I had a dream last night about a house. It was a house I had bought that was filled with drawers and drawers of “stuff”, and a garden outside. The people in my town had come and started to work on the house voluntarily. It was all moving in a haphazard way. This house, with the garden was surrounded by sky scrapers - all the windows looked out onto the garden, a small house in the middle of all these structures. The garden at the back of the house was the only green.
A curiosity existed towards all the stuff in the drawers, memorabilia - some might call this clutter. Having taken care of a house, I felt - in the dream- that all this stuff was overwhelming and I wondered around aimlessly, watching the whole scene, and also curious about all this stuff.
Being a widow and having suddenly lost what I was within the society I lived, I came to live in this small town. Myself in a fog - fear - obligation and guilt. Grief.
My dream in many ways is myself, as my world is filled with stuff, as belief, opinion and ideas, as memorabilia, as an imagination of behavior within assigned roles that delineate and distribute a focus of care within the structure of present society. Even when the role assigned as what the focus of one’s care should be, somehow does not allow the full expression of the person assigned the role, things must be suppressed and ignored or the eye of the spy, as the dictate of the drama will become a mess. Ironically, given the accumulation of “stuff/memorabilia/idols-of-the-past “ collected in the drawers, it seems the props became overwhelming and consumed the space.
I suppose, having lost everything, myself as wondering within what is here, brought on an objectivity, and in my ‘spacyness,” my fog of grief, I had a moment to stand back and see the drama around me, and how limited it was in fact. In one way, my guilt had been so great I remained obsessed with it, and others simply expressed their pity and moved on, whereas I remained, and somehow I started noticing that something was amiss within this world, especially since i was told “ I could never know” and I cannot accept this, it does not make any sense to me. And why do others get so irritated when I act against this belief and yet have no answers to give? I just simply cannot accept this. Things must be known, or how do we ever learn. And we have a belief in learning, or we would not have schools, so right there, there is a contradiction that makes no sense. And even here, the problems within health, especially, continue, and all that has been said for a long time is “ progress is being made” yet I don’ see this in my world. This statement is just this, a statement presented on a piece of paper.
The resources of this earth, are here to be life, and support life. It is man who takes this and creates a value from this. In this dream, the resource as support has been made into objects to hold the past and collect it, as though the actions of the past can be owned. And in this process, the action made idol becomes more than the moment lived. Thus the past accumulates, just as the objects holding the past, ( or in some cases objects of art and technology, are collected to admire the industry/creation of men - which is admiring the outcome and not the whole process , as the creation process) and every time the object is handled the memory comes up, which would separate from being here, equal to here, actually choosing to be the value of simply being, as what the object is a memory of, where it is the being of self as life that is the real value - the rest is supporting the being of self, what has happened is the being of self looked at within a glass bubble of what self was in the past - and this is not being, or a knotted/not beingness, a separate beingness, self NOT being only looking at being.
Imagine this accumulating?!
Is this what created the role play? Did the memory holding come before the role play? Is role play participation within the memory? Did one beget the other? Is this hierarchy on earth the imposition of a memorabilia, grown so big there is little earth left to see? Because the object created, even within the organization within understanding creation, come to believing the object was creator than the substance that offered the opportunity to create? And within focusing on the object, as a value given, the action creating the value, is also turned into a value, and mean while what is ignored is the value as simply being, here. Then, within this, being here, would mean realizing this being as the value, and what was equal in all that was here. Creation would remain,but shared equally, this being the value, no more objectifying and possessing, no more need to clutter and hold memories of past actions and values.
And have not these memories now become a means of survival, meaning signifiers of actions lived as having a value to be placed on a higher shelf within the collection that is in itself a collection of values on display, where we walk through and ogle these values, so separate have we become from the real value simply being life? And would not appear as, as it so obviously is, a matrix of our own construction? The care of which enslaves many expression as life, into and as what serves this?
