Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day 254 Back Chat Dimension, Abdication Character

I was walking a past memory from childhood, and in the picture in my mind, I was small. Walking this memory, I remember turning and as I turned the words, went through me, and I remember it is being words, of “ I care.”
THis has been with me, and I have not been able to name this in relation to myself and my personality.
Care in relation to what? The thoughts, emotions and feelings of another, another person? In this case it was in answering to my father as a small child. And before this I remember attention being what i wanted.
What thoughts and what genetic dis-positions from generations past lead to this point where I cared only about the interplay with parents at the exclusion of all else? Where parents were focused on a morality of behavior hoping to change what they themselves had accepted and allowed that lead to the behaviors of frustration they felt in the self pity and the guilt and the worry directing them to begin to teach a morality instead of sharing how the world worked, how the trees grew outside, or the baby mice came to live in a barn?
I don’t remember being told about the sun rising in the east, and setting in the west, or which direction the wind was blowing on a certain day. I was not being told in detail about the world, the physical world, I was being asked questions about why something was missing or broken. And does this make any sense?
My thoughts seem so often about the “care “ of another, at the exclusion of considering this world in totality, meaning concern is about people within my immediate environment, but this is it, people, and to note that often, because I am a woman, they are about men.
SO, I get this big built up sensation in my chest, and I believe this to be a feeling of “ I care” but it is interesting to realize a connection from this into my shoulders, as though this “care” is really a protection and defense. Meaning to give care will protect me. To answer to the cares presented as what to focus on will protect me from hurt as a reaction of frustration within being a polarity of "right and wrong that is a morality in separation from the physical.
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with caring, yet what is cared for is to be questioned, just as the questioning of parents, within a limited attention to a morality as they themselves tried to understand their own survival through keeping control of things in their home and directing within behaviors exhibited within society through their children. Where is there any awareness taught about the physical? And if there are any issues about the physical, do we just immediately go to the doctor? And why go to a doctor, especially today, where it is obvious, if one looks at the state of disease in this world, that doctors have really done SHIT in terms of taking care of dis-ease. Especially now that even science knows it cannot keep up with nature, as the viruses are mutating with more awareness than the human scientists and doctors. and even within this awareness, vaccines continue to be promoted. But wait, how can vaccines be working is the viruses are changing at a rate man cannot keep up with? Bit of a problem there establishment! This same establishment that cannot stop unemployment, or sex trafficking , or drug trafficking, and yet can somehow go to the moon. Just as with parents, this government, this system is not taking care of this physical world, thus this system does not work. Obviously, the "more than" of money running the show don't want to let go of being more than. It really is that simple. One need only look at the American Congress and what its member own and receive dividends from to see where “ the more than” in the form of money comes from.
If the “ more than” is juggled into the mix, within taking care of this earth, as what a political office is as ensuring a system of organizing this earth, then the very presence of the more than will inhibit real taking care of this earth. We have a political/governing system that allows self interest and power to organize this earth. In all common sense this is like trying to mix oil with vinegar and we all know this does not work, so what the hell are we allowing?
In all we deserve everything we get, as being in lack, because we are accepting and allowing this obvious non-sensical form determining the system set up to care for the common good of each of us.
So, my care in attending to the fear of survival as the reactions to this, as emotions, thoughts and feelings, is a self abdication of common sense of this actual physical world, as this is a development of care to the outflows of attending to an organization of society within human survival, with no attention paid to nature and how it functions, which in common sense should be what a child is taught from day one. But no, we are taught to care for our behavior within this system of governing functioning within self interest. And the dimension of money in relation to this, allows self interest free license. A simple thing to change, it just takes the hands of men. Yet even this, the hands of men, has been rendered within the thoughts of men with the words “ invisible hands” meaning the values created by the hands of men, are invisible and therefor not able to be entered into the equation. This is like using depleted in front of Uranium, a misleading misnomer, psychologically sounding opposing ideas and canceling out real seeing, as one gets caught up in this forked tongue contra-diction towards what is real, here, physical. And the mind is linear, gets caught up in singularities and thus misses the totality, the “making a connection” between obvious misnomers. What if we stopped moving as mind only and used common sense, of which awareness of the physical is necessary?
So, facing the emotions, thoughts and feelings in parents and friends, and becoming this within society through fulfilling the roles created to care for such, I in essence abdicatemyself as life, my own common sense. This care is really a protection defense through bringing the enemy near, keeping it close to keep it at bay, and then I am caught in the net of it, as it consumes my attention. I become the play of the forked tongue and lose a sense of what is real, as being in common sense of this actual physical world. Thus is this protection and defense, cloaked as care, a focus on the mechanics of the mind, as thought, emotion and feeling, such having no substance, as the human has existed as this, and this form of what we are and aggrandize and exist as, has not changed this world in such a way to create a system of care for all life equally.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to protect myself from the demands of men through giving a care in protection and defense through paying attention to what is presented and directing myself within this in fear of being punished should i not keep what supports a belief as a morality of behavior that is in consideration of survival within the structure created by men, in consideration of men only.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a voice , in and as my mind, as “ I care.”
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the thought of “ I care” as being what I am in expression, suggests that something is out of balance, as having to care as a thought is not being in a state of ease, which means that I am existing in a state of disease, meaning the existence of myself is within having to care, and not within expression of myself in and as life, within simply being here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that giving a care to emotions, thoughts and feelings, only, without stepping back and realizing a fear/survival system, is like fanning the fire of separation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that being in thoughts of care, and attending to the ensuing emotions and feelings, where the emotion is the fear of loss, and the feeling is the justification for the fear of loss within and as excusing this fear through placing this fear of loss onto something outside of self, I in effect am being the enemy near, as myself attending to a limitation and thus separating myself from common sense as being here, equal and one with what is physically supporting me as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to get caught up in the dialogue of the mind, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, as energy, of no substance as presently the mind is used to focus through separation into attending to parts where the physical is not included, and the physical is alluded to within such terms as “invisible” and or “depleted” creating an alternate reality ignorant of what the actual physical is in totality, all in the name of self interest before what is best for all, where the illusion is placed before the physical, just as the way words are placed in label, thus is what it is we are doing right here in front of us even within the words we speak, as is it not the rule that the adjective is placed before the noun? Thus is not the real objective placed before the physical? The superficial placed on top of what is real, and we, the human only see the adjective as we have become one and equal to fear instead of being one and equal to what is real, as the physical?

