Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 198 The word of the male.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become submissive within existing within a relationship, as a belief, with a male vs. a female, where it is not polite to contradict the male, as what I have been taught is to idolize-make more than- the male, not seeing realizing and understanding that the male is a creation of the substance of life, where what is the value is the life as the substance, thus what is best for life as this physical world as it is all life, is what is best and not what serves this male as an idea as being more than or having a final word.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that the words from a male are the final word, as it is not that the male speaks these words, as a male can speak what is best for all, it is the word as realizing that all of this physical world is the substance of life, and, as this, it is to be a living word as a word that supports and realizes that all life is one and equal as it is the form of the physical that is the vehicle of the expression of life, as this is the gift; here the only support given is to recognize this physical world as an expression of life and support this.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become irritated with having to listen to a male, which is myself separating from myself within hearing what is best for all as I react within resonant past accepted and allowed behaviors of belief and thus allow uncertainty and fear within myself in fear of loss, in fear of aggressive reactive behaviors from the male, as the ego of the male, as mind, as energy, will choose to not die, meaning will resist change, yet if I breath and remain here in common sense, replies that consider what is best for all within this present system of manifest inequality and separation from the value being life as the current profit based system of capitalism that is monopoly where a few of the most aggressive end up owning everything and believing their creation - as their “grab” shows a win and power when in fact it is ignorance of the value of life being that which is the substance of this creation on earth, something that cannot be owned, could this be owned than it would be understood; and understanding means having insight into creating heaven on earth instead of hell on earth, as heaven on earth is realizing the value is life and that creation as this physical world is the expression of this value being life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to want to run away from hearing the same thing said in response to what I have to say, where I feel like I am not being heard, not realizing that what is wanting to be heard is a self validation as an end all be all, as the mind, as ego, exists within a limited ability towards insight when only parts are seen and there is no physical common sense of the multi-dimensions within the totality of existence, which is why so much abusive behavior exists on earth, behavior that is destructive and ignorant of how this physical world functions, as the denial of life is not allowing the form of the physical to express itself as life as the very form it takes.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe a sense of dread that comes up in relation to speaking up towards what a male says, in fear of having to hear the same thing again.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to imagine being bullied and cast away should I not accept the word of the male as “the word” where in this moment I breath and I stand and I listen to what is being said and I speak up in common sense of what is real as the value being life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I allow myself to exist within “dread” i become stagnant and limited, where I perpetuate what is not existing within oneness and equality as the living word as what is best for all is best for self.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a memory of my past to be what is real, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this is a “ghost” of the past, as a superstition that I can either accept as real or stand up within and forgive myself to as what was taught, as what was shown, as what was expected as a child with no ability to express and no direction given within developing an awareness of self direction in and as the value being life in common sense with the equality and oneness of what I am as the substance of creation that is this physical world- a gift of life to b-earth oneself as life, to see, realize and understand that I am here, an adult, and no memoryneed define me as what I am, as it exists only as a superstition resonant within and as the environment within which I lived as a child within a system unsupportive of life as the human idolizing an object having forgotten the substance of all that exists as what is the value, which is life, where this condition of the human as collectively created/allowed a system of inequality, allowing a monopoly where the tool to buy idols is money, as the value as life is not realized, as life is subject to beliefs, opinions and ideas of more than and less than, of gain and loss, which needs to stop and a system of Equal Money that is supportive of all life, realizing life is the value will stop the superstitions of the mind and the rampant disregard manifesting horrific abuse of life on this planet.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that physically my body constricts when I do not remain within and as breath and speak up in support of life as what is best for all, as though the very NON speaking up in support of life, as the instrument of life, as my human physical body, not being used as life and instead being destroyed through the abuse of following superstition in and as the mind as belief, opinion and idea , to relationships that are inconsiderate of the whole, where I at one time tried to imagine a peaceful place in and as my mind and all that happened was that I got the most awful headaches as it seemed to be so forced, I just stopped one day, as it seemed like a fantasy mind fuck which is exactly what it was, as this should not be something that causes headaches.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that when I fear speaking up I am not in support of myself, which is to say I am not in support of life, where my physical human body actually starts to feel tight and heavy in my lower back, and within this there is a voice that just came up where I say, “ I have no where to go” which is just the reverberation in and as voices in my head as my past, the voice of a ghost of my past as a memory as a product of the current system of limited insight and stagnation as what this current system is as the lack of development of myself as life as a human physical instrument of life, a voice of value judgement representing a separation from life, from equality and oneness in and as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe such a voice, as what I accepted and allowed, in abdication of life, as a character of futility, denying myself of breath and the being of myself as an instrument of life existing here as the living word, this being of myself one and equal with all existent on earth, here.

I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that no matter what is said around me, within or without, that is not one and equal to what is best for all, is in fact the word of superstition, as a ghost of life, a word of no substance, thus is able to be brought back to myself as life in common sense of life through no longer fearing the voices of the past, as the ghosts of the mind as belief, opinion and idea in relation to a propagated self interest in fear of loss of myself as an object developed to survive having forgotten myself as the substance of life on a world where the physical is support in allowing me to realize that life is the value and thus there need be no fear of loss.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that actually being here, in and as breath, in simplicity with what is physically here is actually a relief, at first seemingly boring, as leaving the energetic addictions in and as the mind appear to resist their death, what in fact happens is the calm and the quiet, and the breath are simple and gentle, where things in the physical can be walked without complaint and actually enjoyed, and finding solutions as understanding how things work in fact is fun, like learning to actually move a violin string and the bow on the string.
I commit myself to realizing that I have existed within constriction for so long that this will take some practice, some deconstructing to reconstruct as myself in self honesty and self responsibility in and as life, here.
I commit myself to breathing, to being aware of my breath in every moment , here.

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