Day 16 The Monoculture of the MInd.

Day 16

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to entertain my self with and as the mind, to fold the substance  of my self into and as a story to be what it is that I am here as life, instead of realizing my self here as life one and equal to what is actually physically here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to separate from my self here, into and as a driver of a the cylindrical tube of a player piano in and as my mind, where I follow the data of the mind, a collection of imagery from my past entertaining me with hopes wants and wishes that are like the wishing upon a star, the stories limited and superficial, only being of details that suggest a  state of bliss, where ever behind the image of the princess is the wicked witch or the troll under the bridge, but the soil is never known, the animals are anthropomorphized and the flowers are always in bloom. Where there is no specific data on how the world works on how the soil works, or why there are starving children.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that The stories of my childhood, and even the novels read in my teenage years and my adult years never talk about the totality of this earth, rarely suggest how this earth can be cared for, more often than not simply complain about the state of the world as though this is an indication of wisdom, where the complaining and finger pointing has more meaning and substance than solution, where the being of self as the dreamer or the “intelligent” seeming detailer of what has happened - meaning interpretation- has become the way of wisdom instead of directing as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to slow down, to use my breath, to slow way down as my self and to try self forgiveness for twenty one days, to stand and push my self through this, consistently, for twenty one days to watch for the slightest movement of my self as what I am here, to see, hear and realize the very being of what I could possibly be as my self here, to realize that I am a form of sound and to stop and breath and notice this very substance of my self as what I am, and to stop following the billboards of my mind, to realize that real stability, that which I have never lived is through the realization of what I am here, that of sound substance, where should I learn to direct my self as this, and create a world where this was the director of what is here , where all that is here is realized as living one and equal to my self, then would this  world begin to respect itself as life and so order this world into that which is what is best for all, where stability would reverberate as life through life here, as all as one as equal.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that in such a scenario, the greatest story would become manifest on this earth that of being life here one and equal as all as one as equal.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe in the entertainments in and as the mind, to fold my self into and as a seeming wave of  undulating movement in and as my self which is really the turning of a cylindrical column filled with self placed data in and as my mind creating the illusion of a figure eight as the sign of infinity, yet is the separation of my into and as my past which I use to dream about, worry about, connive about my future in a system of inequality, where all I consider is how to pay my rent and wallow in what was believed to be lost allowing my self to exist in self pity, not realizing if I took the time to look that the centralized governments existent on this earth   dictate laws in consideration of profit before life, where each individual abdicates self response-aibility to a “representer” within a system of profit where naturally the best interest of profit becomes what is the action of the elected officials - as these elected officials are trapped within the system just as my self, where weaknesses in and as their minds in and as their addictions, are used to lock them into  taking the direction of the interest of profit and money for the few or be exposed publicly for their digressions, and that they fear for their survival as much as I do, as they are accustomed to their level of existence and fear dropping down in the hierarchy of a system of inequality that is of a pyramid structure imposed onto this earth as this system  of inequality that must stop, and where this begins is with in each and every one of us stopping the limited presentation of what this earth actually is, actually consists of, so much not included in the stories and lessons during childhood in a world that pastes images of war games and pornography all over this earth, which we allow, that become the sole sought after energetic limited rush as what life is, meanwhile we age as we are become separation from what is real, this physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing anda ccepting my self to want to save the world, not realizing that doing such starts with my self, where each and every person on this earth stabilizes self through realizing self separation from self as life, to self forgive the self separation and bring self back to what is real, this physical world, this physical human body which each and every one of us asked for through the birth a child that asked a question, the question being what is life, why does this earth exist the way it is, which - as we are one and equal- each and every one of us asking why this earth exists with so much abuse, as this question was posed by the very substance as what we are, the substance of life, thus must each and every one of us stabilize ourselves into and as what  is eternal and away from what is absolute separation as the selective limited values reflected within the media, educational system, production system using the resources of this earth as seen in the agricultural practices of monoculture growing corn and soy to constitute a seeming variety of products but which in fact are the reformation of limited ingredients that do not support the human physical body, and actually rape this earth, just as we, each and every one of is  the values of the mind, so reflected in the advertising of this world into and as monocultures of barbie and ken, thus walking one di-mensional images of what a man and a woman exist as, this being the image and likeness of total non awareness of this physical world, images that - as the roles we follow- are in fact the image to look perfect for an existence of sexual addiction and seeking, and that when one steps back and takes a look, as listening to what the mind focuses on every seven minutes a thought of sex, it becomes very clear that we exist in a world that propagates a monoculture with food, with the expression of ourselves as humans, with the dictates of the mind, and the monoculture grin of a smile, of the feeing of being happy as the expression in and as ourselves here, thus in denial of this physical world and a life of multidimension as what this physical world consists of right under our very feet.

I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to realize that the physical is the eternal and the mind is eternal separation from this physical world, the mind being the vacuum of energetic highs and lows, a spectrum of feeling and emotion that exists as varying intensity, where feelings are of less density and emotions are of more density, the angel and the devil on my shoulders as I allow my self as mind to spin through the very energetic separations I accept and allow as I spend my life being eternal separation separate from the forgiving of my self as life, that which is eternal, where as I exist as energy, the excess energy demands release, and thus do I seek sexual encounters, to en-counter pent up energy in and as what I have accepted as my self as the mind in separation from my self as life, as all as one as equal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I am life fueling this separation by my own beliefs , opinions and ideas accepted and learned within a system of survival that dictates, and ONLY presents, the formation of my self into and as either a barbie or a ken doll to continue the monoculture that is what is on this earth, that in order to exist, places most of the inhabitants of this world, be they plant, animal, human or microorganism into absolute abuse as I the human disregard what actually exists as this physical world as I allow my self to exist in separation following an impossible dream that will and cannot be satisfied as it is separation from the multi-dimension of life, where I must look at what I have accepted and allowed and bring my self back to self as life as sound and direct my self as life in consideration of what I am one and equal to, which is the very substance of this earth.