This is surreal. And there are people who have painted this, because this is what people on this earth have become, zombies of the past, zoomers by of life as the being of self in a past as experiences within label as object are a knowledge and information as self definition instead of the value being self as life, here. Like a construct being a value instead of the substance of the construct. Where, the things constructed are not good or bad, but the ignorance of the substance and the interaction and being as this has become secondary to the object. So, this then has created a system that holds all this in place, and in the process, the most aggressive have cloistered their objects and made others the protectors of this collection, and have also taken the value of the resource and placed a network of laws that funnel this resource unequally in self interested survival. Even these limited values can be taught/promoted/blasted through media, to display one and only one program, with seemingly different embellishments, the degrees - slight- of difference made huge. Thus, do we exist within limited expressions, ignorant of what we are as life, equal and one in all existent on earth.
So, when I have an image, a thought, an emotion, feelings, idea, belief, opinion, past experience come up within me, it is myself resonant with what was taught, as what was presented by this present systems cluttered with objects directing myself as life within a world that perpetuates this to the point where there is little green left on earth, and many starving and suffering, and the resource of earth diminishing as it is not being used as the value that it is, which is life, and thus what supports life, where no life is greater or less than another, as the substance is equal in all, and this substance is the real value. Obviously, the expressions as the forms accepted on this earth, are not allowing life to exist, are not developing life on this planet within full potential in expression as life. Had this been what existed there would not be dis-ease, illness, pollution, reckless treatment and thusabuse of animals and soils and flesh, air and water.
The muse of equality must speak, again and again and again, until this is heard and realized on this earth, and the more becoming this the louder the sound and the more it is heard until this earth becomes life, in full expression, here. The creation must align equally with the substance of life, which would be visible as all earth existing in full expression as life, and thus the measure is the end of pollution, dis-ease, starvation, abuse, neglect, ignorance.
Thus, I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand back and to see, realize and understand the values I have accepted and allowed to support me as a belief , opinion and idea as knowledge and information of un-investigated significance and understanding to become what i define myself as, as I give something a face value of which I have no understanding within consequence on the physical world, as I have separated myself into a value separate from an awareness of myself as life, equal and one with all existence.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within my imagination, where I follow ideas as to how I should look, how I should respond, what cares I need attend to, without looking at what is here as life, being aware of what exists on this planet and how what I do and exist as, as what I dress myself as , affects the physical world within realizing what is supportive and what is not necessary within myself directing myself here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become personifications to direct myself here, to abdicate the ability of myself to look at what is here on this earth and to apply common sense within what is practiced, to realize that which is good and that which does not support life, and thus wastes the resources of this earth in ways that abuse this earth and the creatures that exist on this earth, of which I have no real understanding as I have only followed what was taught, what was promoted/presented instead ofquestioning within common sense and standing up in support of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand the patterns of behavior on earth as indicating that something was not in fact supporting life on this planet and that the present structure as the present system of inequality, was in fact not functioning in a way that supported all life, where instead of blaming the object only, what was also the cause was the existent system that has not utilized the resources of this earth to support life, had this been done than this world would be a different place.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the being of myself in and as fear, is myself not wanting to change what I have accepted and allowed as an expression of myself here, even when I notice that I have mood swings from happiness, into sadness, from feeling tired, into being over exuberant, and thus has there been little consistency within and as myself being directive here, where many lack consistency as their health is not supported, which is evident within the amount of disease on earth through lack of sustenance as the resources are grabbed in the self interest of a few, or what is produced with these resources has not real value and thus does not sustain, or what is produced is filled with pollution upsetting the functioning of the physical causing behaviors and illnesses that then require care and time spent on a life no longer able to express itself as life, as the physical is cluttered with the consequences of the mis-use, the ignorant use and abuse of the gift of life given as the substance of the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see the patterns in and as my mind, as memories being a alternate reality, where it is not that some of the values as the memories are bad or good, it is that the design in and as this is in separation from what is actually physically here, where, if life were lived on this planet as self in self expression there would be no need for memories, as memories stand now the human has not developed an ability to sense all life, thus the what is sensed in and as memory is limited as it is a picture based on values presented within a system of inequality , meaning an object being made greater than life, which is an act of separation from what is real here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hold onto the values as the actions of care within which I define myself within the role I accepted and allowed , where the cares are not good or bad, but allowing this to be made huge without awareness of the totality of what exists on this earth and the substance of myself as life, limits my perception and is not in itself, as only being this singular care, does not address how and why such a care is needed, or believed to be needed, or existent, as the autonomous expression of what the care is directed to and towards obviously lacks an existential ability to direct itself as life, here, as what is identified with is limited.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this, the present structure on earth is not supporting life, and therefor must change, where the process of changing this structure on earth will create a change on earth to allow those who are presently able to stand an be life, in self support, and for those that need support because of the consequences of what has existed in separation from life, to be supported until this earth is aligned within and as equality and oneness in and as life, here.
