Friday, November 9, 2012

Day 199 The ghost in the machine

I notice a character come up yesterday, making huge and being ghost like, an energetic expression of this failure belief, stuck in thoughts that there is no chance to “get through” to another, where I get stuck in this and go into bitterness and self blame, neither of which have anything to do with looking at what is here, realizing what is here, seeing the whole of what is here, as I stop within this emotion, as though emotion is a plug, a stop, a judgement, fixed, non moving, This seems to be a dominant issue with me. Even within the last days I realized that in baby pictures of myself I did not smile, and this was a comment often made about me in contrast to my twin sister, who was all smile in every baby picture.
A friend stopped by and was emotional about a change coming in their life. I realized they had built where they are in “doing the right thing “ in relation to their family situation. In relations with family.
We are all stuck within relations to family. This present system of inequality takes us into situations where we remain locked within family, to care for them, to needmoney for this, and then we remain so stuck in this and making a change where we realize our relationship obligations, built to ensure survival as being a support group. Again, it is not that this is good or bad, it is the forced use of this to define who we are. Think of a eulogy at a funeral; “ he was a good father, who went out and worked hard in his life to support his family, he was kind and gentle, always willing to listen. He loved gardening later in life, and grew many vegetables” or something life this. A funeral speech is about the past and what the person did, all wrapped up in a pretty picture. We hold memories more dear than life, and most of the time when we talk about this world and what is going on in our lives, it is a complaint about the system, as what “so and so did” or what is happening within the movement or non movement as this present system. Yet, when we talk about memories - or old times it is really the same. Only complaining about what exists and escaping into another “good” time. Nostalgia as entertainment. If we are running around complaining and alternately being nostalgic, the negative and the positive, all being of self in distance to what is actually here, really stopping and looking at the form of the structure of the present system and the consequences there of. I mean why are we being, and or needing, nostalgia? And why are we distancing ourselves from not looking at the totality of the present monetary system when we have even one complaint? This is why the parts are not Bad or good as themselves, being a good father is not bad, it is being this without realizing the totality of this system, it is making the fears of survival huge, it is making fear huge and hiding it behind limited personifications. Just look at the limited characters in movies and media expressing sex and power play, but no real expression, as varied as what exists within a handful of soil. One could say it is the lack of variation that is becoming the death of life.
Both things are based on a fear of a loss of self, one monetarily and the other for an idea of a “better time” or an e-motion - as a feeling of some kind of meaning as idea that in contrast to the more negative emotion seems like a relief - and it is really just a memory, like we are placated by a ghost of the past, and that ghost of the past as memory, is based on an idea of something “good”in relation to what is here that is frustrating. Like a movie within a movie within a movie, where each consecutive movie/story is watered down to a more limited picture; this being a propagated inner division of self as insight, and the layers of this consume until one dies looking like a dried up piece of dead skin. Which is in effect what happens to the human. And it is happening to the earth too.
This is why there can only be here, as here is what exists can be seen, the actual structure of this present monetary system, here is where self expresses self, interacts and deals with. Complaining is looking at a part only, the immediate one that is scared being here and able to take care of oneself as life, where the immediate person or “law” determines movement. This physical world is the real movie - so to speak- it is the gift of physical play. The mind is the separation, is the illusion and it has become so big, we believe it to be real.
Is the past going to change this system? The form of the present system is here, and it is not supporting life. Addiction to the past as memories as nostalgia is not going to see HERE. The morality of supporting family only is not going to see here.
So this character that game up, this ghost like presence as an emotion, based on past events of belief that some kind of failure existed, and if I look these failures are based on self interest, as an idea of wanting to win- even within being a savior - as in believing something was lost in translation, meaning communication, where I feel bitter that I was not understood, and if I look within this ghost and the story it cries it is lost in a little tiny “pixilated” judgement, which is why it is so thin and ghost like. It must be brought back to self to look at what is here and to see the total consequences of this system and realize that one can move, in and as a physical being here, direction as in looking at what is here can exist. Thus investigating this system and how it functions can exist. That drama on television will exite frustration and then get nostalgic in terms of a feel good seeming resolution, but it is only a ghost life movement of resolution and not an actual physical structure of resolution in totality. It is like candy for the mind, moving from the negative as emotion to the positive as feeling. All within a morality in separation from this actual physical world. Why would a system of inequality present anything on a television that would actually stop frustrations and abuse on this earth? Or even show what is happening? It would not.
The people carry the debt and the risk, the private sector gets the profits. Insanity. And war, a tool of conflict and friction creation is a supposed economic mover. Yes, in relation to allowing a private sector conquest and control resource, and placing the burden on the non owners as the people.
This ghost of mine is a storm in a teacup, and war on earth is the storm on this earth, this grabbing /raping of resource where self as life is not faced as what is real, and physically here, able to learn and understand this physical world, able to share what is here to support life. It really is such a “thin” thing to walk through and understand, it is only the fears made huge that seem real, but they are not.
So, with my ghost friend I must realize that it is the servant to this system of inequality that limits insight into and as life, as what I have accepted and allowed in fear of loss without any real development within understanding here in totality, where as a child what surrounded me was the same, and thus there was no place to go but into the storm. to take on the ghost of a morality in separation from realizing this physical world is real, that life is the value and that inequality with life as the value is built of ideas, opinions and beliefs in service to ignorance of life, these ideas being that one “cell” as one human can control this physical world, where in fact it is a collection of cells that built the structure of this physical world, and it is these cells that work in tandem that create this actual physical world. Thus there is no more than and less than, there is only here, where not one part rules, as all parts are simply an expression of themselves as life, as a form of life.
So my little “friend” as my ghost, as my demon, carrying self pitying emotions and placating feelings which are from the same starting point of separation must “grow up” into the tree of life as myself as the physical to be here , brought back to here, as self here, to realize life here. Breathing, in and as this physical body, to remain here.
This is my within separation from what is actually physically here, my own survival persona, and the present system of war as economic motivator is this without. There is no need for war, for destruction between the cells of this earth as the human, it is unnecessary and unacceptable, what is here is to support life, to allow life. This war driven economy is not based on what earth is as an eco system of life, sharing, working together, realizing all cells are equal in that they are life, and that in order for this earth to function all must work/be/express as what they are, and in being this, life will be supported. The answer, in all simplicity is right in front of us as what we are.
Forgiveness of this character of futility will follow.

No comments:

Post a Comment