I commit my self to stopping the mind through self forgiveness, writing and corrective application to being my self back to my self as life, and to stop the eternal separation that is the mind, to realize the mind is actually very small, and a storm of desire that leads to an unfulfilled life as the very manifestation of the fear of my self directing my self as life.

I commit my self to standing and walking through the fear of my self standing as my self as life, to self forgive what I have accepted and allowed as mind, and to deconstruct these separations, knowing that as I walk this there will be many moments of frustration, as I will want to give up, as I have existed in absolute separation for so long it will take patience and the slowing down of my self through breath to see and realize what it is that i have existed as before I can even begin to find even the tiniest realization of possible beingness of my self that is something other than what I have accepted and allowed as mind, yet begin to see and realize and understand that there is no other choice but this, and once seen realize that each and every person on this earth must being themselves back to becoming one and equal with the essence of themselves as life and forgive the separations that are what the mind is in fact.

A wiki for the world.

Equal Money System for equal life.

The education system

What is sex

Self forgiveness to speak for twenty one days.

Day 15 Self Judgement and Affection

Day 15 

I have a really hard time defining the word affection. It is like a blank spot, cannot find the words. The I read a blog today and someone said within their blog that affection was denied if their behavior was unacceptable. I stopped here on this statement. I can’t define this world because I feel that I do not deserve affection. Thus, blank.

It is like being affectionate is not allowed, like common sense is not allowed. I fear the reaction to common sense and affection. So, I hold it back and thus I do not know how to be affectionate. Affection is something I stop when it comes up. Like affection is not allowed to be lived, expressed.

I have watched people be affectionate and I then have back chat in my mind about it. I criticize what I feel is separate from me, what I cannot be, or believe I cannot be.

Even in the schools with the children, I was taught how to respond to the younger ones that gave affection freely. We were told to turn our bodies and hug them from the side of our torso. No frontal hugs, as this could be read as “sexual,” so even in our society here we stop a natural affection because we all have sex on the mind. This is really messed up. I have to stop affection towards affection. I have to contort my body with a child.

So, from a young age this present society is connecting affection to sex, where affection is not allowed to be just simply affection. The adults in this world can no longer stand up as affection, can no longer exist in common sense. If we cannot do this how can we really understand what it means to teach children? If common sense is shut down, and a teacher has to think about how they are to contort their body away from a child in an unnatural manner, how can that teacher really be seeing the child? They are too busy worrying that someone might think they are being a sexual pervert.

This lack of just giving affection is within family and within relationships. My family did not show much physical affection. And the last relationship I was in it was stated that affection was not something displayed publicly. And I do not mean a show of affection, I mean just some affection, natural affection. Well, a rooster needs his standing ground to display his roosterness. I did not want to admit that this relationship had to end sooner than later. Constanly being a rooster is the same as focusing on how to keep the frontal body away from a child. Both are adhering to obsessions with sex and not being present, here, allowing enjoyment of what is here and letting affection without sexual overtones being attached. 

The mind is so obsessed with sex and has come to direct us to a point where affection is second to the mind as thoughts of sex. This is messed up.

I remember my children coming up to me and, for instance, just rubbing their cheek on my cheek, it was just… affection. Ot a cat coming and sitting on my lap, this was affection, warmth, connection. I mean really, I do not want to fuck my cat. Or how about dogs? I walk my dog and she will greet another dog by touching noses, wagging her tail. Sometimes dogs go nuts, but often they affectionately greet each other.

It is the human, who as a self absorbed ego stops this affection and imposes sexual imaginings onto affection. Per-verse.

Not allowing affection, associating sex to affection, is indicative of the dis-ease of man. And this dis-ease is the separation from this physical world into a mind of imagery, memory, idea, belief, opinion, fantasy, mental rape of women, mental rape of children, mental rape of prepubescent girls and boys,  desire,  made greater than this physical world. The existence of a “one track” obsessive mind lacking common sense depth perception of this physical real world.

Even I associated affection with sex, and believe that affection does not exist for me unless it is within a sexual relationship.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that affection only exits within a sexual relationship.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to connect affection to sexuality.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that should I show affection it will be judged as sexual.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to withhold affection because I fear it will be seen as a sexually driven act.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear being affectionate

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to take affection from others as being sexual

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to use my common sense and realize the difference between affection and sexually driven acts.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear another adult judging an act of affection as sexual.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that a man who states he does not like public displays of affection, is laying down ground rules that stop the expression of a natural affection and is not at ease with himself being more concerned with an image of himself in and as his mind than what is this actual real physical reality, and within this no real trust, communication and intimacy can be established and the ideas in and as the mind are paramount.

I forgive my self  for allowing and accepting my self to be confused about the word affection.

I forgive my self for  allowing and accepting my self to feel that I do not deserve affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I do not deserve affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that affection is dirty.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have rejected affection because I felt I was unworthy of affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear showing affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear that should I show affection it will be rejected.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to get tied up in knots at the idea of giving and accepting affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel that affection is unnatural.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to avoid affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to feel disgusted by affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to be disgusted with my self when I show affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to be disgusted with being given affection.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have a memory of my father apologizing and hugging me where I wanted to run away, and thus I associate affection with apology and feel trapped.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel caught in a trap when affection is given.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to realize I have very little experience with affection.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I have not had any real affection even with my twin sister that I can remember.

