I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dread having jury duty in August.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of doom and gloom about having to go to jury duty.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand that this gloom and doom feeling that causes a general feeling of stagnant movement in and as my human physical body, where I feel tired and want to run away from this, yet knowing there is no place to go as I must face this, is myself here not wanting to place myself into realizing where and how I am existing in perpetual jury duty in and as the very constructed personality that I exist as here within a system of “create a persona” to survive.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize , see and understand that the judge is my personality, and thus how I am on jury duty, placing blame and spite on anything that threatens the system of me, the protection of myself within a system of inequality that is created by the human, the only animal that pays to live on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that my dread of jury duty is one and the same as my dread of facing my own accepted and allowed spite and blame, self protection mechanism, constructed of all that I have been exposed to through family and education, and a voice - as media and politics - intent on gaining more than others, themselves blind to themselves as life, where the whole consumerist presentation is to mislead and entrap into a superficial existence where the outcome is the chasing of desires that are never fulfilled, as the illusion is just this, an illusion and of no substance, evident in the fact that this system does not consider the physical world, that which is real, seen in the destruction and disregard of the state of this planet.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize I need not fear the juror on duty in and as my self, as this is really a fear of standing up and redirecting myself, taking all the judgements and “rulings” back to myself and directing myself as what is best for all, keeping myself stable in and as my human physical body utilizing breath and self forgiveness, through writing and corrective application to stop the juror as the persona - this voice of separation and thus fear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a picture of how I am supposed to be as I drive around, not realizing that these projections and desires are all based on role play and have nothing to do with actually being here.
I, for example, forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this morning, seen a couple walking together and thinking “how nice this looked” where it is not that this is nice or not nice, it is that this is not the only way to be, and that I remember feeling that this was lost when my husband was dead, thus do I have a sadness based on a belief -as an idea of how things are supposed to be- that I must match that idea as picture, thus do I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I desire to be a “couple”, which if I look is a fuzzy picture as image only and not myself being here realizing all of existence and only living in a singular idea of what life is or is not, where i can become bitter should i not have this, where the society in which I live, avoids the single woman, because of this idea of how people on this earth should appear, where what is real, a human being as an expression of life is what is real, and the fears of a woman having sex with a man, a husband, where it is believed that a single woman is a threat to a marriage, does not consider that it takes two, and does not consider that if the human cannot control their sexual “cravings” then the human has not been developed, and that the society in which we live, propagates sexual action all over the place, and that the solution is not to hide from this or avoid this but to stand up and realize why this exists and to support a solution that stops this as there is nothing else, and sitting and waiting for someone else to do this, or to be the act of blame and only talking about how horrible this is, will do nothing to change this that is unacceptable and shows that the human has no directive capacity and thus is not self expressing self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become righteous about all of this, to not realize that this will take myself becoming stable and speaking up again and again and again, where I will receive the voice of spite, the jury of the persona of justification and that I cannot fear this, and instead see it for what it is and take it apart piece by piece until it is done.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize the depth of constriction the jury as the personality of myself I have accepted and allowed myself to be is resonant within and as myself here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to realize that I often had a red light come on when I was told what to do, where my mind is my self telling my self what to do, where this voice of what to do is the voice of a system supporting separation and it is not to outright reject but to realize, using the principle of equality, to bring back to myself as life and not as what I am supposed to look like and be a presentation as, and direct as what is best for all, where often if I do this in conversation I will be received with irritation as what is best for all has not been what the human has existed as and thus will be rejected as what has been accepted and allowed is the human on jury duty blaming and spiting in order to survive, as the system on earth is a system of survival, where the human is the only animal that pays to live on this earth, this unconditionally giving earth.
When and as I have a feeling of dread and doom and gloom come up, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I am fearing facing what has been accepted and allowed, and a deep nauseousness ensues, where I feel like I want to through up, which is how I felt when I found my dead husband, and how I feel when I see this new man in town that walks with a tremble as he has some degenerative disease and it makes me feel sick to my stomach when I see it, and this has happened all my life, where I am drawn to this wondering what the fuck this is, and at the same time repelled, like it some kind of discordant “thing” which is probably why I an a destonian, as I sense something is not right about this world.
When and as I become a feeling of doom and gloom and general malaise I stop and I breath, and I remember what i just wrote, because it is making me feel better, where this can be cleaned up and forgiven through a process where the life that is here on this earth can become the principle of oneness in equality, a living breathing, self directed expression of life, as all as one as equal.
I commit myself to cleaning up all the personas I have accepted and allowed, as the persona, the personification of myself to fit into a system of survival, creating competition and greed as the movement of men on an unconditionally giving earth, through writing, self forgiveness and corrective application and speaking what sounds what is best for all in and as every breath here, realizing that spite and blame, within and without are the dust of separation and not the composition of a life fully lived, where any and all disease is a reflection of life lacking ease as dis-ease as the stagnant flow of life in full expression.
I commit myself to realizing that there exists a judge and a jury, means that the human has not been developed in and as that which is here, that which is what we as life are composed of, that which is right here as us which means the very substance as what we are has not been developed within and as us, to be the directive of ourselves, this that is the creation of life, this physical world that we ignore and believe ourselves to be greater than, when disease exists and thus not in equality with life especially when best practices are known and blocked in the name of greed, which unless we stand and stop as a collective, this will be what continues as the sins of the fathers onto the children of this earth.
TIme for Equal Money.
Self Enlightenment steps for the Elite ( anyone with internet access)
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