Day 114
Everyone is talking about their relationships
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become the gossip within relationships.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feed relationships in and as images and ideas in and as my mind in separation from what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to dream, to imagine a future based on my past that is the moral of right and wrong and not a relation to what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel the need to support relationships, which no matter what is a form of gossip in separation from what is actually here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to the stories of relationships within and as others’ weave of successful actions as what is believed to be real as the stories of relations made in and as their minds in separation from what is actually physically here, the real stage as the physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare my self and thus be the act of judging myself as I listen to the stories of others, to fear connecting with them, to fear facing their crying games as I fear facing my own, as it means I will have to give up all my relations made that support myself as what I believe myself to be, all in separation from what is actually physically here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have an idea that dealing with other people is hopeless, not seeing realizing and understanding that all actually desire to be here, but the means and the methods are of taking one from here, instead of supporting one in actually being here, one and equal to this physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that the answers are right here in and as the physical and yet I keep seeking answers within the imagery of the mind, where no answer exists as this is not what is real -what is physically here, as within the mind I can imagine outcomes where what I fear is not faced, my allowed hopes in separation from here, in being here I must face what has been accepted and allowed that does not support the actual understanding of the forms of what is here physically,
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in not facing how the forms of what is here physically “fit” within and as the nature of themselves, I allow abuse to life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that all the behaviors I exist as are an abdication of myself in standing up for and as life, as what is physically here that is real, where my own emotional tantrums are myself wanting what is here to work, yet the present system of division and conquer to accumulate more for a few has forced earth into a pyramid, like a angular shape into a round shape, and thus this does not work, cannot work, will not work, as this is not working with what is real, and instead imposing and distracting what is real, causing abuse to life because some believe they deserve more than others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow myself to become a character of self pity, where I allow myself to not see what is actually physically here, life handed to me as me, where I do not accept the gift of life given as I allow limited ideas to be my friends instead of being one and equal to what I am one and equal to, as life, which is this actual physical world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to image things into and as characters, built on stories, as ideas with signifiers of value attached to personas instead of realizing life here as the value..
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that my character projections onto myself and others are reflections of relationships made where I no longer see the movement of life as oneness in equality as expression.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that this image world of layered characters is a game of illusion hiding a fear of survival, hiding myself from being the directive principle of myself as life here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate from what is here into and as some compounded layered drama in and as energy to justify what I fear facing that is here, as what i believe myself to be.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a middle class person, I fear losing what has been “dished out to me” to such an extent that I fear any change within and as the system, creating complacency within and as myself, and a desire to not look at what is actually here, as this would mean that I would have to change.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that as a middle class person in America, I am essentially a Hitler, as I chose to maintain a status quo that does not support life, all life, as I fear losing what I have, not realizing that this is the cause of abuse within and as this world, where in accepting a system that is not supportive of ALL life, I am, as Hitler, supporting a system that is filled with justifications as to why I choose to not do what is necessary to provide the basic needs for a dignified life for everything on this planet, where I need alcohol and drugs to keep the life of me shut down, as were I to stand and to look, it would mean I would have to change, and as I have shut down my heart with many forms of drugs, of which entertainment is one, I can no longer see what is real, and thus I am in fact not living life but rather hiding in the gossip of imagined relationships in and as my mind, the same as the soap operas of drama I watch on the television and in the movies, and read in the best selling novels to maintain a sense of being a good character through merely thinking I am good because I have good thoughts, where thoughts are smoke and mirrors and have no actual physical support so evident in the fact that abuse exists in this earth, the majority of this earth, where I am told this with videos made by those willing to look, and yet I refuse, and thus I am as Hitler in passively allowing the abuse that exists on this earth, unless I stand and support a system that shares what this earth gives freely as is the nature of life, yet I hide in a system of inequality.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that there can be no real life until the organism of this earth as life is functioning to full dignified/supported capacity, as all are me and I am them, thus I as this middle class person will go nowhere until this is cleaned up, and this is what i will leave for the children to come unless I stand and become life here, become what is real, interacting with this physical world instead of ideas, beliefs and opinions in and as my mind.
I commit myself to removing the veils of drama as character outplay in and as my mind, in separation from life, through stopping the gossip in and as the mind between the divisions of persona I accept and allow as my survival suit, to stop the energetic expression of these characters in and as myself, where I believe the illusion of choice, and accept the drugs of this world, and I stand and realize there is no life until everything on this earth is cared for as life.
I commit myself to realizing that hiding is like placing myself in a closet, to gather dust where I decay under the weight of the dust that accumulates in my rejection of myself as life.
I commit myself to realizing that all the pacifying drugs of this system of inequality, such as alcohol, pharmaceuticals, floride, entertainment, stories, novels, competitive sports, hunting, are all in separation from myself as life, are myself not standing up as life and directing myself as life, but are directives within ideas supporting characters, such as a macho kendoll man, or a cinderella, or an intellectual, or a guru healer, or or or or, where the sensitivity to life, as this physical world is not developed, and instead an idea of how one should appear, all supporting a system of inequality through limited polished presentations that do not consider all life.
I commit myself to realizing that all gossip is about maintaining relationships, within as the voices in and as my mind, and without in judgement of others, both actions one and the same, done in self interest as my survival suit, where I believe I have the choice to not look at what is physically real as abuse within and as this world, myself existing in abdication of life here.
I commit myself to realizing that I must stand up and support an Equal Money System, to take what is of no signature of ownership, and distribute it to support all life, as I will not and cannot become life until all that is here is this earth is supported as life, in dignity as what it is, where in fact I am the cause of cancer through what I accept and allow as a system of inequality that does not support life.
I commit myself to realizing that the development of memory, through education and the imposition of “right” action as character by parents in order to survive within inequality, is the process of my mental gossip development and the separation from myself as life into and as mind and not myself becoming and being one and equal to this physical world where I am a living word and not a gossip in and as my mind.
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