs propagated by profiteering broadcasters have no common sense of this physical world and are in fact contrary to this physical world, so evident in the abuse that exists on this earth, to soil, plant, animal, human, air, water, organisms, life, that there is no other choice but to stop this physical human walking in an alternate reality in and as their minds, where what the human seeks is oneness and equality with this earth, to actually physically live, where the solution is to become one and equal to the physical, to birth life into and one with the physical.
I commit my self to reading
self forgiveness blogs for twenty one days, and to suspend everything I believe, to stand back to look, to see, to watch, the behavior of myself and the people I am directly involved with, to stand back and to breath, to watch the news, to pay attention to events internationally, and locally, to stand back and suspend what I am, using breath, to look objectively at what is here, to begin to realize the patterns and separations existent on earth that when viewed begin to have myself developing questions, where the questioning is myself realizing that there is a lack on common sense being utilized in this world, where I can clearly see the desteni message is a description of what I am, and that this is the proof, easy for me to see realize and understand and thus validate for myself, as the
message is of common sense as life, and this is what I am if I stop and breath and allow myself to be this, as this is here, and not the mind.
