More and more I realize where I become frustrated when talking and interacting with another or with words on a page as a form of description. The moment I begin to become frustrated, tension is sensed in my head and other parts of my physical body, sometimes it feels like there is a pressure that pulls a string that then constricts a muscle somewhere else within the musculature of my physical body. I am in essence a machine that has all these bells and whistles going off all over the place.
When I face another and the sense of anger, that is really frustration, comes rushing up, I have to slow down, and breath, and realize that I am not looking at details, and instead moving into a limitation as an idea. This frustration is the same from every angle, I can justify it by saying the other does not understand and then punish myself for failing to address what was unexpected, as though I can be prepared for every eventuality. But, this in itself is a separation because it creates expectation based on preplanning being the be all end all, which is not a bad practice, but must be realized for what it is, a framework only and not reality. This is why the physical is so cool, because it is a cross-reference point in actual living. ( which is why a profit based system would create structures that deny direct interaction and reflection of what happens on the ground because within a system of inequality, that resource use cannot be allowed to flow to all parts because the natural order would/wills equilibrium)
What I must do when this frustration comes up is re-member my own self corrective statemenst that stand as what is best for all, as what does no harm, and what would create a heaven on earth as the principle of oneness in equality.
When I become frustrated, I must look at what thoughts, emotions and feelings, come up. With the bells and whistles going off within the musculature of the physical, if I breath and slow down, I can begin to sense more and more, where the inner constriction/pressure exists and where this creates a series of constrictions within and as me. I can sense the memories coming up, that sometimes appear so evasive, fly by so fast, I catch what seems like a “ whiff” of detail. Sometimes these images are so fleeting and seem to have no significance, but then I see that it is one tiny aspect that is the starting point that built a personification of myself that lead to a self definition that lead to a limitation that gave life to an entity within and as me, that ignored being practical and equal with common sense here as the physical. I then, from habit, present myself expecting a value to automatically support me within interactions. These cannot support me, because they infer, infear, inferior of clarity expect automatic triggers to exist in another, and the other is existing with their own “ inferences” so it is only within collectives of same value systems that such triggers work.
If I look at the thoughts as judgements, and the reactions as emotions and feelings, the imagery and words that come up reveal the expectation of value acceptance and equality of all characteristic resistance that I have accepted and allowed as a cognitive map/ mind consciousness system that is in itself a construct of an idea of physical reality, because it is a picture, a virtual reality of reality. It is not reality, it is not the actual physical world. And, as I said, in accepting inequality, we have accepted an idea of reality to be more than reality. So, when I become frustrated, I am trying to impose myself as a human that has accepted and allowed/ been-taught to follow ( think of school) an image ( think of television) instead of physical reality. My frustration is my belief system ( lying in the directions is my mindconciousness directives of limitation) and not myself here.
So, my corrective statements that I write out bring myself to follow through, to redirect, to equalize myself to physical reality, to and towards solution where the principle of what is best for all considers that which has enabled the very existence of myself to be life as the physical with equal consideration to equalize myself to life, as this is the value. The picture show of the mind, is a false reality, and we humans have been this for so long we have created a connedception, a con that sees a quantum structure as mind only ( con-ce-please-t ( cross of a picture of the past to direct the future) lol) instead of using the mind to AID in navigating with the physical. Interesting how our disease is called AIDS, as though the lack of ease is the mis-use of the mind as reality instead of as an AID. Our aid has become a god, and it is us immune - in morning to equality and oneness in and as life, here. Words are like a song of our separation, they are the form of our ignorance, and variation by degree reveals the answer to the problem, thus words can be our solution back into a song of life. Real life is such a gift, we need only accept it.
When I sense frustration, there are times when that pull to the judgement that is the limitation remains strong, and I have to slow down and breath and bring up the corrective statements. It takes practice. But what happens more and more, as I at times don’t want to let go of my habits as mind, is that I get a sense of the nature and color of the spite as the frustration, and I get stuck in not wanting to let this go, and I have to use my will, to move into the correction because the resistance is there. And yet, the refusal has such a bitter edge to it, it is really heavy and acrid, and it is like it does not want to give up the ghost.
It is like being comforted by pain. Which is really wanting self validation and a wallow ( we-allow because you are me and I am you) in self pity. UGH.
I listened to an interview where a gamer realized that moving oneself in the physical demands more awareness than moving as mind only. Much more. It means addressing and directing through bringing oneself here and as the present system facing what is in essence the screaming of limitation and the seeking of collective agreement for having accepted limitation. And of course, a mind justifying its touting of good to validate its limitation, is not going to want to hear that its good is not good enough, which means that it is not going to want to hear that the limitations are unacceptable, if anything pointing out limitations as a voice of suggestion that it is possible to create “ more good’ in and as looking at the physical world in form and function, means that the limited “ goods” touted as the movement, must reevaluate the total form that enables this habituated behavioral stance. lol - being good is a threat to a good as a picture show. Weird.
I am moving into/onto another tract here, I must remain within this desire to go into spite and frustration. Though smaller , it is still ( frozen) within and as me as a ghost in my machine as the physical as the gift of life. I have to slow down and breath, let it go, realize in thought word and deed that this will only lead to friction and conflict, myself banging my head against a wall of my own accepted and allowed limitation built of thoughts as opinions, ideas and beliefs, accumulated into emotions and feelings, a resonance of lack of equality and oneness to and as life, myself stagnant without a sense of ease, myself not being forgiving, here. As this, I, as I see it, am not “ sheets to the wind” as the physical being equal and one to and as the breath of life, facing what is here from a starting point of no expectation, directing myself into communication with what moves the physical into the port - all as the point that gifts awareness of the joy of equalizing self as life with the physical as the capacity of creating a world that circulates with life from every point, where this joy is that each is a creator, and that all of the physical is what gifts stability, where the silence as a starting point, reminds the physical that the value is life expression. This happens, here.
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