Day 156 Insanity
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear becoming what is considered insane.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine crazy women locked in attic rooms screaming and yelling and threatening insane acts of revenge and hate, as I have read in many novels and now fear within my world, as I also have a neighbor who is supposedly suffering from dementia walking by my house all day.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine a blabbering insane person to suddenly appear on the stair at night, as this has come up as images in my mind lately.
Thus, I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an image of an insane person appearing suddenly in the middle of the might.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear becoming insane, as I have had two relatives that I know of who were considered insane and spent the end of their lives in mental institutions, and obviously I was told stories of this as a child and have “imagined” some crazy insane person depicting other descriptions found in romantic novels, and thus all of this has created, which i accepted and allowed, an idea of insanity that has no real bearing here within what is real, this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be fear being labeled as insane.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a fear of being misunderstood, in and as a belief that what i see, is not understood, which is a separation from common sense, in and as this physical world, as all can be explained and thus what is really insane is believing that what is here cannot be understood.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that common sense is not wanted.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear irrational confrontation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being able to remain within and as common sense and speaking up within this no matter what.
I forgive myself for not seeing , realizing and understanding that the thought behind this imagination is a fear of self as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the back chat of such statements as “she is insane” or ‘she is crazy” is also based on how local men here always seem to label a woman with whom a past relationship existed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being labeled as insane, as crazy.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow an imagined consideration of myself, as a voice/statement in and as my mind of “that crazy women” or that “insane person” which manifest as voices in and as my mind, as back chat and silent conversations, which is what is in fact what is crazy, as this is based in fear, and a separation from what is here, as what is real is actual, practical, physical interaction in common sense with what is physically real here, and within this fear I realize this idea and belief as these statements voiced in and as my mind are also based in guilt as though I have done something wrong, and even this is not actually being practically here within and as common sense. And within this, this fear is like a sense of vertigo, in fear of some unnamed loss that has no real substance seen if one dares to stop and breath and brings self back to what is actually, physically here and looks practically at what is here, to see, realize and understand that the mind is the voice of judgment based on accepted norms as knowledge and information of limited values unseeing of all life that is physically actually here, ideas that do not support or even bear witness to actual physicality, ideas supporting a self interested personified survival suit within a system of inequality, thus are we all building egg nests of separation in fear of loss, and fear of self expression as life, where all that is left in the end of the stench of sulfur and a life never realized in oneness and equality as life, here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this fear is also a fear of what others think of myself here, and in common sense , as another cannot “think” for me, and that thinking reflects and reveals the person doing the thinking, such as fear of others, cannot direct or be what i am accepting and allowing here, as myself, thus what others think has no directive capacity for myself as life, here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that even if some crazy person were to suddenly appear on my stair, I am able to breath and use common sense, as allowing myself to become fearful of such will not enable me to direct myself within such a situation in any way, thus the only solution is to remain in and as breath, and not walk as a reaction, but to stand as self as life, as solution.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that this thought has a reaction physically, where I have an emotion in and as myself physically that feels like futility, that is like a inner sinking so to speak, similar to a feeling of love, and or butterflies within, as this is the acceptance and allowance of fear, as reaction as fear of death, and not myself here, in common sense, where physically I begin to feel tired and stiff, heavy and stagnant to the point where movement seems tedious, thus an indicator of my fear and loss of sense of life and solution in self honesty and self trust as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the present system does not allow self development as life, but to a few, a very few, almost NO ONE, and the laws written are burdens limiting life, equal and one to what each of us is within, accepted and allowed as a reflection of what we are within thus is earth an existence of fear and not life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see the behavior, as a character of fear, wanting to rise up within and as me - so to speak- where there exists a desire to hide from the world, to become a loner, away from the world, yet this is not a solution, and is not supportive of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that within this is another character, that is of protection and defense, as a character of spite and blame, to and towards ignorance within others as not wanting to communicate and understand, which is really the same action as behavior as myself, which is a fear of being self as life in common sense, thus do I create my own world of more than and less than in separation from life, from realizing the oneness and equality of life that is what everything on this earth is one and equal as, and thus what exists in and as my mind, as thoughts, voices, inner backchat comments in and as judgment, is the very “voice” manifestation of the separation of myself as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this fear is a disrespect for life, here, which consumes my human physical body as this is an energetic allowance of myself not being one and equal to life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this fear is triggered through feeling vulnerable within and as change within my world, bringing up a character of the vulnerable woman for which I must write forgiveness, as this is a belief, as well, in separation from life.
I commit myself to realizing myself here, utilizing the tools of breath, self forgiveness, writing and corrective application to stop the separation into and as fear of self expression as life within common sense, and to trust the capacity of myself to be life here.
I commit myself to standing here, breathing, self forgiving and correcting myself in every moment I sense fear rising within, to realize that the only choice is becoming one and equal in and as life, and thus existing as a solution with every breath for what is best for all, here.
I commit myself to realizing that the dramas played out in and as my mind are what has been taught in separation from life, made huge through a survival culture of self interest, and not what is real, here, where should humanity realize this, and stand one and equal to life, the existence of abuse of earth would end, and heaven on earth would begin, as what real “god” would want their child to not be one and equal to life, where life is the value able to be expressed equally by all?
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that the voices in and as my mind are the cry of separation from life, here.
I commit myself to slowing myself way down, breathing here, and bringing all projections as consciousness back to self, as consciousness is the science of separation from life, the sign as image, emotion, thought and feeling in fear of life, the movement of self in self interest only, ignoring what is existent on this earth as abuse, rape, starvation, animal cruelty, pollution, disease, greed, perversion, obsession, possession, where it is the human that is the parasite and the evil of this world, this gift of life, where each are responsible as life to stand and support life, as this is the value, of which we are all one and equal in and as what is the very substance that supports us here.
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