Sunday, November 11, 2012

Day 201 A horror movie in my mind

Rabid Jackal
Rabid Jackal (Photo credit: Artbandito)
I noticed the other day when I walked to my car in the dark that I became nervous in fear of a dog suddenly appearing and attacking me. So I will forgive myself for this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a dog attacking me at night.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting images in and as my mind to create fear within myself, images that are from a movie, where a person is attacked by something as they walk out at night to their car.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to attach fear to having to walk out alone to my car in the dark of night.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect fear to being attacked by a dog at might while I am alone outside and getting into my car.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a dog, to exist as an idea as fear of a dog attacking me at night while getting into my car, when I am alone.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have memory of two car accidents where another car crossed out of the oncoming lane and ran right into me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate fear with being around my car.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the dark outside of the house, which is ridiculous because I have walked around at night through woods and subways and cities and towns and not worried about this, and even when there was a situation I dealt with it which is all one can do, and this is not to say I can walk anywhere in this world of survival, as the present system, it means that common sense must be used, that i can walk in the dark alone yet it is not to deliberately place myself in a situation where the possibility of aggression is probable, for example, where there are people who are struggling or have excessive drug habits.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a rabid dog showing up next to me, while I am at my car, in the dark/night as one day a rabid raccoon showed up in the yard and started walking up to me, which is really not something a raccoon usually does, in fact they tend to hide during the day, but on this day the raccoon walked into the yard, salivating and turning in circles, obviously lacking strength as it was walking very slowly, so my children and I went inside and were actually very calm about this, thus in reality facing an animal with rabies was not something to fear, as the animal was very weak.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear being bitten by a rabid dog.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear a wild animal suddenly showing up out of the dark night while I am entering or leaving my car.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my only encounter with the idea of a dog attacking a human while they were out alone at night was in the movies, thus in reality this has never happened to me or anyone that I know.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that this image as idea as fear of a dog attacking me at night while I go to my car is not based on any experience I have ever had, thus it must be an image from a movie in my past.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that even if this were to happen, all i can do is deal with this in the moment, where an image as an idea is not real, and has no real value, as it is just an illusion in and as my mind.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how what is here is me, is one and equal to and as me, as what is here is life, and thus any sadness within and as me, is myself as the cause of this, as I am not one and equal to what is here, believing that this world is hostile and separate from me, yet this world is me, it is myself that has separated myself from here, which is what the human exits as, and thus is what is reflected as what this world allows to exist, which is an economy based on war to generate profit, because this is the profit the human lives as in separation from life, the profit of conflict and friction in fearing what is here, in not realizing with every breath, that this physical world and ourselves as the human are one and the same, as it is only an idea as the mind made huge and not understood, that signifies our believed separation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that what i in fact long for, as longing means a separation, is to realize myself as life here, one and equal to what is here, to communicate my oneness in equality as what I am with what is here that is equal in and as the substance of life, which would mean there is no heaven, as this must be here, because a supposed distant “heaven” would a separation, and this would not be life giving absolutely.
Is as much of my mind moving as a "fantastic WAR"  fear scenario as what is without as the budget of the government?
Is what is "as my mind" one and the same as the systems of this world?
As within, so without
As above, so below
?

I commit myself to breathing and becoming absolutely self directive in common sense of what is physically here, thus an image of a dog attacking me is just this, an image.
I commit myself to breath when and as i am walking to my car alone at night in the dark, seeing realizing and understanding that fearing a dog attacking me is not a solution, even if a dog should attack, as all there is to do is stop and breath and assess the situation by looking at what is actually here and making a decision within the principle of what is best for all, as fearing a dog for being a dog only, is not looking at the dog and seeing what state the dog is in, or how the dog is walking and behaving, to not judge the dog without even stoping and actually looking at the dog should a dog show up suddenly.
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