I forgive my self for not realizing that there was a childhood friend I had some affection with but this was short lived, as her mother stopped the relationship suddenly as my father had written an article she disapproved of and thus I never saw this girl again.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to remember another childhood friend who fell on the street while she was with me, and a rock cut a mark on her forehead and her mother said I was unlucky, which my father would also say to me, and I was never allowed to be with this girl again.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to feel that should I be affectionate I may cause unlucky situations.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am untouchable , which is a label that has been said to me.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear being affectionate for fear this will lead to loss for my self and others.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to connect affection to loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to connect affection, the word affection to loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to define the word affection within loss.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to separate from my self through defining the word affection within loss in separation from my self.

I commit to realizing that my fear of affection is based on childhood memories and not what is real here, as this physical world.

When and as I face affection, as my self wanting to give affection, or receive affection, I stop,  I breath and bring my self here and realize that I need not fear affection.

When and as I fear affection, I stop and I breath, and I bring my self here, and I accept affection as simply being a closeness, a physical touch and I do not allow my self to become superstitious and project a belief onto affection based on my past.

When and as I face affection, I stop, I breath, I realize that a giving of affection is just this, affection, a closeness and not what is projected as mind.

I commit my self to standing up and supporting a system that supports life in this earth, where the present world system is changed to a system of equality, a system that supports all life to realize itself as life, equal and one to life, where what is developed in the human is common sense of this physical world as the gift of life, and not a system that promotes in various ways an obsession with sex, as the development of an obsession with sex is profitable in and as the porn industry and  through focus on sex, the diminishment of the human away from physical common sense of self freely expressing affection without fear of sexual connotations.

I commit my self to revealing how the judgements of the mind, become experiences a child will carry into adulthood and if not forgiven or understood, will resonate within that child turned adult and affect that human within all relationships through out life unless cleaned up and forgiven through speaking the words of forgiveness, written out, and a corrective application stated to stop the back chat as the mind until it is clear and that child turned adult can begin to self direct as life as all as one as equal.

Life Review Series

Equal Money System

What is sex?

The Evolution of Separation

Day 14 The Dominance of the Mind

 I am reading this blog this morning and suddenly I notice the presence in and as my mind of superiority, not in a judgement towards the blog but in the nature of my mind as what is is as persona. It is like the mind as a “pointer” or “cursor” or “delineator” has a signature of “I am right” this picture, this measure , this image, this belief, this idea, this “map” is what is real, and just, and right, and IS what IS. Very domineering! I breathed. The mind as this is the judge made god where I believe I have understanding, but this is a non moving point, a idol, stagnant thing that has no understanding. Like I want “understanding to be done with”, to be complete, which is what the nature of a created object becomes, held dear and close, a child, a creation. Yet there is no understanding in this, as following this, because it does not allow for further expression or transformation if the thing imagined or believed becomes fixed as an end game. In the natural world around us things never remain the same, they are in constant motion and transformation, so being a image maker and then stopping within this creation cannot be an ongoing common sense.

Righteousness is the mind, the very nature of the mind as the mind is a measure of a moment, a pointer to where one is within a moment and therefor not the actual under-standing with what is physically here. So this nature as the mind that came up as righteous and “knowing” ( as it is only no-ing parts as the things it picks out from this world) as knowledge based on insight measured by the skill of the mind, this being image maker-inout being what has been learned from this world through family, education, culture, society. Thus it is the physical that is of the common sense and not the mind. The mind will only take a picture and then avoid deconstructing the picture when some new insight and dimension comes along. And with the amount of activity going on in this world in a system of profit that creates competition to get money, as money is being used to buy life, to survive and all that is made available - accepted and allowed- is what is presented/offered for sale/ an illusion of choice made so hectic that to stop and realize what is happening in this world takes an effort. And this image maker as mind, so blown out of poportion and wanting to be “right”  cannot sense what it is because it has not capacity to do so. When we think, we are actually shifting the file cabinet that is the mind, and are not here one and equal to what is real, this physical world. How can this file cabinet answer questions? How can it make decisions? It can’t. It can only use these images, taken in the past to guide. There for this mind image may contain information that is correct, it cannot answer to the totality of this existence because a picture is one dimensional and life is multidimensional. A picture, information cannot sense. So, swimming around in the mind is not being here in the physical.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that when this “feeling” of “knowing” comes up, this “knowing” being a righteous feeling that this is the mind, this is an end game of acceptance of knowledge and information in and as the mind and not the common sense of this actual physical world.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see/realize/understand that the mind is a “cursor” delineating only, in and as the use of images and not what is actually here in the moment as this physical world.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to immediately recognize a feeling of ‘knowing” as my self in separation from what is actually here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to avoid what is here at times and to cling to my mind.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not recognize a “knowing” righteous feeling as my mind taking a picture and holding onto that picture and connecting this to all the pictures within my past that are formed from the very society within which I live that is a collection of values believed to be support within a system of competition for money for survival, a system that has taken the human out of the context of how this physical world actually works, and instead a system that rapes the resources of this earth without any consideration of how this physical earth is actually a perfectly organized system that will sustain and provide sustenance as life for all, yet a belief that all must be divided and conquered for profit has been all that is presented and thus believed in, when nature actually screams loud and clear that this is not true, evident in how petro-chemicals have been used to tame earth into inequality, where the end game of this is no longer working and only compounding destruction at a massive scale, where unless the human stands up and actively organizes a change the outcome will be massive suffering for human, plant, and animal.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see/realize/understand how much I have used the mind to guide me and not been HERE in common sense.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have abdicated my self to the idol of the mind to such an extent that I do not even know what being HERE actually means.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to experience extreme sleepiness and tiredness and lethargy as I write these words as the mind does not want to become the tool that it is and instead , because I have allowed my self to be this mind, it is a massive battery of images and this battery of images wants its resource to maintain itself, and I am denying this battery its sustaining juice.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that a sense of falling physically is just the mind not getting it way, a way I have accepted and allowed, so now it is like a tantrum.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to within what this mind is realize all the time I have directed my as this mind and not unconditionally considered the actual physical world, where I stick no superstition as fear of threat and loss as my mind is a mirror image of this system of inequality, where money determines who lives and who dies, thus I have lived on this earth in fear, and not in common sense.

