Sunday, November 18, 2012

Day 209 Fear of not being valid, fear of loss

Fear Dimension
I have had an old acquaintance coming around, and then suddenly they stop. On the phone they begin to make comments about self forgiveness. They begin to judge. I have had this before. I just keep going. Tonight I notice a fear of loss coming up within this relation. it is similar to the fear I experienced on a ladder yesterday. A fear of loss; of life, of validity?
I will walk the fear dimension of no longer appearing valid relative to another.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing validity in relation to another human being.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing a relationship, be it a friend, a relative or a general interest expressed by another.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear appearing to be invalid.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sadness at the idea of appearing to have no value within the judgement of another and within this not seeing, realizing and understanding that judging another as incapable or less than, as having nothing culturally valid about them, or savvy about them, or “interesting” about them, is my self not seeing realizing and understanding them as life, which is actually a lack of common sense in and as life, as what one is in fact.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that it is sad that another would become reactive to words spoken, without any attempt to test out what another suggests and investigate before placing a value on what is being expressed.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go into judgement about another, myself creating a value about that person within deciding that what I have expressed is not valid, without realizing that what I have said, in this case within the context of self forgiveness, no attempts were made to investigate what was being said, and thus I turn this into myself somehow not having made myself clear, when the descriptions about the quantum mind are actually very simple, that the mind as emotions,thoughts and feelings express ideas, beliefs and opinions based on the past, projected into the future, as a mind that works in polarity as energy in separation from self as life, here, which takes some time to realize within and as what self has allowed to direct self, thus this takes patience and modeling by myself and a desire to understand how this world works, as clearly this world is not taking care of the life that is here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become saddened that I have been accused of indoctrinating my children, and when the person making such a statement cannot answer questions and changes the topic I must stop and breath and realize that all I can do is walk in detail how the mind works and how the present system works and suggesting that self investigation will reveal what is the very form of ourselves as the behaviors of ourselves within that are same as what is acceptedand allowed as the system existent on earth.
I forgive myself for fearing loss, within having any value in the eyes of another, as this is not a real value, as the value is life, in common sense of and as life, and not whatemotionally maintains a relationship because I am saying things another is not ready, or unwilling to hear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a misunderstanding of values, not seeing realizing and understanding that in the face of emotions as being what is valued, a separation exists and thus the real fear of loss I experience is a loss of self as life and a sadness that the emotional war storms as the consequence of the quantum mind are what I become when I judge myself as having not been “valid” enough within my words, not seeing realizing and understanding that I have become what I see another as.

Self Correction to follow.

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