Day 10
Today I was in the garden and suddenly I noticed my self complaining in my mind about my neighbor.
Before I had found desteni, I had noticed a pattern within my self. it took some years to spot it when it came up. Every month it would show up. By the time I was in my mid forties I had started to have a handle on it and could stop. A couple of days before my period I would become short tempered. Some small thing would happen and I would react. Now it just has to “run, “ this nasty, competitive, comparing, defensive, ugly, bitchy, irritated, judgmental voice in my head, this “back chat” hissing snake, a paranoid one at that, and I stop and say to my self, OK, it is that time. I even remember wanting it to stop. It at times seemed to climax, and then the day I actually got my period, it was a sudden calm.
Well today this happened and I caught it and spoke self forgiveness. It stopped. So, if there are any woman out there with this same experience, here is some self forgiveness to stop the nasty pre-period mind back chat.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become a vicious bitch towards my self and others, my family, my neighbors, my friends, my colleagues just before, or after, or during my period.
I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to stop when I notice nasty defensive comments about others as I compare my self to other people in my world and see if this has a pattern, where this happens like clockwork just before my period, and then to ask my self why such a pattern of behavior exists.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to criticize and judge others in and as my mind where I denigrate the persona of another person not realizing that I am irritable, defensive and feeling inferior and unworthy as if it could possible be caused by some internal chemistry.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to become spiteful and jealous of others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to react to what another says or wears or presents.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to judge how others dress.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to be annoyed by the children running around, where as on other days I have not noticed this.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to believe that I am less than another, be it a woman, a sibling, someone I catch my friend/lover/husband eyeing.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self to take things personally, what the people around me say, not realizing that I suddenly act this way once a month as thus my irritation is not necessarily about the people in my environment, as other times these very same things I pay little attention to.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to have nasty competitive thoughts about my neighbors and friends in and as my secret mind, and to not notice the pattern of this kind of behavior each month.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my world to begin to annoy me, and to not stand back and note if this is a reoccurring pattern.
When and as I see my self having a sudden nasty comparing voice in and as my mind, I stop and I breath, and I make note of it and stop the back chat through self forgiveness.
I commit my self to allowing my self to monitor my periods and to notice if this nasty back chat is an illusion that is not real, I stop and I breath until the thought subside.
I commit my self to becoming aware of the patterns and out-flows in and as my mind within my human physical body so that before I flare up and say something I will regret, I will see and understand that it must be a program in and as the mind, where I feel inferior, and unworthy, as this is not who I am as life, what this is, is the conscious mind.
I commit my self to becoming aware of my thoughts and forgiving my self for my thoughts, and noticing when my thoughts come up and what emotional polarities I carry around in and as my mind.
I commit my self to becoming aware of the mind and the internal conversations in and as my mind and to forgive these thoughts which means I will have to notice the sudden appearance of thoughts, ideas, perceptions, comparison, judgements, irritations and to forgive them, self forgive them as this is what would be best for self as what is best for self is best for all.
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