I also thought, if I did not have this, and I did not catch this, Would I have imposed this onto that moment, and associated this past even with that moment, and thus, not even realize that moment for what it was? Would I have then said to someone when I justified a choice made in relation to who and what was involved in that moment as “ I have a feeling”, or “ I just know this, because I know, because I have a strong FEELING about this”?
So, here i am projecting this “feeling” and I catch the memory there in that moment from my childhood as a moment of believing my parent to be some big magical being able to drive a car in relation to me being a child, feeling small and unable, and the residual feeling memory, as the projection being this “wow” moment, where what is behind this is obviously myself., as a small child, measuring myself to an adult, actually judging myself as incapable.
But this is how the mind works, how the energetic feelings and emotions work attached to the memory as the moment within a judgement, which is the “good’ and the “bad” judgment. The good being the other end of the spectrum of energy, as both feeling and emotion are energy and not self here, equal and one to and as the physical as the substance of life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have judged myself as less than the person driving the car that I was in.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have believed myself to be less than the person driving the car that i was in.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that at that moment in the car, I was feeling sorry, or worried about myself in some way, and thus a memory came up of same situation, where i was believing myself to be incapable, as I was a child in the memory, as I looked up and over to my father driving a car, and allowing myself to go into a state of awe in my father’s ability to drive a car, where I judged my father as this god-like figure able to drive a big scary car.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I was a child, and even if I were capable of driving a car, I was not big enough to see out the windshield, thus to compare myself to my father driving the car was of no common sense awareness of the physical world at that time, and thus I gave the situation a limited value awareness not seeing realizing and understanding with practical common sense the reality of the moment, and instead imprinted myself with a memory of myself as being less than and my father as being some kind of super hero, and yet I can also see that this attitude was probably developed through the stories and images I had seen on TV , read in books, and picked up within the relationships around me as parents and other adults with whom I had come in contact, all of them existing in and as their minds as consciousness, judging life within limited values not seeing realizing and understanding the mind and how it functions.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand how automatic I have become within and as a mind consciousness system of judgement, of measuring my world according to limited ideas, beliefs and opinions as values in separation from what is actually really here in and as the physical, as within this example, where all I was doing was sitting in the passenger seat of a car, looking at the driver for the moment, and simply nothing else, thus there was no need to make a judgement about this moment, and yet, because i have accepted and allowed a system , as mind, of limited values, as separation , and thus allowing myself to become energy, limited and separate from a sound, here, mind, I have become automatic within and as reacting within and as judgement through comparison and competition, which I project onto the physical reality, which I have no awareness of within the automation of this, unless I stop and I breath, and I learn to understand myself as the mind, as judgment as more than and less than, as belief, opinion and idea, based on the MO, the method of operation within a survival based system within the society, class, nationality, economic situation, race, culture in which I live, and that i am a collection of beliefs carried and developed through generations of same acceptances and allowances as mind, as separation from what is real as the substance of the physical, and thus have I learned to live in an alternate judgmental reality in separation from being here, equal and one to and as the substance as life, as the physical, creating an outcome of reaction instead of an action of equality to and as life, in self direction, and thus full potential of myself as life, here.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that memories that come up in normal everyday situations where a feeling or an emotion seem to suddenly possess me I stop and I breath, and I realize that I am existing within as a judgement based on the past as a “more than and a less than” in relation to what is actually physically here in the moment.
I commit myself to slowing myself down in and as breath, to remain equal and one with and as the physical here, where should emotions and feelings come I realize that they are not what i am here in this moment unless I accept and allow them, and that what they essentially reveal , is myself within and as self judgement based on a want, desire and need of limited values as what was taught within a system of competition to survive creating a behavior of incessant comparison, all in separation from realizing equality and oneness and what I am as life as what this earth is, here.
I commit myself to, when and as I have an emotion or feeling, I stop and I breath, and I realize what triggered the memory I am projecting onto my environment, and as what I am allowing myself to be , here, to see realize and understand the thought within and as comparison and thus fear of loss, to bring myself back here, equal and one , with and as what is real, the physical.
I commit myself to realize that the initial emotion of feeling less than, my father, was made from a child’s viewpoint, where there was no physical reason to judge myself as being incapable, or less than , in any way, within driving a car, as I simply was not physically big enough to drive a car.
I commit myself to not allow myself to turn another person into a super hero and instead to use my common sense, and realize how this physical world works in common sense, as within this situation as this memory of myself as a child, my father was simply large enough to drive a car, and had practiced the mechanisms of driving a car and thus was able within the nature of his size, and the practice with the apparatus of the car, able to drive the car, and had I been taught in such a way as a child, learning to understand the physical world, a judgement of an adult driving a car would not have been turned into this person being some “more awesome”, meaning super hero seeming fantastic idea, which is to not judge a person as less than, but to realize practical reality as being life, where life is what is special in each and every one of us, as life is the gift.
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