Day 186
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I will not be able to make another comfortable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i can make another comfortable within themselves as who they are.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all that I can be is comfortable with and as myself, and this is only possible if I am one and equal with and as the physical, with what is actually here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my desire for creating/sustaining/ maintaining comfort for another is to ensure that no emotional dramas come to pass, so that I am not faced with facing an emotional drama, so my desire to control is myselffearing facing what is here and standing up, which is based on a memory from my childhood, where as a child I had not the tools and understanding necessary, as I was not taught this, and even if I had, chances are my size would not have been enough to stand up against an emotional adult, which is what happened many times, even within attempting to face and question what was being said, as the act of questioning upset the program in and as not being in agreement, where a program seeks a “like match’ in and as an agreement.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this fuzzy idea that I am supposed to ensure the ease of another, as thought this is my responsibility, where I cannot determine the ease, inwardly emotionally of another, as this is their responsibility and believing I am responsible for this is actually taking away the life of another and not allowing them to be themselves as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I am not self honest and seek to please another I end upabdicating myself as life, even in becoming the agreeable female, as this creates a design of dependency to an idea that is in separation from life here as it considers an idea and not what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that becoming a savior, watching to save another from discomfort is actually a controlmechanism as a protection defense mechanism from a starting point of fear of attack and fear of being judged as less than, and within this a desire to be considered special.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all of this actually separated myself from common sense of what is actually physically here and only serves some limited ideas of what is good and what is bad, where the being of myself within and as these limited ideas “holds no water”, as in holds no water as life, as what determines us as life is what is actually physically here, as in death nothing of here is taken with us, so evident in that material things are no longer in the belonging of the person having died.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is the being of myself here, interacting in and as the physical that is what is real, and thus within this, it is an absolute crime to deny any child what is needed to sustain life on this planet, it is a crime to deny the physical needs of animals and to abuse them by placing them in environments that do not consider the form and function of the animal as what the animal is in fact, it is a crime to deny the soils water, and all in the name of some idea that profits must be generated in and as money, where the real profit is life so abundant in this actual forgiving earth.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I will not be able to make another comfortable.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i can make another comfortable within themselves as who they are.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all that I can be is comfortable with and as myself, and this is only possible if I am one and equal with and as the physical, with what is actually here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my desire for creating/sustaining/ maintaining comfort for another is to ensure that no emotional dramas come to pass, so that I am not faced with facing an emotional drama, so my desire to control is myselffearing facing what is here and standing up, which is based on a memory from my childhood, where as a child I had not the tools and understanding necessary, as I was not taught this, and even if I had, chances are my size would not have been enough to stand up against an emotional adult, which is what happened many times, even within attempting to face and question what was being said, as the act of questioning upset the program in and as not being in agreement, where a program seeks a “like match’ in and as an agreement.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have this fuzzy idea that I am supposed to ensure the ease of another, as thought this is my responsibility, where I cannot determine the ease, inwardly emotionally of another, as this is their responsibility and believing I am responsible for this is actually taking away the life of another and not allowing them to be themselves as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if I am not self honest and seek to please another I end upabdicating myself as life, even in becoming the agreeable female, as this creates a design of dependency to an idea that is in separation from life here as it considers an idea and not what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that becoming a savior, watching to save another from discomfort is actually a controlmechanism as a protection defense mechanism from a starting point of fear of attack and fear of being judged as less than, and within this a desire to be considered special.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all of this actually separated myself from common sense of what is actually physically here and only serves some limited ideas of what is good and what is bad, where the being of myself within and as these limited ideas “holds no water”, as in holds no water as life, as what determines us as life is what is actually physically here, as in death nothing of here is taken with us, so evident in that material things are no longer in the belonging of the person having died.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that it is the being of myself here, interacting in and as the physical that is what is real, and thus within this, it is an absolute crime to deny any child what is needed to sustain life on this planet, it is a crime to deny the physical needs of animals and to abuse them by placing them in environments that do not consider the form and function of the animal as what the animal is in fact, it is a crime to deny the soils water, and all in the name of some idea that profits must be generated in and as money, where the real profit is life so abundant in this actual forgiving earth.
When and as I have a thought that I must brace myself to be ready to provide comfort for another, and I focus on the emotional needs of another, I stop and I breath, and I realize that I am here.
When and as I find myself preparing myself physically through constricting into and as a readiness to ensure the comfort of another I stop and I breath and I realize that I am not responsible for the other emotionally, that my response is to what is physically here in common sense and that should a situation happen where there is discomfort and disease emotionally in another I am in fear of being able to defend myself, where what is needed is to be here in common sense of what is here and to look at what fears are present and to walk through them in common sense in the context of my world where humans that are already in relative comfort exist on this planet, where I realize that there are many who do not even have a chance at survival, as the present structure of this world is not in support of life, the solution to which is an equal money system where life is the value and thus life is what is supported with the freely given resources as earth as what the earth is as an expression of life.
When and as I find myself focusing only on the presence of another, where thoughts of fear such as what this person will think of me, or what others will think of me, or if this person somehow has an idea of outcome that is not met, it will be because I was present, as so many times men blame the woman, or the object present without taking the time to consider what is present in common sense, as the fears behind the blame are based on a fear of loss within a survival based system of inequality.
When and as I imagine that I will end up being blamed for something going wrong within a scenario with another person I stop and I breath and I realize that I am not an unlucky charm or a luck charm, as this is a superstition and has nothing to do with what is actually physically here as life.
When and as I imagine that I might possibly be the cause of disease I stop and I breath, and I stand here in and as breath, with and as what is actually practically physically here and realize that there is no such thing as being accident prone, as an accident is simply a lack of understanding and awareness of what is physically actually here.
More self forgiveness coming on this behavior of preparation in working with another.
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