I was in a store today to buy a product i have bought many times. The sales people denied this product ever being there, and said there was not even a slot for this product. For a moment I went into fear, as thought there was something wrong with me, maybe I was in the wrong place, even thought I had empty product bottles at home. I realize at this moment how the mind can lead one to doubt, everyone around you saying something does not exist and you know it does.
This has happened to me before, and I go into confusion. Absolute fear/doubt.
Interesting, I play the damsel in distress, as one of my first memories of interacting with my father. I keep thinking that I had been scared by something, an object - like a snapping turtle in the yard or something - yet here, this fear has to do with feeling like I am not relating to the people around me, they are saying the opposite of what I am saying in the face of my own certainty, where I know it is just a misunderstanding. These sales people would instantly recognize what I was talking about if they saw this product, as it has been in this store. Of this I am certain. I did not become frustrated, I realized I had to show them, and in that moment I could not, but this would be cleared so I let it go.
In high school there was a state test I had to pass in tenth grade to graduate. I passed. The next year they said I had to take this again. I wondered. Junior year the NYC school system said I had to take this test again. I did not. I dod not go. I did not want to beef up the numbers for the NYC public schools, this was hiding what was really going on in the schools - not that my act did anything because it did not- but the fear I experienced in not taking the test, where my friends were saying I was going to get into trouble ( which was true, but that I was one, it did nothing and I did not face trouble) was strong, that same fear, that shaking in not following. This was the same feeling that came up when the store sales people were telling me I was mistaken and that the product I wanted had never been in this store.
Intense pain within the side of my left ribcage as I write this!
Is this pride that I did not take this test, or is this standing towards, opposition without righteous reaction, where it is not the opposition but the reaction to opposition as in standing firm in opposition, calmly and humbly, without self pity in believing myself to be misunderstood. Such opposition need not have any emotion.
Not taking the test in high school did nothing, and even a group would have caused problems, or simply been dismissed that year, and the entire system that supports the manipulation of test scores must be looked at and stopped.
Restating that a product did exist and proving this in the immediate face of opposition, even when looking in the computer, was not going to change the moment, these sales people needed to see the product, of which I had an empty bottle at home, so I would bring this in, or they would realize at another time, suddenly, what I was talking about.
So within standing up to opposition, it is simply to review what I know express this and clear up the misunderstanding, any emotion or “wanting to win’ is not going to work.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear opposition.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the sales people were probably in fear of making a mistake.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that I can look at what is here and explain myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear opposing others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to at times go into frustration and anger as reaction to such situations, as I believe what I am saying is obvious, when as what the people around me are within, wether they have never thought about what exists and only fear not being agreeable or really, within a moment have become completely blank about something, where anger and righteous fear will not remember that person to what is physically real, where anger will only breed more frustration and righteousness instead of clarity.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to realize that standing within stubborn persistence is also not a solution, as though my stubborn emotion of persistence has some magical quality, where what is needed is actual proof, and this within the given moment is not readily available and thus within my self I must simply stop until evidence is available.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within opposition.
I commit my self to breathing, to standing and stopping within a situation of opposition , where I look at what is common sensibly here and review what I am within opposition.
I commit my self to trusting my self in the face of opposition, to stand in common sense, with humility and care, as there are times when I believe I “know” when in fact I will not.
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting myself to resist writing this, as I am becoming very tired, and want to shut my eyes and go to sleep.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I am tired.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel lethargic and to think about doing something else at this moment.
i forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see opposition as criticism of myself instead of looking at what exists in common sense and placing myself in the moment, within slowing down my breath, to place mywelf within breath and remaining here - interesting that I wrote mywelf which is mywealth?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize my wealth is myself within breath in common sense, saying no to the mind entering a gloom and doom and fear stance of self doubt instead of using the tools of breath and grounding myself within the wealth of myself as the physical.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize with every breath that what is real is myself within breath in the physical, that this is being and not an idea in my mind that presents a fear of loss thought and emotion and feeling as being separate from opposition, when I am not separate from opposition,, opposition is another insight that will become agreement or reveal to myself insight lacked, where any emotion is separation as emotion cannot be directive as it is separation from the whole and unstable in nature.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see opposition as a burden.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow opposition to become a burden, where opposition means denying another when in fact opposition is merely looking at what is here , in and as breath, and using common sense, and thus facing opposition is neither a burden or a threat of loss.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that should i not agree with opposition something will be lost.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that life is an expression, and thus, believing what is here to be in opposition is not to realize the ability of life, within and without to transcend accepted and allowed limited beliefs, opinions and ideas as what has been accepted and allowed.
I commit myself to breath, to the wealth of this physical world as my human physical body in breath.
I commit myself to seeing opposition as one and equal to me.
I commit myself to stop myself from placing opposition as a burden to myself.
I commit myself to realizing the substance of life, built of clay is able to transform.
I commit myself to realizing that this ability to see opposition in transformation to agreement as all as one as equal will bring about heaven on earth.
i commit myself to practicing equality and oneness in and as breath to equalize myself with life, this physical world and to enable others to be the value, life, through supporting a system that supports all life, an equal money system, to change opposition from conflict to transformation.
I commit myself for realizing confusion is a personality of fear of loss, of belief in loss, which cannot exist as I am in fact life here one an equal to all that exists.
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