I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a child I would sit and listen to my mother, when ever she needed someone to talk to, where she would poor out her complaints, which I took silently, trying to placate her not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was taking on her very resonance, which, when I started process that very first month of doing self forgiveness, I began with this feeling of sadness, for two months I did this and suddenly it caused some kind of release and a feeling of lightness, no matter what I kept going, even though there were times of great resistance.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that I knew what I was listening to, within my mother, was not something to listen to, I remember being ashamed with myself at one point, yet this was better than being spanked, and also, it made me feel special, because my sisters would say I could ask my mother for things and she would give them to me, but I knew this was not something to be, there in the back somewhere this bothered me, as my twin sister was me, and she did not get the same treatment.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in listening to my mother and not looking at what i was in fact accepting, in favor of survival as not being spanked and incurring anger from my mother, I was placing myself with a resonance of self pity and sadness again and again and again, accepting what was not directive within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that when ever I react in a way I realize is not directive, that is judgemental, I immediately go into this emotion of believing myself to be unworthy, because I had accepted and allowed this without standing up within what I sensed was not productive, what diminished myself as life here,
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have created a happy face of specialness within this scenario to justifying it in believing I was something special, like there were “perks” with this job, and that I gained something for my efforts without stopping and realizing that the starting point was based in fear - that if I sat and listened, my mother would not become angry and spank me- so the listening was a protection defense in self interest and what I could see was not something to place on a child, where later I would accept this as a gain and an indication of myself being special, but all the while I knew this was not what was really going on, but the praises and power I received gave me a feeling of superiority, as though I had something, which is another starting point in and as having a negative judgement of myself as being unworthy and a inward separation from myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to carry the shame of this action of survival with and as me throughout myself, never really seeing this clearly, having buried this so far back into the past, where the unresolved acceptance of this is carried until I stand and forgive myself for what I had accepted and allowed, to remove this resonantly from myself, correct this and walk until it is clear.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect this emotion to any judgement i make about another, as this judgement is a reminder of separation from myself as life in and as my past.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as unworthy because I went against myself as a child in order to protect myself from a fear of punishment, where even as my mother would sometimes call my name, and I knew she wanted someone to come and give her attention, so I would dutifully go because I believed there was no way out.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have turned this into a positive thing, when it was really the same dishonesty again and again, just covered with a happy, justifying reason and nothing else, thus are the emotions and feelings one and the same, one subsequent to the other, thus seeking positive feelings is merely an escape from looking at what is here, an abdication of common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that there is nothing wrong with listening to others emotions and feelings again and again, and offering support, it is when this is expected and silently agreed upon to the point where it becomes automatic and habitual within and as a family construct, it is then no longer a support but an obligation that is perpetual, which means there is an acceptance of emotions and feelings and no directive, objective resolution within the patterns of behavior that are not being looked at for what they are and stopped.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect this self judgement as unworthy every time I become a protection defense reaction, as every time I accepted what was unacceptable i did so in fear of punishment and until I correct this I will be at the mercy of what I have accepted and allowed in abdication of myself as life, within and as common sense.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my self judgement as being unworthy was a separation from common sense, where I acted in dishonesty as myself as life to survive and avoid punishment, where the answer is within forgiving this separation and standing up within common sense.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not see, realize and understand that the whole scenario of my childhood within and as fear of being punished by my mother was absent of common sense, and thus the only choice is to stand in and as common sense of what is here, to become equal and one in and as life, within the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all, where the mercy of emotions and feelings within limited thoughts, believed to be real which are illusion manifest as separation, made real and huge, used to control, within a system of inequality, and all this drama is, is fear, a fear that manifests in the being of self within and as a constant need for the mind’s story of validation, as the separation will appear to want validation, but it is what has been ignored as a separation screaming into energy-like a hell fire consuming the physical, aging the human, sucking them dry, until they realize this separation will be named for what it in fact is, a judgment of less than or more than, superior or inFEARior, a fork, a split, a division wanting to realign itself, to quest itself back into and as common sense in and as the very substance as life, absolute, equal and one.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that my personifications are a manifestation of fear, the negative and the positive, one and the same, as one is a judgement and the other a justification for the judgement, both the act of separation from myself as life in common sense of what is practically physically real.
I commit myself to breathing, even when my emotions and feelings and thoughts become a storm, a cry of mercy as what they are in fact, myself in separation, realizing my separation, but not seeing it for what it is and forgiving this within a realization of what is best for all, is what is best for self, here.
I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that my emotions, feelings and thoughts direct towards being validated, as what this validation in fact is, is an attempt to name the separation, to see, realize and understand the character and personification that self has allowed in separation, the road map back to self, to life, to common sense, to equality with and as self as life, as what is best for self is best for life.
I commit myself to every time I am walking down the street and a reaction within and as my physical body rises within I stop and I breath, and I realize what I am facing - accepting and allowing - is fear leading to the consequence of separation from equality and oneness in common sense as what I am as life, and I look at bring this separation back to self, humble and thankful that the gift in and as life, giving in every moment, is clearly showing me, should I stop and breath and look, what I am accepting and allowing that is not directive, one and equal to, in and as life, here
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