Day 11 Personality is my woe, my fear, and my self pity.

Day 11 Personality is my woe, my fear, and my self pity.

With my back chat rampant yesterday as I moved through the cycles of being a woman, I realize that all the complaints, the whining, the  comparisons as the back chat as the voice in my head are what a refection of what I believe my self to be, a picture, and image, stagnant. This is my label, my belief as to what it is that I am, this that must be held, clutched, clung to in order to maintain my personality, where any thing around me can threaten this idea of my self, and so I sling verbal defenses from the form that I believe my self to be to continue this, and I compare my self to others to justify this not realizing that I have shut my self down as life, I have ignored the very substance of my self as life, I am actually turning what I am as life into an image and thus dividing the essence of my self into an etch, a engraved image in and as my mind, my alter, my idol. This graven image is etched with fire, the fire the turning of my self into a stagnant image as my personality, this moment of judgement is my self burning my into a hell of personality, and thus does my mind become the defense of this graven image, idea, idol, as my self stagnant within the from I have accepted and created as my personality, where I become a life of woe, of fear, of self pity as I maintain and burn in the fires of my own  perpetual act of separation into a fortress as the form of what I believe my self to be, the defense of self within a system of inequality. As within so without is the world I allow and accept and am the creator of, within this any label, judgement, of another form on this earth, be it plant, animal, person is my self being a walking user of the hell of fire as what judgement is, when I label another and disallow the expression of life, and lock another into a rigid etch of existence, an imprisoned form, where life is limited and no awareness of self direction can exist, is allowed to exist. Oh, how much this sounds like the very system of debt accepted and allowed by each and every one of us on this earth, we are the creators of this money and indenture into the forms of ourselves as servants to our own created personalities.

Thus, as this personality was created through my own selection of ideas, beliefs and opinions, my class, my followed social rulings handed to me, voiced to me, by family, society, education, and I walk forgiveness to stop this graven, etched personality of my self that is the separation of my self into and as a burning image in separation of my self. I stop the hell fire that is the product of this separation to stop the crying flames in and as words as the back chat of my mind through bringing it all back to self, self forgiving this personality, this collection of beliefs, opinions , and ideas,, these wants, needs and desires, to once again swim in and as - as this is what I am- the waters of life, as the sound of life in equality with and as the substance that is the creator of this physical earth, to return my self to the physical as it is here on this earth, to be and live and walk with this physical earth, this physical earth being life, this unconditional giver of all that is needed here on this earth to create a heaven on earth, where life has an opportunity to be an expression of life, one and equal to life as life.

I stop my self as the priest touting my religion from a pulpit screaming damnation, not realizing that it is the act of being this that is what this is in fact, the words being spoken reflecting the very act the speaker as preacher threatens. The irony of life, the iron chains as the prison of personality created in my own fires of separation from life.

Here I stop, I forgive all that I believe my self to be as personality, where the back chat in and as my mind reflects what I fear losing, as the voice of my self created personality.

