Day 148 A consequence of physical separation

English: Viking lawn mower. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am mowing my lawn, I did not see the rope on the ground. I broke my lawn mower because I was off in loopy land dreaming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not be here, physically aware of my environment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have had the back chat voices in my head say, Why the fuck is that rope there!, when it does nothing to blame some unknown seeable thing that placed this rope there, as it was me, so then another voice asked me how it moved to where it was, as I had not put it there but next to the tree, and then I wanted to blame my one son who has a habit of picking things up, as he likes to twiddle things in his hand, thus things are always moved around, as he is blamed, where none of this back chat matters as it is all blame and spite, and the real action that caused the problem was that I was not here, walking in common sense of what was on the ground as I pushed the lawn mower, so there was/is no one to blame but myself as even this is pointless, because all that is needed is for me to be here in common sense and not off dreaming in and as my mind about “whatever.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand to what extent I am a energetic mind and not one and equal to life here, physically here, with the only thing I can actually deal with in any given moment, which is being here, breathing, moving in common sense with this instrument of life that is my human physical body, expressing myself here, with life, this physical world, as this is what is real and not the desires, wants and needs, emotions, feelings and opinions , in and as my mind, and if I really take a good look at what i am as mind I will see, realize and understand that the mind is of a limited story line, that bears no witness to what is actually physically happening in this world, as the character personifications are ideas of more than and less than, fear of loss and desire to gain in a game of survival called capitalism that we have all accepted and allowed to be an impression of what life is, when this is not what life is, as many entities, as expressions of life on this planet are not considered and thus abused, thus we are not working with what is here, and within this we have no idea how these things were created as mind, and yet we assume dominance to and towards that which we have no understanding for, where the simplicity of this is so easy to understand and demand that we ask ourselves what we are in fact doing assuming supremacy when we have no clue as to what created this existence, in and as the limited minds we have allowed ourselves to exist as.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to become the character of self pity, to allow an emotion of self pity, where i believe I have been mistreated, unloved and picked on as though some supernatural force has come and purposely caused my lawn mower to break, which is really a mind fuck and myself not being here, looking at what is actually physically here, and within this I realize that this is what has been taught, myself to exist as a superstitious, scared, helpless human, when in fact this is not what i am, I am life, one and equal to what is here, and thus there is no one, no object to blame, nothing to point the finger at, as it was me allowing myself to exist as my mind, a program of no awareness of this physical world, as I accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of the grass and the ground, thus it is not to blame myself either, but to realize that all there is is breath and being physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to Also go into the character of a woman, where I have the back chat , in self pity, that there should be a manly man here to deal with this lawnmower, where I then have back chat to and towards blaming men that I have known for not being here to do what men are supposed to do, which is a belief and not myself actually being here, looking at what is here, realizing that the lawn mower is a machine  and meant to cut grass, and that it functions in a certain way, and if I run over some rope, and the rope gets caught in the blade arm, and pulls on this in an opposing manner, then it will probably break the machine, so thus there is not need for a man to explain a machine like this, I can see, realize and understand that when the blade no longer turns the full circumference, and drags at one point that something has been bent in some way, and thus to fix this is probably more than the machine is worth, as products are made so cheaply now and labor is costly, the only solution is to buy a new one, which as we can see, our system is focused on profit and image and within this, the image thing is that I have to make my house look presentable within established norms because this is the picture wanted in this world, where it is probably better for the grass to be long, as the wind moved the blades as the form of the grass and this allows interaction between the air and the soil, and actually cleans up pollutants in the air as the bacteria in the grass break down the pollutants, thus this whole scenario is not what is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to seek a feel good situation in talking about how everything I am doing in mowing the lawn is not what is best for all, when what I was, within that moment of mowing was not being here, equal and one to what I was interacting with in the first place.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to begin to worry about money, as my washing machine is broken as well and I start to worry about spending money on repairs, where i have been in situations like this before and managed to use my common sense and get through them, thus this is what will be walked and within this allowing myself to realize a situation where such mechanical break downs, as they are a part of life at the moment, will not be so overwhelming.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I had already mowed most of the yard, and it is only a small part to be done, thus since it is Fall and the grass will grow more slowly, I can have someone come and finish the lawn, as this will be more cost effective for where I am at at the moment, and the lawn will probably only need to be mowed one or two more times, thus this situation is not as doom and gloom seeming as I immediately reacted as when I ran over the rope because I was not here breathing and looking at what i was in fact doing physically.

I commit myself to realizing that the only solution to this is to realize the importance of breath, to actually be here, breathing looking at what is here, and to not be following loopy imaginings in and as my mind.

I commit myself to practice listening to what is here, to being one and equal  in and as breath, to exist in common sense of what is actually physically here.

I commit myself to say stop, when and as I become reactive, and to realize all the characters I have accepted and allowed, such as the female character, the self pity character, the superstitious -abdicating responsibility character which is wanting someone else to take care of me character, the doom and gloom-worry-about-money character, the blaming-men character, the blaming-the-system character, the self righteous character, the knowing character, the whole crew of this mind stage play that is a separation from what is actually physically here, this crew a troop of whining, complaining, self interested-one dimensional-cries of energetic-non-substantive-and-able-to-direct and solve storms-in-teacups. What a fucking soap opera of illusion. What the fuck are we doing people?

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