Day 131
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to think that there is something out there that is going to come and take care of me, like a god, or a higher force, or some ascension is going to take place where I will sit next to some higher being and become aware of the universe.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that there is some authority over myself that I must follow.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not have seen , realized and understood that one day when I was desperately trying to figure out what the fuck was happening to my husband, as I stood in the hall way of my apartment, that I suddenly realized that we/I created this world, that I /we were the creators of this world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that though I had a moment of seeing that we/you/I are the creators of this world, I did not have an understanding of what I was in totality and thus did not know the details of how I was constructed as an organic robot and how this would take over, as it did from that moment of insight.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this must have triggered something, because even as I became very angry after the death of my husband, as I became a single mom, where a superintendent blocked a job offer because he turned to the principle and said, you cannot hire this woman because she is a single mom, that I had no idea how judgmental society was based on face value, where a person is not looked at, and thus how this can cause people within our world who have no chance of education to become criminals, as they really have no other choice, and within this, given that prisons are now profit based with such companies actually listing profits for share holders, this present system of capitalism needs prisoners to pay the pensions of others, thus it is profitable to have criminals to put in prison, thus it is profitable to actually withhold education and development for humans, which is so criminal, that anyone who does not see that the only choice is to create a system of equality is in fact evil, as the representation of money to distribute freely given resources of this earth, in and as the equal money system gift what is the value, life, as denial of this is to allow abusive practices to continue that obviously do not support the expression of life, as this is the value, as this is what we all are, equal and one.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that sibling rivalry is based on fear of being considered less than, fear of not getting attention and accolade from parents, as children are enmeshed in a very small hierarchy within a system of inequality, where parents are themselves only considering money to survive and later, as they grow older start to look to god, within some kind of repentance, one addiction for another, even mapped out as what happens often with elderly people, and to return to where i started- that as a small child, what is presented is a hierarchy of attending to what supports this system, to attending to being seen as good in the eyes of parents with cultural values of more than and less than that are in and as themselves in separation from what is the value, as the value is life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the only ascension is to create equality on this earth, to realize that life is the value.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to have realized that in common sense, being taught to seek praise from a parent is in itself not a being learning to self direct, in and as awareness of what is here, where if this were the case, then sibling rivalry would not exist.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that if the value were life, then there would be no judgements, as objectification into and as an idea such as single woman/mom, with negative and or positive connotations, which are polarities, would not exist and what would be seen is a being, an expression of life, and this is common sense, and we have been told this, in and as the words of Christ, as understanding what is a living word, as the word is as precious as any and all forms of life here, where the value is life, and as such must be supported equally, as what is real and equal in all is that we are all life.
I commit myself to no longer exist in judging those who judge, and to simply walk in common sense, realizing the living word as being what is that which is best for all.
I commit myself to not answering to any emotional storm until I have brought myself back to breath, to becoming one and equal to breath, to taking in the morality story of separation from what is best for all and directing the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings, to realize that such exists as separation from what is best for all, as self interest within a consumerist, capitalistic system composed of a centralized authority that now allows prisons to become profitable entities is in fact the same without as the human is within, as what is feared is self as life, as self abdicates self in self interested salvation without considering all life, as what is here, being equal and one to self, where life is the value.
I commit myself to realizing, in common sense , that anything within this system that is not supporting the development of life, where prisons indicate that life is not being supported, mean that the system must change, where any one saying, this is the best we have, or this is the way it is, are in fact criminal statements within ignorance as fear of standing up as life, as self, thus these are statements of cowards who have justified their cowardice with statements of futility in and as fear, where it is the self that is not walking through the fear, as each and every one must walk through fear, to see, realize and understand that fear is the separation and as the non looking of self as life at what is real, here, life. It is that simple.
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