I commit myself to realizing the dialogue in and as voices in my head, as thoughts, emotions and feelings, to see realize and understand how such is in relation to my own survival where I gave a care to the fear as the illusion as the separation from what is real and of common sense of what is supportive of all life, this actual physical world, a world man can no longer read, in and as keeping up with viruses, which means the fantasy is over and it is time to get real to equalize ourselves to that which is this actual physical world in common sense of this physical world, as the game is up and men are not superior to the physical.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing myself to follow blindly a heart of care to and towards emotions, thoughts and feelings in another only, to bring these back to self and realize that such is an allusion to protection and defense in fear of survival, of which this being of self has no connection and thus substance equal and one to and as the actual real supportive physical world, that at this point in time, moves faster in development as seen in the ability of viruses to get ahead of a human who believed itself to be more than the physical.
I commit myself to seeing , realizing and understanding how fear is so disconcerting, that a spatial ability to read this actual physical world is lost within and as the nature of being fear, where a common sense of the actual physical world is unseen, as the energetic reaction in and as fear, as dis-ease with reality, is existing within the allusion to a possible “less than” scenario and not the reality of the physical.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I have such questions coming up in and as voices within my mind, of “ I wonder how this person is feeling,” or “ I hope this person if okay,” or “ I think I will call this person to see how they are,” I am in effect attending to emotions, and feelings and thus creating a constant as a state of dis-ease, admitting to knowing that the present system and what I am within is not at ease and thus equal and one to and as what is supporting me as life, as the physical substance here, which is the substance of life.
Thus, when and as I have a thought, or a desire to call and make an inquest as the emotional state of another, I stop and I breath, and I see, realize and understand that i am not lacking care for life, I am lacking in common sense of life in and as the physical, through attending to emotions and feelings at are by nature a separation from life into and as fear/survival behaviors which in itself is an indicator that the human is not at ease, equal and one to and as life.

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