Monday, October 29, 2012

Day 189 A chance meeting and communication

Day 189
I realize as I was talking to myself one day- yes another issue- that in trying to say something I was in effect trying to say something with emotions. And I realize there is no clarity within this. And then, I realize that this is how we are taught to communicate. So, can I say something without terms and phrases, as learned reactions, without being emotional, do I really know what it is that I am trying to say?
I ran into an old friend, they stood there fiddling with their fingers, avoiding eye contact. Myself I could not speak, there was plenty spinning around in my mind, but none of it really was what I wanted to say. It was all this emotional/feeling stuff that was incomplete communication - so to speak.
I noticed I held my arms together over my chest. I was protecting myself. From what? Emotion? Feeling? Loss? Fear of judgement? What is this stew?
This is all a stew of emotion and feelings based on limited values, as no resolution or direction was taken, realized, made.
It is like wanting to stop what is understood to be ridiculous, and actually not having the means to communicate, or so it seems. But way down at the end of this tunnel of this emotional vortex there is self just wanting to live, to be, to communicate. and self has not had very much practice in communicating directly without separation into fear as emotion, feeling and thoughts of judgements.
Because I could find nothing to say, that was not of emotion and feeling, as reaction, and arms were held in protection, and fingers were fiddling, I said my goodbyes and turned and left. Not a solution.
This is where the absolute as “what is best for all” comes in, as this can have no lying, no deceit, no greed, no more than and no less than.
I want to say I am sorry, that I regret all the fears, all the emotions, all the feelings, as none of this was myself communicating, it was myself not being here in common sense. But, even to wallow in this is being an emotion and a feeling, a memory of the past, and an idea of loss and impossibility, as it is all the same, an expression of emotions and feelings and thoughts of should have, could have, would have. None of it is respecting and being one and equal to what is real, here, as the very substance of life as what we are.
All that I want to communicate, from my arsenal- as phrases and means and ways- is what I have been taught, my language that are more than just one word, my communications are divisions into and as emotions and feelings as judgements, that I believe are not my fault, they are the fault of the object before me , when in essence the object before me is not hearing and thus being my communication, as all that I know, of emotions, feelings and thoughts of more than and less than, as what I believe will match that ad on tv, that image and likeness of value, constructs presented.
So, if i realize this and I stand before someone wanting to communicate, and there is nothing in my arsenal of phrases and words, as all I have learned is a dictated phrased value, an energy absorbed, then I will stand there not finding anyway to really express myself as life, without an effort and practice.
And within this, if this is what is the practice of another, the bubble of being a form of this emotional communication, there will end up being no communication.
The capitalistic system is geared towards using the emotions and feelings to control and dictate, and then threatening death - as in having no money- if one should not comply. This means that the continuation of a lack of communication through what are essentially repeated emotional phrases - as values- will continue and the communication of self, in ease, as life will become more and more difficult.
I have a twin sister with an autistic son.
He would yell a lot, make loud screaming noises and throw a lot of tantrums. Now he is beginning to have a more socially acceptable behavior. But he tends to walk up to anyone and ask questions, and some people become annoyed.
What he would do when he was younger was play with telephones, learning all the numbers in sequence. And when he walked into a store he would run and find all the electrical outlets. He also like to flush the toilet all the time when he was at my home.
Here is the little human, who at a very young age, knew numbers, and all the different manufacturers of cars by make and model.
What he has to learn was the phrases to be spoken to interact with people. These he would practice and now he recites them. He can appear to be normal, as is the “norm” within our world.
This is communicating through learned sequences, as whole phrases without any direction from the substance of what is the parts of the phrase. And here this child was going around instantly creating a stability for himself by organizing all the objects in a room ( he could remember what were the objects in the room). When his worldchanged he had to immediately find a point of stability through this. Is this because he had to make a jump - so to speak- to an understanding without being given any direction within the very substance of what the real source of life, as the substance of life, was?
That is really messed up.
Think of animals training, it is the same thing, forcing into being a picture without any ability to communicate as the very substance as what we are as life.
Imagine how much vertigo, and dizziness this would cause, a huge space of miss-understanding of what we actually are as life, and then an absenteeism from self as life within communication.
We/I really need to slow waaaaayyyyyyy down and stand within self as life, here, to breath and bring ourselves into and as ourselves as life. This is why it is necessary to study how the systems work, to look at how the financial system works, to look at what we are within as emotions and feelings and thoughts, to take these phrases apart, the constructions of language, of idea, of opinion, of belief, and realize that we are all life this, autistic boy, trying to communicate but having these required forms thrown at us as how we should be without any understanding of what is here as life. What would happen within this is that one will get to a point where it appears - as one only sees what is learned- an ability to communicate what is wanted to be expressed is not existent within, as there was no real development within self as life, and only already constructed labels forced onto as what we are. And as this boy is showing us, we organize by label without any understanding of what is physically actually real, here.
In this no one here on earth has really “gotten” anything! has really understood anything. Which is why I exist -as I have accepted and allowed this and it is all I know as what i was taught- within worth and unworth, because I am not directing myself within the very substance as life here, I am trying to use already structured systems to express myself instead of being here, with and as the substance of life, that will only exist within what is best for all, as this is how life exists, here. The detail of how that substance as life exists as life is ignored, and thus a total understanding of life is not allowed to express itself, and yet it must be here in everything, right in front of us.
Thus common sense of what is here must be realized by all. Equal and one to become equal and one, to allow earth to become an expression of life. This is why the present system as capitalism must stop, it is the outflow of the separation from ourselves as life. To begin to realize life here, this system must change. There are too many caught up within it that cannot possible survive. Therefor, it is up to those who have the ability to stand and organize a body, a communication of equality, as in the actual formation of a system of equality as Equal Money, to stand and implement this. As this is how the un-equalizing forms that exist were built. Equal Money is the system to walk us into standing within and as the substance of ourselves as life.
One need only look at the news to see rampant behaviors of frustrated emotional and feelings behaviors. All ignorant of life. Most of the crime is emotional frustration and much of the new age “feel good” behavior is hiding from the “bad/frustrated/survival” behaviors. If this need to find “happy” feelings and states of being exist, than this admits the “bad” exists. This is simply hiding from what is actually here, selectively taking what supports ignorance, and or only following a sequence to a point that gets for one what one wants in self interest.
Just ask someone to continue a line of thoughts within choice, and inevitably irritation will be the response, as the following of consequence leads to that person no longer being able to hide their self interest. Here the responses can also start such as “ I don’t know the answer to that”, or “this is non of my concern ( the switch from the collective to the personal- avoidance tactic BIG TIME) “, all these responses really reveal is an inability to look at what is here, because then one would have no choice but to stand up. The problem here is that there is no other choice, as the abuse ignorance causes of not looking at all effects absolutely. Thus denying research and stating that there is no proof is abusive, and an act of self interest that has no regard for life. NONE. and this is evil.
Within this we, the human, are responsible for all the autistic children in this world, as they are the product of our accepted and allowed avoidance tactic of looking at the total consequences of our actions.
We are sowing what we reaped, and we have no one to blame but ourselves every time we say, “there is no proof” when the proof is all around us and will remain and become more and more of a problem until we realize we are responsible as the one choice, the choice of what is best for all.
Best practices will come with realizing equality as life. Equal Money, Support life.
Time to realize what your emotions, thoughts and feeling are as what separates self from life.
Walk the desteni lite process. It is FREE.
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