 |
| Dream (Photo credit: Nagatta(나같아) Very busy) |
 |
| The Safety of Fear (Photo credit: Alyssa L. Miller) |
 |
| English: There is no fear, until we make it up. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
 |
| “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.” (Photo credit: Mark J P) |
 |
| I Can't Bare to Look (Photo credit: Rennett Stowe) |
I met woman yesterday, with whom I talked. As I talked with her, I noticed this really uneasy feeling, and fear. Her presentation to me was seemingly agreeable. But I was extremely uneasy and had a hard time looking at her.
Like I am looking at her, and presenting a happy face, but at the same time becoming overwhelmed with a feeling of bitterness, and anger, and spite. A lot of spite.
I breath, I realize that under this is fear. I continue to breath.
I realize, we, the human, are composed of emotions and feelings, and thoughts, and that these emotions and feelings and thoughts, are based on experiences from our past, and conditioning of environment, all of it as it presently exists within a system of inequality.
I remember this same thing, being this same way as a child within facing people. I am terrified - so to speak, the only different is that I have learned to compose myself with supposed civility.
But it is as thought the unresolved fear is there. This un-walked through fear, that is really an illusion, or the allowance of this fear, believing it to be real, has no value, is simply non directive.
I breath, I must take in all that is of this, it is the only way through, and there is no going back.
It is like feeling the pain of this woman, of all that she is, and then I remember the point in high school where I stopped looking, to learn to have the personification to fit in the social chatter, to appear to be social. I remember the difficulty breathing within this, as I know I am only concentrating on limited values, and not seeing all that is, I am ignoring why there is even a need to approach such a scenario in this way in the first place. I mean, why is this even existent? Think about it, this means something is amiss in and as itself. Period.
And we all have done this. I watched my son do this this summer, and I could see his breathing was in “gulps” and not in ease. The slightest physical movement can reveal constriction. Try playing the violin, any constriction makes it more difficult. Especially, when I know the notes can be read as a whole, flying over the staff, reading the notes. This cannot be done so well, in constriction, as the body tenses and the focus must then be on this constriction to get this to relax.
The ease “state” and the “constriction” state determine reading ability, and I am sure this is related to being, to reading what is here, physically here, and to what ever language is being read, be it numbers of words, and form that is here. Constriction is fear, physical constriction, a pulling back instead of a directing of self. So to speak. It is no wonder, the eddies of fear, turning into avoidance, can cause so much discord within communication and understanding between people, and things.
Back to this woman. I did not want to see her, I did not want to see this spite. A feeling of sadness comes up, at the idea of this being here, as what caused this, as why this is. And realizing that being this sadness, not good or bad, is not a solution, cannot become an endgame, the end of the line as it is not. So move through it. And this woman, is as physically thick as she is thick with an undercurrent of emotion. I don’t even know where to begin. This is a momentary meeting. I breath and speak words of gratitude and leave.
I keep breathing.
Judging is not a solution, this is another “end of the line” act, and not a solvent, not what removes what is compounded within this woman, and or myself, judgement as a sign fixed in stone, remove the dis-ease, the undercurrent of dis-ease. And I cannot do this for this woman, she must find this and do this for herself. No one can put her back together again but herself. She must walk through her own construction. If she chooses, I can aid her in seeing her construction, but i cannot be the actual doing of this for her. Theory alone does not work, it must be actually lived.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my thoughts, emotions and feelings are but the separations of myself into and as devices to justify my own ignorance of life here, and that what is here, as life , is the value, where the fear is a smokescreen, as a belief that something can be lost, the the fear s the separation, initially caused in childhood, as a child is trapped within lack of an ability to communicate and the bullying of the adult who is already in separation from life, having abdicated self as a child as well, in order to survive, which is the family generating that which is a fear of self as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all thoughts are actually minuscule, and can only determine what I am if I accept and allow them as all that exists within a moment, not realizing that I am a creator of life, and thus can take what is here and align it with what is best for all, within the principle of give as I would like to receive, supporting all life, as one and equal to me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to to feel that dealing with others emotions is tedious, and impossible, even my own, and thus just want to run away and do something like read a book, tend to a garden, and or exist away from the chaos of emotions and discord.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow this idea of “dealing with the discord” as mind , to be something that is huge.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that “dealing with the discord” as mind, is a burden.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that dealing with the discord of the mind, within and without, is a burden, is too huge to face, is too difficult to face, is more than I can handle.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of anger, an emotional reaction as anger to and towards this emotional program as the mind consciousness system, not wanting to deal with this, not wanting to speak up about this to and towards others as the response will be one of reaction, as fear of death of self as mind, as memory, as idea , belief and opinion, as want , need and desire, which means that I myself remain fearful within facing what has been accepted and allowed as mind in separation from life, just as fear came up when talking with this woman, the woman with an undercurrent of spite, as fear.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this idea of “not wanting to face” what is compounded within, a repetition of reactions during childhood, as energetic responses imbedded within and as the human physical body, through the dna of parents, is not life in full potential expression, but separations from self as life, a division and conquer of the human, as what life accepted and allowed in separation from the realization that what is one and equal within and as all, is the substance of life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the mind is a tantrum of opposites, looping around from one pole to another, and thus not a mechanism that can solve the opposition, and when this is made huge, the realization that the mind is the divide from life, as what it is as thoughts, that eventually compound into emotions and feelings, that thus, within this, the mind is the signifier of separation and not what is real, where through breath and self forgiveness as life, the mind can be realized for the limited viewpoint it is in fact, and realized for the tiny storm in a teacup that it is in fact.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that we, the human, have told ourselves that we are aware of the mind, in the halos we have painted around the heads of supposed saints.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there are many instances where the human has spoke of a bubble being around humans, and thus it is not something new, or unbelievable, that there is an existential bubble around each of us, and given the state of this world, it is evident that we have not taken care of this world, and thus we are not one and equal to this world, as we have not found, existed as, that which is best for all, thus have we not found the absolute solution to what supports life, thus any statement of “that is the way it is” must be a program of this bubble, serving self interest, as it is not self as life, where self as life, is the actual being of self as life, realizing self as life as being one and equal to all that is here on earth, because all that is here on earth is of the same substance, life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing to fear, there is only becoming one and equal to life, walked practically through standing up and supporting a practical system that supports all life, as the structures are existent on earth to distribute resources to support what is here, at this point, to begin to realign life to be, accept and allow life to reach its potential as life, and this is supporting an equal money system.
I commit myself to breathing, to walking myself into and as self awareness as life, as being equal to all that is here, and thus within this to realize that there need be no fear, as all that is here is to allow self realization, where it is only the mind, as belief, opinion and idea that separates myself from equality as life.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, and even when I cannot see the answer that is always there, as life, right in front of me, I stop and I breath and I do not allow myself to judge, to end within judgement, to begin to move myself as life, one and equal to what is here, to become a self perfected being as what i am, becoming in alignment with what I am as life, here.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, within and as patience and humility, to stand within and as breath, to move myself as life as breath, to remembering myself to life through the fear as the illusion as the separation, to realize that fear is only an existential non-seeing of what is real of what is here, of what we are all one and equal to and as, which is life, the substance that is what is here in totality.
The Journey to Life blogs, to bring all the pieces of self back together again, stopping the mind, removing the halo, the bubble.
Desteni I Process, to walk, with a buddy, self back to life.
Products to understand self, the Atlanteans - the history of mankind
No comments:
Post a Comment