Day 494 Self forgiveness on a thought about my father as a child.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that stability, comfort, strength,  exists outside of myself as being that within my father, when he himself was a younger man, and myself as a very small child in a world where my parents were themselves a consequence of generations of separation into and as a hierarchical form of division via separation from common sense into and as limited values that define self from a starting point of building a personification of experiences that define the value of self, instead of learning from the get go, to direct self as common sense, that starting point of ability so prevalent in young children who have the ability to learn rapidly.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not want to slow down, breath, and look at this in common sense, for fear of loss of a belief of self, and for fear of realizing that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the reverse of myself as life in full capacity and that the gift of this was always right there in front of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand the weight of fear as this, that began in childhood, where if I look, I can see realize and understand that the period where there were so called - buggy men under the bed - it was really myself projecting the bad away from myself, as myself rejecting parts of myself to take on a value to define myself in accord with a system that in total is a separation from myself as life which is the outward manifestation of what I have accepted and allowed within myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is myself as my human physical body that is the instrument as mind  that is projecting those fears outside of myself, through stories of good and bad, inner picture shows that can be traced back to self as the source and the occupation of separation away from self as common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when I slow down, I can see, realize and understand that this is a movement within and as myself, that has a weight of heaviness and “ slime” within where self is so in separation from self as a physical being, and so consumed by the mind consciousness imagery that facing the pain within the physical as the value judgements projected outward self has no awareness of because self as life is so busy watching the reverse of life as comparison within good and bad, thus, as one becomes aware of self within the physical body, one eventually must face the fear that is the source of the separation, and this fear appears so huge, when it is not, which I must remind myself of, and slow myself down and breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being myself as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stand equal and one to and as fear here, within and without, to see, realize and understand that this is the only way, into equality and oneness in and as life here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to understand the mechanisms of my separation into and as fear, as in common sense, the physical world is mechanistic and as such can be read by that which is it created from, which is self as common sense, really the perfect design of life, in all common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that resistance to this would be the course of resisting a habit.

When and as I find myself having any movement within and as me, as a constriction, as myself reacting to here, I stop and I breath, and I see realize and understand the thought as the starting point and the values of separation into a good and a bad, and I stop and I breath, and I bring this back to self here, and I stabilize within and as myself and realize what is actually physically here in a physical world that is understandable in form and function as a mechanism as a gift to be equal and one to and as life, here.

When and as I find myself  resisting here, I stop and I breath and I slow myself down, and I look to what I have thought within, as what i have accepted and allowed, that is myself fearing to ear/hear here, and I see, realize and understand where I have placed blame and spite outside of myself  and not walked in equality and oneness in each moment, here.

When and as I find myself beginning to breath with out ease, I stop and I breath, and I slow myself down and I allow the fear that i have accepted and allowed, and I stand equal and one to and as this, and I do not allow the back chat  to be the directive of myself here, and as I stand equal and one to this that I have accepted and allowed, I see, realize and understand that this is an accumulation of a past as a behavior that was not myself in equality and oneness to and as life, and as I face this, within and without, I slow down and I walk in thought word and deed, the principle of what is best for all, as what is best for self is what is best for all here, and if and when, I am uncertain, I stop and realize that it means to simply investigate solutions as this is a process of the journey to life, to stop participation within and as a mind consciousness in separation from life, and to become the gift of life in common sense as what is best for all, which has never been done,  and yet, the discovery is the gift of life, the only  choice, here.