I had an image pop up that my mind wanted to follow, a circular house with two walls, like a corridor between the inner rooms and the outer wall, the windows above bringing in light, somehow in the small detail in the back of my mind was the sense that this building hid the outer world yet, used the light. And there was a window, long, rectangular, reaching out to the exterior from each inner room.
I have been obsessed with looking at small houses, and I have noticed that desire to have a perfect house, imagining what I might want.
This window that was the same or similar design as what M. did in the P. house.
All of this is a transfer of the male story onto a house, which is accepting being my own caretaker, and then moving this into the house, of care, so to speak. Still this is a shield from the outer world, a protection and defense, myself the many characters as the women in the house sleeping as the rooms were sleeping rooms, myself not wanting to face the emotional values in the words of others, the threat of not adhering to these words with inference d values.
I find myself looking back over my day and how i have interacted with another, the sound of their voice. And I notice I want to move to that voice and match it, as in serve the emotional/feeling values laced within their words, also looking at the words in between sets of associations, because the mind screams its limitations. I notice a resistance to NOT follow.
I have to breath, to let this fear of NO SERVICE to the underpinning match game as habit, as fearing the other to not “ like” me and as protection and defense of facing myself here. I have to look out, so to speak, and not react when the words of another “ hit me” in what is a discordant manner, which is myself in a state of not letting myself go as belief, as idea, and stop and breath, and realize that I as life as sound, can metamorphose as mind with a common sense of the environment around me, meaning not remain in the infinite self interest, inform as how I have learned, accepted and allowed, myself to build a character and personification of my social cultural/national heritage that was in total that of a bordered existence as what humans have created on earth. And that the contrast of listening to another need not be a burden to carry as a pain, where I believe as a woman that this is my responsibility. I won’t lose any definition, as letting go of my own limited self defining values, as I realize at moments within interacting with others, how limited I have been within my awareness and / or this same happening in another where a tendency would be to go into superiority that then overwhelms me to the point where the negative to this self aggrandizement leads to a fear of carrying responsibility as in turning this into a burden. Within all of this I create my own pain. And meanwhile, all around me is an earth that is round, forgiving as the resources have no one’s name on them and as such belong to all, as the resources are life. In the end, what is best for all life, is what is best for myself. I can let go the shame, the burden, the pain, as myself trying to answer to all factions, when all that I need is the principle of what is best for all, here. It is to just stop, and use my own common sense.
I was listening to an interview of someone riding first class on an American train. Normally, they rode “ commuter class” ( the names are always changing - wonder why/). To them there was little difference, and the accouterments were based on values from another era, like a black maid, a white table cloth, etc. all little things that are associated with a “ more than” classier environment. Meanwhile, it was a train, moving from one point to another. All the same, except for small changes. But a human will make this huge, or devalue it, to justify a relationship within as a self definition, and become so occupied with this that what is real is not really looked at.
As a society, each of us has accumulated so much of such values, that we no longer look beyond this and because of such accepted and allowed limited common sense of the whole, we have become ignorant of our world and the movements and forms we have allowed : for example how money moves and a multitude of values as justifications we have given money, like we use money to keep our limited values in place so we do not lose them all the while missing the real value and one that can be lived with ease as we no longer need to chase a metaphysical carrot as idea. Overall, this separation that is self created and of no real understanding of reality, of which we are more than able to do. Ironically, that which we seek in collecting the self defining values is right here as the solution of equality. This to value life, all life, as life is the value, and thus to accept and respect all life. To give all men the means to become their full potential, to give as we would like to receive to get ourselves out of our separation from life.