I forgive my self for not accepting and allowing my self to see how much I have abdicated my self responsibility as life in common sense  that  do not see and understand how much of what I am as my personality have been directed by a fear of death and loss in order to survive, evident whenever I take something personally and react in becoming a judgement and not aligning my self as one and equal to what is before me in recognition of the substance of my self being one and equal to all that is of this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see and realize that I have used sex to ensure security and survival within my society, even if I have lived a married life with children, it really is not different that  the girls sold into sex slavery, as both scenarios perpetuate this system, one is just of a different frequency and cadence than the other, but in the end, depending on perspective - on the distance from the view- both acts are one and the same.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see/realize and understand how the nature of the mind as energy creates a loud disturbance in and as nervousness and anxiety, judgement and blame, where if I slowed my self down through breath I would begin to realize the extent of this on this earth, even within my small circle of close acquaintances by watching their behavior, the way they move their physical bodies, and even my own behaviors, where the moment I become anxious and nervous I must realize that I am existing as fear and thus am in separation from my own common sense of what is real and here as this physical world.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to not realize what this actually means because if I do a sudden sense of nauseousness will become me as I realize what I have accepted and allowed as mind in fact, as I realize the separation I have accepted and allowed, and as I realize how grotesque this allowance of my self into judgement really is, yet this must be done as this is the only way to realize what has been accepted and allowed, because there are animals, and children and plants  suffering in extreme just so I can begin to realize this my self as the strongest learning is self dis-covery, this what is here is a great gift to realize self as life as all as one as equal.

I commit my self to recognizing the righteousness as self validation of the images I have made in and as my mind having a quality of being “knowing” “right” and superior and thus when I notice this I stop and I breath and I bring my self back to this physical world.

When and as I see my self  seeking a “knowing answer” I stop and I breath and I bring my self back here into and as the physical and I use my common sense of what is actually physically here, using my will to realize that what is best for all is best for self , and that all reactions, from within or from without are reactions of inequality, of separation and by the nature of them cannot be in full consideration of this physical world, where even when I fall there is only to stand and forgive to align my self with life, as all as one as equal to get to the “one breath away” in directing my self as life, aligned with life , one and equal to clean up the separation from common sense practices that are best for all on this earth.

I commit my self to forgiving the file cabinet of my mind and returning the cursor to being the tool that I as life as substance direct within the principle of what is best for all until this is done.

Mind Possession

Organic Robot

Virus Free Mind

The maker of the mind consciousness system

Journey to Life Blogs to speak self forgiveness for 21 Days and discover you are a mind consciousness system

Day 13. Defense and Attack

Suggestion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaTfzYDZG8c watch this video and look at what you are projecting onto a robot and then read this self forgiveness.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to direct my self as the mind, as separation from my self in common sense with and as my human physical body.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to see other humans as threats, where every movement , the blink of an eye, the wave of a hand, the slight forward thrust of the body is a threat where I fear being judged and attacked.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize how much I project onto another human being in and as defense “stance” in fear of threat and attack.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear humans.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear humans coming at me and attacking me, thrusting themselves onto me, clinging and grabbing and crying.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self become angry and indignant with human beings really fearing their attack not knowing how to respond, abdicating my self as life as this physical in common sense of my self as life aware of the movement of others as energetic play outs of the same fears as myself.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to be aware in every moment of my projected reactions onto other human beings and objects within this  physical world, where if I watch a robot, it is immediately clear how much I project onto an object my own fears, this fear a defense and expectation of attack and threat.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see this and to immediately take this back into self and redirect my self within the principle of oneness in equality.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I am here and can, utilizing breath and self forgiveness, be a corrective action in and as my self as common sense as this physical that is here as me, where it is not the fear of loss and death as attack that is my powerless self that is real, that “behind” this is my self in and as common sense here, where I need not disperse my self into and as a reaction in and as defense as a belief that I will be attacked.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have become angry and thus fearful while watching a video of a female robot where I feared being replaced by this female robot.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have felt spite as I had the thought that now men can have the endless listener and servant to fuck to their hearts content and within this moment realizing that this fear is my self feeling hurt that men do not see me, when in fact with what I know about the mind consciousness system that as a MCS men cannot see anything in this world and are locked in and as their minds where they seek endless validation as what they define themselves in and as, and that if what is said is listened to carefully it is really a cry for validation, a fear of facing self as life, where this has gone on for so long that this as the existence of the human is no longer seen as the “mirage” has become so seemingly real, yet this mirage is the sum of all fears and the key to clean up this very separation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that within this judgement of men, is my own fear of loss of self, where I fear not being valid within not existing as the limited values within what a woman is, where I realize I fear not surviving unless I “fit the form” and yet this “form” as all that I am is not my self here in common sense of life and thus because it is a limitation it is frustration and separation from self perfection for my self and the man.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear the energetic superstitions of the mind consciousness system, within and without, where, when I am existing as fear I cannot take my self back to my self and direct my self here within breath and forgive the fear and stand within the principle of oneness in equality here.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to also go into compassion when I see and realize the energetic separations of others where I cling to this energy as projection of another and feel safe in being compassion, as this is really just my self clinging to familiar emotions and feelings, which is the same as the reaction of fear, fear is defense/rejection and compassion is acceptance and “joining with” the existence of the energetic affectation one through reaction, one through particiption, thus this is being influenced by the mind consciousness system and participating with in the alternate reality of the mind consciousness system.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to exist as fear of the future and fear of my survival within this system, not realizing that this fear is the same non directive principle of oneness and equality I allow my self to exist as where I have no self trust  ( self thrust )and self honesty ( self as one with self as common sense with this physical) 

