Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Day 493 One seemingly little thought. Looking up to father.

What is one seemingly little thought?
In looking at what comes up within points of pain within my physical body, I came to a memory of myself looking up to my father.
The value within the memory, and as a entity as a personification that I hold, is of my father being a source of stability from the eyes of myself as a young child. In all there is no good or bad about this, but it is an association that when made as a singular thought without the development within understanding a common sense of physical form and function, as practical reality,  creates a more than as a value that I project outside of myself.
So, that one thought, the one little thing, there behind other memories, was like a small seed that grew and grew, inflamed by myself because I accepted and allowed it, and followed this same inflammation of value within peers and media until it grew into a value to follow at the exclusion of common sense development.
This appears to me at the moment as such an insidious development, because the initial thought is so small, and yet grows so big over a period of time to become an energetic storm because an awareness of a physical context is not realized as the real sustaining value - which ultimately only self can be responsible for, even with a systemic design that aids and abets this value system that is in separation from common sense, as this allows the smoke and mirrors show of inequality and separation from life which is what inequality as our monetary system is and does, the outward manifestation of the separation from a common sense and thus, respect for our physical life, our planet, the very life of each of us, this that we enjoy more than any other, this that is a vehicle to be forgiving of ourselves as life. This is the single most enjoyable thing to be. It is what the trees do, the soils, the air, the water.
So, within this thought, as this memory, there was my father, to whom, as a child, I placed stability, capability, comfort, awe. And, yes, the capacity from my child’s eyes is cool, but it is the being of this, even if it is an idea projected onto another, that is something existent here, which means seeing that “ stance” as being self stable, capable, directive here. Instead of objectifying this, to realize that the awe of this is to be life as this, to stand here, stable, capable, directive as a physical being. Instead, we are taught to admire the father/man/object instead of the expression, and within this the physical form expressing here as being the value in total.
I had to move through all the drama built from this beginning thought, down to this one moment - and there may be more! One little thought, seemingly hard to catch because it is so small. Physically, that one little thought build a weight that can move up and down within, somehow settling in my heart, and here, in anxiety I begin to feel as though I cannot breath. It is myself that accepted this, it is myself that follows a belief instead of common sense, it is myself that causes the accumulated pain of my own separation, I build my own burdens, instead of remaining here, equal and one , in and as breath, being life, which means being forgiving, as self, realizing that value is life. Which means, open transparent communication with all men, plants, animals, everything, which means looking here and using common sense as what does no harm and supports all life absolutely. The elite need to realize this, as this is the only solution. That comfortable lifestyle can be experienced no matter where one goes if the total fabric of the physical world be respected and cared for, which means unequal distribution of resources must come to an end, and all labor respected and taught understanding with the value being life, and the common sense ability that is the nature of self as the life within to be equal in understanding the physical world.
Within this, I can see where this happens in so many ways: a boy towards a mother, sister, aunt etc. etc.. Or,  girl with any adult that becomes the dominant caretaker in one’s early life, which we can see in how people tend to need a certain figure in their lives or they feel something is missing. For my husband, he always like the company of men, like he was looking for that male companion, where he was comfortable with certain communication and support from a male. and I understand he had been very close to his father. There is nothing “ wrong” with this, it is a good in itself, but it is limiting, because the environment is limited, because an object becomes a venue, instead of the use of common sense and a realization that the need has nothing to do with the object and everything to do with self being directive within self as the thing sought after. The lack is a belief, and a projection of that value onto another instead of standing equal and one to the value and then using self to sense practical measurable physical reality to direct.
We can say that intellectually, many of us understand this, but we do not realize how much our emotional reactions are in fact based on such thoughts. These thoughts impulsed into us over and over again for generations not only by family, but what is generated by media, and the years of peers doing the same, and this accumulation happening all around us incessantly. This  limited scenario is also what we fall back on when we fear our survival, because when that fear of financial security comes in, we fall back on the protection and defense mechanisms as what we were taught as a unit of measure, and this is the value system that began with those little thoughts that so many have spent so many years trying to correct, only to use them again when under extreme survival duress, and/or fear of losing one’s social group in fear of being alone without any interaction with other men, or fear of being considered to not be a nice person, because one is not responding in socially accepted compassion for what we have all allowed. This just, in the end perpetuates the problem, this initial mis-understanding with common sense. We know that we move against common sense, and yet when someone does stand as this, it demands that we look at our actions, and it has become socially accepted that our limitations need sympathy and time to correct, so we give into them, which continues the separation. And money also allows this continued limitation, So, in the end it is all of us doing this.
Yet, this is obviously unsustainable. It ignores, in favor of a feeling or belief one has within, the actual real physical world without. So, in choosing one’s emotion within over the real world without, animals, plants, children, earth suffers. So, what is more important, that feeling, that emotion, or life? The consideration of other’s basic needs to live in dignity or that emotion based on a thought that projected a polarized comparative value separating into an inwardly occupying divisive insight onto something outside of self, as a more than with self as a less than from a starting point of being a tiny vulnerable human baby, that in reality is a value that can stand as that projection as what self is as life, here?
Within this, if someone suggests that self cannot stand in common sense, and understand here, that this is perhaps being arrogant, and ends the conversation at this point, it means here to slow down, to communicate, to walk what is directive within self honesty as common sense, to realize that that which was projected onto the “ father” as the figure is the capacity of self as life.
So, my objectifications of values into projections must be taken back into myself, and stood equal and one to and focused as a directive that realizes that the physical world is real, and as such something to be respected as life, which means that I must give as I would like to receive, as what is here is me, equal and one. 
Within this I sense a resistance as though this is arrogance. How odd. And then this fear that being this will mean that I will become alone and that the changes within standing as this, will mean a loss, but the alternative as limitation is not a choice. And that people who are reactive are in essence bullying their limitations of which one must speak up about, even if the bullying continues - and lack of communication is a form of bullying! 
I mean, just look at the rhythm of our media, it exists as “ short attention span” sound bites of information. The very rhythm and meter of it is limited. Is this what we want? How many of us realize that humans are not the measure of their capacity to sense more consequence? And are we, even at our best, in full potential? No.
This is what became of me as I polarized myself into projecting values onto things outside of me, and denied myself equality to and as life, here, and instead became limited values within and as energy as beliefs, opinions and ideas as limitations to define me. This is where the memory of the thought, that one little thought accumulated and build a concrete ideological memory that began to direct me around seven years of age, and created myself as a mind consciousness system in separation from life, from my own gift of and as life, this ability to be here.
It is time to clean all of this up. There is no one to blame, they are all dead anyway. lol. And, self justification only perpetuates the cycle. So, the only choice is to get ourselves in the order of the gift of life, our sensibility as our common sense, equal and one to and as the physical world here.

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