I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I am with a man, specifically, and he reprimands me for not having been with him when he met another person who ended up complaining, saying he wished I had been there to “save” him and within this I have a tinge of guilt and a voice saying I am not responsible for this, I am blaming myself for not having supported another in what I believe I am supposed to do for another as in filling a role play as what has been learned that is in ignorance of what is here, as emotions and feelings have become justifiable and servicable within obligation, this whole scenario an ignorance of what is actually physically here, and an ignorance of looking at the very structures of support through resource use and distribution that we have allowed to believe should be bought, that we must buy our life when life is what we are and thus this is what is the gift and what is the value, and within this, if the human is running around constantly serving limited values and beliefs to maintain a collection of values - within all thedivisions existent within the human society - such as gender, class, race, ethnicity, nationality, etc. etc. -we are in effect serving a collectively held, selectively chosen labels within built up ideals of what will allow us to survive, where these beliefs, ideals and values have become traditions, meaning what was traded as self as life into and as limited signatures within wanting to survive, where what I have expressed, or traded as the substance of myself as life within expression, has allowed myself to gain within a system of inequality, to see realize and understand that to maintain all of this, I am in essence being a bully when ever any choice is made that is not what is best for all, whenever a choice is made that does not support all life, that does not realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I continue within emotions and feelings and thoughts I am living a separation from equality and oneness to what is actually here, thus I am in separation from here, and becoming upset in any way is actually myself in separation from here, equal and one with here, any complaint, any whine, any placating of a whine, any service to a whine of self pity, of woe, is me as a separation from here, as a whine/complaint is service to emotions, thoughts or feelings in and as mind as character as persona within or without, in-fear-i-or/hear/ear give to surv-i-al as the human is the only perceived “all” within a limited ability to realize all life as being equal, which is the consequence of believing the human superior to what is here on earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that after the death of my husband, and probably before -having been a foreigner in another culture, I had so many people voicing ideas and opinions and beliefs as to what i should or should not do, ideas and beliefs about what had happened, ideas and beliefs about what I needed, who I should be with, how I should exist etc. etc etc. that one day I just had to stop, as I was becoming angry with this constant telling to me of what i should or should not do/be/chose/live as when none of it actually was physically helping me support myself as my children in any way what so ever, that even within society as a single mom, I was held socially at some distance, only allowed venues where I would not be perceived as some kind of threat by both females and males, to the point where I could see that judgements held more value than what was actually here, that so much of this world is one big cry of self validation within desperately held ideas, opinion and beliefs as to what was here, when the whole time, what was here was ignored, that this was blatantly evident within the health industry if one would take the time to investigate and there are many standing up and voicing this, professional healthpractitioners, yet no one wants to realize that we all must stand up investigate and make the change together,because that pension and that health insurance are not going to be what will deliver the best practice, as a state of health is not a profitable state within a profit based system. Health does not make money.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to go off on a tangent, yet this tangent is the image and likeness - as the subject I used- of all that exists on this earth down to the very detail of what the human is being as emotion and feelings and thoughts, as these emotions , feelings and thoughts, are the divisions of self into and as selectively, thus limited and inconsiderate, held values ( that in themselves are not good or bad) as a “dress code” as a human more-all code in separation from total consideration of life, as total consideration of life supports all life and makes the profit life, and not a separation into a relative/representative value being life, as what money is and has been allowed to become as the determiner of life, thus does the human actually represent the separation from life, so easy to see as what the state of this earth reveals in the loss of soils, animals, drinkable water, where the human must stop and realize the consequence of a limited value system, this limited value an act of division into and as controlable states of being as self definitions that take this taught interest of self and bind this to an outer divided interest in service to limited values, thus is the existence of self, as emotions, thoughts and feelings, the currency of expression for survival, just as money is the currency of allowing what allows expression as an outer structure here, thus what is within is without, one and the same manifestation, a separation from what is real, from what is the absolute value, which is life.
Thus, within this,
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to separate into and as energy, as an emotion/feeling/thought of myself as a whine, complaint, in and as a belief that I am less than another, as this is existing within a value secondary to realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to breathing, to remaining here, equal and one to what is here, to no longer allowing and accepting myself to physically constrict as thought I am a blow torch sucking in being here, into and as an energetic motion, as an emotion/feeling through a thought of myself believing that I will lose something, when what is lost is a relationship in separation from being the living word as being equal and one to all that is here as life.
