Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 251 Thoughts within Self abdication Care actor

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I must give attention to the present structure of society within care for one human being more than another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being a mother is how I must present myself where my attentions are on taking care of a house, and mychildren only, and within this what is happening in the world, as in understanding the structures of this world as the monetary system and how this effects what is presented within the health system, and the education system are not of my concern, not seeing realizing and understanding that the very existent structures within this world will determine the outcomes of my children and my home, thus within and as caring for what is within my immediate environment is determined by the very structures of what man has built.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in all common sense to have a thought that I am a mother only, or a widow only and within this to believe that my concerns within my role abdicate any responsibility within investigation into and as how this world functions as systems, is myself accepting limitations with and as myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in thinking only about my immediate concerns without understanding what man has created and investigating the total ways and means the present system functions, what directive capacity really exists within and as me?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize what my thoughts are attentions to.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I look to my thoughts and try to understand the totality of this system, by investigating how money moves in this world, how investing works, how usury works, where money is spent within the government budget, why there are people who do not have a roof over their head, instead of making judgements based on the cultural beliefs in which I live, within religion and spirituality, within class and nationality, all of this in tandem within how money moves and distributes life supporting resources, how these resources are processed, to see, realize and understand what is in fact here as a movement of what is here, where as I investigate I will begin to see that many of the ways things are organized on this earth are not what is best for all, and that there is no common sense within and as this.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop and to see, how my thoughts are all within limited attentions, and should I begin to investigate, I will find it difficult to take in some of the forms of the existent structures, which is something to be curious about in and as itself, because I am life, and thus why would it be that I cannot grasp life, here with ease, especially since children can learn so quickly?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I am wanting to save someone or something, this in itself indicates that life is not being supported on this planet, as when there is ease, things move smoothly and this is not what exists on this earth.
I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding, through standing back and realizing how my thoughts are products of a system that supports inequality, thus myself in separation from understanding what is here as life, where I would be able to understand how separate i have become from life, simply by going and doing some manual task that I have never ever attempted before, like building some steps - for instance- it would mean I would have to slow down and use my common sense, to slowly walk through what needs to be done, but instead I would stop and think “ this is a man’s job” or “ I cannot handle a circular saw” or “ I can’t see and understand the simple zigzag shape of a board cut out to fit steps, when this shape and this saw and this step are simple fucking shapes and if I can’t LOOK and understand this then it is obvious that how I exist and what I allow has become extremely limited, and within this realize this is the mind as consciousness accepting limited beliefs based on social dictates accepted and allowed without common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I meet someone from what is labeled as a “lower level of society” to realize that, just as I might not be able to walk through the steps of building a set of steps, such humans have never walked through within self direction within specific understanding and realization of what it means to take care of self, a state of ease and self direction has never existed for them, which means the present systems are not in fact taking care of life on this earth, as in not developing common sense, and if anything, such present systems are dependent on lack of common sense behaviors as they have been built around them, and even here, the same behaviors of what is essentially an inability to see, in common sense -what is physically here as life and how it functions - supports the outflows of non-seeing and does not look at the cause of lack, the cause of an inability to move self effectively in and as what self is which is life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i have been taught within class and culture is how to avoid such scenarios, where people have lesser ability to direct themselves as life, as their attentions are disturbed through a desperate attempt at survival, where the question needs to be asked, what came first the chicken or the egg?
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that playing the savior in a bubble, without realizing the totality of the system as its very structure is what needs to change, is futile and will just create a feel good moment, like a hallmark moment, which is just a feeling and obviously such hallmark moments are sold as cards, and have been going on for a long time, even down to the commercials talking about the “oh so good” efforts of this charity or than charity, where I watch this on a tube and feel good for a moment, not seeing realizing and understanding that this is entertainment, within and as a energetic feeling, and this is all it is, thus it has no real value, as it does nothing to change this world in such a way that such presentations of “ we are so good and doing so much” need not exist.

I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding that my thoughts, as consciousness, are of limited value, as they actually justify suffering, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that suffering in any form is not and cannot be life, as suffering is suffering and not self directing self, with ease, in and as life here, thus is it my responsibility in and as life, to investigate this present system that is a creation of men, to understand what I allow to exist in and as thoughts as consciousness of attention on objectification of compound ideals only, without consideration of what is equal and one as what is here , as the physical, which is the substance of life.
I commit myself to see, realize and understand that unless a system exists that allows life to support itself as life, to develop itself as life, what exists is denial of life, and the outflow of this is suffering, which is not life, as suffering is suffering and not life expressing itself as life, here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when I have a difficult time seeing what is here in common sense, as believing I cannot understand the monetary system - for example- where i might believe “ it is too difficult and complicated” I must stop, breath and slow myself down to walk in specificity the structure of the system, to see, realize and understand what this structure consists of and what it allows within its movement, and that there is no excuse as to why this cannot be done, which begs the question as to what the thought of this is in fact, and to realize this is an accepted an allowed limitation as a belief taught should I return to what i learned within and as belief from parents, society, and education, by others limited in thought, word and deed as the behaviors of belief accepted and allowed that are really judgements as avoiding looking at what exists as what is created by men on this earth, where the resources can only create a value that sustains life through the use of many many hands of men, and thus no one man has developed what is here, and to place such development into a figure as one man, is to create an illusion that does not in common sense look at the totality of how this physical world works in fact, as well, where it can be clearly seen that a thought of “ So and so, having been a great man who built America” for example, holds no common sense of this physical existence, as one man only has two hands and cannot build what is presently in America, as one man cannot live that long, thus the presentation of a story about one man having built America means that in common sense this is about the control of money that one man had, and since money has become god, the man with the control of the money is the idol created in having taken the values created with life sustaining resources and gathered this in having placed this value into/onto a piece of paper and then gathered as much of this as possible and distributed this to direct the hands of men in his own aggrandizement and self interest without consideration for life, where life is the value, and not the imaginary and illusive value placed on one object, as one man being some kind of creator, as what is here was created by the hands of all men.
I commit myself to realizing how illusory the stories behind presented idols are in fact and that such stories , as what is taught within family, education, society, withhold common sense of this physical world and how this functions, where the starting point of all of this is one and the same, each and every human being, fearing to be self responsible as life in common sense, where the present system is simply a reflection of self abdicating self as life, consciousness, as thoughts, emotions and feelings simply a un-substantive/energetic product of this separation from self direction within each and every one of us, consciousness, a collection of limited beliefs, opinions and ideas, based on false idols, as values limited of the specific real eyesing of how this physical world in fact functions, where stories on “ one man nation builders” is an example of a thought of no common sense within the practical aspects of this actual physical world.

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