Day 41 Spite as defense of mind imagery/label
I forgive my self for allowing and accepting my self to not realize that when I face people I am defensive and that this defense is spite, that this very action is my self in fear of loss, where I have become so singular as mind I am no longer aware of the fact that this defensive action that is of spite if my self fearing the loss of a fixed idea i have of how I appear to this world, as mind, that is an imposed structure as conditions needed to survive within a hierarchy where money determines who lives and who dies.
I forgive my self for not allowing and accepting my self to look at what actually I exist as, as I interact within this world, from the time I get out of bed in the morning to the time I go to sleep at night, where I realize that my spite is often prevalent when I am not receiving a feel good response from another person within my world, where if I take the time to stop and to look as I realize my self being spiteful towards another, I am actually existing in competition as energy as I am not receiving an expected response to support a feel good experience of my self, a self validation of what I believe my self to be that I believe has worked to support me as a person of accomplishment giving my self meaning in relation to the world around me, as I have been taught to believe that the amount of knowledge and information I can recall, and the amount of material possessions I acquire determines my value, where any situation that does not validate this belief I have of my self is perceived as a threat to this constant re-validation I require to sustain this image I have of my self as this image is of energy and thus not real, and thus will dissipate if not perpetually acknowledged, where I am so involved within this image I have developed of my self since the day I was born through family, friends, education, media, religion, culture, that I have lost sight of my self as life, that which is constant and needs no validation as the being of my self as life simply is, where what I seek as I desire to have relationships is this self as life, this constant that is my self as life, not realizing, seeing and understanding that it is the labels I exist as, as what I have been taught, to ensure my survival, that supports my existence within a system of survival , that is my self in separation from my self, as I have limited my self into parts, like a broken Humpty Dumpty, where it is only my self that can take all the labels as separations -as stagnation of my self into singular imagery, that can put my self back together with my self as that which is constant, as life.
I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting my self to see, realize and understand that spite is a “push back” action, where I resist what does not support the positive image I have of my self, where I feel I am not accepted and within this realize that I am actually not really looking and listening to what is here, where should I listen to what is here I would understand that what I am spiting is actually my self because what I am rejecting as I defensively spite is my self in another life and the same fear of rejection that I exist as within the being of my self as spite. Within this, if I took the time to communicate effectively, I would come to understand the same fears as I am motivated as, as this is the cause of my own defensive action that is of spite in fear of loss of what I have accepted my self to be as label in separation of my self as life.
I commit my self to breathing and taking the step to realize how much I exist as spite, where I have buried this spite under the ideas as positive thoughts of my self that I have developed that are of labels of what i believe my self to be.
I commit my self to breathing, to maintain a constant awareness of my self within a steady breath no matter what, and within this to watch the action of my self as mind, body and soul.
I commit my self to stopping my self from remaining in fear, as what spite and defensive action is, and to begin to look at what is physically here, where I will begin to realize that what I exist as within is no different than what others exist as within where a lack of communication is what separates equal understanding between two or more people.
I commit my self to breathing, developing a steady consistent breath within my self to become aware of how spiteful I am towards others as I begin to look beyond the ideas I have of my self.
I commit my self to breathing and within realizing how much defensive and spiteful action I exist as, as I practice remaining in breath, to begin to interact with spite, within and without with patience, where I realize that I have actually spent little time in my life actually listening to others and my self, as my behaviors are one and the same, and thus accepted, within a system of division and conquest to serve a system where money comes before life, where money determines life and how money is presently moved around on this earth, supports the stressful separation of my self as life, where I sense that something is not “whole” yet I am so caught up in the game of survival that I am missing what is right here, my self as life - that which I seek that does not require something separate from me to exist other than the needs of my human physical body, such as water, food and shelter, which is given freely by this earth, yet not by man, where earth, this physical world is why I am here and not the other way around.
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