it is time for each and every one of us to begin this process of self forgiveness to clean up the mess of ourselves so that we can begin to equalize ourselves to what has been denied by our own hands, our equality to and as life as what we really are. Time to remove the bubble of personality.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  be a mind awareness that I am a woman.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to compare my self to others not realizing to what extent I am actually being a comparison in and as a belief that I am a woman ONLY to other woman as I participate with what is on this earth as I exist through out my day, where the thoughts in and as my mind, as the reactions as emotions and feelings I experience through this day are the cry of the fears in and as this personality I have created and accepted and allowed.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to go into self  pity as I change the oil in my lawn mower because I am a woman alone without a man, and the voices in my head start to cry this woe, as what I am as a single woman is considered and allowed and accepted as a label of a person as “missing” something, as being incomplete, and thus this is the voice in and as my mind as I change the oil in my lawn mower which is my self participating in the limited and stagnant definitions of society as what I am, what I am supposed to be instead of realizing that I am here, the lawn mower is here, the oil needs to be changed, that I am capable of understanding how to change the oil and mow the lawn all by my self, and that I am just being this, an interaction with the machine and the lawn and there need be no judgement, to becoming a  burning hell fire about doing this task, and thus I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become a personality of belief within this simple task of mowing my lawn.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to be impatient here with typing, wanting to rush these words I write, and within this to slow my self down in and as breath and write out these separations as my accepted and allowed personality that has existed for eons of time and must be walked through and cleaned up so that life can begin, the self direction of the substance in and as life as this is what I am.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not know where I am going exactly, but understanding that this personality as what I believe my self to be as a walking self pity, defense mechanism is not and cannot be life, as there must be more than to existing as this back chat as the mind as the very persona of “nothing ever being “right’” as my self in irritation,  a sense of un-fulfillment, a sense of uselessness, a feeling of powerlessness, a cry of woe, a finger of blame, and a roller coaster of highs and lows where nothing in and as my self is ever constant and at ease.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that the relationships I exist with and interact as are not real, as they are only that which supports the personality I have allowed my self to believe is real, and thus take the constant that is me and divides it into a life lived in polarities of beliefs of more than and less than, where I compare, judge, label, and thus fear the ego, as the personalities of others, and thus give the power of my self as life away as I exist as a personality and support the personalities of others through acknowledgement of the personalities of other as the very reactions I allow to exist as feelings and emotions and judgements of other, be it family, be it a bum on the street, be it a boss at work.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and hear , that the behaviors of this world and the people within my life are, this same action, it is the being and having of a personality is separation from that which is constant, the substance of life, that  which is what this earth is, unconditional giving and transformation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that I am as a preacher on a pulpit being pulled as the back chat in and as my mind, as the strings of belief as relationships of  value to limited, labeling, judging definitions of what is real on this earth.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that my own created and accepted personality is that of walking judgement and separation.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to define and label all that I encounter as my self as a woman here on this earth as being a friend, a mother, a father, a bum, a fat person, an ugly person, a disheveled person , an old man, a young man, not realizing that I am perpetuating the the stagnation of life into and as the persona of an object, where the real subject, the subject of and as the substance of life has been locked into an image of non movement and separation from what is real, here, life, as these labels support a system of inequality where the personality is believed to be what is real and not what is before our very eyes, the changing form of this physical world, and that this is the constant, and thus the persona only returns to dust, and thus is not what is real, yet we live our lives believing this to be what we are, what we accomplish, when in fact nothing is accomplished as no real understanding within and as each and every one of us is reached to its full capacity as a self perfected being understanding how this physical world works, where were this what existed this would be heaven on earth, as the resource of this earth would be respected and used in such a way that would be best for all.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to fear the cry of the ego, the wrath of the personalities of others as I no longer am willing my self to support the graven imagery that has been accepted and allowed on this earth.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to realize that I need not worry about the reacting voice of the ego in and as this is the ego voicing its own separation from self as life in fear of losing accepted and allowed values as personality, this is within my self and without.

I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to  become impatient and aggravated  as this is once again the personality of my self in non self direction as what is best for all.

I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to see that all internal conversation in and as my mind are the personality as the separation of my self as life into judgement in defense of my personality and as this very act the absence of self direction equal and one to the substance of life, the absence of my self directing my self as the principle of oneness in equality with and as life.

I commit my self to recognizing all the internal conversations in and as my mind as the personality defense that exist as judgement and blame and personality support seeking directives, where I as self as life am not directing my self as life within the principle of what is best for all.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to believe these internal conversations as defensive ego supporting personality as what I must obey but to stop and breath and forgive, as these are the fear of my self becoming self directing as life within the principle of what is best for all is best for self.

I commit my self to  standing and breathing, to cleaning up my accepted and allowed personality through self forgiveness, to stop my addiction to attending to my personality where my self as personality if validated through sex, yet this sex is never real, is often short lived and unsatisfying as it never seems to reach any real and continued expression of ease and just being, where ego steps in in fear of loss and fear of judgement.

I commit my self to remaining here in breath and seeing, hearing, and using physical common sense to realize my own accepted and allowed personality as the very pity of my self as this is the very separation of my self from my self as life.

I commit my self to bring my self back to what is actually here physically whenever I catch my self in an emotion and thought of self pity as comparison as this personality was created in self interest within a belief of choice within a system of inequality as a game of survival where one’s personality determined placement on a pyramid of more than and less than placed on an unconditionally giving earth , where the personality created  determined the ability to take take take money as being the value as life.

I commit my self to not allowing my self to be a waking story play-out of a fairy tale, where I accept and allow the illusion of my self within the values of a fairy tale and I  bring my self back to this physical world and I direct my self within this actual physical world, building an understanding of  my  self as directing my self with this physical world , through building an understanding of this actual physical world and directing my self as life in realization of this physical world and what is best for this physical world is best for self.