Fear of speaking Imagination dimension
What occupies my imagination when I fear speaking, what play outs do I imagine in fear of loss /inferiority complex discovery, as my own ideology as a built personification.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that my past will be discovered, a past that is not what is here, and that is a limited viewpoint within understanding how my mind is a collection of memories based on judgements that were the being of myself in separation from myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that I cause discomfort within and as my environment, based on an idea of myself as being the cause of discomfort as what I defined myself as when hearing a story about how I behaved as a new born baby.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to take it personally when another personification, based on judgements, bullies, where I superimpose a story from my past that is of judgement and ignorance of what is actually physically real.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the projection , as memories, of the past, are not what is here, and that this is a manifestation of taking things personally and judging myself as being inferior.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create relationships to ideas, opinions and beliefs within, and to objects signifying ideas, opinions and beliefs without as a self definition, always searching for a definition of what i am, instead of realizing that i am here, as life, and thus can only move myself here, equal and one to what is here, as this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine that the behaviors of others define what I am here, within and as myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the behavior of my parents within my past was based on fear of survival.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my past of being criticized to be what I am here, as this is fear of judgement and thus, not being here in common sense, in self direction of myself here as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need self validation within directing myself here, in the form of praise.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not become intimate with myself here, as this is the only way to direct myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine a past of judgment as what is here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that my image of the past is based on judgement, and is thus what i have allowed myself to be here, which is theexpectation of judgement, as I have not allowed myself to direct myself in self honesty, equal and one to what is physically here, have not allowed myself to investigate what is here, as me, as life.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that in fearing the manifestation of my past, this collection of self judgements based on behaviors of others, and roles of others, I exist within expectation of judgment and protect and defend against this, thus separating myself from being one and equal to, and self intimate with myself here, directing myself in common sense with what is here and also, seeing , realizing and understanding that this is how the mind at present functions and thus is the behavior humanity has accepted and allowed.
I commit myself to realizing that judgment limits, and thus, is not a definition of life, here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that imagination can be used to place myself here, within and as what is best for all.
In writing this out here, I have a memory come up of my parents arguing, and feeling so frustrated because they seemed to be saying the same thing, using different words. I was asked what I thought and I tried to tell them that they were both saying the same thing. Where of course this was not what was listened to, and they went on to argue their same words, as though they wanted their words to be what was “right” and not the intent behind the words.
I think this is why I studied music, as it was a way not to have to deal with words, as words seemed such a limited means of expression to me. Of course, it is not words that are “right or wrong” it is the desire to be “right” within using words, instead of realizing words as a means of communication, where it takes time to equalize understanding within definition of what is sounded as the words describing how here is being.
In this, words can only describe what is here, to forgive understanding of what is physically here.
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