I commit myself to realize the patterns of behavior as values in support of a limited design of survival, passed down and resonant within and as a mind of pictures and knowledge and information separate from reading the actual real physical world in detail, where no detail is left out, or manipulated to serve in self interest, where the ability of self as life, is developed to be in common sense of this actual physical world, that is obviously of a greater technology than anything man has created in his separation from the physical, to align myself with the construct of the mind consciousness system and to realize that this cannot direct me unless I accept and allow this, which is done through self forgiveness,writing and corrective application, to then make this house of memories and values placed onto objects, smaller within and as what i am in awareness, to then align myself to be directed within what is best for all in thought word and deed, to create a life on earth where what is here is life in expression and not life in destruction as a shout of spite and blame, in fear of one object being of more value than another, where a game of competition through comparison is the voice of the ego, as energy, as this lacks substantive awareness of life in common sense, as it is the behavior of the human in self interest.
I commit myself to standing one and equal with and as the construct of my mind as the pictures and memories from my past of the values taught through family, education, media, to forgive myself of these directives, and to take what was good and align myself to what is best for all in humility as any reaction of anger, emotion, and feeling is myself moving within limitation, as when the emotion or feelings comes up, I must see realize and understand that the thoughts collected and compounded into this soul construct creating a personification of my separation, and within this I correct this into and as what is best for all, within and without, as i walk through my self forgiveness and corrective application, within the practice of self forgiveness being lived in application, here with and as every breath, until I am equal within and as the mind/physical as myself as life, here.
I commit myself to cleaning up the house of the mind, a museum of beliefs, opinions and ideas, placed on display as a record of my past, as collected values taught within and as style, behavior, experiences given meaning as being a more than, knowledge learned that when looked at is filled with holes as limitations as not all details were understood within the teaching and or gathering of such supposed knowledge - which was the consequence of a system of self interest within survival within this whole structure of separation from life, meaning that self feared moving self as life, and chose to make the creation bigger than the substance that enabled the creation, and thus within all this, I breath, and I stop and I see, realize and understand what i have accepted and allowed as mind and I bring myself back to earth within and as each breath, where moments of shame and “falling” are not to be judged but to be used to understand where i have separated myself from life here, thus there is not time for blame, or anger, there is only here, equal and one with and as life, here within the principle of what is best for all.
I commit myself to realizing that my “house” as mind, is , as in my dream, much bigger than the exterior garden, and that within this, and with the tools of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application and the principle of oneness and equality, I can walk with breath and take the constructs of singular values and realize how I am directing myself as this, and deconstruct this “house” until I stand equal and one, with and as life , as earth here, where at this period in what has been accepted and allowed , will take some time, as the physical house is needed, and the garden is needed, yet it is to ensure that all life on this earth is cared for, as this is the value as what has been created must be taken care of until all are equal and one to and as life here, as plant, animal, soils, organisms, water, and air.
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