In all, our elite are this. They are us in another life. And they are so caught in this that they really believe that they are somehow superior. And it is only a belief in the head, a projection that is an association of values that are used to define a self, that then becomes a personification of this self, in manner, in dress, leading to a deed to support this and the thoughts as the measure of this taught building a concrete mind/ a mind map, a mental imagery of data that serves ideals that direct instead of common sense. And the irony, is that moving as common sense would mean giving all of this up, and as this becoming so much more than that limited personification. It would be to give up everything - so to speak - to become an EVERYTHING that is an equality to life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something of myself as how I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself will be lost unless I protect and defend that value as an idea.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that ideas define me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have accumulated ideas to define me, instead of using my own common sense and equalizing myself to physical reality here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to protect and defend ideas, beliefs and opinions as taking one small value based on a idea from my past and from a cultural past and using this as the measure of myself, and as such ignoring the real value as the physical as the life around me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the value system of another, and within this to fear being bullied verbally and /or physically should I not match the limited values systems of self definition as the society created by men on earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel that listening to another’s self validation as life story as touting limited values is a burden, where I believe that out of some belief in respect, as a social norm it is my responsibility to listen and empathize, and for this I forgive myself as the only choice is to do what is best for all here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hide within myself, my own limited values and silently compare within and as myself to protect and defend my own value system because in effect I fear a “ value war” and/or realizing that my values are an ignorant acceptance that will be revealed for what they are, a limited value system that has inhibited my life, and as such I become embarrassed and fear my lack of awareness being exposed, and for this I forgive myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear my values being questioned.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to enjoy life and move within looking at my limited value system and letting it go, as in transforming myself within learning about others, and as such expanding my awareness, which is in essence to enjoy life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I will be hurt and that this will be painful if and as someone questions my value system or in sharing their value system I become responsible for not having clarified the limitations as in questioning their values as is the responsibility of myself as life, and because of this what I fear is that in questioning the values of another, I will be met with bullying and deemed difficult, both scenarios simply mean, an accepted mean as reaction in self defense, looking at what has been accepted and allowed as idea, and aligning within and as what is best for all, what does no harm , what brings stability and ease of being, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being wrong
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being bullied
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I am a right as in only being this, and as this fearing the responsibility of this, when such can be clarified through taking the time to investigate to realize what is best practice as what does no harm, and as this that rushing, and hurrying in haste is not worth the risk as the consequences of non-investigation end up causing one to retrace their steps.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react to touted “ value drives” as personification just as I might react to a sale that suggests value drives, where I allow myself to believe that I am inferior unless I take on that opportunity as a value interaction through worship of value as personification in another or as purchasing a trinket to place in my environment to ostensibly give myself more value.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that listening and being socially polite as the norm is a burden
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that idea only is superior or inferior to me as me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that something will be lost if I give up ideas I have accepted and allowed about myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I will have no definition should I give up values as ideas, as pushing away what I define as being less than, and bringing forward as what I define as being a more than, not seeing realizing and understanding that as such I am within my mind on a polarity roller coaster of right and wrong instead of being here equal and one, in common sense of physical existence which is practical.
When and as I find myself constricting within and as me, as my human physical body, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down.
When and as I find myself comparing my self to others, i stop and I breath and I slow myself down and I bring myself back here one and equal to breath, I touch something within my physical environment and take the time to stabilize myself.
When and as I find myself beginning to brew a storm in a teacup, so to speak, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down as I see realize and understand as my body constricts within this that i am reacting as a value judgement.
When and as I find myself reacting to the thought, word or deed of another, I stop and I breath, I slow myself down to stabilize myself here, before I speak, or do not speak.
When and as I find myself beginning to breath in shortened breaths, I stop and I slow myself down, I stabilize my breath as this is a smoke and mirrors show as anxiety in fear of loss, or control of myself as being confrontational as reaction, and within this I move as the principle of what is best for all, here.
When and as I find myself encountering the words of another I stop and I breath and I see realize and understand that the words of another do not define me, here.
When and as I find myself tensing within and as my human physical body, I stop and I breath and I see, realize and understand that I am here, and can stabilize as breath, and within this that all the associations being presented are parts of a whole even as judgements of good and bad, and as such can be brought back to the whole within the principle of what is best for all here, where the only choice is what does not harm, what gives as one would like to receive, as there is no real life until the parts are in full potential, as each human, each plant, each animal, each water molecule, as the parts are only substantiated into the extraordinary when all working as individual yet equal, a state that cannot exist as long a hierarchy is the accepted and allowed form as men on earth because this is a value system of more than and less than by its very design and therefor must come to an end if life is to begin.
When and as I find myself reacting to the exterior system that is a consequence of what humans have accepted and allowed that has accumulated into the present system that abuses as profit is the law before life, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I realize that this began within and as me, and as such, the only choice is to do what is best for all here.
In all, our elite are this. And they are so caught in this that they really believe that they are somehow superior. And it is only a belief in the head, a projection that is an association of values that are used to define a self, that then becomes a personification of this self, in manner, in dress, leading to a deed to support this and the thoughts as the measure of this taught building a concrete mind/ a mind map, a mental imagery of data that serves ideals that direct instead of common sense. And the irony, is that moving as common sense would mean giving all of this up, and as this becoming so much more than that limited personification. It would be to give up everything - so to speak - to become an EVERYTHING that is an equality to life.