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to accept compassion, the being of my self as compassion as a security blanket where I hang on compassion only and do not take this and bring this back to self and direct this within the principle of what is best for all, as this direction taken is using my self as this physical common sense and directing my self in stability as life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not see, hear, and realize the directive principle in and as my self as life in every moment in following through with and as my self within the principle of oneness in equality as common sense.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to realize that this mirage of “vetigo/ spiral/defense projection protection is what I have accepted and allowed as my self here.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see how I am separating my self  into judgement as defense as fear and hiding within and as what behaviors I have accepted and allowed as my self that have become habit.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting  myself to alternately hate my self and to then become the personality of righteousness where I then stand up in attack defense and push back emotional/feeling/thought outplays of others as mind consciousness system projected self validating outplays in and as indignation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to be a personality of inward defense and alternately a personality of outward attack, where in essence I am separating my self into  good feelings of “knowing” righteousness and emotions of  guilt/regret/fear of survival.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that all of this is energetic outplays that have consequences where when I am fearful, taking the emotions and feelings/cries of other personally and becoming overwhelmed and wanting to escape and hide, be alone and then conversely attack that which I took as attack, where both actions are support of  the same initial starting point of judgement in and as the mind in separation of my self in common sense.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to blame the energetic outsplays that exist as the mind consciousness system and to not realize that they are separations and that the only choice is to direct this separation within the principle of oneness in equality, in common sense of the physical.

When and as I see my self existing in fear -becoming defensive and over-whelmed where my body constricts and my breath tightens, I stop and I breath, and I direct my self within slowing down my breath and realizing that I am existing as fear in separation of my self and I forgive my self  of this illusion of fear and I look in common sense at what is before me and I direct within the principle of oneness in equality, and I practice this, and practice this until I develop a clear understanding of my self in self trust and self honesty until this is done, as this must need be done, no matter what to bring heaven on earth.

I commit my self to recognizing my own separations into and as energy, as emotion, thought and feeling and I bring my self back to my self and I focus on my breath here where I can face and stand before the storm and remain stable in and as my physical, with breath and the principle of oneness in equality.

I commit my self  to standing and facing my fear and my righteousness, I realize these energetic separations are outplays of my survival defense personalities  ( which is the mature of personality ) and are not the being of my self within a productive directive as the principle of oneness and equality.

I commit my self to stopping when ever I become fearful and /or righteous and I stop and I breath and I focus as my breath and I realize my inner fears as belief , opinions and ideas, as being my self in separation where I have not directed my self within the principle of oneness in equality.

I need not fear the emotions , thoughts and feelings of others, nor react to them indignantly.

I am here, as life and therefor I can stand and direct my self without judgement of the focus of others, the self validation practices of others, and of my self, I use my will to redirect and focus and to open my self up to life through breath utilizing the principle of oneness in equality.

Parasitic Ego and the Illusion of Self

Self Awareness Steps for the Elite

Virus Free Mind

Equal Money System to stop the superstition of the mind.

Self Forgiveness, writing and corrective application

Day 12 The Human Physical Body

 Day 12 

Last night a woman was at my home. We had to walk in the dark to her car. She got up from the table and prepared to leave. The noises coming from her, accepted as normal, were subtle but so loud to me. She was sighing and making slight grunting noises as she moved. Her movement was laborious, as though it involved a great effort. There was no “quiet” in the way she moved. As we walked to her car, she could not see and started to veer off at an angle. She walked like she was about to fall over and I could see that the way she lifted her legs that one was much harder for her to lift than the other. And her breathing, such effort. She had very little awareness of her physical body, and moving her body was difficult and, to me, painful. I don’t think that she was very aware of this. This had taken years to get this way, and the slow constriction of herself went unnoticed as this progressed slowly. As I sat with her I did not notice this, she was well spoken and direct, it was when she stood and moved that I noticed her, as herself, as her physical body moving as though it took a lot, a lot of attention. Just as we got to her car, there it was, like a big swirling massive storm, like a mirage around her. I had seen this before, just before my husband died.

So, what desteni is talking about can be seen, this storm of energy is seeable.

But we do not need to see this, just feel yourself in your human physical body, if it does not move with ease, and freely, if it seems laborious to move, if  your legs are insecure, as though you walk with stilts, then you are a mind consciousness system with a storm encircling you, and this storm is consuming you to the point where there is no longer any awareness of you as your physical body, and what little driving source is left is being sucked dry by your mind, that which is an alternate picture reality, of limited design, consisting of all the relationships you have ever made, in self interested support, that are of judgement in any way shape or form about this physical world, these judgements are the fire of the grid that is your mind consciousness system.

The priests in the church would scream that if one did not follow “god” hell and damnation were the outcome, but they did not qualify that “god” and led a belief that this “god” had a beard and white air and lived in a separate world surrounded by angels. Hell and damnation are the outcome of following a FALSE god, and that false god is the father, lord in heaven, the real “god” is the gift of life, this physical world. The hell and dam-nation is your mind. So, many have said to stop the mind, maybe it is time to listen.

