Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Day 225 Reaction Dimension ; Apprehension Character

darls (Photo credit: jekert gwapo)
Reaction Dimension Apprehension Character

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how I have used emotions and feelings to manipulate myself to fall back into the mind/personality instead of standing here with self in stability as Breath, within this I use, as personalities, emotions and feelings to activate specific behavioral patterns/habits to in/as this process validate why/how it is that I have a Personality and so in this attempt/try to make a personality more real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have made my fears so big, my separations from here, so big that I carry them with me as a burden, weighing myself down from an ease of being here, and within this hiding the apprehension, as fear within and as myself, weaving/constructing an ignorance/hiding from my fear. A loop of disrespect and rejection of self as life, which has reverberated into and as the present system on earth, where life on earth is being destroyed in ignorance of life- as the physical- in favor of self interested validation based on limited ideas of what self is as self moves in fear and ignorance as a movement of separation from what is substantive merely because of never having faced a make believe fear of loss as self as life, as the idea of self within loss has been made more than the substance of self as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I begin to bite my nails, I become a projection of anxiety and fear, as apprehension, which is in essence a validation of not actually looking here and standing up as life here, where as a child, - as a memory comes up within this- I once allowed my sister to take the blame of something for me, and I would not allow this, so I went to my parents and said it was me, but they did not believe me, and even though I secretly was glad I still did not have to take the consequence of my actions, actually having stood up and attempted to face my own fear and consequence, I was denied, and with this I could develop a self validation that I had been honest and also that I had not been clear and strong enough in my confession, there by creating a polarity of the good and the bad where if I stand back and look at all this, how can a child stand up against all the self validating separations of the adults not having faced their own fears and thus walking as personalities of perpetual self validation that is in itself lacking in being directive in equal acceptance of life, directive as life, as the lens of self is clouded by a fear of perceived loss.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become a reaction as a negative emotion as apprehension where I begin to bite my nails, worrying about losing something, where within this I realize i have been taught that worry is a good thing, as part of an accepted process of solution, when what I am allowing is myself existing within separation of direct seeingin and as the physical as what is here, and instead, react as mind within worry, to end up seeking a positive self validation- to placate indecision as moving myself to seek help, or accepting that the problem will eventually be solved, or saying to myself I can’t resolve this now and thus brush the issue under the rug- so to speak, all of which is simply spreading my own separation into and as fear, all over the place, and thus not facing that my apprehension is a tantrum, a storm in a teacup, recognizable as complicating things, as this being the spinning of confusion, where the solution is probably very simple, if I would only stop and look, and not allow myself to go into nail biting.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that going into worry and apprehension is not actual physical problem solving, and only confusion and fear, a confusion of memories from the past, self within energy as e-motion and feeling, creating friction and conflict into a less than and a more than, instead of being here, seeing direct and clear in and as the physical.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I become the reaction, as emotions and feeling of/as energy, I become non directive as self as life, I lose my own self trust as common sense as life, I separate from self honesty, into and as re-action of fear, as I begin to re-act this fear as biting my nails

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself becoming separate from here, into confusion as separation as mind and away from simplicity as here as the physical, to stop and breath and no longer allow myself the habit as re-action of apprehending as fear of loss, as clearly this is not being directive as life here.

I commit myself to stop and to breath and to no longer manipulate through projecting a personality of fear of loss as reaction within believing i must be apprehensive about the future, when in fact, it is not the “future” that is here, it is what is “here” that is here, the physical.

I commit myself to make the choice to breath and remain here, and not allow myself to go into nail biting as the reaction of myself in apprehension, as the only choice is to investigatepractical solutions and be here within what is best for all here.

The Century of Self : Part 1 Happiness Machines
The Trap
The Power Principle
Human Resources: Social Engineering in the 20th Century
Catastroika - Greek Documentary
The Marketing of Madness

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