I commit myself to realizing the structures in and as what I am allowing myself to exist as, in looking at the very thought, emotion and feeling I am allowing that indicates the values I determine and thus become to ensure my own survival, not asking the question as to why I am spending all of myself surviving, why I am acting in the interest of survival and not expressing myself as life, which is to say , why am I worrying, complaining, fretting, and thus fearing and thus hiding and blaming and judging and and and instead of living as an expression of life here.
I commit myself to inwardly realizing that I exist as fear and that it is this fear that creates a feeling of worth and/or unworth as I attempt to survive within a system that uses this fear, as all humans are fear, as the few who have control of that which controls as a starting point of belief in loss that is from an initial separation from equality and oneness as what is absolute as the substance of life, where each must realize the separations individually accepted and forgive this beingness and within this stand collectively and create/organize/clean up the same outward structure that is a profit determined through money- as separation, no longer aligned with the absolute value in all that is here on this earth as being the substance that is equal and one in all that is here.
I commit myself through breath to realize how I have relied on relationships as support of myself , not seeing realizing and understanding that yes within this system that is a separation, relationships are what sustains me, yet this is an ignorance of what is actually sustaining, and this has gone on for so long I realize nothing else, and no longer see physical reality which must stop, as I must stand, breath, self forgive myself and correct my starting point back to and into what is absolute within all that is here, as this is the value, which is life, which does not deny actually physical “relations/communications” with what is within my world, it simply means that what is here is life, and that this is the value.
I commit myself to breathing, to bringing myself here, every time I fear losing a “made huge as value” relationship to realize the value is life, to realize the only answer is in recognition of what is absolute, one and equal in all that exists on this earth, which is the very substance of life here and to see, realize and understand that emotions , thoughts and feelings are a time warp from being here.
I commit myself to realize that when I become the character of fear of non compliance into and as fearing loss and/or punishment I stop and I breath, and I forgive myself this separation through breathing, bringing myself here within and as the principle of oneness and equality, and I do not allow the thoughts as judgements as learned deliniated values of a more all code that is a relationship built as what i support myself with in recognition of the human only and a system of money determining life that is/has been built/allowed/supported as money, to be all that I see, forgiving myself as these learned thoughts back to myself, and within this taking the ensuing emotions and feelings as the polarities of my thoughts back to be directed within what is best for all in support of what is absolute, as the value of life, no longer becoming the action of loss of myself as life, as I become the action of fear of loss within allowing emotions , thoughts and feelings to he what i am here, as what i have been taught that is a belief in a relationship as the definition of myself.
I commit myself to asking myself why I cannot read beyond a set of consequences existent within this world, why I become uneasy within going beyond learned structures of sequences, to realize that what I voice is often a limited set of patterns and that this is knowledge and information, and not what enables me to see what is actually physically here, or even really understand what is actually physically here as life.
I commit myself to no longer allow the personification of worth or un-worth as this is a separation from being directed as what is best for all, but an emotional storm of a belief in more than and less than which in essence is what a personification is, manifest as outplays as characters in fear of loss as guilt and shame, and gain and praise all in an awareness that self has separated self from self as life, that self is no longer in common sense of what is absolute, one and equal , in all existent on earth, which is that the value is life.
I commit myself to seeing realizing and understanding that life is not in expression here on earth, that what exists is death and destruction, that for life to begin all must stand as self as life, in common sense, that this system of money determining life- and this no longer supporting life, must stop and be realigned to support the value that is what life is, and that within this each and every thing of this earth will become an expression of life and know thyself as life, here, the potential for which cannot be realized until all that is here is equal and one, within self as realizing the value is life.
I commit myself to realizing that the consequences of my allowed separation manifest physically in my human physical body, as I am not taking care with my human physical body in utilizing it as an instrument of life, as I am using this human physical body as a battery to support energetic reactions as emotions, thoughts and feelings, that are the polarities of my accepted separation into believing a secondary relationship has more value than that which is the sustenance of myself as the value, which is the substance of life equal and one in all existent on earth.
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