It is time to forgive yourself and bring your self back to the physical world as this is what is real. All you need do to see if this is true is look at the state of your human physical body. Please do not take my word for this, you can discover this for yourself.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to place my thoughts, feeling and emotions as what is real and to not be aware of my human physical body, to the point where I abdicate my self responsibility as what is happening within my human physical body, to doctors and a system of profit where profit obviously cannot exist within the medical field were the human aware of their human physical body, where the human would be able to realize what was happening within their human physical body and be able to correct imbalances them selves.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear walking away from everything I have been lead to believe and to try something because I fear what others might think, do or say if I stopped following the “norms” of a society that has not solved many of the abuses most of us are aware of today.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to reject something outright before suspending my beliefs and carefully looking at what is being said by a group of people who are suggesting that the human is separate from this physical world into and as a mind consciousness system that takes the source of self and divides it into energy in and as polarities that manifest as thoughts, emotions and feelings, lead by desires, wants and needs of more than and less than, of judgement, that manifest as ego, building a personality that is the collection of society, culture, education and family relationships built to support a system of inequality that if the likeness and image of a profit based system that is a game of survival and greed, which has been accepted and allowed by humans on this earth who feared standing up as themselves as life, not wanting to let go of self definitions as past experiences which created an egotistical self interest separate from life, where the self interest was believed to be a superior god.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I fear losing what I have created in and as my mind, not seeing that the pictures in and as my mind are limited and only a representation of my past, that which I believe defines me as I fear standing up as my self as life, one and equal to all that is here, where in this self religion as the god as my mind I became a personality for survival within a system of profit where I had to fight to survive, to pay my mortgage, to pay my medical insurance to pay for college so that my children would also survive within this system, not ever stepping back and asking the question why this world existed in this way, when the technology that exists and the ability to grow food and fly to the moon clearly indicates that what is of this earth, and what the human is capable of can figure out how to take care of all that is of this earth, to enable everything of this earth to flourish and live in dignity where it does not make any sense to have a system that allows abuse to animals, children, soil, oceans, air, water, life.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not question why it is that the human physical body renews all cells every seven years and yet there are horrible degenerative diseases on this planet.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not ask a question as to why there is a disease where children age rapidly as though they were elderly people.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not ask why the beaks of chickens are cut off , why a god would create a chicken and then have it suffer having its beak cut off and to live in a overly crowded enclosed structure never seeing the light of day.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not ask why energy corporations are pouring chemicals into the earth, to fracture gas out of the earth, that poison rivers and streams and destroy the life of the stream and drinking water.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to not take the time to investigate alternative energy sources, to learn how a debt/interest based system is a system of abuse and greed that take  inconsiderately from this earth and enslave through debt.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize how this system, which I accept and allow through participation without ever really investigating the nature of this system, instead becoming angry and politicizing with the drama of politics, not looking at the whole system to realize that this system does not support life, only profit.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I really have no awareness of my human physical body.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to sense the constriction in my back, my legs, my chest, to not even realize how tense and constricted I really am within my human physical body.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not question that a plant can be given nutrients allowed to grow and flourish, thus since this can be done with a plant why is this not the state of all human physical bodies and plants on this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see and realize that race horse’s health is kept at optimal levels, thus we know how to maintain a flesh and blood animal on this earth, why are not all animals and humans given a healthy environment.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that a healthy human physical body is able to be maintained and if I look around in my world the amount of disease indicates that what is here as the systems accepted and allowed are in fact not taking care of the humans and animals on this earth.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that what exists is “as within, so without,” that what i have accepted and allowed as the picture in and as my mind, that I believe to be real is a limited design inconsiderate of this physical world and thus what is manifest on this world is the same inconsideration of this physical world.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to remain here in breath in every moment and stop all thoughts of judgement about the world around me.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear ego within and without, where ego is a persona of beliefs as judgements of more than and less than.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear death not understanding that death is the end of personality.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that the mind has no common sense and thus, as I have become mind I have no common sense of my human physical body, and as this I have abdicated my self as life, becoming separate from life as I exist in and as my mind of beliefs and ideas and opinions that cannot and do not consider the life on this earth as being of the same substance as my self which is life and that this is the gift given as “god”, as “god” would forgive of himself unconditionally to enable his “children” to stand as all as one as equal, and that this is absolute common sense.

I commit my self to stopping the mind.

I commit my self to applying the tools of self forgiveness, writing and corrective application to clear the mind of all hell fire creating judgements and to bring my self back to self, and stand one and equal to life to begin the process of cleaning up the mess of inconsideration and separation from life that exists on this planet, that which had been accepted and allowed directly and indirectly through participation.

I commit my self to clearing my mind of the pictures of all past experiences of relationships made that I believe define and validate my self,  to become self honest within the principle of oneness in equality as what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to standing up within the storm of the mind and no longer accepting and allowing the abuse of the self interest of the ego, speaking up in consideration as the words I speak of all that exists on this earth, no longer accepting and allowing the abuse of the words “ that is the way it is”

I commit my self to realizing that the mind is an alternate reality consuming my human physical body in separation of life.

Day 11 Personality is my woe, my fear, and my self pity.

Day 11 Personality is my woe, my fear, and my self pity.

