Day 96 The care actor of the future, the past, and not here

Day 96

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear facing the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear losing the past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have attached the past onto an object.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become supersticious of the future with and as my past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to once again bite my fingernails as I am not here, but in fear and not wanting to move which means that I am not here, realizing myself as life in oneness in equality and allowing all manner of fears and wants and beliefs to carry me, as the mind, down a rabbit whole away from what is physically, practically here as life, this gift that is given to allow myself to live and be life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the illusions of the mind consume myself here and build imagery upon what is actually physically here, where I allow “here”: to become heavy, where I allow “here” seem difficult. Where here is the only place that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to direct myself with what is here, and to allow myself to believe that the future is some unknown place of doom and failure, a place where some monster lurks with the intention of eating me up.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot lose the past, as the past is already past, and not what is actually physically here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be attached to objects where I presently exist that I believe would be sad to lose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that what exists here, where I am is more than another place of existence, where in fact, all of this earth should be a place where all life is being lived in dignity, where no matter whose shoes I wear and no matter what ground is beneath my feat, what exists is life being lived with and in dignity.

I forgive myself for believing that the past of youth and “innocence” is real and is something to carry as memorabilia.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that this memorabilia is a collection of memories to which I attribute a positive feeling as what I seek to placate a fear of facing the future, as the future I believe to be of uncertainty.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not realize that change, if seen as change, is an acceptance of losing something, when change is simply change, where the landscape may change, but what is real, which is life, is what is here and within a “place of change.”

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that my fear, and my action of not wanting to give up my past is one and the same as myself stagnant within not wanting to move into the future, where the illusion is of losing the past, and thus not wanting to change, but the way to strengthen myself as life is to become one and equal to life here, and thus to not fear what is here, what is life.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in holding onto an object that represents my past, I am so busy holding this object that I am consuming myself with a past, in and as sentiments of past experience, and thus I an cemented to my past, believing this cement is real when it is just pictures and has no real value as life, as it is images and not myself as life within the directive principle of oneness in equality, of what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see, realize and understand that in living within the sentiments of my past, onto an object which I have projected – making an object of desire- I am avoiding and postponing the walking of myself into life, becoming life, realizing that all that is here is life, within which the illusion is that life does not exist somewhere else on this planet, and is just here where I have a past.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see , realize and understand that I am making the future seem empty in bringing the past here as something that can be lost, when the past is not here and thus not something that is real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see that the only choice is to be absolutely here, one and equal to what is here, where the inner and the outer is here, as this is life, and not the images of my past, thus for myself to birth myself into and as life within this physical world, this gift of life, I cannot fear what is here, and I cannot walk through what is not here, thus fearing the future will create a sense of falling, as I am trying to see what is not here, and thus I will fall, as what is not here is not real.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that the tiredness I feel at this moment is myself resisting the realization that there is only here, equal and one with what is here, that in existing as fear of the future, I am within a stupidity loop pretending to what is non existent.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to burden myself here with the past and with the future, in separation with what I am able to exist with and as, myself as life here, as all there is is what is here, as I can only place one foot in front of another , here.

I forgive myself for not allowing and accepting myself to see realize and understand that in common sense, if one foot is in the future and one foot is in the past, then I will lose my step and thus lose myself as I am not here, this that is here, this physical, here, is in this moment the only thing that is real.

I commit myself to realizing that all there is is what is here, in this moment, understanding how here works, how what is actually physically here works, where all emotions and feelings are not what is physically here.

I commit myself to realizing that self direction , self responsibility can only be with what is physically here, and thus any emotion and feeling is based on an idea, as a picture, is an add-on to support the image and likeness of what is taught/proposed/supporting a system of survival and profit to feed an illusion of more than and less than, and within this limiting the use of what is here, as this physical world in a way that supports all life, and within this creating a working, vibrant organism as life on earth, where life cannot and will not become and exist in absolute purpose of expression as life until every part of this organism that is life, that is the gift of life, that is each and every one of us, is in fact allowed to be life, and that until each part can stand as life working in tandem, life will not be lived and the eye of the needle will not be walked though until each and every one/thing/person/plant/animal/micro-organism – thus are the elite of this world as screwed as the poor unless a world of oneness in equality is lived/supported/dignified as life in fact, as is would make sense that to become life, all must become aware of this physical world and how this world functions, as no parent, no “god” would want their child to not have full understanding of life, as this is the gift. It is time to get this done. It is time for a system that supports all life. One man, one vote. Equal Money here.