Day 129
Today I was driving in my car when I sensed this rigid “stance” of myself, in judgement of myself, it was, as being inferior, as though another judged me as being rigid, as being too full of morality as the defenses I have been taught in the guise of being cultured, where the individual developments of what is cultured and not, are simply stages of development on a continuum, something all should have, something that reveals the capacity for development, and thus what we as humans are able within, even indicating how much we do not know, and the limitations existent within the forms as systems of development that is in essence not developing each and every one of us.,This is how I saw myself, I judged and this is judging me, as me being less than me, as this is what I fear, and I judging am being indignant. The morality play based on limitations, or as I like to say these days, an endgame, the taking of what is here and going into defense through combat, in hiding from another where fear hides the fact of a non sequitor, as energy takes over, a desire as a belief, opinion and idea, perpetual want and need, the illusion as all is right here, accepting here, is all that is needed, as simple as this.
Going into a non-sequitur is going into hiding. Braking the conceptual ability of self as life and choosing fear and blocking communication, blocking communion as life, stopping the flow of self as life expression.
This bothers me, to let something, to let two people not be together because of lack of communication and a morality hiding being-here, simply being here.
A mass of beliefs based on values selected without an understanding of the totality of existence, life being lost to what actually substantiates and choosing a veil where lies are slowing down one’s self into a mirage based on fear.
The veil is the storm of separation.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that when I go into insecurity and fear I cling to the veil of my own separation.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my access to a morality in relation to measuring myself against another, is a rigid line of defense, in and as judgement to create a positive judgement of myself in relation to another and to ignore my own fear of loss, this being an idea in separation from life and not what is real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge anther based on manners and an inability to be direct, as this is what I am myself in fear of becoming vulnerable as speaking up as myself would mean stepping into rejection, a memory from childhood as I did not know what I am/was and was given no direction within the development of the substance of myself as life.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that all can be seen.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge another based on their development.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have any thought, to have any momentary belief that I am more than another, as this will not and cannot direct what is here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to not have realized this moral defense code as what it is, a separation from life, as it is a defense and not what is in consideration of what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to stop when I become this, and to breath, and as well, to instead of judging, look at what I am as this moral defense code of supposed ethics, and to take the principle of what is best for all, in hand and forgive this back chat as line of defense, and utilize what is directive and substantive and stand, even if I fall, until I am able to stand one and equal as life here.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how my “moral compass” is in self interest and not in the interest of life as what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that when I feel disgust, I am in essence in disgust of myself, as what is here is me, one and equal and thus what is best for all, is to realize the being of myself in a combat suit of moral superiority as being self defense in separation from what is here as this physical world, that which is real.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to step into a character of morality, filled with value judgements of more than and less than, instead of actually practically looking at what is here as life, as this physical world and directing myself within what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand, how the tunnel vision of the mind, separates me from what is here, from what is real as this physical world.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in becoming a moral compass in self interest I cast shadows of ignorance upon this earth.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that remaining in and as breath, I can breath beyond the limited space of this moral compass, and direct within and as myself with and as what is physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize and understand that I actually have little awareness of myself as a physical being.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to actually realize how that previous thought made my left thigh ignite a small web of needles within the flesh, and fuck, I just judged myself, which is to say I have just blamed myself for my own ignorance.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that any moment of blame is not a moment of self direction.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand how such a moral compass can lead to bitterness, as the back chat of the mind will judge and become bitter, that self within such morality will become a belief that no one sees what this moral compass sees as what is a value that is superior, where there might be insight within this, yet the totality of this system has not been understood within being a system that does not support development in and as the human in becoming an expression of life, and thus one and equal to life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that the human has no idea of its capacity to become aware of this physical world, as this has never been developed, even perhaps developed to some extent with a few, very few at that, what would happen if all of mankind were developed to their full physical potential in common sense of this physical world? Would mankind become man kind to one another, instead of a defensive moral compass?
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, that my own moral compass is a shield, hard and brittle, that requires the substance of myself as life to be maintained, and thus is my accepted and allowed separation from life, and thus from here - as what is here is life as what I am in substance, and this one and the same as all that is here.
I commit myself to recognizing my own tunnel vision in and as the culture of my past as my moral compass in separation from oneness and equality here.
I commit myself to breathing, to taking all judgements as slings and arrows created by self and thus separating self form equality and oneness here, back into self, realizing this is a protection defense mechanism, and breathing through the fear as my survival suit, as this suit is of substance in separation from here, able to be brought back to self, and to direct myself as what is best for all here.
I commit myself to stop, when I realize I am becoming a moral compass in separation from life, and I breath and I allow myself to realize the storm of emotion, thought and feeling cannot affect me unless I accept and allow this, as this storm of energy has not substance, and is in separation from life, and thus is unacceptable.
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