With my back chat rampant yesterday as I moved through the cycles of being a woman, I realize that all the complaints, the whining, the  comparisons as the back chat as the voice in my head are what a refection of what I believe my self to be, a picture, and image, stagnant. This is my label, my belief as to what it is that I am, this that must be held, clutched, clung to in order to maintain my personality, where any thing around me can threaten this idea of my self, and so I sling verbal defenses from the form that I believe my self to be to continue this, and I compare my self to others to justify this not realizing that I have shut my self down as life, I have ignored the very substance of my self as life, I am actually turning what I am as life into an image and thus dividing the essence of my self into an etch, a engraved image in and as my mind, my alter, my idol. This graven image is etched with fire, the fire the turning of my self into a stagnant image as my personality, this moment of judgement is my self burning my into a hell of personality, and thus does my mind become the defense of this graven image, idea, idol, as my self stagnant within the from I have accepted and created as my personality, where I become a life of woe, of fear, of self pity as I maintain and burn in the fires of my own  perpetual act of separation into a fortress as the form of what I believe my self to be, the defense of self within a system of inequality. As within so without is the world I allow and accept and am the creator of, within this any label, judgement, of another form on this earth, be it plant, animal, person is my self being a walking user of the hell of fire as what judgement is, when I label another and disallow the expression of life, and lock another into a rigid etch of existence, an imprisoned form, where life is limited and no awareness of self direction can exist, is allowed to exist. Oh, how much this sounds like the very system of debt accepted and allowed by each and every one of us on this earth, we are the creators of this money and indenture into the forms of ourselves as servants to our own created personalities.

Thus, as this personality was created through my own selection of ideas, beliefs and opinions, my class, my followed social rulings handed to me, voiced to me, by family, society, education, and I walk forgiveness to stop this graven, etched personality of my self that is the separation of my self into and as a burning image in separation of my self. I stop the hell fire that is the product of this separation to stop the crying flames in and as words as the back chat of my mind through bringing it all back to self, self forgiving this personality, this collection of beliefs, opinions , and ideas,, these wants, needs and desires, to once again swim in and as - as this is what I am- the waters of life, as the sound of life in equality with and as the substance that is the creator of this physical earth, to return my self to the physical as it is here on this earth, to be and live and walk with this physical earth, this physical earth being life, this unconditional giver of all that is needed here on this earth to create a heaven on earth, where life has an opportunity to be an expression of life, one and equal to life as life.

I stop my self as the priest touting my religion from a pulpit screaming damnation, not realizing that it is the act of being this that is what this is in fact, the words being spoken reflecting the very act the speaker as preacher threatens. The irony of life, the iron chains as the prison of personality created in my own fires of separation from life.

Here I stop, I forgive all that I believe my self to be as personality, where the back chat in and as my mind reflects what I fear losing, as the voice of my self created personality.

it is time for each and every one of us to begin this process of self forgiveness to clean up the mess of ourselves so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what has been denied by our own hands, our equality to and as life as what we really are. Time to remove the bubble of personality.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  be a mind awareness that I am a woman.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to compare my self to others not realizing to what extent I am actually being a comparison in and as a belief that I am a woman ONLY to other woman as I participate with what is on this earth as I exist through out my day, where the thoughts in and as my mind, as the reactions as emotions and feelings I experience through this day are the cry of the fears in and as this personality I have created and accepted and allowed.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to go into self  pity as I change the oil in my lawn mower because I am a woman alone without a man, and the voices in my head start to cry this woe, as what I am as a single woman is considered and allowed and accepted as a label of a person as “missing” something, as being incomplete, and thus this is the voice in and as my mind as I change the oil in my lawn mower which is my self participating in the limited and stagnant definitions of society as what I am, what I am supposed to be instead of realizing that I am here, the lawn mower is here, the oil needs to be changed, that I am capable of understanding how to change the oil and mow the lawn all by my self, and that I am just being this, an interaction with the machine and the lawn and there need be no judgement, to becoming a  burning hell fire about doing this task, and thus I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become a personality of belief within this simple task of mowing my lawn.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to be impatient here with typing, wanting to rush these words I write, and within this to slow my self down in and as breath and write out these separations as my accepted and allowed personality that has existed for eons of time and must be walked through and cleaned up so that life can begin, the self direction of the substance in and as life as this is what I am.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not know where I am going exactly, but understanding that this personality as what I believe my self to be as a walking self pity, defense mechanism is not and cannot be life, as there must be more than to existing as this back chat as the mind as the very persona of “nothing ever being “right’” as my self in irritation,  a sense of un-fulfillment, a sense of uselessness, a feeling of powerlessness, a cry of woe, a finger of blame, and a roller coaster of highs and lows where nothing in and as my self is ever constant and at ease.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the relationships I exist with and interact as are not real, as they are only that which supports the personality I have allowed my self to believe is real, and thus take the constant that is me and divides it into a life lived in polarities of beliefs of more than and less than, where I compare, judge, label, and thus fear the ego, as the personalities of others, and thus give the power of my self as life away as I exist as a personality and support the personalities of others through acknowledgement of the personalities of other as the very reactions I allow to exist as feelings and emotions and judgements of other, be it family, be it a bum on the street, be it a boss at work.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and hear , that the behaviors of this world and the people within my life are, this same action, it is the being and having of a personality is separation from that which is constant, the substance of life, that  which is what this earth is, unconditional giving and transformation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am as a preacher on a pulpit being pulled as the back chat in and as my mind, as the strings of belief as relationships of  value to limited, labeling, judging definitions of what is real on this earth.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my own created and accepted personality is that of walking judgement and separation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to define and label all that I encounter as my self as a woman here on this earth as being a friend, a mother, a father, a bum, a fat person, an ugly person, a disheveled person , an old man, a young man, not realizing that I am perpetuating the the stagnation of life into and as the persona of an object, where the real subject, the subject of and as the substance of life has been locked into an image of non movement and separation from what is real, here, life, as these labels support a system of inequality where the personality is believed to be what is real and not what is before our very eyes, the changing form of this physical world, and that this is the constant, and thus the persona only returns to dust, and thus is not what is real, yet we live our lives believing this to be what we are, what we accomplish, when in fact nothing is accomplished as no real understanding within and as each and every one of us is reached to its full capacity as a self perfected being understanding how this physical world works, where were this what existed this would be heaven on earth, as the resource of this earth would be respected and used in such a way that would be best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear the cry of the ego, the wrath of the personalities of others as I no longer am willing my self to support the graven imagery that has been accepted and allowed on this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I need not worry about the reacting voice of the ego in and as this is the ego voicing its own separation from self as life in fear of losing accepted and allowed values as personality, this is within my self and without.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  become impatient and aggravated  as this is once again the personality of my self in non self direction as what is best for all.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that all internal conversation in and as my mind are the personality as the separation of my self as life into judgement in defense of my personality and as this very act the absence of self direction equal and one to the substance of life, the absence of my self directing my self as the principle of oneness in equality with and as life.

I commit my self to recognizing all the internal conversations in and as my mind as the personality defense that exist as judgement and blame and personality support seeking directives, where I as self as life am not directing my self as life within the principle of what is best for all.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to believe these internal conversations as defensive ego supporting personality as what I must obey but to stop and breath and forgive, as these are the fear of my self becoming self directing as life within the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to  standing and breathing, to cleaning up my accepted and allowed personality through self forgiveness, to stop my addiction to attending to my personality where my self as personality if validated through sex, yet this sex is never real, is often short lived and unsatisfying as it never seems to reach any real and continued expression of ease and just being, where ego steps in in fear of loss and fear of judgement.

I commit my self to remaining here in breath and seeing, hearing, and using physical common sense to realize my own accepted and allowed personality as the very pity of my self as this is the very separation of my self from my self as life.

I commit my self to bring my self back to what is actually here physically whenever I catch my self in an emotion and thought of self pity as comparison as this personality was created in self interest within a belief of choice within a system of inequality as a game of survival where one’s personality determined placement on a pyramid of more than and less than placed on an unconditionally giving earth , where the personality created  determined the ability to take take take money as being the value as life.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to be a waking story play-out of a fairy tale, where I accept and allow the illusion of my self within the values of a fairy tale and I  bring my self back to this physical world and I direct my self within this actual physical world, building an understanding of  my  self as directing my self with this physical world , through building an understanding of this actual physical world and directing my self as life in realization of this physical world and what is best for this physical world is best for self.

Day 10 Monthly Period Nasty Internal Conversations

Day 10

Today I was in the garden and suddenly I noticed my self complaining in my mind about my neighbor.

Before I had found desteni, I had noticed a pattern within my self. it took some years to spot it when it came up. Every month it would show up. By the time I was in my mid forties I had started to have a handle on it and could stop. A couple of days before my period I would become short tempered. Some small thing would happen and I would react. Now it just has to “run, “ this nasty, competitive, comparing, defensive, ugly, bitchy, irritated, judgmental voice in my head, this “back chat” hissing snake, a paranoid one at that, and I stop and say to my self, OK, it is that time. I even remember wanting it to stop. It at times seemed to climax, and then the day I actually got my period, it was a sudden calm.

Well today this happened and I caught it and spoke  self forgiveness. It stopped. So, if there are any woman out there with this same experience, here is some self forgiveness to stop the nasty pre-period mind back chat.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become a vicious bitch towards my self and others, my family, my neighbors, my friends, my colleagues just before, or after, or during my period.

I forgive my self  for not allowing and accepting my self to stop when I notice nasty defensive comments about others as I compare my self to other people in my world and see if this has a pattern, where this happens like clockwork just before my period, and then to ask my self why such a pattern of behavior exists.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to criticize and judge others in and as my mind where I denigrate the persona of another person not realizing that I am irritable, defensive and feeling inferior and unworthy as if it could possible be caused by some internal chemistry.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become spiteful and jealous of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to react to what another says or wears or presents.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to judge how others dress.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be annoyed by the children running around, where as on other days I have not noticed this.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am less than another, be it a woman, a sibling, someone I catch my friend/lover/husband eyeing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to take things personally, what the people around me say,  not realizing that I suddenly act this way once a month as thus my irritation is not necessarily about the people in my environment, as other times these very same things I pay little attention to. 

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  have nasty competitive thoughts about my neighbors and friends in and as my secret mind, and to not notice the pattern of this kind of behavior each month.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my world to begin to annoy me, and to not stand back and note if this is a reoccurring pattern.

When and as I see my self having a sudden nasty comparing voice in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I make note of it and stop the back chat through self forgiveness.

I commit my self to allowing my self to monitor my periods and to notice if this nasty back chat is an illusion that is not real, I stop and I breath until the thought subside.

I commit my self to becoming aware of the patterns and out-flows in and as my mind within my human physical body so that before I flare up and say something I will regret, I will see and understand that it must be a program in and as the mind, where I feel inferior, and unworthy, as this is not who I am as life, what this is, is the conscious mind.

I commit my self to becoming aware of my thoughts and forgiving my self for my thoughts, and noticing when my thoughts come up and what emotional polarities I carry around in and as my mind.

I commit my self to becoming aware of the mind and the internal conversations  in and as my mind and to forgive these thoughts which means I will have to notice the sudden appearance of  thoughts, ideas, perceptions, comparison, judgements, irritations and to forgive them, self forgive them as this is what would be best for self as what is best for self is best for all.